Why Do I Always Feel Sad And Lonely?
Human beings are generally social creatures, meaning we can have the capacity to enjoy connection and closeness with our friends and loved ones. It can be normal to feel lonely at times, however, especially when we’re isolated from other people or going through major life changes. Understanding the difference between a passing feeling and a need for intervention can support many in attaining a higher quality of life.
Below, we’re exploring possible reasons for long-term sadness or loneliness, and different scientifically supported ways to address these feelings in ourselves.
Possible reasons for sadness and loneliness
If you’re working on resolving feelings of sadness or loneliness, it can be helpful to figure out what could be causing them. Sometimes, you can make life adjustments on your own that can ease your difficult feelings. Other times, you might benefit from the help of a professional, who can empower you to move forward effectively.
We’ve listed some possible reasons for ongoing loneliness or sadness below:
- Maintaining a lack of social contact
- Having a romantic partner lose interest in your relationship
- Experiencing a difficult or traumatic event
- Experiencing loss or relocation of a loved one
- Dealing with conflict with a loved one
- Experiencing relationship troubles or dysfunction
- Experiencing diagnosis or symptoms of a mental illness, like depression
While this list is extensive, it does not cover every possible reason for sadness or feelings of loneliness. Acknowledging how you feel and accepting possible reasons behind the feeling can be a first step to healing for many.
Lack of social contact
A lack of social activity can cause a person to start experiencing feelings of loneliness. In this case, it can be helpful to seek out social contact and meaningful relationships with your friends and loved ones.
It can be normal to crave social contact if you haven’t been able to connect with people in a while. Having loved ones on whom you can lean when you’re feeling low can be important. According to a recent study referenced in the New York Post, almost half of all Americans reported having less than three close friends in their life. While there are many possible reasons for this, many cite major life transitions — such as the start of a new job or a relocation — as a possible reason for a shorter friend’s list.
If you’re experiencing a major life change, having a solid support system of friends can help you cope with feelings of loneliness. If you aren’t sure where to start, consider reconnecting with old acquaintances or immersing yourself in your local community. You might also try to forge friendships in your workplace school environment, as you may spend more time there than in other places.
Traumatic experiences that affect mental health
Many people might start feeling sad, lonely, and even angry after something traumatic happens in their lives. Coping with stress, grief or the effects of trauma can affect your mood and mental health as a whole. You may just need time to process the situation, or you may benefit from supportive therapeutic intervention. In either case, if you don’t take the time to grieve or feel your emotions in their entirety, your painful emotions might be prolonged.
Reaching out to others for support can be a helpful step in moving forward productively after a loss or traumatic event.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
A friend or family member moved away
You may feel lonely or depressed when someone you’re close to moves away. This can be a common experience for parents who send their kids off to college, or for people whose families move states for a new job opportunity. Major life events such as this can be stressful, often causing someone to experience feelings of sadness and loneliness.
Keeping up through texting, emailing, or phone calls can be a way to enhance your quality of life in the middle of the transition. You may also consider giving yourself time to adjust to their absence.
Conflict with friends or family
Arguments with friends or family members could make you feel lonely and sad, and maybe even a little guilty. Did you have a fight with someone in the past? Perhaps this created a rift that you haven’t been able to mend since the fight occurred. If you don’t have a lot of close relationships, even one argument could wind up being very significant to you and your mental health. Not having your usual confidant with whom to talk could create a sense of emptiness within you that’s hard to shake, and it could be contributing to your loneliness.
To remedy this, you could try to fix and improve things with this individual. It can be natural to disagree from time to time. If the argument was more serious in nature, you may consider speaking with a therapist for support as both parties work through their feelings regarding the disagreement.
Depression and related symptoms
If you’re experiencing prolonged or unresolved feelings of loneliness, emptiness or sadness, it could be a sign you’re facing some type of depression.
The difference between someone experiencing a medical condition like depression and someone who isn’t is generally determined by how long the feelings persist, and if there is a secondary physical experience as a result of the feelings.
There are different treatments available for depression. For many, the most commonly pursued options include talk therapy and medication. Speaking with a medical provider or mental health professional can help you get more information about what course of action might be most effective for your specific needs.
You may also be dealing with thoughts of suicide if you are experiencing depression. If that’s the case, it's essential you reach out for support immediately. If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This line is available 24/7, and can be reached by dialing 988.
Online therapy for those experiencing sadness or depression
The thought of getting to the root cause of your lonely or sad feelings can feel overwhelming. However, you can begin to process your thoughts and feelings with an online therapist through the BetterHelp platform.
Seeking treatment in online therapy
If you’re feeling lonely or sad due to depression, it may be hard for you to overcome these feelings and get out of bed in the morning. You might also be withdrawing from friends and family members or avoiding leaving the house at all. Online therapy can be more approachable for many compared to in-person therapeutic intervention. You can speak with a licensed professional counselor from the comfort of your home, choosing whatever method of connection feels most comfortable for you. Whether you want to use an in-app messaging feature, talk on the phone, or connect over a video chat, online therapy can give you more control over your therapeutic experience.
Is online counseling effective for mental health?
Online counseling can help individuals effectively manage and treat their mental illnesses. One study published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders assessed the efficacy of computer-based therapy for those living with anxiety and depression. Researchers found information suggesting that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy was equally effective as traditional, face-to-face therapy. The internet-based intervention had high rates of satisfaction and was thought to have contributed to a better quality of life for participants. It was also suggested to result in reduced depression and symptoms of nervousness in fewer sessions compared to those seeing a therapist in person.
Takeaway
How do I stop feeling alone and unwanted?
Everyone is different, so it may take some time to find a strategy that helps you stop feeling alone. Here are a few things you can try:
- Work on improving your relationship with yourself and engaging in self-care exercises, like exercise, yoga, meditation, or journaling.
- Try to make deeper connections with the people who are already in your life. Some people may have a lot of acquaintances but not that many close friends. If this is how you feel, it may help to open up more to people you already trust. If you feel uncomfortable calling or talking in person, send a text or a message on social media to try to strengthen and grow your connection.
- Think about how your interests can help you meet more people. For example, if you like to read, join a book club. If you’re creative, sign up for an art class. If you like to play sports, look for an intramural sports league.
- Try not to compare yourself to others. In particular, social media can make comparing yourself to others easy. But it’s important to remember that what you see may not always reflect what’s happening on the inside.
Why do I always feel sad, unloved, or unwanted?
There may be many factors contributing to feelings of being unloved or unwanted. For example, you may be experiencing symptoms of a mental health disorder, like depression or borderline personality disorder. Or, you may be experiencing the effects of an insecure attachment style that developed when you were a child. People who have been in abusive relationships in the past may also feel unworthy or undeserving of love and experience low self-esteem.
How does a lonely person behave?
Sometimes, it can be difficult to tell if someone is lonely. Some people may feel lonely inside but appear to be happy on the outside. Others might spend a noticeable amount of time alone but be completely content in their own company. People who are lonely may be less productive and unlikely to finish tasks because they may feel uninspired. Small things might annoy them, and they may get stuck on the negatives. They may have sleep disturbances or increased stress, and they may get overly invested in hobbies or other interests as a way to distract themselves from their loneliness.
What is the unloved daughter syndrome, and what are the symptoms?
Unloved daughter syndrome or unloved child syndrome is not an official diagnosis, but feeling unloved in childhood can have significant effects on your life and can lead to significant mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance use disorders.
Why do I always feel sad when I think about my life?
People with unloved child syndrome may develop unhealthy attachment styles that can affect their adult relationships. They may grow up with poor emotional intelligence and a poor sense of self and have difficulty with trusting other people. They may have a difficult time establishing boundaries and choosing toxic partners and friends. They may be extremely sensitive, insecure, and isolated.
Is there a disorder for feeling unloved?
Feeling unloved can be a symptom of many mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, attachment issues, and PTSD if it is rooted in trauma.
Why does no one want me?
There may be many reasons why a person may feel as if no one wants them. These feelings may occur after a situation that makes them doubt themselves, like being let go from their job or going through a breakup. It can be helpful to remind yourself that you are not the only person to have been through these experiences and that your feelings are not permanent. Instead of focusing on how other people feel about you, it can help to focus on your own self-worth and self-confidence.
Is loneliness a silent killer?
Some research shows that it may be. One study found that loneliness increased mortality risk by 26%. Initial health status did affect these findings, and loneliness was more predictive of death study samples of people younger than 65.
What makes a lonely person happy?
Everyone is different, and loneliness has different causes, so it can be difficult to say what will make a lonely person happy. Some people who are lonely may feel better if they spend some time in nature, exercise, or start prioritizing self-care. Others may need to join groups where they get to meet new people or reach out to make deeper connections to the people already in their lives. Some people who are lonely may be dealing with underlying mental health issues and may need to work with a therapist to determine where their loneliness is coming from and how to cope with it.
How do I accept being single for the rest of my life?
Being single does not mean that you are a failure or that there’s something wrong with you. If you are frustrated by the fact that you are single, it may help to embrace singlehood and set goals for yourself so you feel accomplished in other areas of your life. For example, you may decide you want to run a marathon and use your evenings and weekends to train or travel the world and plan solo trips to exciting destinations.
Why am I alone a lot?
There are many reasons some people are alone a lot. Not everyone has a large, close-knit group of family and friends surrounding them. If you work from home, you may not spend as much time with coworkers as you once did. Maybe you’re new to your city and haven’t established a social circle yet or you’re having financial problems that are affecting your social life. Remember that being alone does not necessarily mean that people are lonely. But, if you’re alone a lot and are feeling lonely or experiencing symptoms of depression, talking to a therapist can help.
How can I get treatment for my low mood?
To treat a low mood, focus on self-care by incorporating regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep into your routine. Engage in mindfulness practices or meditation to reduce stress, and seek social support by spending time with loved ones or talking about your feelings. Journaling and cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) can help you challenge negative thoughts.
The difference between a low mood and depression
Having a low mood is different from depression. Consider professional help like therapy or medication if needed, and avoid alcohol or drugs, which can exacerbate low mood. Keep a regular routine, set small goals, and engage in activities you enjoy, especially spending time in nature. Remember to be patient with yourself, acknowledging that it's OK to feel low sometimes and that improvement may take time.
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