Am I In Love? The Meaning And Signs

There are countless examples in movies, books, and songs dedicated to what it means to be in love or in a romantic relationship. However, it can be challenging to know if the feelings you’re experiencing mean you're in love. To help, it may be valuable to look through the signs of love, what it means to be in love, and the meaning of love. 

What is love? 

When you’re in love, definitions might not seem to matter, but seeing how a dictionary explains love can point you down the path to understanding the feelings you’re experiencing. Love might not pop up as a word of the day too often, since it’s a rather common word, but that doesn’t mean the definition isn’t valuable. 

In the English language, the word love is defined as “a strong feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.” Love is an intense emotion that’s often difficult to describe. Love can manifest in many forms, including romantic, platonic friendship, familial, and self-love.

According to the Greeks, there are seven types of love: 

• Eros (erotic or romantic love) 

• Philia (deep friendship) 

• Ludus (playful love) 

• Agape (love for everyone) 

• Pragma (long-lasting love)  

• Philautia (self-love) 

• Storge (family love) 

• Mania (obsessive love) 

However, people often refer to romantic love when talking about falling in love or true love with someone. Romantic love involves attachment and affection from general love but can also involve some level of sexual attraction. However, sexuality is a spectrum, and some people may not experience any attraction or sexual desire at all. Not experiencing these types of attraction doesn’t mean they aren’t in love. However, their experiences of love may differ slightly. 

Romantic love often involves a combination of emotional intimacy, passion, and commitment. While the early stages of connecting with someone may be more about physical attraction and lust, when you’re in love, the feelings go beyond physical attraction, encompassing a desire for a profound emotional connection with another person. This form of love is often marked by a willingness to support and compromise for the other person, a deep understanding of each other’s needs and desires, and a commitment to grow together. 

The science of being in love

Dopamine 

Dopamine is often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter and is associated with pleasure and reward. It’s released significantly during the early stages of love, contributing to euphoria and a sense of well-being often accompanying new romantic relationships. For this reason, the early stages of love can be exciting.  

Noradrenaline 

Noradrenaline is another chemical that heightens during the early phases of love. It contributes to the excitement and nervousness you might experience around someone you’re attracted to. Increased levels of noradrenaline can also lead to a loss of appetite and insomnia. 

Testosterone and estrogen 

Testosterone and estrogen are the primary sex hormones. They’re linked to sexual attraction and desire. These hormones influence libido and play a role in the initial stages of romantic attraction. 

Serotonin levels 

Serotonin seems to drop when a person is in love, which has been linked to obsessive thoughts about the object of one’s affection. Low serotonin levels are also associated with behaviors typically observed in the early stages of love, such as obsessive thinking and emotional dependency. 

Oxytocin 

Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone” and plays a significant role in love and long-term attachment. It’s released substantially during intimate activities, fostering a sense of closeness and trust between partners. It is also commonly known as the love hormone that bonds parents and child. 

Vasopressin 

The vasopressin hormone is closely related to behaviors that sustain long-term relationships. It can impact loyalty and defensive behaviors, which can be crucial in long-term loving bonds. The neurological and biological chemistry of love involves a complex interplay of chemicals and brain regions that govern emotional and physiological responses, creating the unique and intense experience of being in love. 

12 signs you may be in love

Being in love may not necessarily feel the same way for every person. There aren’t rules for how long it takes for someone to fall in love or say the words “I love you.” There isn’t a checklist for how love happens. Some may feel love at first sight, and know right in that moment, while developing feelings might take years for others. There may be ups and downs, feelings of elation and hurt. However, there are some common signs that a person may be in love, including the following. 

You experience physical and emotional changes 

In the early phases of love, individuals may experience physical and emotional changes, like sleeplessness, changes in appetite, racing heart rate, anxiety, and mood swings. You may also notice that you’re smiling more or get a warm feeling whenever you talk to the person you love.  

You want to show them your world and who you are

When you’re in love, you might want to show more about your world with them. For example, you might show your hobbies, friends, or the details of your day. You might also want to call the person you love when a funny event happens, with the intention of hearing their reaction. 

You think about them often 

When a person begins to take up a significant part of your thoughts, it can be a positive sign that you’re starting to fall in love with them. You might replay your every moment of your conversations and dates or daydream about the future in a romantic way. These thoughts may distract you from your job or other activities. Before you sleep at night, your mind may rest on fantasies in your mind about them, whether romantic, sexual, or platonic. 

You begin prioritizing them 

If you find yourself reprioritizing or rearranging your life or schedule for someone, it could be a sign that you’re in love. In this case, doing so might not seem like a sacrifice. Instead, you may be happy to make changes and move around your schedule to ensure you have time and space for the person you're in love with. 

You crave them 

Much like a person craves food or substances, new research shows that people also crave those they love. The early stages of love can have many of the same symptoms of chemical dependency, including euphoria, dependence, craving, and withdrawal. For this reason, you may physically miss the person you are in love with when they’re not in your presence. 

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

You find their quirks to be endearing 

A trait or quality that might annoy you about someone else might make you like the person you love even more. If it isn’t something you generally like, you may not be as bothered by their less desirable characteristics because you love their positive ones. 

You don't want anyone else as a romantic partner

If you aren’t as interested in looking at or talking to other people you may ordinarily be attracted to, it could be a sign that you’re in love or falling in love. They may seem like the only one who matters. However, some people may identify as polyamorous, which can mean the capacity to fall in love with and have relationships with multiple people. People who are in relationships can fall in love with others, and this factor may differ depending on whether you identify as monogamous. 

Your empathy for them is growing

As feelings grow, so does empathy. People in love may feel sad when their partner is sad or happy when their partner is happy. Being in love with someone may have you going out of your way to make this person’s life easier or make them smile. 

Your friends and family start to notice your feelings from this person

Your friends and family may notice when you’re beginning to fall in love with someone. They could notice what’s happening before you do. A close friend might pick up on your time with the person, how you’re talking about them, and your general energy and enthusiasm. Your stories may suggest to people close to you that you are in love with a certain person. 

You are planning for a future with them

If your future plans involve the person you’re interested in, it could be a sign that you are in love with them. Whether you’re thinking about moving in together, planning a holiday, or thinking about marriage or children, if your vision of the future always includes them, it can be a positive sign that you’re in love. 

You can be yourself around them

In the early stages of a connection, you might try to act in a certain way or hide your flaws to impress the other person. However, when the feeling moves into love territory, you may feel certainty that allows you to let your walls down and be yourself without fear of judgment. Feeling love from the person you love can boost your self-esteem and give you more certainty of who you are. 

You want to try harder to make it work with them 

Love can be challenging. There may be conflicts, miscommunication, or hurdles to overcome in relationships with or without love. However, when you love someone, you may be willing to spend time resolving conflicts and work together to find a solution. If you make a significant effort in communication, it may also be a positive sign, as communication is the number one ingredient for success in marriages, according to studies. 

Getting support when in love 

From the strong feelings of the early stages of love to the ins and outs of long-term relationships, love can be challenging to navigate independently. Feeling love initially is different than building long term love, and not everyone understands this difference or how to navigate the complexities of being in love. You may not know what to say, how to resolve conflict, or how you feel with a romantic partner. A therapist can help you strengthen your communication skills and gain clarity about who you are and what’s important to you in the long term. They may also help you understand what love means, and identify if your feelings are love or another sensation, like lust or obsession.

Working with an online therapist

If spending time going to and from a therapist’s office doesn’t fit into your schedule, you can also consider online therapy. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples can allow you to fit sessions around dates and priorities and attend sessions from wherever you’re comfortable. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions.  

Research shows that online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy at treating common mental health conditions like anxiety, which can be common in the early phases of love.