I Love My Partner, But How Do I Know If He’s The One?
It can be challenging to determine if the person you’re in a relationship with could be “the one,” even if you love them deeply. If you find that you’re able to open up to your partner, that you naturally include them in your plans, that you love their flaws, and that you can understand how they think, it’s possible that your significant other could be the one. For professional help determining whether your boyfriend is the one, it can be beneficial to speak with a licensed therapist about your feelings. You can connect with a professional therapist in person or online.
How do I know if he’s the one for me? Signs of a strong connection
It can be easy to think “I love my boyfriend!” when you are feeling excited about him in the beginning stages of the relationship. However, some of those feelings may be related to the novelty of the experience, not necessarily to your partner. Here are some indicators that you might be moving beyond infatuation and truly falling in love with your boyfriend or partner:
You’re opening up to him
When you begin to let your boyfriend in on topics that make you feel vulnerable and insecure, it can be a sign that you’re beginning to see him as more than just a fling. At the very beginning of a relationship, you may tend to show yourself as the person you think he wants, not the person you truly are.
You don’t necessarily need to trust someone to feel infatuation and attraction on a date, but trust can be one of the key ingredients of love, according to the psychological theory known as the Quadruple Framework. As your feelings deepen, you often become more comfortable revealing your rough edges and weak spots.
You include him in your plans
As you fall harder for someone, the idea of the two of you being together can feel more and more natural. In the infatuation stage, seeing your boyfriend or significant other may feel exciting and even a little scary.
Once your feelings begin to deepen into love, though, it may become second nature to imagine doing things together. You might find that you assume you’re going to see him over the weekend, instead of desperately hoping for it. When you imagine yourself in the future, you may naturally imagine he’s there with you. Instead of always wanting to see him and focusing on every detail to make sure everything is perfect when you spend time together, you may simply count on him being there.
You use the collective “we”
This shift might seem like the romance is fading, not deepening. But, in reality, it may be a sign that you’re viewing your boyfriend as a true partner. An experiment on marital happiness found that couples who naturally referred to themselves as “we” during conversations typically had greater levels of relationship satisfaction. Thinking of yourself and your boyfriend or partner as a unit can be a sign of a more strongly established love.
His flaws seem charming
As noted above, you’ll probably become more comfortable revealing your less appealing traits as the relationship grows stronger. The same will likely happen with your boyfriend. You’ll typically learn more about his irritating habits, his social blind spots, and his irrational likes and dislikes.
Pay attention to your reactions to your boyfriend’s flaws. Do they irritate you so much you can’t stand to be around them? Or is part of you smiling inside even when you want to grab and shake him?
Research on relationships has found that couples who are deeply in love tend to view one another through rose-tinted glasses. This situation doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll like everything about your partner, but you may interpret his not-so-great qualities more positively or see the ways that his weaknesses can also be strengths. This idealized image seems to be positively correlated with long-term relationship success.
It can be easy to appreciate someone’s good looks, great style, or intelligent mind. However, it often takes real love to see stubbornness or corny jokes as part of a person’s charm.
You understand how he thinks
It may sound a bit cheesy to say that someone “just gets you.” This overused line could be pointing to an important truth about love, though. Empathy — the ability to get inside someone else’s head and see things from their perspective — may be an important feature of genuine love.
A 2005 neuroimaging study discovered that people who were in loving long-term relationships showed increased activation in their “mirror neurons.” Mirror neurons are located in a region of the brain’s frontal lobe that usually helps us to see ourselves in other people. Deep love appears to increase our empathy for our partners. If you experience your boyfriend’s pain and understand his point of view instead of finding ways that he is wrong, it’s often a clue that you’re in love.
Sex is better
Many surveys on sexuality find that people experience higher levels of sexual satisfaction when they are in loving, committed relationships. This finding may seem obvious when you think about some of the other markers of love we discussed above. For instance, it’s easy to see how greater trust and empathy could make people better at communicating what they like in the bedroom.
Not everyone who experiences romantic love also experiences sexual attraction, of course. Levels of desire can vary a great deal depending on sexual identity and orientation, even among perfectly healthy people who are deeply in love. That said, if you seem to be reaching new levels of enjoyment in your sex life, it may be because you’re in love with your boyfriend or significant other.
It’s easier to stop thinking about him
It might sound strange that not thinking about your partner all the time can be an indicator of love. Still, there may be good reasons to view this change as a sign that infatuation is deepening into love. Studies suggest that being frequently distracted by thoughts of your partner is often characteristic of early-stage attraction, which is frequently obsessive and impulsive. Lasting love typically requires you to be able to focus on your own world instead of constantly daydreaming about your partner.
You make him a priority
Have you noticed yourself doing small things simply because they’ll make your boyfriend smile? Do you choose spending time with him over other fun activities? Perhaps most importantly, do you do these things without being pressured by him, just for the joy you feel when you’ve brought him happiness?
If the answer is yes, it can be a good sign that you’re in love with your boyfriend.
Are you still wondering if it’s really love?
It’s understandable to experience some uncertainty when your early emotions toward a partner are beginning to mature. The dizzying force of infatuation can make you seem a bit giddy and irrational, potentially leading you to question your own judgment. On the flip side, the fading of that initial passion might prompt you to worry that your love is petering out rather than deepening.
How do I know if he’s the one? Seeking help to clarify your feelings
In this situation, it might be beneficial to check in with a licensed therapist, who can help you figure out if you’re really in love with your boyfriend or significant other. Sometimes, the objective perspective of an expert can be just what you need to see your relationship clearly. An experienced therapist may be able to suggest some healthy strategies for working through your feelings.
If you’re not certain you’d be comfortable talking with a mental health professional in person, you could give internet-based therapy a try. Many people who engaged in online counseling reported that the added distance gave them a sense of “comfort and control,” which made it easier for them to develop a connection with their therapist, enhancing the overall experience.
Though online therapy is still relatively new, research to date indicates that it has similar outcomes to in-person counseling. A meta-analysis examining studies with close to 10,000 participants in total concluded that both types of therapy appear to work equally well. You can get online therapy through any web browser, although you may want to download your browser’s most current update to ensure safety.
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to love your boyfriend so much?
Loving deeply can be a positive, natural aspect of a loving and committed relationship. However, like many factors in a relationship, the level of love you feel for your boyfriend is subjective and unique to your situation. It's difficult to say if the love you feel for him is "normal," but if it comes at your own expense, interferes with your daily functioning, or creates issues between you, it might be worth examining more closely. Here are some signs that your love for your boyfriend may be unhealthy:
- You constantly check his phone and social media accounts
- You feel anxious or insecure when you're not together
- You're overly possessive or jealous when he spends time with others
- You neglect your own needs or interests in favor of his
- You're unable to function or be happy without his presence
- You try to control or manipulate his actions or decisions
- You have a hard time setting boundaries or maintaining a sense of independence
- You feel a strong need for constant validation and reassurance from him
- You're over-preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies about him
- You ignore red flags or unhealthy behaviors in the relationship
How do I show my boyfriend I love him?
The best way to show your boyfriend you love him depends on his personality, preferences, and unique love language. How does he show you he loves you? If he surprises you with small gestures like leaving love notes or bringing you coffee in bed, consider doing the same for him. If he's a physical person and uses intimacy to show you he loves you, consider planning a romantic evening or initiate small, spontaneous physical encounters throughout the day. Here are some other gestures that say "I love my boyfriend:"
Do things to make his life easier (without being asked)
Everyone has chores to do and errands to run, and if he's like many people, he might feel there aren't enough hours in the day to do them. Notice those little things and take care of them for him. For example, you might wash his car or drop off his dry cleaning. Doing small things can make a big difference, and it'll show him you care.
Let him know how thankful you are to have him in your life
Regardless of his love language, feeling valued and appreciated can promote a sense of stability and unconditional love between you. Whether you tell him how you feel in a heartfelt note, in passing while you're cleaning the house, or in person over a nice dinner, he'll know he's loved. Tell him how much you appreciate it when he calls on his way home to ask what you need from the store. Or simply tell him how much you loved to hear his voice. Any well-placed gesture can show how much you love and appreciate him, no matter how small.
Pay him personal, heartfelt compliments
Complimenting him on his looks or telling him how smart he is can make him feel good, but what are some things about him that set him apart? Maybe he's a fantastic listener, a compassionate friend, or an excellent cook. Don't skimp on letting him know you find him attractive, but remind him of his strengths and what he's doing right, too.
Do things together that he enjoys
This isn't to say you have to tolerate doing something you hate just because he likes it, but you can show him you love him by putting his tastes first occasionally. For example, take him to a movie you know he wants to see or accompany him to a concert you might not have otherwise chosen to go to. Let's say he plays golf or tennis every week, but you've never been particularly interested. If his usual partner can't go this week, play with him this time. You might end up enjoying it, too.
Take an interest in his life
If your boyfriend likes to share what's happening in his life, you can show you love him by taking a sincere interest. Keep up with his family life, what's happening with his friends, and what's new at work. What does he do with his free time? Whether he's into the gym, his book club, or both, if it means something to him, make sure it means something to you, too.
Support his other relationships
Your boyfriend's friendships and family relationships matter and probably play a significant role in shaping who he is as a person. Support and respect those relationships, and ensure he invests time in them. If he and his friends have plans, encourage him to keep them. If he has a Sunday dinner family ritual, don't expect him to change that. He may want you to come with him, but if not, don't assume it's because he doesn't want to spend time with you. Having a life outside of each other is healthy for you both.
Can someone love you and still hurt you?
It's common for individuals who love each other to hurt each other, and the longer you're together, the more likely it is to happen. When someone means so much to you, the slightest things can be hurtful. Chances are, you care a lot about their opinions and what they think, so the most minor criticism can seem like a huge slight.
What is a love-bomb relationship?
Love bombing in a relationship is when one person tries to manipulate or influence another with outsized gestures of affection and attention. It typically happens in the early stages of a relationship and often involves an overstepping of boundaries by "the bomber" in the name of affection. Even if it makes the individual uncomfortable, the love bomber may pay over-the-top compliments or profess their love unusually early in the relationship. They may shower the person with gifts or insist on speaking all day, every day, even if it interferes with other parts of the individual's life.
How do you know if a guy is emotionally attached to you?
Guys might show emotional attachment differently, and some might try to hide it, but there are a few ways you can tell if he's emotionally attached to you without him having to say so:
- He'll want to talk to you constantly: If a guy is emotionally attached to you, he'll likely text, message, or call you throughout the day. He might be thinking about you or want to share something that's happened to him. Something may come up that reminds him of you, or he might just want to hear the sound of your voice.
- He'll want you to meet his important people (and he'll want to meet yours): When a guy is emotionally attached, he'll want to introduce you to the friends and family in his life that he cares about and who have shaped him. Chances are, he'll want to meet the people in your life who know you best, too.
- He'll go out of his way to be around you: If you live far away, he might travel hours just to see you. If your schedule is too busy to carve out time together, he may stop by work with coffee just to see you for a few minutes. If your guy is emotionally attached, he'll value every minute you spend together.
- He'll want to do things that make your life easier: If a guy is emotionally attached to you, he might pay attention to your day-to-day needs and support you wherever possible. For example, he may change the oil in your car if he sees you need it or bring groceries if your fridge is empty. Even the smallest gestures can mean a lot.
- He'll make himself emotionally available: Even if it's a little out of character, an emotionally attached guy will allow himself to be vulnerable with the person he's connected to. He'll open up about past relationships, his childhood, or difficulties he's faced throughout his life because he wants you to know him completely.
- He'll be there for you: If a guy is emotionally attached, he'll be the first person to root for your successes, but he'll also be the first to support you when you're down.
- He'll want to show his commitment: Does he have a coworker with a crush? If he's emotionally attached to you, he'll make it a point to let them know he's taken. He'll want to hold your hand in public, tell others about you, and "show you off" whenever he can.
How do I know whether my partner really loves me?
Just like his behaviors can tell you whether he's emotionally attached, they can also reveal if he's just playing with you and isn't interested in anything serious. For example, instead of texting you throughout the day because he's thinking about you, you might only hear from him every other day or when he wants something. If a guy hasn't asked questions or shown much interest in what's going on in your life, he might be playing you.
He probably won't make it a point to introduce you to his family and close circle of friends. He may be playing you if he doesn't want to be affectionate in public or if he's only interested in spending time together under certain circumstances.
What is future faking?
Future faking is a manipulation tactic in which an individual will make big promises and huge plans for the future to get something from you without any intention of fulfilling them. For example, they may do something to hurt you and then promise a romantic vacation to make up for it. If they see you're having doubts about the relationship, they might propose marriage but avoid setting a date or tell you they want to buy a house together but find excuses for why you should put it off.
What is emophilia love?
Emophilia love (sometimes known as emotional promiscuity) is when a person falls in love quickly and frequently. Every love interest might be their "soul mate," or they may profess "love at first sight" for every person they're attracted to. People with a tendency toward emophilia love might approach every relationship head-on, only to find it doesn't work out in the end.
Why won't he say, “I love you”?
There are many reasons why a guy might be avoiding telling you he loves you or expressing love for you in other ways:
- They're hesitant because they've been hurt in past relationships
- They're afraid of commitment
- They aren't sure how you feel
- They're stressed about issues in other areas of their life
- It's too soon
- They're still figuring out how they feel
- They're distant or detached from their feelings
- They have a hard time expressing themselves
- They aren't in love with you
How does a man who loves you act?
A man who loves you will share himself by confiding in you, valuing your opinion, and turning to you for help. He'll prioritize your wants and needs, support you however he can, and be proud to have you as a partner. A man who loves you will want to take care of you, integrate you into his life, and let you know how much he enjoys your company.
- Previous Article
- Next Article