Release And Detach: How To Put Aside Stubborn Love
Have you been experiencing conflicting feelings about a relationship and finding it hard to let go of stubborn love? If so, you’re not alone.
Loving someone and simultaneously knowing that the relationship doesn’t work can be painful. However, there are strategies that may help you resolve conflicting feelings and let go of stubborn love. Read on to learn how to let go of stubborn love and move forward with confidence.
What is stubborn love?
Many people have experienced lingering feelings after a breakup. Aside from the love a person experiences for their ex, their emotions could be tied up with other memories, places, and people, which can make it hard to let them go. It can be common to have lingering, intense feelings after ending a relationship, particularly if it was a long or intense pairing.
Knowing when to detach or let go of stubborn love
It can be challenging to know when it’s time to let go of a relationship. The love you feel for a person can make it difficult to recognize signs that a relationship may be unhealthy. Below are some:
- You no longer feel supported or encouraged by your partner. The time you spend together may not inspire positive feelings, and it may seem as though your interests and needs aren’t important to your partner.
- Ongoing stress leaves you feeling constantly drained and on edge.
- You’ve been hoping things would change for a while, and you spend a lot of time reminiscing about how much fun it used to be with your partner.
- Criticism, resentment, and sarcasm are part of many of your conversations, and your communication rarely involves kindness, understanding, or mutual respect.
- You’ve become isolated from friends and family to avoid explaining what’s happening or prevent conflict with your partner.
What is the difference between abuse and toxicity?
Toxicity can take multiple forms, such as emotional or verbal negativity, and it isn’t always easy to see the line between abuse and toxicity in a relationship. Toxic behavior isn’t always intentional. Sometimes, people learn unhealthy ways to relate to others during childhood, and insecure attachment styles can influence their adult actions. Abuse, however, is often intentional and focused on a desire to use power to control another’s behavior.
Research published in the journal Health Psychology Research shows that abusive relationships rarely involve constant abuse but instead alternate between four stages: tension building, acting out (abuse), the honeymoon period, and a time of calm before the cycle repeats. Even if you don’t recognize these four stages, there is help available if you’ve experienced abuse of any kind.
Tips to break away from stubborn love
If you’re still in a relationship and choose to end it, you may benefit from some of the following tips for moving past the stubborn, lingering love that often remains after a breakup:
Give yourself time to heal from heartbreak
You likely invested a great deal of yourself in the relationship, and you may need time to recover from the upheaval its loss may cause in your life.
Work through your emotions and release them
Rather than bottling up what you feel after a breakup, you might allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of emotions. Research published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research shows that suppressing emotions can have negative effects on your health.
Seek out personal growth opportunities to help you move on
Although it may be difficult at first, you might find that you can eventually use the breakup as a chance to make positive changes in your life. Recent studies show that personal growth after a breakup can lead to higher levels of independence, emotional stability, and self-confidence.
Reflect on what went wrong and how you can learn from it
Even if you weren’t typically the source of conflict, you might look at how you reacted to conflict and ways you can react more skillfully in the future.
Practice self-care before attempting new connections
Before you attempt another connection, it may help to take some time to actively care for yourself. Self-care can look different for each person, but it may involve prioritizing sleep, healthy eating, and mental health care.
Overcome fear of the unknown
One of the reasons people may stay in an unhealthy relationship is typically fear of the unknown or lack of confidence that they can be independent. It may be helpful to lean on your support network and trust yourself to be strong enough to get through the recovery period. Instead of fearing the unknown, you might try a technique called cognitive restructuring. With this technique, you may be able to identify self-defeating beliefs and replace them with more positive, accurate thoughts. A therapist may be able to help you with this process, which may help you build self-confidence and shift your thought patterns.
Make a clean break and detach from your ex after a breakup
Staying in touch with your ex after ending the relationship may make it harder to let go of stubborn, lingering feelings of love. It may be more helpful to make a clean break rather than having regular contact. Maintaining contact, whether in person or online, may interfere with the healing process.
Reach out for help if you don’t know how to put aside stubborn love
Recovering from the end of a relationship and letting go of stubborn love on your own can be challenging. During this difficult time, you may find it helpful to lean on your friends and family for support. It may also be beneficial to reach out to a therapist. A licensed therapist may be able to help you work through your emotions and develop ways to heal from your past relationship so you can move forward with healthy habits and increased self-confidence.
Let go of negativity and practice self-love
In an unhealthy relationship, negativity can sometimes be internalized, and you may not be as kind or compassionate with yourself as you should be. You might use this opportunity to make practicing self-love a habit.
- Shift your focus. You may find it helpful to channel your energy into something positive, like advancing your career, working on your personal development, or rebuilding other relationships.
- Accept your mistakes and work on ways to improve moving forward. If you made mistakes in the relationship, it’s okay to accept that and practice self-forgiveness.
- Eat well, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Taking care of your body can have a positive impact on your mood and mental health.
- Learn to enjoy your independence. Perhaps you couldn’t do certain things during your relationship because your former partner objected to them. This could be a good time to try something new and prove to yourself that you can thrive on your own.
How therapy may help you move on and heal from stubborn love
Many people experience difficulty letting go of stubborn love and moving forward. Working with a therapist may help you mitigate the pain of a breakup and move on from lingering emotions. If what you’re experiencing makes it difficult to attend therapy in person at this time, you may benefit from online therapy, which research has demonstrated to be just as effective as in-office therapy.
With online therapy at BetterHelp, you can communicate with a therapist via audio, video, or live chat. You can also reach out to your therapist 24/7 through in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they can. This may prove to be useful if you experience challenging thoughts and emotions in between sessions.
Takeaway
Frequently Asked Questions
How to put aside stubborn love?
If you’ve fallen in love with someone, but you know they aren’t good for you, perhaps the easiest way to put aside your love is to accept the situation. You can stay true to your feelings while reminding yourself that you expect and deserve more.
How to break up with a stubborn person?
Breaking up with a stubborn person can be challenging. It’s best to be calm but direct and avoid giving your boyfriend or girlfriend false hope. Try to pick a good time to have the conversation. When talking through the issues, explain that the dynamic of the relationship is not healthy for you. Avoid blaming them or trying to make them feel guilty.
How do you release feelings of love?
Releasing feelings of love may involve practicing self-care, leaning on your support system, and putting away any reminders of the person you love. It may take time to get over someone, so be patient with yourself.
Why is heartbreak so painful?
When you lose someone you love, the brain releases certain chemicals that can create feelings of sadness, anger, and despair.
How to win a stubborn man's heart?
There may be no surefire way to capture a stubborn man’s heart. Still, there may be some things you can do to get his attention, including:
- Talk about common interests.
- Let him know how you feel, but don’t be pushy.
- Be a good friend to him and see if there’s romance ahead for the two of you.
- Be vulnerable.
How to remove feelings for someone you love?
Conventional wisdom suggests that you may not be able to remove your feelings for someone entirely, especially overnight. Still, if you don’t have a good relationship with the person, there are some things you can do to move on. For example, unfollowing the person on social media and putting some physical distance between the two of you can help. If certain things in your physical space are reminding you of the person, put them away for now. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, and use this time to explore a new hobby.
How to communicate with a stubborn partner?
It can be hard to communicate with a stubborn partner without the discussion becoming an argument. To avoid arguing or fighting, try listening to your partner and validating their feelings. Express your own perspective using “I” statements, and try to come to a compromise.
Can stubbornness ruin a relationship?
Yes. Standing your ground occasionally is one thing, but if stubborn behavior is persistent, it can damage the relationship. It may be a good idea to hear your partner out and try to compromise so that both partners are happy. Being with someone who is stubborn may make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
What does stubbornness say about a person?
Stubbornness might mean that a person has a strong will, is resistant to change, or has a narrow worldview. It can also mean the person has experienced trauma and has a hard time being vulnerable with others. It could be that the person believes they’ll be taken advantage of if they show weakness or vulnerability.
How to make a stubborn guy miss you?
It may not be possible to make someone miss you, but there are some things you can try. Here are a few ideas for inspiration:
- Keep him thinking about you by intentionally leaving something behind, like a pair of earrings.
- Wait before texting him back. Don’t say a word for at least 10 minutes, unless the matter is urgent.
- Give him space. Let him have time to miss you.
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