Family Love: What It Is, What It Looks Like, And How To Make It Happen
Familial love can be a special type of love that often comes with unique feelings, behaviors, challenges, and rewards. In general, a family is a group of people who have a common ancestor. However, it can be possible to form a family with the people of your choosing, regardless of whether you’re related by blood. If you’re interested in forming healthy bonds with your family members, it can be helpful to take responsibility, encourage healthy development and independence, be kind, make time for each other, communicate effectively, and practice healthy conflict resolution skills. Challenges and conflicts between family members may be alleviated by working with a family therapist online.
What is family?
A family in modern society isn’t necessarily about blood relations. Instead, it’s generally a group of people that function as a unit. Often, this includes parents and children, but there can be many different types of families to consider. Your family of origin (the family unit in which you are raised) may not necessarily be your biological family. Whether it includes a brother, a sister, cousins, grandparents, an aunt, uncles, nieces, nephews, in-laws, or stepsiblings, no family may be exactly the same.
Having a family can result from one's desire to fulfill their love and belonging needs. Family can also mean all the descendants of a common ancestor. Some people consider their friends to be their family. However, when we speak of family love, your love for your friends may or may not fit into this definition, depending on your relationship.
What is love?
Love is a word that can be used in so many ways that it can be difficult to know which meaning is most accurate. We may say we love ice cream or skiing when what we mean is that we enjoy it. The word “love” is commonly used to describe romantic or sexual feelings and behaviors in a romantic relationship. Some people believe love comes from a higher power or is necessary for survival.
Some people may get tattoos to show their love for their family. Others post on their social media, and some may show their children love by spending quality time with them or buying them gifts. Only you may determine how you want to show love to your family by doing what feels authentic to you.
You can’t always choose your family
You typically choose the person you want to start a family with when you’re an adult. You might also choose children to adopt or bring other people into your family.
However, children usually have no choice about who is in the family group. As a child, you don’t necessarily get to choose your siblings, and you generally don’t get to choose your parents. Despite these limitations, family love often still flourishes. It may not always be healthy love, but it is usually a deep connection. Finding the light in difficult relationships and setting firm boundaries can also be signs of love.
Building family love
Healthy family love can be a choice that typically starts with the parents. It isn’t usually something that happens without thought and dedication. There may be several ways to build healthy family love throughout the lifespan of the family.
Form healthy attachments
Parents may have a unique opportunity to teach their children how to form healthy, stable attachments. By being a responsive caregiver, you can foster the secure attachment style that often leads to higher social functioning later in life. Along with better mental and physical health, a strong attachment style can give your child a greater capacity to form healthy attachments with others.
Take responsibility
Each person in a well-functioning family may take responsibility for what is theirs to do. The parents normally need to ensure everyone’s physical and emotional needs are met until the children can assume responsibility or become adults.
Talking to other parents you admire or attending a parenting support group can help you sort out who needs to be responsible for what. If you still have questions, a family therapist may offer insight.
Encourage healthy development and independence
As children get older, they tend to develop new skills and abilities. They may have more opportunities to explore their world as they develop the independence to choose their activities outside the home. As a parent, you can encourage their development into emotionally strong, healthy adults. Here are some potential ways to do so:
Give them the tools they need to learn.
Provide them with support as they find their own identity.
Allow them to move away from you emotionally at times while providing a safe space for them to return to.
Tell them you love them.
Show them your love through gestures, facial expressions, and physical affection.
Be kind
Kindness can be undervalued. Still, it is often a hallmark of healthy family love. Not hurting others unnecessarily must usually be balanced with self-esteem for authentic kindness to flourish within a family unit.
Make time for each other
A family that lives under the same roof but spends no time together may not have the opportunity to develop and maintain healthy family bonds. If the parents are so busy with their adult lives that they ignore their children, the family may not be healthy, and the children may experience challenges as a result.
More ways to build family love
Conflict resolution can be a major challenge for many families. Healthy families may build family understanding, love, and affection by learning communication skills. When families communicate well, there are typically fewer conflicts, and the conflicts that do occur are often resolved quickly.
In families with growing children, family love usually changes as they mature. Being prepared for these changes can safeguard your family's love. Your family can provide a strong support system for you. If you have healthy family love, you may contribute by helping other families meet their needs and satisfy their desires.
Getting professional help with family love
Building family love can be a stressful full-time job in some cases. If you find yourself struggling to manage family relationships in a healthy way, talking to a licensed mental health professional might benefit you.
A family’s busy schedule can often be an obstacle to traditional therapy, though. You may have a full calendar of events lined up already. Perhaps there’s no time for yet another in-person appointment. Online therapy can be a viable option for busy families. With this alternative form of therapy, families can get help from a mental health professional from the comfort of their homes and at a time that works for everyone.
This mode of therapy doesn’t generally sacrifice quality, either. A 2021 meta-narrative review found that families routinely experience comparable outcomes with family therapy online as they do in more traditional office settings.
Takeaway
Why is love important in a family?
Familial love is essential for many reasons; however, what is most important often varies between families. Some families place more importance on some reasons than others, depending on culture, background, personal values, and circumstances. Here are some potential impacts of familial love:
- It teaches how to form connections and bond with others: People who grow up in a family with strong bonds of love tend to develop healthy attachment styles as they age.
- It boosts confidence and self-esteem: Members of a loving family support and encourage each other, helping them feel more confident when facing life's challenges. Research shows this is particularly true during adolescence, a pivotal time in an individual's self-development.
- It supports overall well-being: The emotional reliability that familial love provides can contribute to overall mental and physical health. Past studies suggest that close familial relationships in childhood can reduce the harmful impacts of childhood stressors on biological functioning and promote behaviors that can positively influence one's health and longevity.
- It helps people learn empathy and compassion: Children whose families model traits of compassion and understanding may be more likely to practice those traits as adults.
- It may strengthen social skills: When an individual is part of a family unit that interacts regularly in different contexts, it can encourage comfort and confidence in handling social situations outside the family.
- It may help people learn practical skills: In loving families, People may be more likely to "pitch in" and share the household responsibilities. Children exposed to this kind of cooperation might learn essential independent skills such as caring for a home or a pet, budgeting expenses, or cultivating self-discipline.
How do we show love in our family?
Depending on their unique dynamic, personalities, and circumstances, families show love differently. Here are a few ways in which you might show love in the family:
- Express affection through hugs, kisses, and holding hands to convey a sense of loving care
- Tell your family that you love, appreciate, and are grateful for them to strengthen bonds
- Listen actively to others in the family to convey genuine interest in what they have to say to help them feel understood and validated
- Make time for shared activities like family dinners, outings, or game nights to create lasting memories and strengthen relationships
- Offer emotional support, encouragement, and assistance for your family members in times of need
- Practice forgiveness to help heal wounds from past disagreements and conflicts and foster a sense of unity
- Show understanding and empathy towards your family members' feelings and experiences to strengthen trust and connections
- Share household responsibilities to foster cooperation and teamwork
- Celebrate achievements to show your family members you're proud of them and want to share in their successes
- Be patient and kind during conflict or challenges to reassure your family that you love them unconditionally
Why is familial love so strong?
Research shows that strong family love can be rooted as deep as our physiology. Oxytocin, sometimes called the "love hormone," is released in the body during times of bonding with others, producing feelings often described as profound peace and tranquility. It's produced during birth and is thought to be responsible for shaping maternal behaviors. We also produce oxytocin when giving or receiving affection—which encourages such behaviors through feelings of pleasure.
Is family love unconditional?
By conventional understanding, family love, particularly between a parent and a child, is unconditional love. This type of love assumes it's given freely without expecting to receive something in return. When you love someone unconditionally, you love them for who they are at their core.
How do families show unconditional love?
Families may show unconditional love through acts of selflessness and kindness toward one another. Within the context of parenting, an individual might make unconditional love clear to their children by always showing them warmth and affection, not only as a form of praise for positive behavior. They'll consistently offer words of encouragement and validation to cultivate healthy self-esteem for their children.
What qualities build strong family relationships?
Building strong relationships within the family unit includes spending quality time together in which you build strong bonds, healthy communication, and appreciation for each member's unique qualities. Strong families often celebrate milestones, laugh, cry, and try new things together. They might establish values and traditions unique to their family and work together to achieve family goals.
What happens when a child doesn't feel loved?
Children who don't feel loved may experience a number of emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues that can carry through into adulthood, creating obstacles to overall well-being. Some possible consequences of experiencing a lack of love as a child may include:
Behavioral problems
Children who don't feel loved might act out negatively by exhibiting disruptive behavior, aggression, or defiance. They might also struggle with impulse control and managing their emotions.
Low self-esteem
Children begin the process of self-awareness exceptionally early, with some babies as young as four months learning how their bodies interact with the space around them. When a child is unloved or neglected, it can have a lasting, severe impact on their sense of self. They might feel unwanted and abandoned and have chronic fears of judgment and criticism—potentially creating serious barriers to success in life later on.
The development of unhealthy attachment styles
How a child understands loving relationships early in life can significantly affect their attachment style in future relationships. In cases where the child grows up in an environment with insufficient love, they might experience trust issues and have difficulty expressing their emotions or forming close connections with others. People with insecure or unhealthy attachment tendencies might have trouble appropriately responding to conflict, self-regulating, and navigating responsibilities at home or work.
Problems with recognizing healthy boundaries
Learning what healthy boundaries look like is integral to navigating them healthily throughout life. People who experienced neglect or were unloved as children may not know how to establish healthy boundaries in relationships or how to respect others. This might lead to excessive rigidity, taking advantage of others in otherwise healthy relationships, or allowing themselves to be taken advantage of by people in unhealthy relationships.
Physical and mental health problems
Research shows that individuals who experienced abuse or neglect in childhood are more likely to experience mental and physical health problems throughout life, including long-term neurological problems, issues with the immune system, and chronic illnesses like obesity and heart disease.
What is the true purpose of family?
A strong family unit serves many purposes at all levels, and its importance cannot be overstated. For example, family contributes to the healthy development of individuals in all aspects of life, including mental and physical health, establishing and maintaining solid relationships, and success in work, academic pursuits, and overall functioning in daily life.
What are some family weaknesses?
Weaknesses in families can vary widely, from minor issues that can be easily resolved to deep and lasting damage that may leave scars on family members throughout their lifetimes. For example:
- Lack of communication and honesty: Families with poor communication may be more likely to experience conflict, misunderstanding, and resentment.
- Unresolved conflicts: Families who avoid addressing and resolving conflict tend to experience ongoing tension and discord, leading to increased negativity, stress, and dysfunction.
- Lack of problem-solving skills: Families who lack effective problem-solving skills might struggle to address and overcome challenges together. This inability to work collaboratively can create ongoing stress within the family unit.
- Inconsistent discipline: Inconsistent discipline practices within a family can lead to resentment, confusion, and behavioral problems among the children.
- Lack of boundaries: Families without clear and healthy boundaries might struggle with issues like over-involvement, lack of safe space, or enmeshment.
- Absence of emotional support: Families that don't provide emotional support and validation to each other may struggle with loneliness, isolation, and emotional distress.
What binds a family?
Unconditional love and support, meeting each other's needs, and a focus on commitment are all factors that can bind a family together. Establishing rituals and traditions can help provide a sense of safeness within the family unit. Celebrating each other's accomplishments, comforting during difficult times, and accepting each other's differences are also integral to bonding as a family.
- Previous Article
- Next Article