Satisfy Your Love And Belonging Needs
Many individuals find themselves desiring to feel loved and wanted by those in their life. This desire might be part of what psychologists call "love and belonging needs." Studies show that social connection is essential for mental and physical well-being, and feeling cared for by those in your life can be a part of social connection.
Why people need love
Compared to most other animals, humans can take more time to mature. During the formative years, we depend on our parents or caregivers to meet our survival needs. Survival needs can include food, shelter, water, sleep, and oxygen. At the end of adolescence, we might start learning to care for our own survival needs. However, caregivers might still support us into early adulthood.
A safe and healthy caregiver works to keep a child safe. Safety needs are considered the most basic needs, and if they are not met, it may be difficult for someone to reach self-actualization—the result of consistent and stable personal growth. Abraham Maslow created a theory of human motivation structured into a hierarchy of needs to discuss this principle. Maslow's hierarchy of needs has been further debated and tested in modern social psychology, and many psychologists agree that love and belonging are on the pyramid somewhere.
The Psychological Bulletin claims that love and belonging needs are essential in human motivation. Many scientists believe that these needs arose through the evolutionary process. You may bond with the person who takes care of you to survive. Even as a baby, you might behave in ways that encourage their support and prompt care.
As you grow, love and belonging can still feel essential. You might cherish your friendships, love your partner, and enjoy spending time with others. Even after you become an adult and can take care of yourself, these needs can continue because they are part of being human. If your caregiver did not meet some of your needs as a child, you might have an insecure attachment style as an adult.
What happens when love and belonging needs aren't met?
In some cases, infant, teen, and children's needs are not met by their caregivers. A parent might fail to show physical affection, love, or emotional support in these cases. They may abandon or physically abuse their child.*
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
As children age, challenges with social connection might arise. Their peers may reject them at school. A parent or teacher may fail to give them the emotional support they need to feel loved, accepted, and valued. Their performance in school might suffer from not feeling safe at home. A child's needs not being met can also have mental health consequences. For example, an unhealthy family environment can cause a higher risk for depression and other mental health conditions.
Adults may feel this rejection later in life from their social circle. They might struggle to make friends, have difficulty trusting others, or feel lonely if they do not have contact with their caregivers. In some cases, they may try to reach out to their caregivers for love and be treated similarly to when they were children.
The results of not having your needs met can vary. Maslow noted that if these social needs were not met, it could lead to illness, especially psychiatric disorders like depression and anxiety. Studies confirm this, as a lack of social connection is correlated with physical health risks.
Benefits of satisfying love and belonging needs
When your basic needs are met, you may avoid risks of mental health concerns or health problems. However, unmet needs are not the only factors in these conditions. Additionally, you may feel less alone and happier and know you have support behind you. Because you have strong connections, meeting your other needs might feel more accessible. Other benefits of support can include:
- Feeling loved
- Confidence
- Ease completing chores and daily tasks
- A sense of safety
- Happiness
Where to find love and belonging
Love and belonging can come from many sources. People may meet these needs through:
- Friendships
- Family time
- Social activities
- Romantic relationships
- Community activities, projects, and events
If your needs aren't met, consider the following ways of increasing love and belonging in your life.
Build friendships
Meeting people can feel challenging for many individuals, especially if they faced hardships in early-life relationships. Additionally, work, school, and other responsibilities might get in the way of finding new friends as an adult. Here are a few ways you can try to do so:
- Volunteer on your off time
- Join a social cause
- Join a non-profit
- Go to an event, such as pride, the fair, or a renaissance event
- Try a group activity like e-sports, sports, or LARPing
- Join online groups
- Find a pen pal
- Go to a local meetup
- Go to a local bar event
- Enroll in university and join a university club
- Join a music group like a choir
- Join a tabletop gaming campaign
Nurture romantic relationships
If you're in a romantic relationship and feel your needs haven't been met, consider discussing this with your partner. You might decide to take a love languages test together to learn more about how each of you shows and receives love.
Expand your social sphere
When you don't feel love and belonging, you might feel stuck with the friends or people in your life currently. It may be beneficial to try to make new types of friends outside of your current circle.
Spend time with family
Life may get busy, and you might not spend much time with family. Try to spend time with your immediate, extended, or chosen family when you can. Sit down for meals with your household, attend family reunions, and try to get to know your family more profoundly. If your immediate family has been unhealthy for you, you might consider your friends or extended relatives as part of your chosen family.
Get involved in your community
By getting involved with your community, you might make new friends, help others who live near you and learn about social causes. Consider joining a volunteer organization or helping a non-profit set up for an event.
Volunteering could be a meaningful way to find acceptance, love, and belonging within your community. Many people volunteer at hospitals, nursing homes, orphanages, or mental health centers. Additionally, studies show that helping others could help you feel better.
Take a class
Classes can be fun and rewarding. Choose any class that appeals to you, whether it's an academic subject, like psychological science, a creative course, or a fitness class. While there, you can meet other people interested in the subject that caught your eye.
Join a sports team
Being on a sports team may allow you to work with other people while enjoying exercise, which has mental and physical health benefits.
Talk to a counselor
Despite the methods of meeting love and belonging needs, many people may struggle to do so. Past adverse experiences, difficulty socializing, anxiety, or difficulty trusting others can cause rifts. Additionally, some individuals might struggle to make friends due to bullying, disabilities, or being "different." In these cases, it might be beneficial to talk to a counselor.
In a study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, the effects of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) when treating individuals experiencing depression and anxiety found significant positive results post-treatment. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, whether online or in-person, can work by helping individuals reframe any negative thought patterns that may be underlying unwanted emotions.
If you find socializing with a therapist a scary or difficult concept, you might benefit from the option of live chat sessions with a licensed therapist. You can also choose between phone or video chat sessions if they feel more comfortable. If you're interested in trying online therapy, consider signing up for a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.
Takeaway
What is Maslow's theory of the need for love and belonging?
According to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of universal human needs, love and belonging figures as the third level of human needs. In Maslow's pyramid of needs, love and belonging relate to a need for interpersonal relationships, a sense of human connectedness, and acceptance by others, which is associated with fostering a sense of belonging. In the hierarchy, this basic human need may be prioritized once a person has met the second tier of safety needs, which can include financial security, job security, financial stability, andemotional security.
What is Maslow's 5 hierarchy of needs?
Maslow's hierarchy of basic human needs first included physiological and safety needs for human survival, followed by love and belonging, then esteem needs, and at the top of the pyramid, self-actualization needs. According to the original self-actualization theory of Maslow's humanistic psychology, self-actualizing people realize their personal potential, but self-actualization would likely only be reached after more basic needs have been met, such as needs necessary for physical survival and love and belonging. Those who manage to self-actualize may reach self-fulfillment through creative fulfillment, optimum human performance, and a full appreciation for life, for example. While the self-actualized state may be rare, many people can achieve self-actualization in "peak" moments of their lives. Later, Maslow's expanded hierarchy included mention of cognitive needs, aesthetic needs, and transcendence needs, turning the original five-tier model into a eight-level model that broke down the first needs into deficiency needs and the top four needs as growth needs. Moreover, the constant drive toward self-actualization through personal growth is unique and manifests differently in each individual.
How do you satisfy your need for belonging in Maslow's hierarchy?
A person may satisfy their need for belonging in many ways, including being part of a group, through friendship and family connections, workplace inclusion, and a sense of feeling accepted and appreciated by others. When applying Maslow's hierarchy to one's own life, it's helpful to bear in mind individual differences, as humans can feel different needs more strongly, shift between needs, and prioritize some needs over others. The order of needs does not necessarily follow a linear progression. Moreover, human behavior can be motivated by various factors, tapping into different needs simultaneously.
What is the choice theory of love and belonging?
Choice theory refers to William Glasser's theory that human behaviors and motivations are guided by a need to satisfy universal human needs and specific desires. These needs and desires (wants) include love and belonging; freedom and independence; self-worth and power; fun and enjoyment; and survival and health. Choice theory has its name from the concept that "significant conscious behavior" related to satisfying basic needs are chosen by the individual. The theory considers the need for love and belonging to be one of most important needs, which involve feelings of closeness, connectedness, familial attachment, intimacy, and cooperation with others.
What are the 5 basic needs of love and belonging according to Maslow's hierarchy?
Love and belonging needs include intimacy, friendship, trust, a sense of acceptance, and exchanging love and affection. Belonging can be fostered through social connections, familial relationships, romantic connection, and being part of an ingroup.
How do you feel loved and that you belong, according to Maslow's tier of love and belonging?
Some ways that you can satisfy your needs for love and belonging include doing social activities, spending time with a friend, giving affection to a pet, volunteering for a cause you believe in, connecting with family, and/or partaking in a religious faith community. Feeling like you belong is usually tied to a sense of feeling accepted, valued, and appreciated, whereas love promotes a sense of connection, closeness, and affection.
What is an example of belonging according to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy?
A sense of belonging can apply to multiple settings. For example, when you apply Maslow's needs of love and belonging to organizational behavior, an organization would have to consider how workplace motivation might stem from the universal human needs of employees to belong. Two approaches a company might use is to employ respectful and inclusive language and encourage group activities to foster a sense of community. Under this logic, employee motivation may also increase if they feel valued for their efforts.
What happens when love and belonging needs are not met, and what are its physiological effects?
Every individual reacts differently to not having their love and belonging needs met. For example, loneliness is associated with an increased risk for depression and anxiety. A lack of social connection may also raise one's risk of having dementia, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, among other conditions. Loneliness is also linked with higher stress levels, sleep disturbances, and other physiological disturbances.
Why is love and belonging so important for self-esteem?
Studies suggest that self-esteem is linked with a person's sense of belonging. According to Maslow, the need to achieve respect from others also precedes real self-esteem in children and adolescents.
How to meet love and belonging needs?
There are many ways that one can meet their love and belonging needs, depending on one's circumstances and interests. Having a romantic relationship, connecting with an old friend, going to events and community activities, doing sports, spending time with family members, can all foster a sense of connection and belonging.
- Previous Article
- Next Article