How To Find Love And Happiness

"How to find real love? Will I ever find love that is perfect for me?" If you are like most people, you have wondered this at some point as well. Love and happiness appear to be the two things that we need in life. 

The trick is there is no simple answer to this question. There is no five-step program that you can participate in or a recipe that you can follow that will help you find love and happiness. All is not lost, however. 

Everyone can find love and happiness

Love and happiness are attainable. The key to finding true love and happiness may involve changing your perspective, though. Many people have formed their ideas about love and happiness from media like TV and movies. This can be problematic when it creates unrealistic expectations for life. That is, it may be hard to recognize what true love or happiness is when you are comparing it to what Hollywood portrays it to be.

There will still be difficult times in life, and it may be unrealistic to think that you will remain happy through particularly challenging times. However, just because you don’t feel happy all the time doesn’t necessarily mean that you are not a happy person overall.

Look within for love

If you truly want to experience happiness, you may need to learn to stop looking for love from others. It is nice when there are people in your life that love you and that you love, but your happiness need not depend on this. Instead, spend some time learning how to love yourself healthily.

You may even find that when you love yourself in a healthy way, you will start to attract love from others. When you are actively seeking love from others, you might come across as desperate, which can make others want to back away. But when you are confident in who you are, you won’t worry about what others are thinking. People are attracted to this kind of confidence. Consider turning your focus from external love to internal love and learn to love yourself. 

How to learn to love yourself and be happy

There are many people who struggle with self-love. If you can identify with this feeling, you are not alone. It might not happen overnight, but you can learn to love yourself. The following steps can be helpful in the process:

Learn that failure doesn’t have to be bad

Society has turned failure into something to be afraid of. Thus, many people who experience failure allow it to change their opinion about themselves. They begin to believe that they are a failure because they failed at something. In reality, failure can be a step toward success when handled correctly. Instead of allowing failure to be a stumbling block, consider what you can learn from it. Think about what you could do differently in the future. Then, learn to separate who you are from what you do. Even if you make mistakes, you can still be happy with the person you are.

Let go of the past

If you spend time focusing on the past, it may stop you from enjoying the present. Holding onto the past can impact you in a few different ways. First, if you hold onto mistakes and wrongdoings from the past, it can cause you to feel guilty and ashamed. You aren’t likely to find love and happiness if you spend your time feeling bad about who you are and what you did years ago.

Instead, you might spend some time acknowledging and taking responsibility for your past. Right any wrongs that you can. Then, try to move forward. Accept that you are a different person now, and forgive yourself. 

Stop expecting perfection

If you have perfectionist tendencies, it may be important to learn how to overcome them if you want to experience happiness. Many people think that being a perfectionist is a good thing, but when you try to make everything perfect, you will likely put unrealistic expectations on yourself and others.

We are all people, and we all are imperfect. It may be impossible for you to be happy and love yourself or others if you are expecting perfection. Instead of striving for perfection, consider focusing on growth instead. While you are never going to be perfect, you can always grow.

Acknowledge what you are good at

We all have natural talents, and these are usually the things that we enjoy doing. When we engage in these activities, it makes us feel happy. But some people refuse to acknowledge their talent and skills. Even if they are very good at something, they will deny it when complimented, make excuses, or say something like “anyone could do that”.

If you want to find love and happiness, you may need to learn how to acknowledge your talents and strengths. You may also need to learn to accept a compliment from someone without excusing it away. Instead, simply say, “thank you”.

Keep track of where you are succeeding each day

If you are struggling to find love and happiness, then you might also be struggling to feel like you are successful in life as well. One way to overcome this is to start looking at the daily successes that you are experiencing. These don’t have to be huge accomplishments. Start by writing down several successes that you have experienced at the end of each day.

It could be as simple as writing, “I made my bed this morning,” or, “I took a risk and talked to the person in line behind me at the coffee shop”. This simple activity can be effective at helping you to spot things that you are doing well each day. This can build your confidence, which in turn, can help you find love and happiness.

Treat people the way you want to be treated

This simple advice may go all the way back to your childhood, but it can be effective at helping you enjoy the life that you want. Many times, even if you aren’t happy, if you start taking action and doing nice things for other people, it will help you to feel happier. You’ve probably heard the saying, “it’s better to give than to receive”. This is a similar concept. When you take your focus off of looking for happiness and love and start to focus on others, you may just find what you are looking for.

Talk to a professional

There is a big difference between not feeling as happy as you would like and being severely depressed. If you are experiencing depression, then it is best to talk to a professional. An experienced therapist can help you identify where your struggles are coming from and begin to address these issues. 

Some of the symptoms of depression can make reaching out to a therapist difficult, especially when seeing someone in person. For example, depression can sometimes cause fatigue or make you withdraw from others. If these are symptoms you’re experiencing, you may want to consider online therapy instead.  

If you’re new to the concept of online therapy, it might help to know a little more about it. People are often curious about how effective online therapy is. The New York Times published an article discussing that very topic and cited some of the top research that has been done so far. In general, most types of talk therapy translate well to online therapy for issues that aren’t severe. That’s particularly true for depression. The above article links to two studies where veterans who were being treated for depression were divided into groups. One group received traditional therapy while the other was given online therapy. Both groups improved by the same amount.

There are some other benefits to online therapy that you might find appealing. If you’re someone with a busy schedule, online therapy is more flexible. You don’t have to travel to an office; you can contact your counselor from any comfortable space with a reliable internet connection. Online therapy tends to connect you with a counselor faster too. With a traditional office, you may be put on a waiting list. BetterHelp connects most people within 24 to 48 hours.