Why Do I Feel Homesick At Home? How Vacations Can Spark Homesickness

If you’re experiencing your first prolonged absence from home, such as starting college or taking a long journey overseas, you may be anticipating a certain amount of homesickness. However, few people expect this feeling to strike when they return home. This may seem like a paradox — how can you be homesick when you’re in the place that’s most familiar to you? We’ll discuss what’s behind the complicated emotions that can arise when you come back home.

Homesickness can be a natural response to any sudden transition away from a familiar environment. If you’ve started to feel comfortable in a foreign country, a college campus, or some other setting that’s different from where you previously lived, you may experience a sense of disconnection when you return. You might also find yourself processing emotions that you’ve been too busy to acknowledge during your time away. Finding ways to balance the desire for familiarity with the need to engage with your present environment can help you bridge this difficult transition. If you’re having trouble achieving this balance, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for guidance and support.

What is homesickness?

Homesickness can be described as a feeling of sadness, longing, and distress experienced by individuals who are spending time away from their homes. It can affect both people who are traveling for extended periods and those who are transitioning to a new permanent living situation. It tends to be a common response to the following situations:

• Relocating for college
• Moving to an unfamiliar neighborhood
• Performing military service
• Migrating to a new country
• Working abroad
• Staying for an extended time in a hospital

Some amount of homesickness may be a completely normal response to being immersed in new surroundings that seem strange and unfamiliar. In some people, though, these feelings may be intense enough to interfere with the ability to function in and adapt to the new situation. This may lead to psychological difficulties, such as adjustment disorders. People experiencing severe homesickness may be at higher risk for clinical depression or anxiety, disrupted sleep, and unhealthy behavioral choices.

Why do people feel homesick?

While many people have a strong desire for new experiences, virtually all of us still feel some amount of stress when we’re away from the places and people we know best. According to a 2015 research article, “Almost everyone experiences homesickness at some point in their life, regardless of their age.” Human beings tend to find a great deal of comfort in routines and familiarity, and some mental adjustment may be necessary when leaving the activities, sensations, and social interactions to which you’re accustomed.

This desire for familiarity may come from a deep-rooted drive to be able to predict what’s coming next. Our evolutionary ancestors generally needed to be able to anticipate where they’d find food and shelter and when they should be on guard against predators. An unfamiliar environment where the sights, sounds, smells, and routines were different may have been a powerful trigger for stress. Some psychologists have suggested that the fear of uncertainty and the unknown may underlie nearly all human anxieties. 

As such, being away from home may be highly likely to spark distress and a desire to return to a place where you feel comfortable and safe. This may help explain why homesickness can be so widespread.

Why do I feel homesick when I come home from college?

Research suggests that it’s very common to feel homesick when going away to school. For many students, it’s the first time they’ve spent an extended period away from their families, friends, and hometown environments, making adjustment particularly difficult. Yet some may have the opposite experience, encountering an intense sense of homesickness only when they return home at the end of the semester. 

Room for reflection

One explanation could be that the change of pace during a break from school allows time for students to reflect and process their feelings. College life usually offers a wide variety of activities that can engage a person’s attention, including classes, homework, socializing, athletics, and extracurricular pursuits of all kinds. 

As a new student, you may be too caught up in this whirlwind of activity to think much about home. Between semesters, however, there may be fewer demands on your time, and you may be separated from most of the distractions described above. Meanwhile, you may be back among a familiar social circle and support system (Removed “hometown friends and family members” as not everyone would classify them as friends or family), giving you a clear reminder of what you left behind when you went to school.

The result may be a sharp sense of homesickness as you start to fully process the disconnection between college and life at home.

Reverse culture shock

Studies of students attending school in other countries have found that many experience a sense of “not fitting in” when they return home. The language, customs, sensory experiences, and other features of their native country may now seem unfamiliar, possibly leading to a sense of tension that can be even stronger than their initial difficulties in adapting to life abroad.

A milder version of this same phenomenon may occur even in people who haven’t left their nation or region of origin. The culture and rhythms of life at college (or in any unfamiliar setting, such as a job in a new city) may seem very different from those in your hometown. As such, you may experience the sense that you no longer fully “belong” at home with your parents, creating a sense of disconnection and homesickness.

Missing college life

It’s also possible that college has already begun to feel like home to you. Many people form extremely close friendships while at school, and these connections often develop quickly since students are sharing a new environment and tackling similar challenges together. You may develop a similarly quick attachment to the routine of college life and the landmarks of campus, which can serve as the anchors of daily life during this major transition.

As a result, you may find yourself feeling “homesick” for college when you leave campus for the first time. Even though it can be pleasant to visit home again, you might miss the new life you’ve begun to build at school.

Feeling homesick for the past

Another reason you might feel homesick when you visit home after spending time away is a sense of nostalgia for a prior phase of life. Returning to the neighborhood, town, or city where you grew up can lead to a sense of dissonance when you see how much of what you remember has changed. 

You might realize that you’ve changed a great deal as well. The features of your old home that were once comforting and ordinary may now seem strange.

This experience may bring feelings of nostalgic sorrow for the time when you felt at home in this place. Rather than feeling homesick for a location, you may be homesick for your childhood or adolescence.

Coping with feelings of homesickness at home

What can you do to manage the sadness, anxiety, and longing you feel upon returning home?

Allow yourself to grieve

A 2015 research review suggests that homesickness may be a form of grief over the loss of a place that is perceived as comfortable and secure. While grieving can be painful, trying to rush through it or suppress your feelings of sorrow may only lead to internal conflict and a sense of being stuck. Instead of trying to push aside your homesickness, you may benefit from acknowledging and accepting it, giving yourself time to think about and grieve for whatever you’re missing.

Bring mementos

Having a few small reminders of what you’ve left behind can give you a sense of familiarity, security, and comfort that may preserve your well-being when you’re feeling homesick. Decorating your living space with some souvenirs of your travels, objects from your dorm room, or photos of the friends you made while away might help you maintain a feeling of connection to the old and the new.

Get active

Feelings of sadness and anxiety after returning home may be partly due to the loss of the activities and routines that gave your life a sense of structure while you were away. In a study of coping strategies used by international students who felt homesick but recovered, physical exercise and constructive action were identified as effective methods. Finding a creative hobby, an exercise routine, or some other way to occupy your body and mind could help you work through homesickness.

Stay in touch

When you’re homesick at school, calling your support system, especially those from your hometown (Removed “family and hometown friends”) can bolster your spirits. A similar strategy may help when being at home leads to negative feelings — by keeping in regular contact with the friends you met abroad or at college, you may be able to reduce your sense of isolation. Phone calls or video chats may be more effective than written forms of communication, like texts or emails.

Reducing the mental health impact of homesickness

If strong feelings of homesickness are making it hard for you to function in daily life, it might be a good idea to talk with a therapist. Severe and unaddressed feelings of grief, anxiety, and loneliness could put you at risk for an adjustment disorder or another form of mental illness.

Online therapy may be a good option for homesickness related to college or frequent travel, since you’ll be able to continue working with your therapist even after you leave home again. Many participants who use telemedicine for mental healthcare appreciate the freedom to attend sessions from anywhere with an internet connection. 

A growing body of scientific literature supports the effectiveness of online mental healthcare for challenges like depression and anxiety, which may arise alongside homesickness. One trial from 2019 found that internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy typically produced greater improvements in adjustment disorder symptoms than in-person treatment. Working with a therapist online could help you navigate complicated feelings about returning home.