Emotional Loneliness: Managing Social Isolation
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Emotional loneliness is a quiet but prevalent challenge that impacts many people, regardless of age, gender, or socioeconomic status. Unlike physical isolation, in which people spend a lot of time without others nearby, people living with emotional loneliness may feel lonely even if others are present. Emotional isolation may stem from a lack of meaningful personal relationships or emotional bonds, which can cause a person to feel misunderstood or undervalued.
Understanding the signs and symptoms of emotional loneliness and social isolation may help a person find ways to manage the symptoms and address the underlying causes to improve social relationships. Managing emotional or social loneliness often involves a combination of social support and mental health strategies. Below, we’ll examine the concept of emotional loneliness as well as practical ways to navigate and manage the impacts of feeling lonely.
Understanding emotional loneliness
Emotional loneliness is a type of real or perceived social isolation that can negatively impact a person’s mental and physical health. Anyone can experience emotional loneliness; however, studies suggest that young adults may currently feel lonelier than those of other age groups. Young adulthood is a time when a person’s social network often changes, and it can be challenging to maintain old relationships and initiate new ones. Research suggests that technology—especially social media—may also play a role in emotional loneliness.
Types of loneliness
Loneliness can take various forms, each tied to different aspects of human connection. Understanding the types of loneliness may help a person identify their specific needs and guide effective strategies for managing their impacts. Some common types of loneliness include:
- Emotional loneliness. This type of loneliness occurs when a person experiences a lack of meaningful relationships or emotional intimacy. A person living with emotional loneliness may have contact with other people at work or home yet still feel disconnected or have few close relationships.
- Situational loneliness. Situational loneliness can be caused by major life events, such as moving to a new city, going through a breakup, or starting at a new school.
- Social loneliness. This type of loneliness is caused by not belonging to a group or community.
- Cultural loneliness. Cultural loneliness occurs when a person feels isolated due to cultural differences. It’s common in people who move to a new country, as they may experience language barriers or otherwise have a perception of being an outsider.
- Physical loneliness. This type of loneliness can be characterized by a longing for touch or physical connection. A person who is physically lonely may miss hugs, holding hands, or other forms of physical affection.
- Romantic loneliness. Romantic loneliness may occur (for those who experience romantic attraction) in the absence of a romantic partner, or when there’s dissatisfaction in one’s romantic relationship(s).
Understanding these types of loneliness can help a person better understand their perceptions and emotions. Managing loneliness may involve understanding mental health, psychology, and how to initiate social interactions, which a therapist can often help with. Note that loneliness may have many different causes and can vary in severity and longevity from person to person.
Causes of social loneliness
The causes of infrequent social contact and social loneliness in particular can vary and may be numerous. Some of the common causes include personal factors, environmental factors, and societal influences.
Personal factors and emotional loneliness
A common personal factor that can cause or contribute to emotional loneliness is low self-esteem or confidence. Low self-esteem can make it challenging to meet new people or connect with others on a deeper level. People with low self-esteem may believe that they are not worthy of getting to know or becoming close with others. Social media may exacerbate the connection between self-esteem and loneliness, with studies on public health suggesting that people who use social media more frequently may be likelier to experience low self-esteem and higher levels of loneliness.
In addition to self-esteem, people who have experienced past trauma or attachment issues may be more likely to experience emotional loneliness. Traumatic events can make it hard to trust other people enough to become vulnerable and close with them. For survivors of trauma, it may take more time and additional support to build relationships.
Environmental factors and social isolation
Environmental factors may also play a role in social isolation or emotional loneliness. Major life events like moving to a new city or country, having close friends move away, or losing a loved one can cause experiences of loneliness.
Societal influences
Societal influences can impact the sense of loneliness in some individuals. For example, social media use can make it seem like everyone else has closer friendships than you do, which can contribute to low self-esteem, loneliness, and social withdrawal. Cultural norms in many places may also prioritize independence or isolated romantic relationships over community, which can contribute to emotional loneliness as well.
Impacts of social isolation on health
Social isolation and emotional loneliness can have significant impacts on a person’s overall health and well-being. The effects of social isolation may vary in severity and duration for different individuals. These can include mental health impacts, physical impacts, and behavioral changes.
Mental health impacts of social loneliness
The mental health impacts of isolation or loneliness can lead to mental health disorders such as depression and/or anxiety. The connection between loneliness and anxiety is thought to be evolutionary in nature, as social relations may be linked to safety.
The increase in anxiety and stress brought about by isolation can also cause depression in some cases. This can lead to a cycle of social isolation, because as a person becomes more depressed, they may withdraw from society more.
Physical impacts of feeling lonely
In addition to impacts on mental health, loneliness may also have negative impacts on a person’s physical health. Chronic loneliness has been identified as one of the risk factors for serious health challenges like stroke and heart disease, type 2 diabetes, dementia, and early mortality. This may be because loneliness is a form of stress that can put the body in a state of fight-or-flight, which elevates heart rate and increases blood pressure.
Behavioral changes associated with loneliness
Social isolation may cause behavior changes in some individuals too. Social withdrawal and even withdrawal from close friends and family is one key example. It may also cause or contribute to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms, like binge eating or misusing substances such as alcohol or drugs.
Preventing or managing the sense of loneliness
Preventing or managing loneliness and isolation often involves taking proactive steps to build or maintain social health. It may be beneficial to intentionally seek out friendships and try to develop relationships with people at home or work. Striking up conversation with neighbors, joining hobby groups, attending cultural events, volunteering, and engaging in other activities in your area might all help you build both confidence and relationships.
It may also be helpful to develop a resilient mindset when it comes to interpersonal connections. Remember that meeting like-minded people and building strong relationships can take time, and that putting yourself out there is brave and a skill you can improve with practice. Managing your expectations in this way can be useful. Finally, practicing gratitude, limiting or avoiding social media use, and engaging in healthy habits like exercise may also help you on your journey to building a more robust social circle.
Self-care to help you reduce loneliness
Though it may sound counterintuitive, health psychology research suggests that it might also be helpful to put effort into self-connection. Practicing self-care and self-compassion may help you identify blockers to social connection and improve self-esteem, which may help you on your journey toward building quality relationships. Practicing gratitude, journaling, and mindfulness meditation may all be helpful components of this process.
Connecting with a mental health professional
When loneliness persists or whenever you’re feeling its effects, it may be helpful to connect with a mental health professional like a therapist. A therapist can help you learn to develop healthier thought patterns through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). They may also help you explore feelings and past experiences to identify and address any barriers to connection.
However, not everyone feels comfortable meeting with a therapist face-to-face to discuss their perceptions and feelings of loneliness. Some might feel intimidated, while others may face obstacles to attending in-office appointments at all. In such situations, online therapy can be a more convenient alternative. It allows you to get matched and meet with an online therapist from anywhere you have an internet connection and a personal device, and it’s also typically more cost effective than traditional in-office therapy. Research suggests that online CBT can be an effective way to manage feelings of loneliness and social isolation in many cases.
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions
How does emotional loneliness feel?
In general, emotional loneliness refers to a sense of being alone, isolated, or misunderstood. It’s often associated with a variety of negative feelings, but it tends to be slightly different for everyone who experiences it.
How do you fight emotional loneliness?
You can fight social and emotional loneliness by spending time with friends and family members, joining a group centered on one of your interests, visiting public locations like libraries and coffee shops, and reaching out for professional support if loneliness is impacting your mental health. Working with a therapist can help you get to the root of why you feel lonely and address it accordingly.
What is “emotionally alone”?
A person who is emotionally alone may not be alone physically, but they typically experience a sense of separation from others or an inability to truly connect with other people. Being emotionally alone can involve challenges with emotional intimacy.
What is the difference between social loneliness and emotional loneliness?
While social loneliness typically involves a lack of a social network, emotional loneliness usually refers to a sense of being alone even when one is around other people. Emotional loneliness often involves difficulties with vulnerability and emotional intimacy.
What are the three stages of loneliness?
While there aren’t necessarily three stages of loneliness, there are three main types of loneliness: social loneliness, emotional loneliness, and existential loneliness. Social loneliness can occur when a person doesn’t have a sufficient social network, and emotional loneliness usually arises when someone struggles to connect with others even if others are physically present. Meanwhile, existential loneliness can be defined as a sense that one is fundamentally separate from the rest of the world.
How do lonely people act?
Each lonely person may behave differently. Some may be especially animated and seem like the life of the party when they get a chance to spend time in a social environment. Others may isolate themselves due to feeling socially anxious, even if they desire social participation. Many lonely people try to keep themselves busy with hobbies, traveling, and other activities. However, those who are experiencing depressive symptoms may not engage with many interests.
How do you snap out of feeling lonely?
Reaching out to someone you trust and talking to them about your sense of loneliness may be helpful. You could also consider scheduling a session with a licensed therapist to discuss your thoughts and feelings. A licensed mental health professional may be able to help you determine a plan for addressing loneliness.
What is the root of loneliness?
In most cases, the root of loneliness is a lack of connection. A person may struggle with social integration after moving to a new town or experiencing a change in marital status, for example, or they may have social connections but struggle to develop true emotional intimacy with them.
From an evolutionary perspective, loneliness may be intended to motivate people to form connections with the goal of maintaining overall health and promoting the survival of one’s genes. The field of social psychology emphasizes the risks associated with chronic loneliness and suggests that it can be crucial to maintain social connections for overall well-being.
What can loneliness lead to?
Loneliness serves as a specific risk factor for various mental and physical health concerns. Both young adults and older adults may experience the adverse effects of loneliness. These can include anxiety, depression, substance use disorder (formerly called substance abuse), heart disease, type 2 diabetes, dementia, and more.
How do you stop emotional loneliness?
To stop emotional loneliness, it can be important to get to the root of the issue and determine why you’re experiencing it. This is often challenging to do on one’s own, so working with a therapist who has a clinical practice can be helpful. They may administer screening tests like the Center for Epidemiologic Studies Depression Scale (CES-D Scale), which is a self-report scale used to evaluate depression in the general population, and the UCLA Loneliness Scale. According to a 2021 systematic review, this tends to be one of the most commonly used loneliness scales. Loneliness can be a significant predictor of depression, so recognizing the depth of your loneliness and whether you’re living with depression can help your therapist determine how best to help you.
Aside from working with a therapist to build a plan to address emotional loneliness, you can also reach out to loved ones and embrace vulnerability by talking to them about your feelings. You may find that others are going through similar experiences, and this may create an opportunity to bond and develop emotional intimacy.
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