What Is Intimacy To A Man, And What Are Some Common Misconceptions?

What intimacy means and looks like can vary from individual to individual, regardless of their gender. That said, people of different genders tend to be socialized in specific ways, which can affect their views of topics like this. Here, we’ll be making some generalizations about how many people who identify as men might view or express intimacy based on common societal messages.

It’s not unusual for people to assume that men value physical intimacy above all else, but emotional intimacy is typically also key for relationships of all types among people of all genders. Let’s explore what intimacy means, the different forms it may take, and common misconceptions around men and intimacy.

What does intimacy mean?

Emotional intimacy means feeling safe to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in an honest and authentic way. It’s the sense that it’s okay to be your full self around someone. Physical intimacy includes types of physical touch that you might not feel comfortable doing with just anyone. For example, physical intimacy between individuals in a romantic and/or sexual relationship could include kissing, cuddling, or sex, while physical intimacy between platonic friends might look like hugs and gentle pats.

Other types of intimacy include spiritual, experiential, and intellectual intimacy. Developing intimacy in different ways may lead to more fulfilling connections.

Common misconceptions about intimacy for men

Many misconceptions surround intimacy for men, many based on societal expectations. These mistaken beliefs can hinder real intimacy and negatively affect relationships. Here’s a breakdown of some of these common misconceptions.

“Physical strength equates to emotional strength”

While there’s no association between body size, shape, or strength and emotional strength, many people believe that because men are often seen as physically strong, they must also be emotionally strong. This stereotype ignores how men can have deep emotions and need support just like anyone else. 

Societal expectations may pressure some men to hide or repress their emotions, which could lead to unresolved feelings and stress and a lack of intimacy in relationships. Plus, research suggests that repressing emotions can have a variety of potential health consequences, from decreased immune function to an increased risk of depression.

“Intimacy equals sex”

A common misconception is that intimacy for men is purely physical or about sexual desire. While physical connection is important to many people, intimacy can take many important forms, including emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Presuming that men are only interested in physical connections and never want emotional intimacy can be limiting and harmful.

“Men don't need emotional support”

Again, because of societal messaging and stereotypes, some people think that men are self-sufficient and don't need emotional support. However, in reality, men have emotional needs like everyone else and can struggle when these needs aren't met. Lack of emotional support can lead to mental health challenges and strained relationships. 

“Vulnerability is a sign of weakness”

Vulnerability may be seen by society as a sign of weakness in men. This harmful stereotype can make men feel uncomfortable sharing their true feelings and being themselves. However, being vulnerable can help strengthen relationships by creating trust and open communication. Men who are able to express their emotions openly may be able to cultivate deeper, more satisfying connections with others.

“Men are always ready for sexual intimacy”

Another common misconception is that men are always in the mood for sex, which isn't universally true. Many factors, including stress, fatigue, and emotional challenges, can affect sexual desire. Plus, libido levels can vary widely from person to person and not represent any kind of problem. A man can also identify as asexual. As such, this mistaken belief that all men are interested only in sex, all the time, is limiting and may make men experience feelings of inadequacy or pressure.

“Expressing affection is unmanly”

Society may teach that showing affection is not masculine. This stereotype may prevent men from expressing love and tenderness, which could limit emotional intimacy and cause feelings of apprehension, tension, or loneliness. Affection can be felt and shown in a variety of different ways, and perceived societal limitations on them can cause personal and relationship problems.

“Men don't care about emotional connection”

Another misconception is that men are not interested in emotional connection or emotional intimacy at all. Many men value deep emotional bonds and want connections where they can be honest and be themselves. Assuming men only care about physical aspects may lead to missed opportunities for real intimacy and partnership.

“Men must always take the lead in intimacy”

It's often believed that men should initiate and lead when it comes to forms of physical intimacy like sex, particularly when connecting with those who identify as women. This notion may pressure men unfairly and ignore their comfort levels and boundaries, and never having their partner initiate could lead to feeling undesired and may affect self-esteem in some cases. Every sexual relationship is different, but healthy physical intimacy often involves mutual participation in which all partners contribute to the connection, or clear and open communication about other arrangements if not.

How men might express intimacy

All people, including men, might express intimacy in various ways, ranging from verbal affirmations to quality time spent with loved ones. Expressing different forms of intimacy can help promote close and fulfilling emotional connections.

Verbal affirmation

Verbal affirmation is a common way that people, including men, may express intimacy. They might use words to show appreciation, love, and admiration. Simple phrases like "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" can mean a lot. These affirmations not only share their feelings but also reinforce emotional support.

Physical touch

Physical touch involves more than just sexual actions. It can also include hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and other gentle touches that show affection and care. Men may use these gestures to create a sense of closeness and warmth in their relationships. Touch can be especially important when words fail or are difficult to find. By expressing feelings through touch, men and others can show they care deeply and are present with their partners. 

Quality time

Spending quality time together is another way men might show intimacy. It involves dedicating uninterrupted time to their partners, doing shared activities, or simply being present together. The key is usually to enjoy each other's company and create memorable experiences.

Acts of service

Acts of service are deeds done out of love and care—another way men or others might express intimacy. This could look like sharing responsibility for household labor and childcare, running errands, and fixing things around the house. Many men show their affection by being supportive and reliable in this way.

Gifting

Gifting is another way some men might feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Gifts can range from simple, thoughtful items like flowers or a handwritten poem to more elaborate presents on special occasions. The importance of gifting lies not in the material value but in the thought and effort behind it. This gesture may help make partners feel cherished and remembered. 

Sharing interests

Some men might also express intimacy by sharing their interests and hobbies. Doing the activities they love with their partners helps create shared experiences. Whether it's watching a favorite sport, hiking, gardening, or cooking, these moments can help promote closeness. When an individual invites their partner into their world, it can show vulnerability, trust, and the desire to spend meaningful time together. 

Emotional support

Providing emotional support is another way men might express intimacy. Offering a listening ear, empathizing, and providing comfort during difficult times can be a way to show dedication to a partner's well-being.

Protectiveness

Protectiveness is another way some men might show intimacy. It involves being concerned for a partner's safety and well-being. While excessive protectiveness can be stifling and unwanted, a balanced display may make a partner feel cared for.

Finding support for relationship challenges

Whether due to societal pressures and stereotypes or other factors, developing a sense of true intimacy in relationships can be challenging. If you’re looking to build skills for healthy relationships, address past trauma that may be holding you back, or grow in how you show up in your romantic or platonic connections, therapy might be helpful.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

If you feel nervous about meeting with a therapist face to face, you might feel more comfortable with online therapy. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist and then meet with them via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from anywhere you have an internet connection. Research suggests that, in many cases, online therapy can be equally effective as traditional therapy for addressing various types of mental health challenges.