How To Fight Loneliness In Modern Life
In the 21st century, more people are experiencing loneliness due to a lack of community and nourishing human connection. Some experts have started referring to this uptick in cases as “the loneliness epidemic,” and it seems paradoxical on its face. For example, the internet allows people to connect with anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Some might expect that the rates of loneliness would be lower because of how easy it is to talk to each other via social media. However, social media and other things that seem to connect modern life can contribute to the problem.
It may be helpful to look at modern research and the most common causes of loneliness to better understand why loneliness levels have increased.
Causes of loneliness in a hyper-connected society
While Gallup recently reported that the number of US adults who say they felt lonely “a lot of the day yesterday” has dropped significantly since the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, it remains at 17% in 2023—or over 40 million people.
Humans are social creatures, so connecting socially has various mental and physical health benefits. However, the many cultural, societal, and technological changes the world has experienced and continues to experience have changed patterns—and the COVID-19 pandemic accelerated many of these changes.
It can be challenging to connect with others personally, leaving some people lonely. As people transition back to in-person connections after the pandemic, some may have developed social fears due to long-term social isolation.
Social media and other key factors that contribute to feelings of loneliness
Below are a few key factors that have contributed and continue to contribute to this issue.
Urbanization
Urbanization refers to the process of cities growing because of an increasing number of people moving. As a result, they can become more crowded and nameless, and traditional social structures may fade, leading some people to feel increasingly lonely despite often being surrounded by crowds.
Technology and social media
Technology like the internet, smartphones, and social media have made forming digital relationships with people worldwide more reachable. However, while research suggests that online connections can be positive when they coexist with in-person ones, they’re typically not enough to be sustainable compared to in-person relationships. More time spent on phones can also take away from opportunities for in-person community and connection.
Remote work
According to Forbes, as of 2023, 12.7% of full-time employees work from home, and 28.2% work a hybrid model, a shift that may result from the COVID-19 pandemic. This structure has brought these workers benefits like better work-life balance and more time spent with family. However, it may also decrease opportunities for in-person social connection with coworkers, which used to represent a significant component of many people’s social lives.
Ease of delivery
Online shopping and food-delivery apps had already become popular before 2020, but the COVID-19 pandemic led to explosive growth in both areas. In 2023, someone who used to leave the house to go to work, buy household items, and get groceries may have more reach to doing so from home, resulting in fewer opportunities for spontaneous social connections in their own neighborhoods. In addition, it may be safer for some people to order household goods like groceries at home to lessen their exposure to potential illness, which can lead to further social isolation.
Moving
The United States Census Bureau found that almost eight million people in the US moved from one state to another in 2021—a significant increase from 7.4 million in 2019, likely attributable to the pandemic and the rise of remote work. As a result, some people may live further away from family, friends, and other support systems, struggling to form new connections.
Illness and disability
Some people with a physical or mental illness or disability may also face barriers to getting adequate social connections, which has been an issue for many years but can be increased due to the increase of COVID-19 rates worldwide. For example, an inability to leave home, requiring accommodations that aren’t met, or experiencing chronic pain and fatigue may compound the factors listed above, further limiting social opportunities for some individuals.
Potential physical health impacts of loneliness
Loneliness can be like stress, as some people experience it to some level throughout life. However, when it becomes chronic, there may be cause for concern. As research continues to expand in this area, experts find that long-term loneliness can result in biological and physiological changes that can make the body and mind more prone to illness. It has been suggested that long-term social isolation can have consequences proportional to smoking 15 cigarettes daily.
Researchers state, “Loneliness acts as a fertilizer for other diseases.” For example, it can increase a person’s risk of:
High blood pressure
A weakened immune system
Heart disease
Obesity
Depression
Anxiety
Alzheimer’s disease
Cognitive decline
Death
Mental health impacts of long-term loneliness
An ongoing sense of loneliness can prompt a cycle that makes it more challenging to pursue connection. Research suggests that long-term loneliness can activate evolutionary defense mechanisms that may make a person more guarded and less likely to trust others, further impairing their abilities and willingness to interact socially.
Rates of social anxiety disorder have increased in recent years for women and low-income earners in particular—a trend that may be partly due to or exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic. This mental illness can make socializing difficult or impossible, further contributing to isolation and loneliness.
What happens when you don’t know how to fight loneliness?
As one study suggests, maladaptive coping techniques, “socio-emotional well-being,” and poor support networks may play a role in the chances of developing this condition. Not having social support or positive coping mechanisms can make it more challenging to seek out social situations—another example of the cycle of loneliness that can be difficult to break out of.
How to fight loneliness and beat the loneliness epidemic
A lack of community and connection is often the cause of loneliness, so promoting and increasing a reach to both areas may be a crucial part of the solution. Community members banding together to check in on and care for each other can help individually. Acting with friendliness and kindness and not shying away from even brief, casual social interactions with others you encounter daily can also foster a more significant sense of local connectedness.
How to fight loneliness and the loneliness epidemic on a societal level
From a policy standpoint, more initiatives and programs to reduce loneliness may be helpful. Diverse, reachable, and free public spaces that facilitate and encourage social interaction along with events of various types for individual communities and neighborhoods may also build a sense of connection between people. Mentorship programs and support groups can also provide avenues for people in all situations to pursue the formation of meaningful social relationships.
How to beat personal feelings of loneliness and improve your mental health
It may be worth considering the findings of a 2022 study on the relationship between loneliness and purpose. This research suggests that those experiencing psychological distress benefited from identifying a purpose that could offer them perceived life direction and meaning. Having a purpose may also decrease the risk of developing loneliness in the future. Whether by volunteering, creating art, caring for a loved one, or immersing yourself in a hobby, having a meaningful reason to get out of bed each morning may help you reduce loneliness.
Mental health support options to combat loneliness
One of the most common types of talk therapy is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which aims to help an individual learn to recognize and shift distorted thought patterns. Those experiencing loneliness may be prone to distorted thoughts related to their social life. They may become more distrustful of others the longer they’re isolated. CBT may help individuals in this situation learn to challenge their thoughts about the motives of others and their own social abilities to help break down some of the barriers to connection. Those experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition in addition to or because of chronic loneliness can also get support in addressing these.
For those experiencing loneliness, the prospect of venturing out to a therapist’s office to speak about challenging topics with a stranger can seem intimidating or threatening. In addition, those with specific availability needs or lacking reliable transport may have difficulty commuting regularly. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be a helpful alternative.
With an online therapy platform, you can get matched with a licensed therapist and choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions. In addition, you can get benefits like journaling prompts, group therapy sessions, and weekly webinars. Research suggests that online therapy can offer similar benefits to in-person options in many cases. You don’t have to have a mental illness or diagnosis to get started, and multiple modalities are available.
Takeaway
Learning how to fight loneliness
Loneliness can take many forms and has many root causes. As a result, people may find that certain strategies to fight loneliness work well for them, while others are ineffective. The topic of how to fight loneliness has been explored extensively in recent years because of the COVID-19 pandemic, and there are several strategies you can try to fight feeling lonely.
- Mindful meditation
- Expressions of gratitude
- Acts of kindness
- Authentic social connections
- Self-care
- Physical activity
It can be beneficial to try a few different options to find what works for you. If you find that you can’t overcome loneliness on your own, you can also try reaching out to a licensed therapist for support. They are trained to help you learn techniques to cope when you feel isolated and support you as you build positive emotional health.
What are the 3 types of loneliness?
The Campaign to End Loneliness defines being lonely as, “a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship [that] happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want.” Within that definition, there are three types of loneliness.
- Emotional loneliness: This is the absence of meaningful primary relationships. This could be a partner, a family member, or friend.
- Social loneliness: This is a lack of a wider and more diverse social network of close friends, colleagues, neighbors, and acquaintances.
- Existential loneliness: This refers to a more core aspect of the human condition that we are individuals and inherently separate from others.
What can end loneliness?
A lack of community and connection is often the cause of loneliness, so promoting and increasing both areas may be a crucial part of the solution. Community members banding together to check in on and care for each other can help individually. Acting with friendliness and kindness and not shying away from brief, casual social interactions with others you encounter daily can also foster a more significant sense of local connectedness.
From a policy standpoint, more initiatives and programs to reduce feelings of loneliness may be helpful. Diverse, reachable, and free public spaces that facilitate and encourage social interaction along with events of various types for like-minded people, individual communities, and neighborhoods may also build a sense of connection between people. Mentorship programs and support groups can also provide avenues for people in all situations to pursue the formation of meaningful social relationships that make them feel connected.
How do I accept being alone?
Everyone experiences loneliness from time to time, but there are ways to manage those feelings and accept being alone. The Harvard Business Review reviewed studies about loneliness and identified several concrete steps you can take when you feel lonely. The first step is to acknowledge feelings or signs of loneliness, such as lethargy, sleep disruptions, and procrastination. This may include paying attention to materials you read and watch to understand how they might be impacting your feeling state.
If you determine that you are lonely, the next step is to spend time doing constructive activities or finding ways to care for others. Dog walkers are a good example of the latter. You may want to choose an activity that feels meaningful to you and provides a sense of purpose or achievement. Finally, you may consider investing time to nurture meaningful relationships. This could be gathering your friends for a monthly book club, getting some fresh air on a hike with your partner, or volunteering at the local library.
Why can't I enjoy being alone?
Many people find it difficult to be alone. This may be due to a variety of factors such as past trauma or abandonment fears, low self-esteem, or simply being used to having people around constantly. Like with many other skills, practice can make it easier, and perhaps even enjoyable, to spend time alone.
What is the root cause of loneliness?
There is no single root cause of loneliness. Humans are social creatures, and connecting socially has various mental and physical health benefits. However, the many cultural, societal, and technological changes the world has experienced and continues to experience have changed patterns—and the COVID-19 pandemic accelerated many of these changes. A few key factors that have contributed and continue to contribute to the rise in loneliness include:
- Urbanization: Urbanization refers to the process of cities growing because of an increasing number of people moving. As a result, they can become more crowded and nameless, and traditional social structures may fade, leading some people to feel disconnected despite often being surrounded by crowds.
- Technology: Technology like the internet, smartphones, and social media have made it easier to form digital relationships. However, while research suggests that online connections can be positive, they’re typically not enough to be sustainable compared to in-person relationships. More time spent on phones can also take away from opportunities for in-person community and connection.
- Remote Work: According to Forbes, as of 2023, 12.7% of full-time employees work from home, and 28.2% work a hybrid model. This structure has brought these workers benefits like better work-life balance, but also results in more alone time. However, it may also decrease opportunities for spending time in-person with coworkers.
- Ease Of Delivery: Online shopping and food-delivery apps have made it easier to buy household items and get groceries without leaving home, resulting in fewer opportunities for spontaneous social connections in their own neighborhoods.
- Moving: The United States Census Bureau found that almost eight million people in the US moved from one state to another in 2021. As a result, some people may live further away from family, old friends, and other support systems they can rely on during tough times.
- Illness And Disability: Some people with a physical or mental illness or disability may also face barriers to getting adequate social connections. For example, an inability to leave home, requiring accommodations that aren’t met, or experiencing chronic pain and fatigue may compound the factors listed above, further limiting social opportunities for some individuals.
How does a lonely person behave?
Loneliness can present in different ways depending on the person and result in a range of behaviors. For example, some people may shop excessively, binge-watch TV shows, or incessantly scroll through social media feeds. Others might find that they are suddenly taking unusually long, hot showers, sleeping many more hours every day, or gaining weight.
Does loneliness ever go away?
Loneliness does not have to become chronic. The feeling of loneliness can be overcome through a combination of at-home treatment and therapeutic interventions.
How do you deal with sadness alone?
Sadness is a normal human emotion, but it can be difficult to manage and disruptive to daily life. If you are looking for ways to process and express those feelings alone, there are many techniques you can try, including:
- Keep a journal to track your emotions and understand how you’re feeling.
- Prioritize self-care to help yourself present the best version of yourself to the world.
- Remove yourself from situations that are making you sad, if you have the option.
- Reframe your thoughts to look at a given situation from a positive perspective.
- Practice mindfulness, yoga, or mediation to accept and let go of negative thoughts.
- Positive lifestyle choices such as physical exercise and healthy eating.
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