Breaking up with someone you had strong feelings for can be difficult. It may leave you feeling hurt, lonely, and unsure of how to move on. It can be normal to have a hard time addressing lingering feelings or wonder about the next steps in life. You may experience grief after a relationship ends, potentially moving through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can be helpful to avoid jumping into a new relationship and utilize your support system during this time. You might also limit reminders of the relationship, set boundaries with your ex, and practice self-care. If you feel like you’d benefit from additional support, consider working with a therapist through an online therapy platform.
Grief can be a normal response to a major loss in your life, and that includes the loss of a relationship. There are generally five stages of grief. Knowing what to expect in each one can help you work through them in a healthy way.
The stages of grief may occur in order for some people, while others may go back and forth between stages until they feel they have recovered from the loss and are able to move on with their lives. The stages of grief are normally laid out as follows:
Denial
This is usually a period where you may feel in shock or as though the situation isn’t real. You may tell yourself or others that you’ll get back together or that you didn’t actually break up with your partner. You may be confused about the situation, or you might simply avoid discussing it.
Anger
It's often normal to feel upset after the end of a relationship. During this time, many people feel angry—with themselves, their ex, or others who they believe may have been responsible for the split. While anger can be a normal emotion, it can also be harmful if it isn’t expressed in a healthy way.
Bargaining
Often, especially if a relationship lasted for a long time, one partner will attempt to make a deal with their ex. For example, they may say, "If you give me another chance, I will do whatever I need to in order to make things work". This partner might offer gifts or behavioral changes to try to win their ex back.
Depression
Sadness, fatigue, loneliness, and similar feelings associated with depression often arise when one is grieving. You might have trouble getting out of bed at times, or you could start to withdraw from your friends and family. While you may not experience a full depressive disorder, this can be a difficult stage to get through.
Acceptance
Eventually, you may realize that the relationship is over, and you and your partner are unlikely to get back together. You may start to accept that you and your ex are different people with different goals, or that your communication styles conflicted too much. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve moved on, but it often means that you understand that the relationship is over and have made peace with that fact.
How to move forward after a heartbreak in a relationship
After a breakup, you may feel guilty or question how things could have been different. It can be normal to have trouble processing your emotions regarding the end of a relationship. During this time, it can help to tend to your own needs, limit interaction with your ex, and do other things that will make the process of moving on easier. You might keep the following tips in mind as you navigate life after a breakup.
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Avoid jumping into another relationship after a heartbreak
Looking for a new relationship before you have recovered from your breakup can make it hard for you to form a solid connection, and it may negatively impact your mental health. It can be best to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship before you try dating or finding love again. Much of the time, we may feel stuck and ask ourselves, "Will I ever find love again?" However, it’s generally best to focus on yourself at this point.
If you start a new relationship before you are over a breakup, you may carry your unresolved emotions with you, which can keep you from being as connected as possible with your new partner. You may also miss out on some of the benefits of getting to know yourself more now that you are no longer in a relationship. You might explore your interests, do things you may not have had time for before, and have fun with single life. These things can help you process your emotions from the breakup and grow. Once you’ve done that, you may be ready to fall in love again.
Utilize your support system for your healing
After a breakup, you might feel like withdrawing from others. While personal time to process your thoughts can be okay, avoiding people entirely can have adverse effects. You may not want to socialize with large circles of people, but spending time with friends or family who are close to you may reduce your feelings of loneliness. This can also help you see how rewarding your post-breakup life can be.
Limit reminders of the relationship to avoid uncomfortable emotions
While you may not need to get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex, putting away things that may lead to uncomfortable emotions can help you heal. If you don’t feel like you are ready to get rid of items like photos or gifts, you can put them in a place that is out of sight until you feel like you’ve moved on. If you have a specific song saved or have a way to see messages from your ex on your phone, these are things that you may want to remove. You might also want to temporarily unfollow your ex on social media so that you aren’t reminded of them as frequently.
Set boundaries from your past relationship
As tempting as it may be, contacting your ex, at least during the initial stage of your breakup, can make it harder to move on. Consider setting boundaries as far as how often you see one another, how you’ll act when you do see each other, and what kind of communication is appropriate, if any.
If you have children with your ex, some interaction will likely be necessary. However, try to keep it minimal and avoid expanding your boundaries. This may feel especially challenging if you have unresolved feelings, but it can help you take the steps toward getting over the breakup.
Practice self-care
After a breakup, giving yourself the attention and support you need can help you move on. Getting plenty of rest and eating a balanced diet can provide you with energy and improve your mental health.
Consider exercising regularly as well. Physical activity typically releases endorphins that can boost your mood. Self-care can include journaling, meditating, creating a morning or night routine, and doing other activities that nurture your body and mind.
Talk with a therapist: Building trust and finding hope for the future
No matter where you are emotionally after a breakup, there may be times when you need to talk to someone who is objective and can help you move forward in life. There may be several options for therapy. You may choose to seek the services of a local therapist whom you’ll visit in person, or you can participate in therapy remotely through an online therapy platform.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Research shows that online therapy can help individuals manage common emotions that often arise because of a breakup. For example, in one study, researchers found that online cognitive behavioral therapy could reduce feelings of loneliness in participants. The study also noted that there were usually improvements in overall quality of life and in symptoms of social anxiety.
If you’re working through a breakup, online therapy can help you process your emotions and navigate your newly single life. With online therapy, you can work with a therapist remotely, through video calls, voice calls, or in-app messaging. Online therapy is often an affordable option as well.
"Simon is very supportive, good listener and he knows when to ask appropriate questions! Me and my partner always had equally similar timings when we are having sessions, he gives space for both of us then he /we talk about how he or what he heard from us how can we move forward! He is a great therapist; he is well experienced and has knowledge about couple therapy and also general psychology as I am seeing him time to time alone without my partner. Thank you, Simon, I highly recommend him."
A bad breakup can be a challenging experience that may leave you wondering whether you’ll find love again. With the right support, you can address emotions that have arisen as a result of being hurt or feeling alone. A mental health professional can help you on your way to improving your emotional well-being and living a full, happy life. In addition to reaching out to a therapist in person or online, you might also practice self-care, lean on your support system, and avoid entering into a new relationship during this time. It can be beneficial to set boundaries with your ex and limit reminders of the relationship as you heal.
Frequently asked questions
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.
Will I fall in love again after healing through online therapy?
"Can I love again?" It can be possible to fall in love again after healing. Online therapy can be an excellent resource to help you cultivate self-love and find happiness in your own way. Once you’ve healed, you may discover that it’s easier to connect with people in an authentic way, and you may realize that you can let go of connections that don’t serve you without fear.
How can a person fall in love again while focusing on healing their mental health?
Falling in love while focusing on your mental health may be challenging, but it’s possible. If you’re going through the therapy process, it can be important to continue attending regular sessions. Practicing self-care, prioritizing sleep, exercise, and nutritious eating habits, spending time on hobbies you enjoy, and maintaining a sense of independence can be important, even as you’re falling in love. By focusing on your mental health, you may be empowered to bring your best self to your new relationship.
How do you believe you will find love and trust again after falling out of love?
It can take time to believe that it’s possible to trust and find love again after break-ups and challenging experiences. Try not to deny your true feelings and allow yourself to accept them instead. It may be helpful to spend time with trusted family members and friends before making your way back into the dating pool and downloading online dating apps. If it seems impossible to trust and love others, consider scheduling a session with a licensed therapist for professional insight and guidance.
Why can't I fall in love again after toxic relationships?
If it seems like you can’t fall in love again after experiencing toxic relationships, that may indicate the need to work on yourself and your mental health. Taking the time to heal may enable you to fall in love once again in the future.
How long does it take to fall in love?
There’s no specific timeline for falling in love. Many people report falling in love after a few months, but this can vary greatly.
Can you help who you fall in love with?
Falling in love isn’t necessarily a conscious decision, and in that sense, you may not be able to help who you fall in love with. However, it can be possible to remove yourself from a situation in which you realize you may fall for someone who isn’t right for you or with whom you cannot have a healthy relationship.
What causes people to fall in love?
Compatibility, connection, and attraction are three factors that likely play into whether people fall in love. Chemicals in the brain can also play a role.
How can you have hope that you will find true love in the future?
If you desire to find true love in the future but struggle to have hope, it may be beneficial to speak to a licensed mental health professional who can help you sort through your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and past experiences. Focusing on healing and self-care can be vital if you lack hope.
Will I fall in love again after experiencing a broken heart?
It can be possible to fall in love again after experiencing a broken heart. It can be important to allow yourself plenty of time to heal in such a way that you are truly ready for a new connection to develop.
Will I remain single forever after a breakup?
While it may not be possible to offer a guarantee that you will find love again, many people go on to find new relationships after breakups. Regardless of how much time passed since you started dating, it may never be too late to find love again. Don’t forget to offer yourself love and compassion throughout the journey.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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