Experiencing Love Addiction: Symptoms, Signs, And Treatment Options
Love addiction is a proposed model of pathological passion-related behavior involving the feeling of being in love. People may go their entire lives dealing with pattern of love addiction symptoms but never know it, as it may not be widely discussed in their community. If you believe you may be experiencing this condition or symptoms related to it, there are a few coping strategies you might implement. When someone has a love addiction, they may become fixated on the idea of being and staying in love and this may negatively impact their relationships.
Discovering love addiction symptoms
The first step to a life free from love addiction symptoms may be admitting you are struggling. It might not feel easy, but it could lead you to resources or the understanding that you want support with your symptoms.
With social support and treatment, you may learn new behavioral patterns and habits to replace unhealthy desires or thoughts.
What behaviors and mental health symptoms indicate love addiction?
If you are experiencing a love addiction, you might find yourself moving quickly from one relationship to another and not giving yourself enough time to reflect upon the lessons learned from each one. Additionally, you may try to make a person fit you when they aren’t compatible. You might stay in relationships that don’t make you happy because you crave love and affection.
Ask yourself how long you have gone without a romantic partner when you end a relationship. If you think back on your adult life and cannot remember times that you had time alone or single, you may be experiencing signs of love addiction symptoms.
Once you have a general idea of your love addiction symptoms, consider researching self-help and behavioral addiction. You may be able to check out books at your local library or read through online medical journals. You might find that you relate to the experiences of others going through these symptoms.
On the other hand, you may also be experiencing symptoms of an anxious or avoidant attachment style. Insecure attachment styles may have similar symptoms to love addiction, as they often involve behavior patterns in intimate relationships. However, studies show that attachment styles can change with treatment and time.
Breaking the cycle of love addiction
Your love addiction symptoms may date back to your earliest romantic relationships. The patterns of behavior associated with your addiction may feel challenging to reverse, or you might not know how to love someone in a different capacity than you are familiar with.
The importance of communication with love addiction
Speak with your partner about your struggles. Tell them that you are taking significant steps to change your behaviors. Try to speak openly about your concerns. You may also try the following strategies for overcoming symptoms.
Foster self-loving and self-compassionate behavior
If you want healthier relationships, you might also learn to love yourself as passionately as you may love others. Self-care could involve the following activities:
- Spending time in nature
- Reading a book
- Going for a walk with your dog or family
- Biking
- Exercising
- Swimming
- Expressive writing through journaling
- Yoga
- Meditation or mindfulness
Studies show that meditation is especially beneficial in increasing feelings of self-compassion. Other research shows that ten minutes of meditation per day can be enough to benefit your mental health.
When you love yourself as deeply as you love others, feeling like you need a relationship to feel content may no longer be a reality. You might be able to find all the qualities you’re looking for inside yourself and find that another person complements those aspects instead of taking away from who you are.
Spend some time alone - even if alone time triggers anxiety
Being alone may feel terrifying for someone experiencing love addiction symptoms. You may find that it triggers a fear of abandonment or memories from your past.
Try to take time to get to know yourself. If you don’t feel safe at first, spending time with your pets or hugging a stuffed animal may make you feel less alone. Take time to go to dinner or the movies alone. You could take a long walk in the park on the weekends or treat yourself to a spa day.
Over time, you may find yourself starting to feel more comfortable alone. Learning the skill of being alone may also benefit you in a relationship, as your partner might not always be available to support you emotionally, physically, or financially.
Be honest about your interests
If you live with a love addiction, you might find yourself pretending to have hobbies, listening to music to please others, or feigning an interest in something you don’t like. You might do this to connect with someone else or try to convince them you’re a “good person.”
This behavior may cause someone to fall in love with you for unhealthy reasons. Later in your relationship, you may experience loss or disappointment as your partner finds out that you are different than you stated initially.
Stay true to yourself
If you are true to yourself and your interests from the beginning, you might attract an individual compatible with your lifestyle and aligned with your values. They may be naturally impressed by you and love you for who you are. Your love could grow based on reality rather than forced interests or conversations.
Reach out for professional support for mental health and love addiction
Despite valiant efforts, you may find yourself craving professional support. If you feel stuck or unsure how to break the habits related to love addiction or attachment, consider speaking to a compassionate professional, such as a therapist.
When it comes to addiction, many are afraid to seek professional help because of stigma, particularly in rural areas. Online therapy may make therapy more comfortable for those who cannot get therapy in person or do not have the time to attend physical appointments. You could also consider counseling for you and a partner. It may also be available to you and your partner.
What research says about therapy for love addicts
In a recent study, treatment modalities included online written materials, audio/video files, and therapist-guided communication via phone, video, email, and text. Evidence of online therapy for treating substance use disorders and other addictions showed that the approach was as effective as traditional in-person counseling.
Online therapy may provide a safe space to explore symptoms, discuss goals, and benefit from resources designed to help you reclaim agency in your love life. You may choose to sign up for a platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Both platforms offer a vast database of counselors trained to support you with mental health symptoms.
Takeaway
What are the symptoms of love addiction?
Researchers and clinicians are still debating how to classify and define love addiction. However, people who report experiencing love addiction often describe symptoms like:
- Feeling a constant need to be in a relationship
- Obsessive fixation on romantic partners
- Neglecting other interests or responsibilities in favor of romantic activities
- Withdrawing from other meaningful connections because of the amount of time spent on a romantic relationship
- Remaining in toxic or abusive relationships out of a fear of being alone
- Refusing to accept that a love interest doesn’t feel the same way
- Persistent safety about a loved one’s attachment or fidelity
- Possessive, controlling, or obsessive behavior such as stalking or intercepting communications
- Making destructive decisions based on romantic feelings
- Unhealthy dependence on a partner
- Difficulty accepting being alone, being rejected, or having someone end a relationship
What is the meaning of love addiction?
Love addiction can have a variety of definitions, but most people who study or treat it consider it a kind of compulsive craving for romantic love. The term also usually implies that an individual has experienced negative personal consequences due to this fixation.
Different people may experience love addiction in different ways. One individual might have an intense sense of attachment toward a former partner, continuing to feel lost without them and pursuing them for years after breaking up. Another might repeatedly jump into intense relationships regardless of compatibility.
What is an example of love addiction in a relationship?
Understanding a typical pattern of love addiction may be easier with a hypothetical example:
L feels troubled and lonely until she meets P and they begin a relationship. Their connection quickly grows, and L is soon spending most of her free time with P. They move in together after dating for two months. When some of her friends express concern, L accuses them of being jealous of her new happiness and cuts off contact.
Despite the pace of their relationship, L constantly worries that P will lose interest in her. She begins to adopt many of his hobbies, more out of a desire to keep him close than because she enjoys them.
L’s behavior escalates to the point that she’s texting P constantly, and she begins showing up randomly at his workplace. Meanwhile, her career suffers because she’s distracted at work by thoughts of P.
P eventually breaks up with L, at which point she becomes depressed and starts drinking heavily. Her remaining friends distance themselves from her because she won’t talk about anything except P.
Despite going on many dates, L feels lonely and insecure until she meets N, with whom she quickly develops an intense connection. She escalates the relationship quickly and soon becomes as attached to N as she was to P.
L is not a real person, but her story contains many elements commonly reported by self-identified love addicts.
How do I cure my love addiction and the anxiety it brings?
Love addiction is not currently recognized as an official diagnostic category by organizations like the American Psychological Association. This means there’s not a widely accepted treatment recommendation.
However, research on behavioral addictions suggests that psychotherapies based on the cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) approach may be effective for many kinds of compulsive behavior. This suggests that CBT could potentially help people experiencing love addiction. This type of therapy typically involves working with a therapist to identify unhealthy behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions, as well as strategies that could help overcome them.
A period of “abstinence” from romantic relationships, similar to the detoxification period involved in substance use disorders, may also be an important part of recovery. People with a tendency to over-fixate on love may need time to practice self-sufficiency.
That said, some organizations that work with love addicts suggest that an extreme avoidance of romantic and sexual situations could be equally unhealthy. They advise working toward a moderate, self-affirming approach to love rather than attempting to stay away from it completely.
Why are love addicts so addicted to love?
A few neurological researchers have argued that even healthy love is a “natural addiction”. Brain scans of people in love display many of the same changes in reward-signaling pathways that can be observed in people and animals with drug addictions. Human beings may have evolved an innate tendency to form strong habits related to romance.
Still, most people who report being addicted to love feel that it’s a negative experience distinct from constructive, positive romance. Some studies suggest that people may be more likely to develop excessive, compulsive, or addictive love when they have:
- Low self-esteem. An individual who has trouble feeling good about themself may be more likely to crave the personal validation that can come from being loved or desired by someone else.
- An insecure attachment style. Early childhood experiences of inconsistent affection and care might lead a person to have difficulty feeling stable in their bonds with other people. This could provoke the kind of anxious, clinging, controlling behavior sometimes associated with love addiction.
In certain cases, childhood trauma could play a role in predisposing someone toward love addiction. The experience of abuse from a caretaker might lead a person to develop an unhealthy view of how love should be felt and expressed.
Symptoms of certain mental disorders might also resemble love addiction, most notably borderline personality disorder (BPD). This condition can involve a pattern of “intense but unstable relationships” and an intense preoccupation with rejection or abandonment.
What is toxic love addiction?
Toxic love addiction may mean an obsessive attachment to a partner who is harmful to you. People with a compulsive desire for romance can sometimes find it difficult to leave relationships even when they recognize that they’re unhealthy.
A self-identified love addict might also have a pattern of toxic relationships. They might be susceptible to falling in love with abusive partners whose controlling behavior seems like an indicator of the commitment or passion they’re seeking. Others might become fixated on a desire to achieve a response from an emotionally unavailable partner.
Is it bad to be addicted to love?
Some people may consider the “addictive” qualities normal parts of romance. But many people use the term “love addiction” to mean more than just the sense of desire and attachment that comes with intense romantic love. For these individuals, the experience involves severe emotional distress, behavioral disruptions, and personal consequences.
It may be up to the individual to decide whether their current approach to relationships represents something positive or negative. If your craving for love is making it hard for you to pursue the other things you want out of life, it might be an unhealthy addiction.
Can you heal love addiction in a relationship?
If you think you have a tendency toward love addiction, but your current relationship is otherwise healthy, you may not need to break up to get well. Instead, it might be possible to work on strengthening the beneficial parts of your relationship while trying to let go of things like:
- Codependency
- Jealousy
- Relationship anxiety
- Controlling behavior
- Insecurity
- Worst-case thinking
- Low self-esteem
One helpful step may be working to boost your own mental health and confidence, enabling you to find your own sources of strength that don’t rely on your partner. Pursuing solo hobbies and deliberately spending time alone, without contacting the other person, could help you develop these personal resources.
You might also benefit from working with a couples therapist. Research indicates that around 70% of people who engage in therapy together are able to build a stronger, happier, healthier connection. A mental health and relationship expert may be able to give you a much-needed outside perspective while helping you sort out the beneficial and toxic aspects of your relationship.
What is the difference between love and addiction?
Some researchers and theorists suggest that all romantic attachment can be considered a type of addiction. They argue that the neurological similarities between the cravings and habits of drug users and people in love indicate that both experiences are simply different manifestations of the brain’s reward system.
Others dispute this view, pointing out that there are also important differences between romance and substance abuse. While early-stage romantic connections often display addictive characteristics, including obsession, euphoria, isolation, and cravings, these factors seem to naturally fade as a relationship develops. They tend to be replaced by a sense of calm and stability, and the couple typically begins to reintegrate their relationship into their existing social networks.
In contrast, substance use disorders often escalate to increasingly unhealthy behavior. These differences appear to have neurological correlates. Romantic couples show enhancements in brain regions associated with social thinking, while problematic substance users show deficits in the same areas.
In other words, the difference between healthy love and addiction might be the ability to stop fixating on a romance as the sole source of pleasure and meaning in a person’s life. Instead, a constructive romantic relationship may be just one thread in a web of thriving interpersonal connections.
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