What Is Physical Intimacy, And What Impact Can It Have?

Physical intimacy can be defined as comfortable, consensual physical contact or proximity that expresses positive feelings toward another person. The phrase “physical intimacy” is often used as a euphemism to describe sexual contact, but physical intimacy is much broader than just sex. It can occur in many different forms in all types of personal relationships. In fact, it doesn’t even require actual physical touch; sustained eye contact can be considered physically intimate, too. Here, we’ll explore some of the many forms physical intimacy can take and its potential impacts on individuals and relationships.

Examples of physical intimacy

When consensual and comfortable, the following can all be considered examples of physical intimacy:

• Hugging
• Holding hands
• Cuddling
• Exchanging massages 
• Sitting so closely to someone that you’re touching
• Caressing
• Braiding or touching another person’s hair
• Adjusting another person’s clothes
• Dancing together
• Being in someone’s personal space
• Nuzzling
• Kissing another person
• Sleeping in the same bed
• Scratching another person’s back or scalp
• Taking a shower or bath together
• Sexual foreplay
• Sexual intercourse

Potential health benefits of physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is connected to emotional intimacy, which can be a key part of meaningful human relationships. Significant levels of physical and emotional closeness between two people can create a sense of trust, safety, affection, warmth, and bonding. These positive and intimate feelings can lead to an improved emotional state overall as well as a sense of fulfillment. 

In general, humans require interpersonal connections for health and well-being, and exchanging physical touch with those closest to you can reinforce these bonds. While not all people are interested in sexual contact, nonsexual physical intimacy is important for most people, provided that it’s consensual and feels safe and comfortable for all involved.

Physical intimacy can also lead to a number of potential benefits, including:

• Lower blood pressure
• Release of “feel-good” hormones like dopamine and oxytocin
• Decreased stress and anxiety
• Improved sleep
• Better immune functioning
• Reduced cortisol levels
• Higher pain tolerance
• Higher sexual satisfaction
• Boosted mood

In contrast, not engaging in physical intimacy can have detrimental impacts on a person’s mental health and overall well-being. Lower levels of physical intimacy can be associated with loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, and/or other symptoms of depression.

Concerns that can impact physical intimacy

Before engaging in any form of physical intimacy with someone, it can be important to communicate openly about each of your needs, desires, and boundaries. Receiving consent before touching someone is crucial for safe and positive interactions. 

Remember that people have different levels of comfort with different types of touch, and that not wanting physical touch in a certain way or in a certain moment doesn’t inherently indicate a problem or concern. That said, those who are interested in physical affection but find themselves held back emotionally might consider some of these potential causes.

A history of trauma

Some people with past experiences of trauma may find that these impede their ability to engage in physical intimacy. An aversion to physical touch, a heightened startle response, a pervasive sense of being in danger, hypervigilance, an inability to let one’s guard down, fear of losing control, and safety concerns can all be common for trauma survivors. If a person’s past traumatic experience involved physical or sexual abuse, physical intimacy may be particularly activating for them.

Negative past experiences or loneliness

If a person’s trust has been betrayed in the past by people close to them, they may be less willing to open up to others in any way, including through physical touch. A lack of past relationships or close connections in general could also make a person hesitant to engage in physical touch with someone new. It’s worth noting as well that studies suggest loneliness can make a person more mistrustful of others.

Unresolved grief

The pain of immediate loss or ongoing experiences with grief can cause some people to pull back and retreat from all forms of intimacy with others, including physical intimacy.

Religious or cultural expectations

Religious and cultural expectations can also heavily influence the type of physical touch a person feels comfortable with or is used to giving and receiving. For example, in many religious traditions, couples are required to reach certain milestones such as marriage or other ceremonies before they can engage in sexual forms of physical intimacy. In addition, different cultures have varying expectations for physical intimacy between platonic friends of the same gender, for instance.

Tension in the individual relationship

As noted above, physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are often related. If a relationship is going through a rocky patch and the two individuals are having difficulty connecting with each other on an emotional level, intimacy of any kind may not be on the table. 

A fear of intimacy

Many of the factors described above can contribute to an overall fear of intimacy, in which a person doesn’t engage in any form of intimacy as a means of self-protection. 

Fears of intimacy may also be connected to a person’s attachment style. Attachment styles are based on attachment theory, a psychological concept that posits that our relationships with other people are heavily influenced by our relationship with our primary caregivers early in life. 

Per this theory, an infant whose physical and emotional needs are regularly met by their caregivers is more likely to develop a secure attachment style in which they trust that people they care about will be there for them. As a result, they’re generally more willing to be open and vulnerable to various forms of intimacy. An absent or unstable connection with caregivers early on, though, could result in insecure attachment styles, including anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment. Insecure attachment can result in a person not having confidence in their relationships with other people, which can lead to a rejection of intimacy. 

Seeking support in opening up to others

It can sometimes be difficult to acknowledge that you may want higher levels of physical intimacy in your relationships, and it may feel awkward to make your needs known to others. Additionally, many of the concerns described above could lead you to shy away from physical intimacy, even if you know you actually do want more physical closeness with other people.

Do you wish you felt more comfortable with physical intimacy?

Address emotional barriers in online therapy

Many of these challenges can be addressed by connecting with a therapist. If you want to focus specifically on intimacy within a particular relationship, like with your spouse, it may be helpful to talk to a marriage and family therapist or a couples therapist. If you are worried that difficult experiences from your past could be preventing you from being able to meaningfully engage in physical intimacy, speaking with a therapist specializing in trauma recovery may be beneficial.

Discussions of physical intimacy can bring up feelings of shame or embarrassment. Sometimes, it may be easier to connect with a provider in an online setting, which may take some of the pressure off. With online therapy through a service like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can decide how you want to speak with your therapist, whether through phone, video call, or in-app messaging. 

Studies suggest that online therapy can be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy for addressing a range of mental health concerns, including those related to intimacy. One study, for example, examined the impact of online counseling on couples seeking joint therapy. It suggests that this treatment was comparable to in-person therapy when it came to outcomes like increasing relationship satisfaction and intimacy.