How To Start Letting Love In And Embrace New Relationships

Why it can be difficult to receive love 

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), having strong social connections can positively affect various aspects of health, from decreasing the risk of depression, dementia, and heart disease to improving stress resilience, sleep, and quality of life. Despite its importance, some people may feel hesitant, uncomfortable, or even afraid when faced with the opportunity to engage in some kind of close relationship with another person. 

Whether you’re in a relationship and struggling to receive affection from your partner, or you hold back from deeply engaging in other types of relationships, there are many reasons why you may have a hard time letting others get too emotionally close.

Regardless of the cause, it’s not uncommon to feel some fear or resistance to receiving love in the form of affection, gifts, compliments, accepting help, or others. That said, learning to give and receive love in the ways that work best for you can be important for building healthy social connections, which can positively impact overall health.

Signs you may be closed off to love 

While not everyone is interested in opening themselves to a romantic relationship, feeling closed off to connections of all kinds—including friendships or family relationships—could be detrimental to health. Since the reasons for feeling resistant to receiving love and affection can vary widely, so can the signs. That said, here are a few that could indicate that this is what’s going on. 

You have irrational thoughts of things not working out

When you’ve been in relationships before—especially romantic relationships—you might have felt overcome with thoughts or concerns about things not working out. If you’re constantly worried about whether your connection might end, receiving love can be more difficult. Relationships of all kinds involve some vulnerability and risk, but if you’re too afraid of what might come in the future, you could be closing yourself off from love in the present.  

You only date casually 

Some people may prefer short-term connections as opposed to long-term romantic relationships. If you are interested in a long-term romantic partnership, but find yourself repeatedly drawn to casual connections, consider reflecting on whether there are factors that may be keeping you from committing to a long-term relationship.

You don’t prioritize your hobbies or interests

Focusing on yourself and your world may seem antithetical to letting outside love in. However, consider the perspective that a person who invests in themselves is likely someone who has some measure of self-love and self-esteem. These two qualities are often a precursor to being able to give and receive love from others.

You have a tendency toward perfectionism

The American Psychological Association defines perfectionism as “the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation.” It also notes that this tendency is associated with mental health conditions like depression and eating disorders, and it has the potential to cause challenges in one’s relationships as well. No individual or relationship will ever be perfect, and accepting this fact is generally required in order to engage in satisfying connections. Someone with perfectionistic tendencies may face challenges in this area.

Whether it’s due to an experience with your ex or your former best friend, past hurts that haven’t healed could significantly affect the way you relate to others. For instance, you might consciously or subconsciously fear being hurt in the same way again, leading you to avoid close connections. Negative experiences and trauma from the past can play a large part in a person’s thoughts, behaviors, and relationships, so addressing them could be the key to opening yourself up to loving relationships of various kinds.

You have difficulty accepting compliments

Do you struggle with what to say when your partner or a friend compliments you? Compliment-giving can vary from culture to culture, and there are certain types of compliments a person may not like receiving. But if you feel unworthy or uncomfortable with positive feedback or warm words in general—even from those you're closest to—it could indicate low self-esteem, which research suggests may be linked to trouble with relationships.

You don’t like deep conversations

If you prefer to stay surface-level with your conversations, it could be a sign that you’re not ready to be vulnerable with other people. Not every conversation has to be deep, and you don’t have to share your feelings with everyone. However, if you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable and having these types of conversations with anyone at all, you could be pushing love away.

Five strategies to open your heart and let love in   

There are a few strategies you can try to let more love into your life. 

1. Take note of how you feel when you receive affection 

If you find yourself resisting affection, try to pause at that given moment and reflect on this response, asking yourself why you might feel uncomfortable or unable to feel safe. It’s not uncommon for discomfort in receiving love to stem from past experiences or childhood, where love was conditional or scarce. Understanding your reactions to affection may help you recognize potential barriers to accepting love and working to overcome them. Try to be patient with yourself as you notice resistance or discomfort, and remember that awareness is often the first step toward healing. 

2. Communicate with loved ones about your feelings 

Sharing your struggles around accepting love can be challenging, especially when trying to convey the complexity of your emotions or the idea that you're focusing on healing from wrongs done in the past. However, talking about how you feel with someone you trust can be a way to better understand your resistance and even get some reassurance in a safe environment. This vulnerability can help strengthen your existing connections, lay the groundwork for more effective communication of your needs, and lead to a healthier way of receiving or giving love. 

3. Consider how you’d like to receive love

Different individuals may have unique preferences on how they like to receive love, often aligning with the five love languages: 

1. Words of affirmation
2. Physical touch
3. Quality time
4. Receiving gifts
5. Acts of service

Communicating your preferred love language to those around you may help improve your ability to receive affection. For example, you might teach a romantic partner, parents, or children about what brings you happiness and joy from love, empowering others to express their love in ways that resonate more deeply with you. 

4. Recognize that you deserve love 

Everyone is deserving and worthy of love. Recognizing that you too are worthy of love may be the first step in opening yourself up to receiving love. Building self-worth may be a gradual process that begins with self-compassion. Self-compassion is a practice of goodwill toward yourself in difficult times that is associated with positive mental health and decreased feelings of isolation.

5. Seek support from a therapist  

Sometimes, underlying mental health challenges or past experiences can contribute to someone having difficulty with receiving love. A therapist can help you identify and challenge irrational thoughts about love, come to terms with any underlying challenges, and talk through strategies for healing. For example, they might recommend other tools like keeping a journal to write down thoughts and feelings that may be causing problems.

People who feel as if they’re not worthy of love may also feel as if they’re not worthy of help. If meeting with a therapist in person seems intimidating, online therapy may help you feel more comfortable. With online therapy, you can meet with a licensed therapist from home, or anywhere you may feel the most comfortable and at ease. 

Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person sessions in treating common mental health challenges, such as depression and anxiety, and improving self-esteem. One study evaluated the effects of internet-based therapy for teenagers with low self-esteem. After seven weeks of online therapy sessions, participants reported higher levels of self-esteem than before they started therapy. Other positive impacts of internet-based therapy reported were improved self-compassion and improvement of symptoms of anxiety and depression.