Ways To Express Your Feelings: Ideas For Each Of The Five Love Languages

Knowing how to express your love for someone can be beneficial in any relationship. However, the ways in which we prefer to give and receive love can vary. For example, you might choose to express your love for your partner through quality time, while your partner may not feel the full weight of your love and appreciation without words of affirmation. Although having different love languages may not be negative, it might take some practice to learn how to show your partner you care for them.

According to Gary Chapman’s concept of love languages, there are five primary methods humans might prefer to receive love. Although the concept of love languages can be applied to any relationship, they are more often associated with romantic relationships. Let’s take a look at the different love languages, ideas for how to express your love using each language, and how to discover and understand your partner’s preferences.

What are the five love languages?

Love languages are based on a concept developed by Gary Chapman in his 1992 book titled The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. As a Baptist pastor, Chapman frequently counseled couples. In his sessions, he noticed a pattern of couples misunderstanding one another, leading to relationship strain. He developed love languages as a simple way to teach couples how to better understand each other.

In his book, Chapman suggests that, while most people enjoy being loved in many ways, each person has a primary form in which they prefer to show and receive love:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Acts of service
• Physical touch
• Receiving gifts

This preference, called a love language, might be what will lead that person to feel most loved, appreciated, and cared for. According to Chapman and limited scientific research, expressing love to your partner in the way that resonates the most strongly with them can result in a happier relationship.

How to express your love using the five love languages

If you and your partner don’t naturally demonstrate love in the same way, it can be helpful to learn more about their love language and find effective ways to make them feel appreciated and cared for. However, you might keep in mind that someone’s primary preference may not be the only way they want to receive love. 

Let’s learn more about the five love languages and discuss some creative ways to express love using each.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation as a love language often involve using spoken or written words to express love. This often goes beyond just saying “I love you," although saying those words frequently can be helpful as well. 

Writing a love letter can be one romantic way to use words of affirmation. Taking the time to write down your feelings can be a meaningful expression of love to your partner. Writing what you love about them can make them feel cherished.

Other ways you can express love using words of affirmation include:

• Complimenting your partner
• Saying “I love you”
• Telling your partner specific things you love about them
• Writing sweet words on sticky notes and leaving them around the house
• Sending your partner a sweet text while they’re at work
• Telling your partner you’re proud of them

Quality time

When someone's love language is quality time, they might most appreciate meaningful one-on-one time with their partner. To spend quality time with someone, you can find a distraction-free environment where you give them your undivided attention and actively listen to one another.

Spending quality time together might involve a quiet evening at home or a day out in nature, allowing both you and your partner to talk and listen to each other. As a result, you can work on creating a deeper connection that makes you and them feel stable in your life together. Remember, it's not just about the quantity of time but the quality that counts.

Other ideas for expressing love through quality time might include:

• Enjoying a conversation over a meal, where both partners are actively listening
• Learning a new skill together
• Trying something new or having a new experience together
• Participating in activities related to a common interest
• Having a phone-free date 
• Planning a unique night out together
• Asking them questions about themselves
• Telling stories about and listening to one another’s days

Acts of service

When someone’s love language is acts of service, they might believe that actions speak louder than words. Acts of service can describe the small gestures one does for their partner, often with the intent to make their lives easier or simply to make them smile.

Preparing your partner's favorite meal is a thoughtful way to show your love. It's a small gift that says, "I care about you and want to make you feel happy."  Having a meal you've made with love is a different way to express your feelings without words.

Other ideas for expressing love through acts of service could include:

• Filling your partner’s car up with gas
• Shoveling snow from your partner’s driveway and sidewalks
• Doing your partner’s laundry
• Offering to walk the dog after a long day
• Running an errand for your partner
• Being there for your partner’s friends and family members

Physical touch

Physical touch often involves different forms of physical affection. The type and level of physical affection your partner might prefer can depend on several factors, including the stage of your relationship and the boundaries they’ve communicated.

Physical intimacy goes beyond just physical touch; it's about creating a deeper connection with your partner. Examples of different ways to express love and make your partner feel special through physical touch include:

• Holding hands with your partner while walking
• Putting your arm around your partner’s shoulders
• Giving your partner a tight hug after a long day
• Kissing your partner
• Having sex
• Massaging your partner’s shoulders
• Giving a back rub
• Cuddling with your partner while watching a movie
• Putting your hand on your partner’s knee while driving

Gift-giving and receiving

A few romantic ways you can express love through gift-giving include:

• Buying your partner their favorite snack at the grocery store
• Bringing your partner a souvenir from somewhere you visited
• Having your partner’s favorite lunch delivered while they work
• Picking fresh flowers for your partner
• Knitting your partner a hat in their favorite colors
• Saving ticket stubs from events and giving them to your partner in a scrapbook

Practicing your partner’s preferred love language

Making your partner feel loved in your relationship can involve small, everyday acts and moments. This might involve listening to them talk about their day, being there to hear their worries, or showing love through your actions. While your partner may appreciate all forms of love, one may resonate most strongly with them. Therefore, learning your partner’s primary love language can be helpful when finding a way to express love for them.

When trying to discover your partner’s love language, you might ask them questions such as:

• Is there anything I do that makes you feel especially loved?
• How can I show you I appreciate you?
• What can I do to help when you’re feeling stressed?
• What does your ideal day look like with me?

When you understand your partner's love language, you might better understand your partner as a whole. Consequently, you may notice more frequently when your partner shows you love in their language, even when it's different from yours. For example, if you discover your partner's love language is acts of service, you might take special notice the next time they carry in your groceries, cook dinner, or fill your car with gas.

Are love languages backed by science?

Although love languages can give us important insight into our loved ones, there is little research to back the significance of the concept. That said, knowing your partner’s love language often doesn’t guarantee a relationship without misunderstandings. In addition to learning how to express your feelings to one another effectively, you might also benefit from building a foundation of honesty, respect, and trust. Strengthening relationship skills such as these can help you both establish and grow into a happy and healthy relationship moving forward.

Build relationship and love skills in online therapy

Whether you’re experiencing difficulties with communication in your relationship or are just looking to improve your own relationship skills, therapy can be a valuable resource. In therapy, you and your provider may discuss your relationship history, current relationship, if applicable, and any concerns you may have regarding your relationship skills. They can provide you with helpful strategies to heal from past heartbreak and build happy, healthy relationships going forward.

Dating or being in a relationship often takes significant time, potentially making it difficult to commit to regular in-person sessions. For many, online therapy has been a helpful alternative to face-to-face sessions. With online therapy, you can meet with a licensed provider from anywhere with an internet connection, including your own home.

Research suggests that an online format is just as effective as in-person sessions for building relationship skills. A 2021 study analyzed different online programs aimed at enhancing couples’ relationships, including couples therapy, and found online sessions to be equally effective as in-person sessions. Researchers also noted that the online format helped couples overcome barriers such as cost, transportation, and scheduling difficulties.