3 Books About Self-Love That May Benefit Your Mental Health

While much has been written about self-love, many people aren’t sure how to cultivate it. While some may believe that happiness comes from high salaries, expensive possessions, or lofty achievements, happiness can also come from within. Research suggests that connectedness with oneself, or self-love, is positively correlated with flourishing well-being. Below, we’ll look at three best-selling books. Achieving this connectedness may be facilitated by books about self-love or support from others, but first, it could be beneficial to start by defining what self-love means to you. 

What is self-love?

How you define self-love can vary from person to person. However, scientists have attempted to create a distinct model to describe this concept. According to an article published in The Humanistic Psychologist, self-love breaks down into three main components:

Self-contact

Giving attention to oneself means being present with your thoughts and feelings and acknowledging them without judgment.

Self-acceptance

Being at peace with oneself involves embracing who you are, including your strengths and imperfections, without self-criticism.

Self-care

Being defensive of and caring for oneself means prioritizing your needs, setting boundaries, and nurturing your physical and mental well-being.

In simple terms, self-love may be described as “knowing your worth, taking care of your needs, and treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated.” Variations like radical self-love may have similar definitions but could require additional actions that support your growth or happiness. Whatever definition you use, achieving this mindset may be easier with the help of self-love literature. 

3 books about self-love that may help you achieve it

1. “The Gifts Of Imperfection” by Brené Brown: A book about self-love and embracing imperfections

Published in 2010, The Gifts Of Imperfection: Let Go Of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be And Embrace Who You Are, by Brené Brown, is a guide for those who wish to seek happiness through self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love. The book encourages readers to acknowledge and accept their imperfections in order to discover their true selves. 

The Gifts Of Imperfection is built around what Brown refers to as her “10 Guideposts For Whole-Hearted Living,”, which she believes can help individuals embrace their flaws and find fulfillment. These 10 guideposts include: 

• Authenticity: According to Brown, letting go of what other people think and embracing our true selves allows us to live authentically. This highlights the importance of embracing self-acceptance and avoiding the pressure to conform. 

• Self-compassion: This guidepost pertains to how we treat ourselves, how we assess our self-worth, and the necessity of showing ourselves kindness. Brown also refers to perfectionism in this guidepost as a “destructive” force. 

• Resilience: Brown talks about the resilience of a person’s spirit, exploring one’s ability to remain positive in the face of adversity. 

• Gratitude and joy: This guidepost discusses how to identify what we are grateful for and how to regularly acknowledge that gratitude. Brown says that doing so can help us feel more joyful and content in our lives. 

• Intuition and trust: Brown encourages readers to trust their instincts and develop faith in something bigger than themselves. She also highlights the importance of letting go of the concept of certainty, which can be difficult to find in life. 

• Creativity: Brown discusses the essential nature of creativity, dispelling the myth that only artistically gifted people are creative. According to her, one should create without comparing oneself to others and do things in their way without fear of judgment. 

• Play and rest: Brown highlights the need to “let go of exhaustion as a status symbol,” or the tendency for modern society to equate work with self-worth. She believes that play and rest are vitally important and that one cannot effectively work without placing value on these concepts. 

• Calm: The 8th guidepost deals with feelings of anxiety, which Brown believes can be countered by cultivating calm and stillness. One of the methods she suggests is to find which emotions elicit reactive responses and practice ways to calmly respond. 

• Meaningful work: Brown asks readers to let go of self-doubt and find work that brings meaning to their lives. By doing so, they may be able to safeguard their emotional and physical well-being. 

• Laughter, song, and dance: In her final guidepost, Brown encourages readers to let go of the concept of being “cool” and avoid trying to seek constant control. Instead, she believes that individuals should develop a sense of humor and engage in activities like song and dance to detract from self-conscious mindsets. 

Each guideline is combined with a variety of inspiring stories, research, and recommendations on methods to implement Brown’s advice in real life. By following these guideposts and taking in Brown’s experiences, readers may establish their own path toward self-love and higher self-esteem. 

2. “The Four Agreements” by Miguel Ruiz: One of the best books about self-love and personal freedom

In addition to holding a place on the New York Times bestseller list for over a decade, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, by Miguel Ruiz, has been featured on programs like The Oprah Winfrey Show.  and received numerous celebrity endorsements. Written shortly after a near-death experience, The Four Agreements seeks to help readers transform their lives and stop self-limiting behaviors in order to experience love, freedom, and true happiness. In the book, Ruiz’s advice is split into four separate agreements:, including:

• Be impeccable with your words: In the first agreement, Ruiz lets readers know the potential power of their words, emphasizing the importance of speaking with integrity and saying only those things that you truly mean. He also believes that individuals should speak “in the direction of truth and love,”, meaning that they should avoid talking negatively about themselves or others. 

• Don’t take anything personally: The second agreement discusses the concept that others' behavior has nothing to do with you. Ruiz believes that what others do is a “projection of their own reality”, and that we should not put excessive value on the opinions and actions of others. By avoiding worrying about these concepts, Ruiz says we may experience freedom and liberation. 

• Don’t make assumptions: The third agreement is built around using effective communication as a way to avoid negative feelings and conflict. To accomplish this, Ruiz encourages readers to be comfortable asking questions and expressing their needs. He also cites this agreement as one of the more important, claiming that it alone may transform your life. 

• Always do your best: The fourth and final agreement deals with the concept of “doing your best,”, which Ruiz believes can change significantly depending on circumstances. One example used in the book relates to health, with Ruiz citing the ability of illness to affect our ability to perform certain tasks. He believes that doing your best, whatever that happens to be at theat moment, can serve as a way to avoid regret, self-abuse, and self-judgment. 

3. “The Mountain Is You” by Brianna Wiest: A book about self-love and overcoming self-sabotage

The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery, by Brianna Wiest, addresses the harmful power of self-sabotage and provides a guide on how to deal with it. Other authors, such as Gary John Bishop, have touched on this subject, but Wiest delves deeply into the topic by describing the challenges of self-sabotage challenges as “mountains.” Some of the mountains addressed in Wiest’s book include: 

• Fear of failure 

• Fear of success 

• Fear of change

• Fear of discomfort

• Negative self-talk

• Tendency to hold on to past trauma

• Lack of self-awareness

Wiest also discusses the “shadow self,”, a concept originally created by the famous psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung. The shadow self is often seen as the parts of our psyche that we are ashamed to acknowledge or choose to hide from others. Wiest, like Jung, wants people to accept their shadow selves in order to grow as individuals. 

The Mountain Is You also provides steps on how to shift one’s behavior away from self-sabotage and toward self-mastery. Wiest believes the best way to do this is with a growth mindset and techniques such as visualization, meditation, and affirmations. The goal is to become aware of our own self-sabotage through the creation of healthier habits, and boundaries, and by seeking the support of loved ones or mental health professionals. 

Professional support may help you discover self-love

Just as Wiest recommends in her book The Mountain Is You, support can come from a variety of sources. One potential source is through a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. With the help of a therapist, you may be able to address the challenges of your self-love journey more quickly than you can on your own. In some cases, these challenges may involve negative thought patterns, low self-esteem, or self-destructive behaviors that could hinder relationships, harm your well-being, or make it difficult to succeed professionally or academically. personally. 

Online therapy as an alternative to in-person sessions

While many want to overcome these challenges, in-person therapy may not fit their preferences. Individuals who have busy work schedules, are experiencing certain mental health conditions, or live in underserved areas may not be able to attend face-to-face therapeutic sessions. However, alternatives like online therapy can offer another effective way to find support. 

Mental health benefits of online psychotherapy

Research suggests that online psychotherapy can not only be as effective as in-person therapy but also may provide a variety of other benefits. One study highlighted the fact that posited that online therapy’s popularity may be linked to its increased availability, specifically for those in rural areas or individuals experiencing limited physical mobility. In addition, the study cited online therapy’s ability to provide clients with a large pool of mental health professionals, allowing them to select based on their needs, preferences, and location. 

Takeaway

Self-love can be an important component of having a healthy mindset and maintaining positive well-being. Self-help and self-love books like The Gifts of Imperfection, The Four Agreements, and The Mountain Is You may all offer effective methods to accept yourself and grow. However, books alone may not be enough. For those who require further support, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp may be beneficial, whether in person or online. With BetterHelp, you can be matched with a therapist who has experience helping people develop self-love. Take the first step toward building authentic self-love and reach out to BetterHelp today.