Moving On From Impossible Love

Though love can be a tremendously beautiful part of life, it can often lead to incredible pain as well. For many of us, it can be difficult to control who we develop romantic feelings for. Oftentimes the enigmatic nature of love and attraction can lead us to harbor problematic feelings, or make moving on from a troubled relationship seem unimaginable. 

Situations such as these may often be referred to as “impossible love,” which can encompass a number of different situations. In this article we will explore what impossible love tends to constitute, and what you can do to move on. 

The kinds of impossible love

The term “impossible love” can apply to a number of different situations with each of them having one commonality; a romantic situation that is inadvisable to entertain or continue. The feeling that you are experiencing an impossible love may develop over the course of a long relationship. Impossible love could also exist in a situation where feelings of love are not returned. 

Unhealthy or damaging love

An ongoing relationship that creates stress, negativity or toxicity can often fall into the category of impossible love. A relationship plagued with incessant arguing, jealousy and resentment is typically one that should not continue.

Additionally, relationships that consist of frequently breaking up and getting back together, or extreme codependency may fall into the category of impossible love. While ongoing situations such as these may be improved through communication or couples therapy, in many of these cases, it may be best to walk away.

Unrequited or nonviable love

Unrequited or nonviable love is another type of romantic connection that could be considered impossible. This could look like falling in love with a married person, harboring feelings for someone who does not feel the same way in return, falling for a boss or co-worker, or even developing a crush or an attraction to someone you do not personally know, like a celebrity or someone you have seen in passing. 

Cases of nonviable love can be especially difficult to move on from if the object of your affections is someone who you interact with on a frequent basis. In cases where the person you have developed feelings for is married, working with you, or is a nonviable partner for another reason, it can be important not to act on what you are feeling. 

If you are already engaging in a relationship with a nonviable party, the first step to moving on would typically be to end the relationship immediately.

Incompatible wants or needs

Another form of impossible love can exist between people who have incompatible wants or needs. For example, if one person in a relationship wants to have children while another does not, this can be an irreconcilable difference that may only be solved by walking away from the relationship. 

Situations like these can often be especially difficult, as love between parties can remain strong despite your differences. While compromise is an option in certain cases, continuing a relationship where the people involved want very different things out of life tends to lead to more difficulty or heartbreak in the long run. 

How to move on from impossible love

No matter the situation, moving on from impossible love can be very emotionally challenging. It can be important to practice self-compassion when moving toward walking away or letting go. There are a few reframing tactics or techniques you may try to employ to lessen the ache of moving on. 

Focusing on reality over idealization

It is common when developing feelings or an attraction to a new person to begin dreaming up perfectly romantic situations. Furthermore, you may find that you ruminate on a partner’s early behaviors in a relationship such as compliments and gestures they no longer do, or you hold on to the idea of a partner’s potential. 

When moving on from impossible love, it can be helpful to focus on the current reality of your situation. For example, if you have found yourself with feelings for a married person, it may be because you believe the person is always kind, funny, and attractive. You may imagine an immaculate relationship with no lows, lulls or disagreements. 

Ending or minimizing communication

In a situation where you are able to, ending or minimizing contact with an impossible love can be a difficult, yet helpful step in moving on. In a case where emotions are running high, taking a break or ending communication can create space for you to relax and think rationally about the situation. Additionally, removing or simply muting the person’s social media accounts can be a helpful way to avoid frequent reminders. 

A break or reduction in contact does not necessarily have to be permanent. It is typically up to you to decide whether you feel comfortable reintroducing the person into your orbit down the line.

Focusing on self-improvement

Though it tends to be quite a cliche when it comes to moving on from any type of unsuitable relationship, focusing on yourself can serve as a productive distraction from the difficulty of letting go of someone you care for. 

Self-improvement can come in many forms. You may opt to focus on fitness, career, hobbies or building closer relationships with friends or family. Additionally, practicing techniques such as meditation and journaling can be helpful tools to incorporate into your day-to-day life as you navigate challenging emotions. 

Journaling to reframe thoughts on impossible love

Journaling can be a helpful tool in reframing the thoughts surrounding an impossible love. For example, where you may have idealized your relationship in the past, you might write about how walking away from impossible love could potentially lead to a more idealized life for you in the future. 

How online therapy can help with impossible love

Moving on from impossible love can be especially challenging to navigate alone. If you are having difficulty moving on from a situation like those described above, reaching out to a therapist or licensed relationship counselor may provide helpful guidance. 

The benefits of online therapy for individuals and couples

Online therapy can often provide convenient getting to individual and couples therapy, along participants to navigate their unique situations from the comfort of their own homes. 

As technology continues to advance, so does the use of online therapy and telemedicine. Recent studies have shown that individual online therapy is equally as effective as in-person therapy. 

Studies focusing on online couples counseling specifically reported positive results for participants as well.