What Is Intimacy In A Relationship? How Intimacy Affects Emotional Closeness
Intimacy is often associated with romantic relationships, such as partnerships or marriages. While intimacy may be a prerequisite for these connections for some people, all close relationships can have the potential to be intimate. In some cases, these relationships are built on intimacy that is different from what might be considered typical. Understanding more about intimacy may help you determine your priorities in connecting with others and building meaningful relationships.
Types of intimacy in an interpersonal relationship
Although not all close relationships experience every form of intimacy, being familiar with different types of intimacy when reflecting on your relationships with others may be helpful.
Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is often conflated with sexual contact, but you do not need to be in a sexual relationship with someone to be physically intimate with them. Physical intimacy can include sexual desire and sexual activity, as well as any form of physical touch or proximity that expresses closeness or affection for another person. Two lovers can be physically intimate in a way that does not involve sexual desire. Similarly, non-sexual physical intimacy can also be common between parents and children or between close friends.
Physical intimacy can include hugging, holding hands, massaging, fixing the other person’s hair or clothes, or communicating support by lightly touching someone on the shoulder, back, or arm. Higher levels of physical intimacy in relationships have been associated with a number of benefits for mental and physical health. For example, one study found that physical touch from a person one is connected to can reduce physical pain.
Sexual intimacy
Sexual intimacy may not necessarily be a category on its own as a subset of physical intimacy. However, because sexual experiences may carry a more meaningful connotation and can lead to unique intimate relationships, some may find it worthwhile to explore sexual intimacy in and of itself.
Sexual intimacy can occur within monogamous romantic relationships, polyamorous connections, non-romantic friendships, or in a more casual setting. Some people may want to achieve other types of intimacy, like emotional intimacy or spiritual intimacy, before they are comfortable participating in sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy can have serious emotional and physical consequences, such as in the case of sexually transmitted diseases or unplanned pregnancies. For this reason, partners may ensure they communicate with a prospective sexual partner beforehand about their boundaries and expectations regarding sexual contact.
Emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy may take time to build in a relationship. If one person consistently demonstrates to the other that they are able and willing to be attentive and responsive to the other’s emotional needs, they may lay a strong foundation for developing emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy can involve but is not limited to:
- Conversations about future dreams and desires
- Talking about fears, anxieties, shame, and worries
- Discussing stressors, like a bad event that happened at work that day, and relying on the other person to provide comfort and a listening ear without judgment
Research indicates that high levels of emotional intimacy and knowing that one is truly known by another can strongly predict overall relationship satisfaction.
Spiritual intimacy
Some people may associate spiritual intimacy with religiosity. While religious practice can be a setting for developing more significant levels of spiritual intimacy, that does not necessarily have to be the case. Spiritual intimacy can involve two people having spiritual experiences together under the umbrella of organized religion, such as reading or studying a religious text together, traveling to a specific holy site in either person’s religious tradition, or attending religious services together in a mosque, synagogue, temple, or church. However, spiritual intimacy can also involve less formal aspects of spirituality, such as talking about one another’s belief systems and values or having a profound experience together.
Intellectual intimacy
Intellectual intimacy can be similar to emotional intimacy. However, people may cultivate this intimacy by talking about ideas and opinions instead of talking to another person about feelings and emotional states. While intellectual intimacy may not seem as risky as emotional intimacy, this form can be a complicated prospect, especially in an age where people are becoming sharply divided on particular belief systems or ideologies.
Intellectual intimacy might be achieved by acknowledging that you and another person may not agree on every topic but that you each promise to respect the other person’s knowledge and intelligence and appreciate their perspective. Such intimacy can bring two people closer through the experience of intellectually challenging each other. Examples of intellectual intimacy include discussing the deeper themes of a book you have both read or a show you have both watched or discussing politics and public policy.
Experiential intimacy
Experiential intimacy involves intimacy around shared experiences. These experiences might include engaging in particular activities, traveling, learning new skills, developing or engaging in hobbies, or spending time together, such as on the couch talking or on a road trip.
Shared experiences can be a foundation for any relationship, particularly if two people have little in common. Experiential intimacy can be a gateway to other forms of intimacy, especially for people who have just met or do not know much about each other.
Support options
Social connection is associated with significant positive health outcomes, and intimacy in close relationships can be a component of a person’s social support system. However, for some, intimacy may not seem straightforward. Communicating one’s need for intimacy can seem awkward, and some people, particularly those with a history of trauma, may not be comfortable emotionally or physically opening up to others.
In these situations, talking to a mental health professional may be beneficial. However, if the idea of a conversation about intimacy with an in-person therapist seems embarrassing, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples may be more accessible. Talking to a therapist online may relieve some pressure and allow for more authentic communication. In addition, online platforms allow you to access other resources, such as support groups, worksheets, and goal tracking.
Research has indicated that online therapy may be as effective as traditional in-person therapy, including in addressing concerns related to intimacy in relationships. One group of researchers found that online counseling in a couples therapy setting increased relationship satisfaction and intimacy levels at a comparable rate to in-person couples therapy.
Takeaway
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