Why Am I Craving Intimacy?

At a basic level, the term "intimacy" refers to feeling close and connected to another person or group of people. Intimacy can involve a variety of factors, including a feeling of belonging, emotional validation, and/or physical touch. In a romantic relationship, intimacy may also involve sex and a different type of deep connection not typically felt in platonic relationships.

Craving intimacy is normal because, for most people, intimacy of some type is a fundamental need. If you currently crave intimacy and want to explore why, read on. We cover several reasons a person may be craving intimacy as well as tips for coping with loneliness and getting support cultivating healthy relationships.

Reasons you might be craving intimacy

Intimacy is a natural human need required for good health. If you're craving it, that may simply be your body and mind’s way of trying to keep you healthy—similar to when you feel hungry because you need food or thirsty because you need water. Instead of worrying about "being needy" or thinking something is wrong with you because you crave being intimate with someone else, consider that your desire is a natural part of life.

A person's level of connection with others is closely tied to their health. In fact, according to research on the topic, connecting with others may lead to a 50% increase in a person's odds of survival.

You're lacking emotional intimacy

Experts believe society is currently experiencing a loneliness epidemic. Loneliness describes the distress people feel when the social relationships they have don't meet what they want or need, or when they don’t have enough or any social relationships in general. 

There are likely multiple factors contributing to the current high prevalence of loneliness, ranging from increased use of technology and social media to increased political polarization. Because of these factors, people may find themselves with a large number of superficial relationships or social media connections, but few relationships in which they can truly connect and share intimate emotions.

If you are experiencing loneliness, you likely lack emotional intimacy in your life right now. When a relationship is emotionally intimate, people feel safe openly sharing their personal feelings. They listen to each other without judgment, and both people feel heard and understood. If your current relationships lack intimacy, however, that doesn't mean you can’t cultivate it. 

Consider reaching out to people you trust and aiming to engage in activities and situations that allow for deeper conversations in order to build emotional intimacy gradually over time. If you lack connections in general, getting involved in groups, clubs, or activities in your neighborhood, town, or city could help you meet like-minded individuals with whom you could build close relationships.

You're lacking physical intimacy

In addition to a loneliness epidemic, experts also believe that many people are currently experiencing what is known as touch hunger or touch starvation. Touch hunger is when a person doesn't experience enough human touch or physical contact in their daily life—not just romantic or sexual touch, but even platonic handshakes, hugs, high-fives, and pats on the back.

Studies suggest that experiencing touch hunger is linked to increased depression, stress, and anxiety. While technology allows us to keep up with friends and family easily through phone calls, text messages, video chats, and emails, reliance on it may reduce the amount of touch people receive each day. If you are craving intimacy due to touch hunger, you might make an effort to engage in in-person social activities more than virtual ones. While with others who consent to being touched, you might also find appropriate ways to incorporate touch into your time spent connecting.

You want to feel safe

If you're craving intimacy with others, it could be the result of the biological drive to feel safe. Humans are thought to have a need to belong that transcends feelings and preferences and is hardwired inside the human brain and body. By seeking out connection and belonging, a person may be able to avoid both social and physical threats, thereby keeping themselves safer. For this reason, researchers suspect that a need to belong could be just as important as other needs, like those for food and shelter.

Simply spending time around others on its own might not be enough to satisfy a craving for intimacy that stems from a need for safety. To feel safer, a person likely needs to truly feel like they belong. A sense of belonging comes from how a person feels about their connections to other people or specific groups. A sense of belonging can be built gradually through repeatedly spending time and bonding with people with whom you share something in common.

You desire sex

Many people (though not all) desire to have sex at some time in their lives. In humans, the desire for sex and the desire for emotional intimacy are often closely intertwined. If you feel like you are craving intimacy of a romantic type, consider if this craving might, in part, stem from your sex drive. Though a person can have intimacy without sex and sex without intimacy, the two do often go hand in hand.

You want emotional validation

One of the many potential benefits a platonic, familial, or romantic relationship can provide is emotional validation. Emotional validation refers to having your emotions understood and accepted. If you are currently craving intimacy, think about if wanting emotional validation is part of that desire. Have you been experiencing intense feelings recently that you want to unpack with someone else, or have you attempted to communicate your feelings to others recently but been misunderstood or not listened to? If so, you may crave further connection in order to get those feelings validated.

Emotional validation appears to be important for human health as well. When a person feels like others are invalidating their emotions, they may experience more stress and even an increase in mental and physical health problems.

Should I seek therapy when I crave intimacy?

Craving intimacy is natural, and there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. If you struggle to find healthy ways to satisfy your cravings for intimacy and you feel lonely or starved for touch, therapy is one option that may help you figure out how to get your needs met. 

Remote therapy can be a particularly convenient option, since it allows you to meet with a licensed mental health professional from anywhere you have an internet connection. That means you don’t have to travel to and from in-person appointments and that you can control the environment in which you engage in talk therapy. BetterHelp is one such remote therapy platform that can connect you with a therapist virtually, and research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy in many cases.

Individual therapy 

Research also suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a type of talk therapy, is a treatment that may help with loneliness. Once people start to feel lonely, they may become more aware of potential threats due to evolutionary mechanisms. As a result, even though they crave social interaction and connection, they may be quicker to withdraw and find themselves even more isolated and increasingly lonely. 

CBT can help a person change their thought patterns and actions in ways that may help end this negative cycle so they can become more socially engaged. In addition to CBT, there are other, more specific types of therapy a person may want to try if they're struggling with intimacy in specific areas, such as those below.

Family therapy

If you're specifically craving intimacy with family members due to unwanted distance or difficulty in your connections, a family therapist may help. Family therapy focuses on a family unit overall rather than on an individual. It can be a useful tool for improving relationships between parents and children as well as among other family members. In family therapy, two or more family members generally attend therapy sessions together.

Relationship or couples therapy

If you're craving intimacy because your romantic relationship isn't meeting your needs, a relationship or couples therapist may be what you're looking for. Couples therapy focuses on the couple as a unit and aims to help them more clearly understand each other. Both members of the couple attend therapy together, and the focus is often on communication patterns and relationship dynamics.

Sex therapy

A sex therapist may help when you’re facing challenges specifically related to sexual intimacy. Sex therapy often involves education, counseling to reduce sex-related anxiety, communication tools, and more aimed at increasing a person's or couple's sexual pleasure and connectedness.