How To Make Your Partner Love You Again When The Romance Has Faded
Even when a romance begins with an intensely loving and passionate connection, it may seem to cool off over time. As familiarity replaces excitement, you may feel like your partner no longer loves you the way they once did. Do those feelings always dwindle in a long-term relationship? Is there anything you can do to keep romance alive, or bring it back once it’s faded?
It may not be possible to recreate the strong desire that tends to come with a new romance. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t restore passion, intimacy, and deep romantic love. By investing in your emotional connection and pursuing self-discovery, you may be able to get your partner to fall in love with you all over again.
Why doesn’t my partner love me anymore?
If you’ve started to feel like the person you love no longer cares for you the way they once did, you’re probably feeling hurt and confused. What’s behind this loss of affection?
This tendency seems to be tied to the reward mechanisms of the human brain. Some studies have concluded that the neurological mechanisms of early-stage love may be similar to those involved in addiction, producing similar feelings of obsessive desire, craving, and attachment.
Over time, though, brain activity in couples seems to shift more toward areas related to social cognition and away from those associated with addiction. This may lead to a sense that the “spark” is fading, being replaced with feelings more like you’d have for a close friend.
This tendency may be compounded by deeper relationship challenges. Here are a few other reasons your partner’s feelings of love might be fading:
Your partner doesn’t feel appreciated
If your partner feels taken for granted, it could seriously threaten your emotional bond. Studies suggest that expressing gratitude and appreciation can play a significant role in relationship satisfaction. A partner who feels that you don’t value them or that you’re no longer emotionally attracted to them may start to fall out of love.
You have compatibility issues between you
- Organizational habits
- Life goals
- Moral values
- Political views
- Lifestyle preferences
Your sex life has become unsatisfying
Communication has broken down
Unhelpful and hostile forms of communication can significantly decrease relationship satisfaction. Frequent negative interactions, such as belittling or being dismissive of their feelings, could make a person fall out of love.
How to make your partner love you again: Tips for rekindling romance
If you’re both committed to making your relationship work, you and your partner may be able to work through the obstacles described above and fall in love once again. A study from 2009 found evidence that even the fading of obsessive love doesn’t have to mean the end of passionate, intense romance between a long-partnered couple. Here are a few methods that may help bring love back:
Communicate openly
Figuring out how to recapture your partner’s affection can be much harder if you don’t know what’s on their mind. At the same time, discussing your own feelings can make your partner feel trusted and valued. The first step in restoring love may be having some honest conversations about what’s going on between you.
Rather than starting with a loaded question like “Do you still love me?”, consider beginning by asking how your partner feels or if there’s anything they wish they could change about your relationship.
Find ways to grow together
- Learning a new skill together
- Traveling as a couple
- Finding a new common hobby
- Collaborating on career goals
- Making new friends as a couple
- Working together on a project
Spend time apart
Reminisce about your relationship
Taking a trip down memory lane together could help remind your partner why they fell in love with you. Researchers have found that when couples recall past experiences of their lives together, it leads to increased feelings of intimacy, commitment, and relationship satisfaction.
You may want to try striking up conversations with your partner about the high points of your relationship. Consider digging up an old picture that reminds them how much fun you had together on a past trip, or writing them a note reminiscing about a sweet memory from when you first started dating.
Inject some spontaneity
Taking your partner by surprise every so often could help keep them on their toes, restoring some of the mystery and excitement that often fuels passion in newer relationships.
For example, you could suggest random but fun activities such as deciding on the spur of the moment to see a concert or take a trip to a nearby city. You could walk up to your partner in your underwear and pull your partner into the bedroom on an afternoon when you have nothing planned. Or you could start giving them occasional spontaneous compliments, gifts, or love notes.
You might also benefit from being open to the unexpected when your partner brings it up. This doesn’t mean you have to go along with every whim, but if you’re sometimes willing to step outside your comfort for something they suggest, it may help the relationship feel more alive.
Demonstrate gratitude and affection
Taking time in day-to-day life to give your partner signs of love can be just as beneficial as big changes like taking romantic trips together. For instance, making a point to thank them for small favors can be a buffer against certain relationship stresses. So can small gestures such as:
- Making eye contact
- Giving frequent compliments
- Praising them to other people
- Touching them affectionately
- Learning and using their love language
- Active listening
While the advice above may often help you get your partner to love you again, it may be easier with help from a relationship professional. This can be especially true in cases when the relationship has already faced several major issues. Couples therapy may be able to help you heal from this conflict and learn how to love once more.
Is it possible to make your partner love you again through couples therapy?
In general, it’s not possible to “make” anyone do anything. However, if both partners are invested in improving their relationship, it’s often possible to rekindle their connection in couples therapy. It can be essential for both people to be willing to put in the necessary time and effort, though, so if only one partner is interested in improving their relationship health, they may not get the results they desire.
It can be important for both partners to respect each other’s boundaries as they attempt to move forward. Attending couples therapy with a relationship therapist or licensed psychologist who has professional experience working with couples may be one way to improve the connection between partners. Intentionally spending time together, employing effective communication skills, expressing gratitude for each other, reminiscing on happy memories together, and going on fun outings may be helpful for rekindling love as well. You can also offer compliments to your partner; if they’re wearing a new dress that looks nice on them or have gotten a great haircut, be sure to let them know!
While you can’t force someone to fall in love with you, working on yourself may be helpful. Remembering that you are your own person, spending time doing all the things you enjoy, and developing self-love can lead to powerful changes. Addressing any mental health concerns or unhealthy tendencies you have may, in turn, have a beneficial effect on your relationship. You can also try reconnecting with your partner by trying new activities together, expressing your gratitude for them, and showing them love in accordance with their love language.
It may be helpful to spend quality time with your partner, practice active listening, engage in different types of physical affection, promote positive feelings by recognizing the qualities you appreciate in them, and seek professional help if you’re struggling. Over a period of a few months or more, you may notice that you feel connected with your other half once again.
A marriage and family therapist may help couples rekindle their connection and experience true love as long as both partners are willing to put in the necessary effort. Moving forward can be challenging when partners feel disconnected, but being fully present at therapy sessions and putting effort into all the little things throughout each day can lead to positive changes.
How can you regain lost love in a relationship after having children?
Reconnecting after having children can be challenging, but it’s possible. Try to set aside quality time for just the two of you, even if it’s just a few hours each week, and prioritize healthy, effective communication. Consider working with a couples therapist if you’re having trouble regaining lost love. You can also read articles online from BetterHelp or other publications to learn more about repairing your relationship.
Can love come back in a relationship if you rekindle the romance?
Rekindling the romance in a relationship can be an excellent way to find love again. While it may take time, putting in the effort to talk and reconnect with your partner is often worth the effort.
Do lovers ever come back after improving their mental health?
Can you fall back in love with the same person?
Can you truly fall in love twice?
There may not be a limit to the number of times a person can fall in love. Falling in love may happen at any time and can occur with unexpected people. For example, an individual may realize they’re falling for their best friend or a coworker.
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