Acts Of Service: A Guide To Expressing Love Through Action

For those whose primary love language is acts of service, seeing love expressed through thoughtful deeds and efforts can help them feel valued and cared for. Here, you’ll find a guide to using acts of service to strengthen the close relationships in your life. First, we’ll cover the fundamental principles that underpin this love language. Then, we’ll share practical examples to inspire your own acts of love.

Understanding acts of service

In Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book The Five Love Languages, acts of service are described as one of the five main ways in which people express and receive love. This love language is based on the idea that we can show love through our actions, such as by going out of our way to help a friend or taking on extra household responsibilities when a family member or partner is stressed. While there’s little empirical research to support the love languages theory overall, considering it could still help you think of new ways to show your loved ones that you care.

If your primary love language is acts of service, you might appreciate such gestures from your loved ones and show your affection for them in similar ways.

Note that love languages are not exclusive to romantic partnerships, and using them may help strengthen the bond between any two people. 

How to use acts of service in your relationships

You can use acts of service to show your love, appreciation, and support for the people you care about, regardless of the type of love you feel towards them. Here are some tips for using acts of service most effectively in your relationships—particularly if the other person identifies with the acts of service love language above the others.

Understand what the other person needs

When setting out to support a loved one through an act of service, it may first be advisable to take a moment to reflect on and understand their needs and desires. One reason acts of service can feel special is that these gestures demonstrate a personalized understanding of what we need and what might make us feel good. 

A good rule of thumb might be to look for ways of making the person’s life easier or more enjoyable. For example, someone who recognizes that their partner is stressed after a long day at work may prepare their favorite meal or create a clean, relaxing environment for them to come home to. 

Make a wholehearted effort

Another key principle of acts of service is the genuine care and attention that generally goes into each gesture. Your loved one may appreciate seeing you go above and beyond in service of their needs, as it demonstrates how important they are to you. When thinking of how to approach acts of service, you might look for ways to put in some extra effort to ensure your actions align with your good intentions.

Be consistent

As nice as it may be to perform a grand gesture for a loved one, small and consistent efforts to make their life easier often hold more weight. These regular acts of kindness can serve as frequent reminders of your love and dedication and can even become meaningful rituals within the relationship. A home cook, for instance, might wake up early on Sunday mornings to make a nice breakfast for the family or prepare lunches for their spouse or children to bring to work or school during the week. 

Consider individual preferences

It can be helpful to think of empathy as being at the core of love languages, which may be especially true for acts of service. When considering how to demonstrate your love in this way, it may be important to keep the unique needs and preferences of your loved one at the center of the decision-making process. 

Try to imagine yourself in their shoes, understanding not just the surface level of what they might need or want but delving deeper into how they feel and what might truly make a difference in their day. To continue the example from above, the person implementing acts of service through cooking might take extra care to prepare something based on the recipient’s personal tastes or dietary requirements.

Communicate 

Though surprises can be a fun way to use acts of service within a relationship, a lack of communication can pose a hurdle when it comes to this love language. Because it involves reflecting meaningfully on another person’s needs, consistent, open communication is usually paramount.

To use acts of service effectively, you might try to check in regularly and maintain a consistent dialogue with your loved one. You could focus on making yourself available for them to open up emotionally, share their needs, or ask for help when needed and on actively listening when they do so. In this way, you can stay attuned to their current needs and desires, adapting your actions to be as supportive and meaningful as possible. 

Examples of acts of service

When looking for ways to express love through action, you can begin by reflecting on how the other person is feeling, what might make their day easier, or what specific challenges they’re currently facing. With this in mind, here are some ideas to consider:

Taking care of household chores and errands

When we’re faced with stress or emotional upheaval, managing day-to-day household duties can add another layer of strain. If/when you’re able to, taking care of things like cleaning, shopping, laundry, childcare, or errands can be a powerful expression of love.

Preparing meals

Doing the grocery shopping and/or cooking for another person can save them significant time and stress. It also offers an added opportunity to demonstrate your love by making or buying food that caters to their unique needs and preferences. 

Planning dates, trips, or gatherings

You can show your love by making arrangements for a fun shared activity, ensuring your loved one can simply enjoy the experience.

Caring during illness or injury

When we are ill or injured, the care and dedication of those close to us can be especially meaningful and may even facilitate a quicker recovery. This could involve bringing your loved one what they need, assisting with household tasks, or taking them to doctor’s appointments. 

Lending a helping hand

If your loved one is facing a significant undertaking like a move, project, or major life event, stepping in to offer your assistance can be incredibly valuable. Actively involving yourself in the process with planning, organizing, or execution can show your commitment to their well-being.

Supporting their interests

Supporting your loved one’s hobbies and pastimes can be a meaningful act of service, too. This could include attending performances, games, or exhibitions or even simply showing an interest in their favorite pastimes.

Strengthen your bonds with others

Build relationship skills in therapy

Learn relationship skills in therapy

If you’re learning to navigate the complexities of a healthy relationship with someone you care about, it may be worth considering therapy for additional support. A trained therapist can offer you a safe place to express your emotions, support you in addressing any underlying mental health challenges, and help you learn valuable relationship skills like communication and boundary-setting. 

If you’re concerned about making the time to travel to and from in-person therapy sessions, you might find online therapy worth exploring instead. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from anywhere you have an internet connection. Plus, research suggests that online therapy can offer similar benefits to in-person sessions in many cases.