Exploring "Forever Love"

The concept of "forever love" often drives the plots of popular movies, television, books, and the stories we tell about our lives. But is it actually possible for love to last forever?

The definition and duration of love can be debatable, but research suggests that love is frequently resilient – and, in some cases, it can last longer than a lifetime. In 2015, a study by researchers at the University of Arizona found that even after a romantic partner passed away, their characteristics continued to influence the surviving partner’s well-being long after their final year of life. These findings illustrate the potential strength of bonds between romantic partners, and how someone’s love, care, and even personality traits can impact their partner’s life, even after death. If you’re looking for ways to sustain your love and create a bright future for the two of you, strategies like prioritizing healthy communication, playing together, and seeking professional help from an online or in-person therapist can be helpful.

What is forever love? 

Depending on your relationships and unique life experiences, your definition of love may vary. Regardless of how you define love, it’s generally a complex and nearly universal emotion that many people pursue throughout their lifetimes. The American Psychological Association (APA) notes that love normally involves strong feelings of affection and tenderness for a “love object,” which might be a person, animal, or inanimate subject. The APA also emphasizes that love can come in many forms: there’s erotic love, self-love, religious love, and familial love, and all can be defined by varying degrees of intimacy, passion, and commitment. 

Forever love can be viewed as a sustained form of love, and many psychologists believe it can be built over time. While life brought you together, maintaining a profound love for life takes effort from both of you. The following strategies can help you build your connection with your partner, boost your happiness, and optimize your mental health. 

1. Prioritize healthy communication

The “secret” to many successful relationships tend to be intentional, honest, and open communication. Ideally, all partners in a relationship should feel comfortable expressing their needs, goals, and dreams for the years that lay ahead, just like you would with your good friends. With time, you’ll likely discuss more polarizing topics, like sex, politics, money, and mental health concerns, with your partner. Sometimes a conversation may go down unexpected roads, but if you are committed to a forever love, no topic is too big or small to discuss. 

Communication may not always be about the topics you discuss, but how you discuss them. Do you strive to express yourself with clarity and honesty, or do you find yourself blaming or attacking the person you love? There’s a different We may all have communicative slip-ups and grumpy days, but verbal attacks can evolve into unhealthy patterns of communication that may make it impossible to maintain healthy relationships.

If you’re concerned about communication in your relationship, you might assess your current patterns of communication, as well as each partner’s communication styles. With this knowledge, you can start an ongoing conversation about ways to improve your communication, ideally under the guidance of a licensed therapist. Change doesn’t typically happen overnight, but in time you can learn healthier styles of communication.

2. Address conflict as it happens

Conflict resolution is typically an essential part of healthy communication – and for many partners, it’s a necessary ingredient for an enduring, honest relationship. If you want to stay together forever, you’ll likely run into scuffles and disagreements: some big, some small. 

Rather than try to avoid conflict altogether, experts usually recommend the more realistic route of conflict management. Compromise, accommodation, agreeing to disagree, and apologies can all be appropriate responses to conflict, depending on the scale of the argument or disagreement. Partners who shy away from conflict, dismiss concerns, or stonewall may be more likely to break up and go down different paths. Those who address conflict with healthy tactics often find that in doing so, a profound love blossomed.

3. Stay curious 

4. Play together 

Many partners bond over a common hobby or interest. These mutual activities can offer regular opportunities to connect, bond, and grow together. Your favorite, time-tested hobbies from your university days can keep an old flame burning, but if you want to add a new spark of connection, you might try something new as a couple. While it may be tempting to hope one’s partner is interested in something you know you enjoy, you can often build deeper intimacy if you both commit to learning from the ground up. 

Any new activity can present an opportunity to learn, grow, and play. For adult partners, play can be a purposeful (and fun!) way to promote bonding, communication, conflict resolution, and overall satisfaction with your relationship, based on studies of deep, long-term love. Couples may find that the same activity becomes the brightest part of their week. 

5. Show gratitude for your forever love

In the humdrum of a long-term relationship, you may begin to take some things for granted. Perhaps you wake up to freshly brewed coffee one morning but forget to thank your partner. Later that afternoon, after you shovel snow away from the front door, your partner simply walks in without acknowledging your efforts. At the end of the day, things between you may feel a bit off– and at the core of your resentment is likely a lack of mutual gratitude. 

It can all start with a simple “thank you.” To keep your connection strong, relationship experts recommend working toward a “culture of appreciation.” This concept can apply to both romance and workplaces. In the case of forever love, appreciation is typically founded on gratitude, and it normally requires that individuals take the following steps:

• Recognize what they’re grateful for.
• Acknowledge it.
• Appreciate it.

These three simple steps can take just a few minutes, but in a relationship, taking time to highlight small acts of kindness can remind partners that they’re loved, appreciated, and fully seen, bringing a smile to their face and warmth to their heart.

6. Be willing to sacrifice

To an extent, making sacrifices in a relationship can be a healthy, expected reality of long-term love. The university years of focusing on your own needs have long passed. When your partner is going through a difficult time, feeling sick, or simply wants to attend a special event, you may need to shift your plans and forgo self-interest for your partner's benefit. At other times, your partner may reciprocate – and over time, this game of push-and-pull can strengthen your relationship. 

Like many things in life and love, the key is usually balance. Commitment must generally be shown on both sides, and with clear communication, partners can take “turns” stepping in to support one another.

7. Make time for yourself

When you’re in a committed, long-term relationship, it can be tempting to invest all your time and energy into your partner. In some cases, this inclination can lead to codependency: an emotional and behavioral condition that can affect someone’s ability to maintain a healthy relationship. Codependent relationships may be one-sided, emotionally destructive, and/or abusive.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

While codependency is not typically recognized as a mental health disorder, it is usually a learned behavior that is often passed down generationally. It may be impossible to change your genetics or the family you’re born into, but it can be possible to invest in your mental health and maintain your core sense of self, even in a relationship. 

Making time for yourself can feel challenging and borderline impossible, especially if you’re parenting or balancing a heavy workload. You might start small, and build from there: five minutes of meditation, 10 minutes of reading, or simply enjoying a cup of tea by yourself can all be meaningful acts of self-care. Eventually you may find time to grab dinner with a friend who attended the same school as you or attend a show you wanted to see. 

8. Seek professional help

In resilient relationships, partners tend to support one another’s right to independence, personal growth, and restorative solitude. It can be helpful to communicate your needs to your partner and be sure to listen when they ask for support. If you’re feeling lost, a therapist can help you initiate these conversations and maintain your sense of self, as well as your romantic connection. 

Relationships can be beautiful, meaningful, and rewarding, and if you’re in one, you probably know that they can take time and energy to cultivate. If you’re looking for deeper support to revitalize a relationship, there is no shame in reaching out to a licensed therapist. 

Online therapy for love: There is a bright future ahead

A mental health professional can offer an external, unbiased perspective on your relationship and revitalize your love life. Many partners choose to work with a couples counselor or marriage and family therapist. Therapists in either specialty are generally trained to help clients navigate relationship- or intimacy-related challenges. Whether you’d prefer couples counseling or individual sessions, online therapy platforms often feature thousands of accredited and thoroughly vetted therapists who can support you from the comfort of your home or another personal space.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, online couples counseling soared in popularity. In a 2021 study of this phenomenon, most couples’ therapists reported that online therapy was more successful than they expected, despite having limited experience with digital therapy prior to COVID-19. Based on these encouraging results, and as telepsychotherapy improves in general, researchers emphasize the potential and convenience of online therapy for romantic partnerships of all kinds.