Five Strategies For Lasting Love
Many of us seek a love that lasts forever, but we may not realize the commitment and effort that is often needed to sustain a relationship long-term. Going on romantic getaways, making time for date nights, enjoying couples massages, attending couples therapy, and growing together can all be strategies to help your love last. You may wish to consider online therapy as an alternative to traditional couples therapy, as it may better accommodate busy schedules and add convenience.
How can you make love last?
Most loving relationships require commitment and effort to last long-term. Below, find several strategies that may keep the romance alive and help your love last.
1. Go on romantic getaways
One of the reasons that feelings of love can fade is that life can intervene. Often, dating relationships begin when both parties have fewer day-to-day responsibilities. Now, you might be married with children, pets, and a mortgage. You might have demanding jobs, housework, childcare, and errands that take up the time you previously spent enjoying experiences with your partner. Over time, it may become necessary to be more intentional about making time for your partner.
The romantic getaway is often thought of as a tried-and-true method of preserving deep affection in romantic relationships. Often, just the process of planning a trip gives you something to look forward to together. Whether you choose to go on an affordable weekend getaway or a luxurious vacation can be completely up to you. It’s possible to save up credit card points to reduce travel and hotel costs, and you might set aside savings for romantic getaways as well. If you have children and pets, you may need to plan out care for them ahead of time. While it can be a bit nerve-wracking to leave them behind, it can also be important to spend time with your partner one-on-one to strengthen your bond and cultivate feelings of love.
It can be the mundane everyday parts of life that lead the affectionate feelings you have for your partner to fade. Getting away from the routine for a few days can remind you of why you fell in love with each other and promote good mental health as you leave behind your typical stressors. When you return to your routine, you may be able to look back fondly on the trip you just took, and you’ll likely look forward to another one. You’ll also probably have some new memories related to the adventures that you enjoyed together.
2. Make time for date nights
Romantic getaways don’t always fit into the budget, but there are other ways to spend time together that don’t require as large of a financial commitment. A date night can function as a mini vacation where you don’t even need to leave town. You might choose to have one a couple of times a month or even every week. Again, you can get a babysitter for the kids if need be, and you can go to a favorite restaurant or try a new one. You can see a movie, go bowling, explore a museum, or do something more adventurous, like rock climbing or paintball. Taking walks together and attending local events can also be low-cost options. All dates can be great ways to help foster a greater sense of closeness and affection.
While on your date, you might choose to avoid discussing topics like finances or anything else that might spoil the mood. Instead, you might talk about your hopes and dreams for the future. If you don’t want the night to end, it’s possible you could choose to stay at a hotel for the night. If it’s financially feasible, then the expenditure may be worth it if it means that you get some quality time with your partner. Quality time can be a crucial part of relationships.
It can be a great idea to take turns picking what each person wants to do for date night. That way, each of you can do something nice for the other person, and you can enjoy each other’s hobbies and passions. It can be human nature to feel more connected when you feel genuinely seen and cared for by another person.
3. Enjoy couples massages
Another way to escape the grind of everyday life may be to go for a massage at a day spa. You can get manicures and pedicures together to start the day, get your skin exfoliated, or enjoy other spa treatments. Then you can lie down next to each other and enjoy a professional massage while relaxing music plays. You can forget yourselves for a few hours, and when you return to your lives, you may feel refreshed and more able to communicate with one another. This can lead to greater satisfaction and compassion for each other.
Often, stress can contribute to lessened feelings of love toward your partner simply because you have many other things on your mind. When that stress goes away, you might be amazed by the way your love feels stronger.
4. Attend couples counseling
Sometimes, part of what causes feelings of affection to dissipate is a conflict or unwanted behaviors on the part of either partner. A common problem, though, can be a lack of communication around these unwanted behaviors or conflicts. If you don’t clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings, it can be hard for your partner to realize that there is a problem in the first place.
It can be important that both partners try to be open and use their words as much as possible. If you or your partner are feeling hurt, having conversations can help the relationship move in a positive, healthy direction. Similarly, it may be beneficial to communicate feelings of appreciation, love and affection regularly– you may not want to focus only on negative things in your conversations, but positive ones as well!
Sometimes the reason that you might not tell your partner what they’re doing or saying is upsetting to you is that you don’t know exactly how to bring it up. It might not be an issue for a while, but if it has progressed to the point that their actions diminish your love for them, then it may be time to take action before feelings of resentment or even hostility begin to surface.
Couples therapy may be helpful if you’re not sure how to broach a topic that seems to be off-limits in your relationship. You might decide that you need someone there to act as a buffer, a referee of sorts who can steer the conversation in a productive direction if it seems to be going off the rails. Some individuals can be reluctant to seek professional help because it feels almost like a personal defeat to them that they’re unable to handle their problems on their own. However, you may wish to reframe your perception of therapy; seeking help for a relationship can be a brave thing to do. Therapy often means that you care about the other person enough to want to fix what’s wrong and strengthen your relationship.
Couples therapy can be one of the most constructive and helpful ways to ensure both partners feel seen and heard, increase overall affection and intimacy (physical and emotional), and work through issues in a healthy way. A non-biased and professional third party with the tools and knowledge necessary to provide guidance can be immensely helpful for both increasing your sense of closeness and your ability to understand one another.
It may become even more critical to seek out couples therapy if you have children or live with other family members as it can be beneficial for them to live in a household where you two are getting along and expressing your emotions and concerns healthily.
5. Grow together
Love may have many phases if you and your partner are together long-term as the two of you grow and experience different things in your lives. The reality is that different experiences can help you to bond or grow apart – both can be normal, and it’s likely that your relationship will experience periods of increased closeness and affection as well as periods of emotional distance.
It can be rare for a person to remain precisely the same forever. Life experiences can cause you to change your outlook. Ideally, the person with whom you once fell in love will grow in a way that is compatible with you and vice versa. The both of you may have a love that is enduring enough that you can weather any rough patches and stay together.
However, it may be naïve to think that this could happen easily, with no adjustments from either of you. It may be a rare couple that is entirely in sync with each other, to the point that they never need any kind of discussion about a change in behavior.
It could be that you might grow apart from your partner to the point where you feel the relationship is fractured. If both partners are committed to staying together, though, it may be possible to make concessions and adjustments for each other when the need arises. By doing so, you can demonstrate how much you care. The other person may even end up loving you more because you were willing to be flexible for them. It is when you are rigid that you may run the risk of damaging a relationship, perhaps permanently.
Online therapy may help you make love last
In many cases, a lack of free time can prevent couples from getting the professional support they may need. They may wish to attend couples therapy but can’t fit it into their schedules due to limited office hours. Online therapy may be an excellent alternative to in-person therapy, as it often allows for sessions that would be considered before or after hours at a typical therapist’s office.
According to this 2020 study, which involved 15 couples, the participants found that online therapy was a positive and beneficial experience for their relationships. Although many of the couples experienced initial doubts about online therapy, they walked away feeling that working with a therapist online had been effective.
Takeaway
If you’re interested in making the love between yourself and your partner last, then there can be many ways to make that happen. You might make time for date nights, go on romantic getaways, enjoy couples massages together, make a point of growing together, and attend couples therapy. Online couples therapy can be a helpful option if you and your significant other find traditional therapy to be inconvenient or difficult to fit into your schedules.
How long does affection last in a relationship?
Affection is often defined differently between different people and relationships. Some people’s preferences for affection included a high level of passion. Others may find that commitment or loyalty is essential for communicating affection. Regardless of how affection is defined, evidence suggests that it tends to change over time and may take on different forms as the relationship progresses.
When discussing affection, many people may refer to the early days of a romantic relationship. When a couple falls in love, the courtship and early relationship periods tend to be defined by strong euphoric feelings. Over time, those feelings tend to fade for most couples, typically taking about six months to two years. However, this does not mean that affection is absent. Affection often changes to less passionate but more stable forms of showing love, often to align with each partner’s love language profile.
What does a lack of affection do to a person?
People have different needs for affection. Some may need a substantial amount of affection and love compared to others. While the need for affection can vary, partially due to affection’s inconsistent definition, much more can be said about the need for human connection. Evidence suggests that positive interpersonal interactions can substantially improve a person’s well-being. Those who feel more connected to others tend to have lower levels of anxiety and depression while also having higher levels of self-esteem and empathy for others. Humans are social beings, and while the exact amount of social connection will vary based on the individual, almost everybody likely requires at least some human connection.
Is it normal for affection to fade in a relationship?
Affection often changes throughout a relationship. For many, the early days of long-term relationships are defined by strong, passionate feelings for their partner, such as lustful feelings of attraction or a strong desire to be physically and emotionally close. Scientific research surrounding love and attraction suggests this is a typical part of human courtship. Most people tend to feel stronger, more primal feelings in the early days of their relationship.
As the relationship progresses, the strong, passionate feelings of early dating typically fade as the couple develops as a unit. The passion-driven feelings that previously defined the relationship tend to be replaced by feelings aligned with commitment and stability as the couple navigates the world together. The reduction of passionate feelings is often perceived as a loss of affection but typically represents a shift in relationship dynamics.
What stage of a relationship is the hardest?
While there aren’t universally defined relationship stages, many models that break relationships into discrete stages often include the termination of the relationship. While the answer will differ for everyone, many would likely consider the breakup stage the most difficult. As many have experienced, breakups are associated with increased psychological distress and reduced life satisfaction as an individual heals from the relationship and adjusts to single life.
Can a relationship survive without affection?
Everyone’s needs for affection likely differ somewhat, but most long-term romantic relationships likely need at least some affection to survive. No matter how it appears in a relationship, affection is typically considered a foundational element of high relationship satisfaction. What often matters the most is how each individual in the relationship responds to how their partner shows affection. If one or both partners don’t feel affection from their partner, even if their partner is trying to show it, they may want to consider couples counseling to help align how affection appears in the relationship.
How do you deal with an unaffectionate partner?
Affection can wane in a relationship for many reasons, such as stress, unfavorable life circumstances, or difficulties between partners. If your partner isn’t showing you enough affection, having an honest and empathetic conversation about how you feel will typically be helpful. If they are receptive, consider asking your partner to show affection in ways that resonate with you. You might also want to talk about whether they feel love and affection from you and how you can demonstrate it better.
Your partner may not understand your concerns if they are not receptive, or the relationship may have deeper issues. You may consider contacting a therapist or mental health professional for couples counseling. Couples counseling is a highly effective form of therapy that helps partners in a romantic relationship improve their communication, empathy, and affection. You don’t need to wait until problems are severe before you see a therapist. You will likely see the best results if you attend therapy before the concerns become unbearable.
At what point do relationships usually end?
Romantic relationships typically end when one or both partners decide they no longer feel love for the other person or cannot envision a future with them. Some relationships end due to external factors, such as relocating for a new job or an inability to reduce other commitments that interfere with the relationship.
Why am I so unaffectionate?
Not everyone is comfortable with giving and receiving affection, and the reasons for this can vary among individuals. One of the more common reasons is being raised by parents who did not often engage in affectionate behavior with their children or each other. Attachment theory suggests that a person’s relationship with their parents or caregivers is one of the best predictors of their relationship styles and preferences.
People may also struggle with affection due to a lack of interest in their partner or external factors, such as past traumatic experiences. If you’re concerned that your lack of affection may be negatively impacting your ability to engage in healthy relationships, you may want to reach out to a therapist or other mental health professional for guidance. You can likely change how comfortable you are giving and receiving affection.
Is lack of affection a deal breaker?
People have different needs regarding the level and type of affection they receive. It could certainly be a deal breaker if you do not receive affection from your partner at the level you require or in the way you prefer. Only you can decide whether this constitutes a dealbreaker that would end a romantic relationship.
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