Identifying As A Lonely Woman: Unique Challenges Women Face Related To Loneliness

Loneliness is a common human experience, affecting people of all ages, backgrounds, races, and genders. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines loneliness in multiple ways, from “being without company” and “cut off from others” to “sad from being alone and producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.” 

Despite its universality, experiences of loneliness can vary significantly between individuals. In some cases, those who identify as women may have a unique experience with loneliness compared to those of other genders. Here, we’ll examine the concept of loneliness, how it can affect women specifically, and strategies for feeling more connected.

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Myths and misconceptions about loneliness

People sometimes confuse solitude or being alone with loneliness, but these aren’t the same thing. Being alone simply describes a state of being without the presence of others, while loneliness can surface in any situation. People living with loneliness may feel isolated, alienated, and misunderstood by the people around them, and they may or may not also have few social connections in general. Regardless of one’s surroundings or circumstances, all experiences of loneliness can be difficult and painful.

In many cases, loneliness also carries stigma. The culture often tells us that people who feel lonely must be “flawed” somehow: either socially inept, unlikeable, or maladjusted. This view is not true and can add unnecessary judgment and harm to an already difficult experience.

The unique challenges of identifying as a lonely woman 

Research suggests that men and women in the US experience roughly the same levels of loneliness. However, there might be differences between how people of different genders experience loneliness. For example, in a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, women reported more internalized stigma and feelings of shame around loneliness.

There are many reasons that a person who identifies as a woman may tend to experience loneliness in a different way from men or others. For example, in daily life, women tend to shoulder a disproportionate share of household and caregiving responsibilities, which may limit opportunities for social engagement and the deepening of personal connections and contribute to isolation. 

In addition, single women—particularly those thriving in their careers—may be confronted with societal pressure to find a partner and have children, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or isolation if they don't conform to these expectations. Also, women are often expected to always be emotionally available and supportive to others, which can lead to burnout and trouble getting their own needs met, further contributing to loneliness in some cases. 

The impacts of loneliness on well-being

Loneliness can exist on a spectrum from mild to severe, and it might come and go over time. For some, it’s a passing feeling that doesn’t greatly impact their day-to-day life most of the time. For others, loneliness is persistent and may feel all-encompassing, and it may significantly affect their social, mental, and physical well-being. 

The self-perpetuating cycle of loneliness and isolation

People experiencing loneliness may feel reluctant to reach out due to shame, mistrust, or fear of rejection, which can reinforce a pattern of isolation. Difficult emotions associated with loneliness can also inhibit an individual’s motivation to engage with others. In other words, loneliness—particularly prolonged or persistent loneliness—can make it more difficult for an individual to build and maintain a meaningful relationship or relationships, often perpetuating a painful cycle.

Loneliness and mental health   

Loneliness can affect absolutely everything in terms of a person’s mental well-being. Researchers suggest a connection between loneliness and several mental health conditions. These relationships are often bidirectional, with loneliness as both a partial cause and symptom. Examples of illnesses that can be associated with loneliness include: 

• Depression: Loneliness is often strongly linked to both depressive symptoms and an increased risk of developing depression. People with depression may experience a decreased desire to engage in activities they once found enjoyable, which can lead to further isolation. 
• Anxiety: Loneliness can lead to, or in some cases, worsen existing social anxiety, which can increase distress and lead a person to avoid social situations even more. 
• Psychosis: While the link between loneliness and psychosis isn’t fully understood, there is evidence to suggest that feelings of loneliness often precede depressive symptoms of psychosis and follow symptoms like hallucinations and paranoid thinking. 
• Substance use: It’s not uncommon for people living with chronic loneliness or isolation to develop an unhealthy coping mechanism for these feelings, such as using drugs or alcohol as a means of escape. People with pre-existing substance use challenges might also be at a higher risk of loneliness. 

The connection between loneliness and physical health

The relationship between loneliness and long-term physical health has been widely studied. Research suggests that stress responses in the body caused by chronic loneliness can increase levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, which can negatively impact overall health. Social isolation is connected with chronic inflammation, which can lead to adverse effects on immune, neuroendocrine, and cardiovascular health over time.

Strategies for self-love and empowerment  

The effects of loneliness can be significant, but certain strategies may help you cope. Reframing your perspective, becoming reacquainted with yourself, and taking good care of yourself are often key. 

From lonely woman to independent woman: Reframing your perspective

Our thoughts and beliefs can strongly influence our emotions and behaviors. Using mindfulness techniques to identify and reframe negative beliefs (a practice common in cognitive behavioral therapy) can make a difference in reducing loneliness. It might help to begin reframing loneliness as a common experience shared by many, as opposed to a sign that something may be “wrong” with you. Such beliefs can create feelings of shame, leading to a self-perpetuating cycle of isolation. 

It can help to be kind and understanding towards yourself. Practicing self-compassion using these three simple steps from self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff can be helpful:

1. Bring mindful awareness to the pain you’re feeling (e.g., “I feel lonely and not cared for. I notice this feeling in my chest.”)
2. Describe the humanity of the situation (e.g., “Everyone feels lonely sometimes.”)
3. Express warmth and kindness to yourself, as you would to a friend (e.g., “I know this is hard right now, but I won’t always feel like this.)

You might also try to replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations that assert your value as a person. Consider creating a “success” journal in which you record the positive things happening in your life, the things you’re grateful for, and the things you like about yourself. You might revisit the journal whenever you’re feeling lonely. 

The power of self-care rituals and mindfulness practices  

Loneliness can be a form of stress, and nurturing your body and mind with regular exercise, nutritious foods, and quality sleep may help you improve your stress resilience. To this end, you might make time for activities that nurture and bring you joy, such as spending time in natural environments outside, reading, or beautifying your living space. You could also try a creative outlet like painting, writing, or playing music. Engaging in mindfulness, meditation, or yoga may also help you connect with yourself and stay balanced mentally.

Building meaningful connections  

Studies on loneliness and relationships reveal a few key points about the types of relationships that may help sustain our well-being and those that may not. For example, research suggests that having a few deep, high-quality friendships may be more beneficial to well-being than having many superficial friendships. Studies also suggest that having minor, positive, everyday connections with strangers or acquaintances can also benefit mental health, which you may increase by spending more time out and about and intentionally aiming to engage with others. 

To build absolutely meaningful, positive connections in your life, you might also reach out to old friends or family members, even if it's just for a quick phone call or coffee date. In addition, you could look for groups that align with your interests, such as a book club, sports league, or a hiking group. Some people also find profound satisfaction in meeting others through community volunteer work or mutual aid projects.

Rediscovering yourself 

Trying new things and exploring different activities can be a good way to get to know yourself better, which may help you build your self-esteem and confidence as you aim to make new connections. To these ends, you might consider developing a new skill, exploring a new hobby through a workshop or class, and attending local events, workshops, or lectures to enrich your own life and potentially meet new people.

Focusing on goals and personal growth

Working towards goals can give an individual a sense of purpose, help them build confidence, and lead to self-improvement. In the beginning, you might start with small, achievable goals or break large goals in half or into smaller “milestones” to avoid overwhelm and allow you to see your progress more clearly. Take time to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. 

When to seek support

Loneliness doesn’t have to result from or lead to a mental health challenge, but the two can often be linked in many ways. People who feel lonely might experience maladaptive thoughts about themselves and the world around them. For example, one may assume their loneliness results from a personal flaw, leading them to expect to be rejected or criticized in social situations. This fear might lead them to avoid social situations out of fear of negative experiences, which can lead to further isolation, cause the blues or even depression, and reinforce loneliness. 

If you notice such cognitive distortions, are struggling with feelings of despair and hopelessness, or are experiencing low self-esteem, it might be time to reach out to a mental health professional for guidance. A therapist can help you identify the origin of negative beliefs and reframe them to align more closely with reality using approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). They can also teach helpful strategies for coping with social and mental health challenges, building self-esteem, and cultivating healthy connections. 

Where to find support

While therapy can be a valuable tool for a person experiencing loneliness, some people face barriers to receiving this type of care. A person may not have many providers in their area, or they may not be able to regularly travel to and from in-person appointments.

Online therapy can help reduce such barriers in many cases. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can speak with a therapist remotely from the comfort of home or anywhere you have an internet connection. That means you can receive care from a space where you feel comfortable, without having to travel.

Research also indicates that online therapy can be effective in many cases—including for addressing loneliness and related health conditions. For example, a 2024 study published in Scientific Reports suggests that a loneliness-focused iCBT program helped "decrease depressive and social anxiety symptoms” in participants. 

Takeaway

Loneliness can be thought of as a universal human experience that most people will experience from time to time over the years. However, ongoing loneliness can significantly affect mental and physical well-being. Those who identify as women may face additional challenges related to loneliness, such as social pressure to marry and have children or less time for building connection due to caregiving responsibilities. Self-compassion can be key when living with persistent feelings of loneliness. Finding new ways to build confidence and make new connections can also be helpful, as can meeting with a therapist for emotional support.