How To Recover From Lost Love
Losing a lover is something many people go through at least once in their lifetime. However, no matter how often you have experienced this type of loss, the experience may not feel any easier. It can be challenging, painful, and have a lasting impact on a person.
There is a potential to recover, heal, and move forward with your life with the proper awareness and support. Below are some common struggles people experience when recovering from lost love – and advice to consider if you feel stuck on your journey.
Recovering from lost love
Losing love may be a painful experience. Though recovery can be possible, it may not look the same for everyone. Since all relationships are unique, the processes of moving past those that ultimately don’t work out can be as well. Moving on from someone you once loved takes time, patience, and self-compassion.
Moving on or experiencing grief may involve letting yourself feel all your emotions, even those that are negative. This painful stage may not last forever, however. You may decide to use this loss to propel yourself on a journey of self-discovery and healing that can benefit you in the long run.
The first step: Grieving love
After a romantic relationship ends, it can be tempting to jump into a new one immediately. This quick relief may ease the feelings of hurt or temporarily distract from the pain. However, doing so may not allow you to grieve the relationship you’ve lost in its entirety.
Consider allowing yourself to feel your feelings when a significant and emotionally impactful change occurs. Even if the change was for the best, it doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t still need time to process all that has happened.
Losing a lover often involves other significant life changes, such as changing social circles, daily activities, and locations. If your relationship was long-standing and committed, letting go can feel heartbreaking.
Allowing yourself to grieve what you’ve lost may help you recover more effectively in the long run, even if it feels counterproductive. No single window of time can be applied to all people for grief. For some individuals, a few weeks is a considerable enough grieving period, while others might need months or even years.
In the case of marriage, you may find that grieving could take a year or more before you decide to step out into a new relationship or consider dating again.
You may decide to take the time you need to sincerely work through your emotions to avoid the consequences of repressed emotions. These not only affect you but could potentially carry into future romantic relationships.
The next step: Self-care
Relationships can require the commitment of at least two individuals. While it may be tempting to focus solely on what your ex did wrong, it can be more productive to focus on bettering yourself instead.
Take this time to focus on your needs, desires, and interests. Setting aside this time may help you determine who you are, what you like, what you expect from yourself and life, and what you want and need from a partner. Activities may be an effective way to learn more about yourself. For example, you might try:
- Expressive writing through journaling
- Exercising
- Spending time in nature
- Reading a new book
- Practicing an instrument
Ask yourself the tough questions and make changes if you don’t like the answers you have to offer. You might notice areas of your life in which you’re prone to unhelpful habits or unhealthy patterns. You may have characteristics that make you uncomfortable or no longer serve you.
If you weren’t aware of these things in your previous relationship, it could give you valuable insight into your next relationship if you desire one. When you re-enter the dating world, you may do so as someone you’re proud of. Becoming the person that you’d like to be may take time, but it can be a part of building a life you can be content with.
Be mindful that you may still be grieving and thus enduring the stages of grief, which include:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
There might be ups and downs in your grieving process, and you may navigate each day feeling differently. Working on yourself may be about putting your best foot forward as you move on with your life. Understanding and respecting yourself often takes a long-term, conscious, daily choice.
Step three: Taking time to breathe
While working on yourself after a loss can be beneficial, taking the time to relax may also be. You may feel ready to move on. However, it’s okay if you’re not. With a new world of possibilities available, think about what you want as you move closer to acceptance and healing.
If you are working continuously on yourself or anything that may support future relationships, celebrate your growth along the way and give yourself time to settle into a new routine and a new normal that is supportive of self-love. Relax when you need to.
If you’ve adopted meditation as a healing tool, give yourself time to create a consistent meditative routine. Studies show that meditation can increase self-compassion, which may be valuable during this time.
Whatever changes you’ve made, consider giving yourself time to become comfortable with where you are. Adding too many new things all at once may prove more taxing and emotional than you realize and may set some of your progress back.
You don’t necessarily need to have everything figured out immediately after a breakup, and your heart may need more time to heal. Go at your own pace and try to keep pressure from seeping into your life.
Step four: Moving on
Once you’ve taken time to grieve, work on yourself, and settle into a new routine, give yourself permission to step out and move on. This step may look a bit different for everyone. It could mean going out with friends and leaving your evening open for the possibility of someone new. Or it could mean being bold and seeking out a new relationship, whether via a blind date, a friend, a prospective partner you’ve had a crush on, or a dating app.
Moving on could also mean exploring and learning more about yourself and experiencing life with non-romantic loved ones. Moving on doesn’t have to involve a new love interest to leave the taste of your old relationship behind.
It may be both a heart and a head decision to leave your former relationship in the past. This metaphor means you may focus more on what you want and what’s healthy for you. You may not want to date at all. Some people want more time for self-exploration even after they move on. Consider releasing yourself from the pressure of having to follow a specific timeline.
Navigating setbacks
Although moving on might seem like a linear experience, it doesn’t always happen this way. You might do each step separately, or you might find yourself getting all the way to step four, and then needing to leap back to start all over again. The steps don’t have to occur in order; healing is not always linear.
Lost love can be a painful experience, regardless of the circumstances involved. Recovery is a deeply personal journey that only you may take and determine. It is possible that others cannot control how you move forward from a lover, approach your recovery, or behave during setbacks.
Healing, for you, may be about meeting yourself where you’re at and taking the necessary steps to create a stronger, healthier version of yourself.
For many, therapy can play an essential role in their healing process. Whether you’re experiencing grief, anxiety, or depression from losing someone you once loved, speaking with a professional may help.
Turning to online therapy to aid in grieving may help you move forward productively. One study found that internet-delivered CBT effectively reduced symptoms of depression and grief associated with loss. Participants also reported high satisfaction with their treatment, with the majority showing “clinically significant” recovery in depression and grief.
Through online platforms such as BetterHelp, you can connect virtually with a licensed therapist to receive support and guidance throughout your recovery. The healing process can involve highs and lows that often occur unexpectedly. With an online therapy platform, you may be able to send messages to your counselor throughout the week.
Takeaway
Experiencing the loss of love may take a toll on your mental health and overall well-being. Though it can be challenging to endure, moving forward in a healthy and productive manner is often possible. Some individuals lean on friends and family for support, while others pursue therapy to help them along.
Healing can look different for everyone, and there is not necessarily a one-size-fits-all path to recovery. By allowing yourself to grieve what you’ve lost and challenging yourself to grow, you may begin to shape your future into something you’re proud of.
Can a relationship recover from the loss of love?
If both people in a relationship are committed, a relationship may recover after the loss of love. Look at the upside of the relationship. If you’re looking for reasons to be mad at your partner, you may only notice things that will make you mad. Try looking for good things, and you might find them. When you notice your partner doing something that’s kind or helpful, say thank you.
Try to have fun together. Maybe there’s a card game that you used to play together that you haven’t played in a while, or alternatively, you might want to try something new! Look for a class to take together where you can learn a new skill, search online for interesting events happening in your area, or take a weekend trip to explore somewhere you’ve never been before.
Commitment to trying to make it work can be an essential part of recovering from the loss of love. It can start with committing to telling each other when you sense that you’re drifting apart. Talking to a couples therapist can help you learn strategies to try to build back intimacy and trust.
How do you recover from the loss of love?
Recovery from a lost love is different for everyone, but there are some things you can try. First, give yourself time to grieve. You might be tempted to start dating again right away, but this may not be a good idea. You may need some time to process, and it can be challenging to let go.
Practice self-care by focusing on your needs and interests. Taking some time to rediscover yourself can help you figure out what you need in a partner or if you even need a partner at all. Take time to relax and take care of yourself. You don’t have to figure everything out right away. When you’re ready, give yourself permission to move on. Moving on can mean different things to different people. Some people may be ready to start dating again while others may decide to continue learning more about themselves and exploring life outside of a romantic partnership.
If you are having trouble moving on or if you’re experiencing significant mental health problems resulting from your breakup, talking to a therapist can help you learn other coping strategies to help you move forward.
How do you accept the loss of a relationship?
One thing you can do to accept the loss of the relationship is not beg for a reunion. Asking why the relationship is ending or how they feel may be okay, but making promises to change and trying to get them back may not be a good idea. Instead, try to focus on why the relationship is over. Are the reasons they gave valid? Do you have any reasons of your own?
Don’t try to be friends with your ex right away. You both will likely need time before you can consider a friendship in the future. Right after the breakup, you may want to spend more time focusing on self-care. Try to avoid reaching out to your ex or contacting them, and unfollow or block them on social media. Any contact with them can delay your healing. Grieve the relationship but take time for yourself. Treat yourself to a spa day or a ball game, and try to spend time with your friends.
If you are having a hard time accepting that your relationship is over or if you cannot seem to move on, reach out to a therapist for support. A licensed mental health professional can help you learn the coping skills you need to stay strong and move on.
What is the feeling of lost love?
Everyone experiences the heartbreak of lost love differently; for some, it can be a very physical experience. Some people may feel physical pain while others might feel nauseous or lose their appetite. People can feel anger, frustration, or fear. They may lose interest in activities or have trouble sleeping.
What is the pain of losing love?
The pain of losing love can be considered a form of grief, which has many symptoms. Emotions may come in waves; one minute, you may feel fine, and the next, you may be crying from sadness or anger. You may yearn for your ex while being excited about the possibility of seeing what else is out there. The pain of losing love may have physical symptoms, too, including fatigue, nausea, headaches, restlessness, tightness in the chest or throat, and difficulty concentrating.
Why is love a painful feeling?
Love does many things to the brain. Chemicals like dopamine flood the brain that activate its reward center, cortisol (the stress chemical) rises, and serotonin drops, which leads to our preoccupation and infatuation. Love also releases oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals that are involved in pregnancy, nursing, and mother-infant attachment. Oxytocin deepens feelings of attachment, bringing the sense of calmness and contentment. Love also deactivates the neural pathways responsible for negative emotions, like social judgment and fear.
So, when love ends, it can cause considerable changes in the brain. It can take time for those feel good chemicals to decrease, and when the person for whom you have those feelings is no longer a part of your life, it can be painful.
What is the most painful feeling in love?
Everyone experiences love in their own way, so it can be challenging to identify what the most painful feeling is. Love can sometimes lead to stress or anxiety. The chemicals in the brain that increase happiness when a person is in love, can lead to a sense of withdrawal when a relationship ends. Whether you’re in love or dealing with a breakup, you may fear what’s next. Love tends to elevate vulnerability and a sense of being out of control, which can be scary.
Is true love painful?
True love can feel painful if there is stress in the relationship or if the relationship ends. Whether you’re dealing with infidelity or some other breach of trust, talking to a mental health professional when experiencing the pain of true love can give you the coping skills and support you need to move on.
What is the hardest part of love?
The hardest part of love is something that can be different for everyone. Early on, defining the relationship can be challenging, especially if one partner is ready to commit and the other isn’t sure. Carving out time to spend together, a lack of physical intimacy, learning how to compromise, and arguing effectively are all challenging dynamics to work through, too. Love ending can also be excruciatingly painful.
What is the saddest part of love?
Everyone’s relationship is different, so the saddest part of love may vary for everyone. Some people may perceive that the saddest part of love is the moment they realize that the relationship might be nearing its end. Others may experience the actual breakup is more upsetting. Even couples who remain together can experience significant sadness, like a difficult physical or mental health diagnosis or the loss of their partner.
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