How To Tell Someone, “I Don't Like You, But I Love You”

If you find yourself in a situation where you realize you don’t like your loved one, but you still love them, there may be ways to productively handle those perceptions and feelings so they don’t have to become a source of resentment. It can be best to actively communicate, seek advice, acknowledge your partner’s perspectives and emotions as well, and consider speaking to a licensed mental health professional about your thoughts and emotions. It’s generally best to acknowledge and address these feelings rather than allow them to fester. Both liking and loving are complex states which typically include many cognitions as well as emotions, and can sometimes be difficult to fully understand and process. Online therapy can be an excellent way to get the help you deserve.

Communicate actively

The feeling that you love someone but don’t necessarily like them at times isn’t necessarily limited to a relationship with a spouse or partner. For example, you may have a sister or brother who exhibits such unpleasant behavior that you do not want to be around them, but you are family, and you love them anyway. 

Regardless of the situation, assuming the issue will fix itself or go away if it goes unaddressed can be detrimental to your relationship and your health. Studies show that repressing our feelings can have negative effects on our physical and mental health, so addressing and moving past them can be essential. 

The primary way to do that can be to find a way to speak openly and honestly with your loved one about your feelings, preferably in person. It can be beneficial to encourage a two-way interaction, with opportunities for both of you to speak about your feelings. Make sure your loved one knows you value their relationship and listen to them, but gently insist that they listen to you, too. If there is no exchange, your conversation isn’t likely to be as productive. Talking to your significant other about your issue can be important and should be treated as such. 

Seek advice

Acknowledge your partner’s emotions 

It can be common for people to react in a hostile or angry way if they believe they’ve been emotionally attacked or confronted. That’s why it can be vital to approach your partner gently when you speak to them about your feelings. If they’re hurt, they may argue with you or even claim you don’t love them anymore. If things become escalated, you might attempt to return the conversation to a calmer state or revisit it another time when emotions aren’t running so hot. 

On the other hand, your significant other may become overwhelmed by feelings of sadness or despair. In these cases, it can be essential to let them know you respect their feelings and take them seriously. Listen actively and take cues from them to know how to navigate the conversation. 

Talk to a professional

There are many professionals with experience in individual or relationship therapy who can help you examine your feelings and learn how to express them constructively. There are many methods of therapy, and finding a professional who is a good fit for you can sometimes seem challenging. You can get a referral for a therapist in your area from your doctor or your insurance company. A quick online search should give you a list of therapists specializing in marriage and family therapy (MFT) or, if you prefer, a therapist you can speak with on your own.

More individuals and couples are choosing to participate in online therapy, offered through platforms like BetterHelp. Virtual counseling enables users to schedule appointments at convenient times in the form of phone calls or video conferences. Additionally, it's possible to send text messages to your therapist if you're looking for guidance in the moment.