Exploring Affection: How Different Cultures Show Love

Love may be a universal experience, but it may be expressed differently based on many factors, including cultural norms. Factors like individualism, collectivism, and high- and low-context communication can also affect how love is expressed. If you and your partner show love differently, getting to know each other's love languages may be beneficial. For professional guidance in learning to express love in a way that works for each partner, consider working with a licensed couples therapist in person or online.

The complexities of expressing love

Humans inherently seek connection and understanding in the form of love, regardless of the course their lives take. In general, there are many different types of love, from love found in friendship to that in marriage. Romantic love can be characterized by a deep emotional and, often, physical connection with a partner. Love can also be platonic, reflecting a deep, non-romantic affection between friends. 

Familial love can be seen as the love between family members, and self-love may refer to the appreciation and acceptance of oneself. How one expresses love to a romantic partner can differ from how one expresses love to a friend or family member.  

People may express love differently for numerous reasons. Personal preferences, life experiences, and the closeness and nature of a relationship can all play a role in how love is expressed. For example, some may prioritize verbal expressions, while others might find spending quality time together more meaningful. Alternatively, someone who grew up in a family where love was seldom expressed verbally might show affection through actions rather than words. 

The five love languages 

One of the most popular tools used to explain how people receive and express love may be Gary Chapman’s framework, which is laid out in his book, The Five Love Languages. This theory generally says that each person has a love language or primary way they prefer to be shown love. The five languages usually include the following:

Words of affirmation

This love language typically involves expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. For those who resonate with this language, heartfelt compliments and verbal expressions of love and support can be deeply meaningful. 

Quality time

This language can be all about giving undivided attention to the one you love. It includes spending meaningful time together, engaging in conversations, or participating in common activities where the focus is on bonding and connection. 

Physical touch

This love language tends to be centered on physical expressions of love, such as hugging, kissing, hand-holding, and other forms of physical intimacy. For these individuals, touch can be a powerful conveyor of love and affection. 

Acts of service

Actions, such as helping with tasks or responsibilities, are usually the primary expressions of love for individuals who identify with this language. These acts can demonstrate consideration and a willingness to ease their burdens. 

Receiving gifts

For some, receiving tangible symbols of love is most impactful. This isn’t necessarily about the monetary value but the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. 

These five love languages aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. Most people need a little of each of these to feel loved, and you may blend these languages in ways that uniquely suit the relationship, a choice decided upon through understanding and compromise. However, these different love languages can illustrate how various people, even from the same culture, can feel and show love differently.  

Culture’s impact on the expression of love 

The Five Love Language framework may not be the only useful tool for understanding the expression of love. Another point to consider is how we watch the dynamics of these languages play out across different cultures. A country’s cultural values can significantly influence how people love and expect to be loved, often through love stories that are deeply rooted in the lovers’ roles within certain traditions or societal norms. 

How cultural differences can impact the expression of love

Individualism vs. collectivism

One way culture can influence the expression of love may be through the concept of individualism versus collectivism. Collectivism can be defined as a cultural orientation focused on interdependence, group harmony, social obligations, and cooperation—a narrative that has been spread through countless societies, influencing the story of love across global communities. 

Alternatively, individualism can be seen as a cultural orientation that focuses on independence, autonomy, individual rights, and self-expression. In addition, individualistic cultures typically value honesty, directness, self-confession, and assertiveness. They also tend to prefer more verbal expressions of love, like quality time and words of affirmation. 

Meanwhile, collectivistic cultures usually value politeness, respect, modesty, and indirectness. They generally value nonverbal expressions of love, like acts of service or physical touch. 

High-context vs. low-context communication

Another way culture can influence how someone shows love could be the concept of high-context versus low-context communication. High-context communication can be thought of as a type of communication that relies on cues like eye contact, body language, situational factors, and tone of voice. Low-context communication typically relies on explicit clues, like numbers, words, or facts. 

Low-context cultures tend to communicate directly, clearly, and literally in relationships. They frequently use tools like commands, feedback, and requests. Conversely, high-context cultures tend to express themselves more ambiguously and metaphorically. They may use more indirect styles, such as suggestions, hints, and silence. 

Love practices from Western cultures and different countries 

Love practices vary greatly between Western cultures and other countries, with differences in customs related to marriage, family dynamics, and expressions of affection toward loved ones. These variations can be seen in the roles of women, the significance of romantic gestures, and the importance placed on familial relationships.

For example, in some cultures, the decision to marry is primarily made by the parents, which may sometimes lead to surprise or fear among the younger girls and boys expected to follow these traditions. In Western societies, individuals often choose their own partners based on personal preferences and romantic feelings, showcasing a difference in how families navigate the choice of a spouse.

Below are some examples of ways in which people around the world express love. 

Zulu 

In Zulu, young girls can show affection for members of the opposite sex via ucus, or love letters, created from colorful beads. The different bead colors usually represent different feelings. 

Japan

In Japan, public displays of affection are often frowned upon. Instead, the Japanese view of love involves expressing it through actions and gifts, such as making elaborate packed lunches for their spouses. 

Hawaii 

Hawaiians and other Polynesian cultures may press their noses together and inhale in a greeting called a “honi.” This is said to represent exchanging the breath of life.  

Wales 

In Wales, men traditionally carved spoons called “lovespoons” to present to a woman in exchange for their love. They were said to represent food on the table. While young people don’t usually carve their own spoons today, many Welsh people gift lovespoons to people they love. 

India 

In Indian culture, couples often express love through various traditional practices such as exchanging garlands of flowers during wedding ceremonies, applying sindoor (vermilion powder) on the forehead of married women as a symbol of matrimony, and celebrating festivals like Karva Chauth, where married women fast for the well-being and longevity of their husbands. 

Germany 

On Valentine’s Day in Germany, couples frequently exchange pig-themed gifts. The pig is a symbol and sign of lust, love, and good luck in Germany. On this day, it is also common for couples to exchange heart-shaped ginger biscuits known as Lebkuchenherzen, which are decorated with icing and romantic phrases.

France 

In France, known for its romantic culture, love is often expressed through gestures like writing heartfelt love letters, having candlelit dinners, and taking leisurely walks along the Seine River in Paris. These romantic traditions have become a defining aspect of French culture and are cherished as symbols of love and romance.

Brazil 

Brazilians are renowned for their passionate approach to love, often demonstrating their affection through physical touch, such as hugs and kisses, and celebrating Dia dos Namorados (Lovers' Day) with thoughtful gifts and special dates. This vibrant expression of love is deeply embedded in Brazilian culture and reflects the importance of love in people's lives.

South Korea 

In South Korea, public displays of affection are typically frowned upon, so many couples wear matching outfits with their partners to show their love and affection. 

Thailand 

In Thailand, love is symbolized through the giving of jasmine flowers, representing purity and deep affection. Thai couples also participate in Loy Krathong, a festival where they release lotus-shaped rafts into rivers as a gesture of letting go of grudges and expressing love. 

Spain 

Spaniards are known for their passionate and expressive nature in relationships, often engaging in public displays of affection like holding hands and cheek kissing to demonstrate their love and connection. This open expression of affection is a common sight in Spanish culture.

Italy 

Italians hold a strong appreciation for romance and love, often expressing their affection through gestures such as gifting red roses, having intimate meals, and writing poetic love letters to their beloved. These romantic customs are deeply ingrained in Italian culture, reflecting the profound significance of love and passion in people's lives.

From rituals and kisses to gift-giving and loving words, there may be thousands of practices like these from different countries and cultures around the world. People from different walks of life often have different traditions and experiences that can impact how they express love. 

Understanding different expressions of love

Different cultures tend to express love differently. As a result, people from different backgrounds may express love differently than their partners, friends, or family members. These differences can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and frustration if all parties don’t understand and respect them. 

For example, a person from a low-context and individualistic culture may feel ignored or hurt if their partner from a high-context and collectivistic culture doesn’t say “I love you” often enough or doesn’t openly discuss their feelings. Alternatively, someone from a high-context and collectivistic culture may feel pressured or offended if their partner from a low-context and individualistic partner asks them to discuss their feelings too frequently. 

Beyond cultural differences, understanding how someone shows and expresses love can go a long way toward ensuring everyone in a relationship feels loved. 

How to get better at expressing love

There may be no right way to express love. Love’s expressions can be as varied as the individuals who feel and show it. Understanding and respecting these differences can lead to more harmonious relationships. 

If you have trouble expressing love or understanding when other people express love, therapy may be helpful. Additionally, partners who have difficulty knowing how to give or receive love in their relationships may benefit from couples therapy. Couples therapy can make it easier to give and receive love in a way that feels comfortable for both of you. It can also address any underlying issues and improve communication. 

If attending in-person therapy sessions with your partner seems unattainable due to scheduling conflicts or other barriers, consider online couples therapy. With online couples therapy, you and your partner can find a therapist who has your values and understands your culture, as well as attend sessions at a time and from a location that works for both of you.  

Research shows that online couples therapy tends to be as effective as traditional therapy for improving relationship issues and satisfaction, making it a valid choice for couples interested in seeking professional help.