How To Tell Someone, “I Don't Like You, But I Love You”

Medically reviewed by April Justice, LICSW and Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW

Updated December 7, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

If you find yourself in a situation where you realize you don’t like your loved one, but you still love them, there may be ways to productively handle those perceptions and feelings so they don’t have to become a source of resentment. It can be best to actively communicate, seek advice, acknowledge your partner’s perspectives and emotions as well, and consider speaking to a licensed mental health professional about your thoughts and emotions. It’s generally best to acknowledge and address these feelings rather than allow them to fester. Both liking and loving are complex states which typically include many cognitions as well as emotions, and can sometimes be difficult to fully understand and process. Online therapy can be an excellent way to get the help you deserve.

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Communicate actively

The feeling that you love someone but don’t necessarily like them at times isn’t necessarily limited to a relationship with a spouse or partner. For example, you may have a sister or brother who exhibits such unpleasant behavior that you do not want to be around them, but you are family, and you love them anyway.

Regardless of the situation, assuming the issue will fix itself or go away if it goes unaddressed can be detrimental to your relationship and your health. Studies show that repressing our feelings can have negative effects on our physical and mental health, so addressing and moving past them can be essential.

The primary way to do that can be to find a way to speak openly and honestly with your loved one about your feelings, preferably in person. It can be beneficial to encourage a two-way interaction, with opportunities for both of you to speak about your feelings. Make sure your loved one knows you value their relationship and listen to them, but gently insist that they listen to you, too. If there is no exchange, your conversation isn’t likely to be as productive. Talking to your significant other about your issue can be important and should be treated as such.

Seek advice

Speaking to family, friends, or a support group about your relationship difficulties is often helpful. When seeking help from a support group, you might try to get unbiased advice. A support group should allow you to explore your thoughts, feelings, and the implications of their potential responses in a safe place without fear of judgment.

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Acknowledge your partner’s emotions

It can be common for people to react in a hostile or angry way if they believe they’ve been emotionally attacked or confronted. That’s why it can be vital to approach your partner gently when you speak to them about your feelings. If they’re hurt, they may argue with you or even claim you don’t love them anymore. If things become escalated, you might attempt to return the conversation to a calmer state or revisit it another time when emotions aren’t running so hot.

On the other hand, your significant other may become overwhelmed by feelings of sadness or despair. In these cases, it can be essential to let them know you respect their feelings and take them seriously. Listen actively and take cues from them to know how to navigate the conversation.

Talk to a professional

There are many professionals with experience in individual or relationship therapy who can help you examine your feelings and learn how to express them constructively. There are many methods of therapy, and finding a professional who is a good fit for you can sometimes seem challenging. You can get a referral for a therapist in your area from your doctor or your insurance company. A quick online search should give you a list of therapists specializing in marriage and family therapy (MFT) or, if you prefer, a therapist you can speak with on your own.

More individuals and couples are choosing to participate in online therapy, offered through platforms like BetterHelp. Virtual counseling enables users to schedule appointments at convenient times in the form of phone calls or video conferences. Additionally, it's possible to send text messages to your therapist if you're looking for guidance in the moment.

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Talk about your relationship in a safe space

Schedule an online therapy session

Various studies show how online therapy is effective in helping individuals and couples resolve relationship conflicts, improve communication, and manage symptoms of mental health conditions like anxiety and depression (which could stem from relationship distress). In one intervention, 30 couples ages 21-69 were allocated into face-to-face and videoconferencing groups, where they received therapeutic support for relationship satisfaction. At the conclusion of the six sessions and a three-month follow-up visit, researchers identified that the therapeutic alliance remained the same between both groups and that each cohort experienced similar improvements in relationship satisfaction and overall mental health.

Takeaway

It can be common dislike some things about a person, or even the person themselves, even if you love them. Often, it’s best to address these feelings instead of allowing them to build up and lead to resentment. You might seek advice from others, actively communicate with the person you dislike, acknowledge their emotions, and speak to a therapist about the situation. Online therapy can make it easy to connect with a licensed mental health professional who can help.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What does it mean to say, “I don’t like you but I love you”?

Though "I don't like you but I love you" sounds difficult to understand, it captures a nuanced emotional reality where someone’s behavior or personality traits may clash with your preferences, yet your deep emotional bond remains intact. For example, a wife might hear her husband say this after a heated argument but still sense his understanding and care. This complex mix of feelings can occur with a spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, child, sibling, or even a good friend. It’s an admission that love can persist even when personal compatibility falters. However, these feelings often require addressing the underlying issues to restore a sense of mutual appreciation.

Can someone like you without feeling like they love you?

Yes, there’s absolutely such thing as liking someone without loving them. Liking someone is often tied to enjoying their company or personality, while love carries a deep emotional connection. For example, you may consider a coworker a good friend because you spend time together and have shared interests, but the absence of love keeps it a platonic bond. Both emotions operate on different levels, and recognizing this truth can help you explain your feelings with clarity in various contexts.

Can you be in love with someone if you don't like their personality traits?

Yes. Love can transcend someone’s less appealing traits, even if you find their personality frustrating or abrasive at times. Many life partners report moments when they feel they fell out of “like” but remain firmly in love due to shared history, commitment, or even the way they’ve intertwined their lives. The key is deciding whether those traits are deal breakers or just quirks you’re willing to accept in the present moment.

Is saying "I don't like you but I love you" a sign of a healthy relationship?

While this statement may not feel good to hear or say, it may reveal underlying relationship challenges. While It is not inherently unhealthy, it often depends on the context. Healthy relationships thrive on both love and mutual liking, as both contribute to feeling connected and respected. If dislike persists without being addressed, it might lead to resentment or emotional distancing. Open communication, understanding, and even therapy can help clarify the meaning of these feelings and restore balance.

What is it called when you love someone but they hate you?

While there may not be a specific word to describe it, this situation might be referred to as unrequited love or one-sided love. It’s a difficult emotional dynamic that can affect your self-esteem and mental health. Whether it’s a romantic interest, a sibling, or even a mother or father who holds resentment, learning how to set boundaries while maintaining your emotional well-being is crucial. Seeking support from friends, support groups, or a therapist can provide valuable insight and comfort.

Can someone love you but not be attracted to you?

Yes. Emotional love doesn’t always align with physical attraction. For instance, someone might adore their partner but feel their chemistry has faded. However, this disconnect doesn’t always mean you need to break up. It may signal the need to focus on addressing what might be wrong and reigniting the spark. Speaking openly and honestly can lead to a bit more clarity and potentially break the patterns that created the distance in the first place.

How can I deal with loving someone who is always in a terrible mood?

Loving someone who struggles with their mood can feel exhausting, but it’s not impossible to manage. Start by gently addressing their emotions, showing patience, and offering support. Sometimes, it helps if they have talked through their issues with a therapist. Seeking professional help together can open the door to solutions. However, one thing that’s important to remember is not to neglect your own emotional needs when navigating these challenges.

Can love without respect affect mental health?

Love without respect often creates an imbalance that can lead to feelings of worthlessness, anxiety and loss of hope. Respect ensures a foundation of trust and mutual validation, which are essential for emotional stability. When these elements are absent, it’s easy to become confused about the point of the relationship and whether it’s worth holding onto. Recognizing this truth can help you decide whether to stick with the relationship or address its flaws.

What's the difference between loving someone and being in love?

Loving someone often refers to a steady, enduring affection. Being in love, on the other hand, tends to carry romantic intensity, passion, and a desire for connection. The lines can blur, especially in long-term relationships, but understanding the meaning of these feelings in their context helps clarify where the relationship stands.

Can online therapy help you know if you truly love someone or just like the idea of them?

Yes. Online therapy can be an excellent way to explore your feelings. Talking with a professional can help you identify and break down the values that matter most to you and help determine whether you’re drawn to a person for who they are or a fantasy of what they represent. Platforms like BetterHelp provide accessible resources to explain your emotions to a present, supportive and affordable professional.

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The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.

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