Infatuation Vs. Love: Exploring the Differences

It can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between infatuation and love, since both can feel intense and overwhelming. Over time, though, things often become clearer: Infatuation is usually short-lived, while love involves longer-term commitment as well as emotional stability, honesty, and shared values. Below is a closer look at both experiences, since understanding the difference can be crucial for forming a healthy relationship or relationships and avoiding emotional burnout or love addiction.

Chemical components behind infatuation and love 

One major difference between infatuation and love is often chemical. In many cases, infatuation is driven by lust, a physical attraction, and a sexual drive, though it can also be solely romantic. You may lust after someone because you find them attractive. You may also find their personality pleasing or enjoy the way you feel when you're around them. 

However, feeling either form of infatuation doesn't necessarily mean a relationship will develop or last. In many cases, infatuation is spontaneous and chemistry-driven, sometimes leading people to confuse it with deeper emotions. While often thrilling, it generally lacks the stability that defines lasting love or mature emotional connection.

Hormones can drive lust and attachment

Chemically, physical attraction and lust tend to be fueled by the hormones estrogen and testosterone. Both are often required to some degree to experience lust. As these hormone levels ramp up, a person may notice that they:

• Become antsy, aggressive, or excited
• Lose focus on anything outside of sexual or romantic gratification
• Experience physical symptoms, like sweaty palms 
• Have “tunnel vision” around one person

When your feelings for someone also (or only) include emotional attraction, the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine can cause you to feel intense happiness and a sense of being rewarded. When you spend time with someone who evokes these feelings, your brain experiences these chemical rewards. When that person is not around, the chemicals in the brain make you want them more.  

Oxytocin’s role in love and infatuation

Oxytocin has been nicknamed "the bonding chemical" and "the love neurotransmitter." In situations like breastfeeding, pregnancy, cuddling, and sex, oxytocin can be released, potentially chemically compelling humans to feel emotionally and physically closer to another person. Like dopamine, the effects of oxytocin can be tempting and may increase cravings for affection. 

Infatuation happens when a person craves the chemical release of oxytocin and dopamine to the point where they want to be around the other person all the time. Love can also involve these chemicals but may generally be more related to values and the affection that grows over time in a close relationship. 

How do you know when you're in love? 

The infatuation stage is filled with intense emotions while a loving, healthy relationship can often offer stability, closeness, and support. You might be in love rather than just experiencing infatuation if:

• You value the other person’s happiness
• You communicate openly and resolve conflict respectfully
• You’re comfortable being your true self around them
• You make a conscious choice to stay even if excitement fades or changes form

Real love accepts imperfections and involves working through letdowns or setbacks together. It means committing to each other’s well-being and working together on the health of your connection, even when things are difficult. Unlike infatuation, love isn’t just a feeling; it’s also dedication to constant evolution and growth together.

Infatuation vs. love over time

When you love someone, you may have the desire to be selfless and put their needs first. In addition, you may want to build a long-term life together, like starting a family or passing through other "relationship milestones." If you love someone, your care for them may not diminish over time and instead grow as you get to know them and see them grow, as well. In contrast, infatuation may be more like obsession than mature love. This feeling can be dramatic, intense, and all-consuming. 

The transition from infatuation to love

Emotional maturity and conscious choice are typically necessary to cultivate lasting love, which could then have the potential to turn into marriage or a lasting, healthy relationship if desired. In contrast, infatuation won’t usually progress beyond temporary romance unless there’s deep emotional work. Without that effort, infatuation can evolve or fade gradually once the “honeymoon phase” ends. In such cases, infatuation can be harmless and not destructive as long as it’s treated carefully and not mistaken for a love story.

10 ways to spot infatuation vs. love

Below are ten ways you may be able to tell the difference between love and infatuation: 

1. Real love accepts imperfections and grows through friendship, trust, and shared values.
2. Love involves mutual care, self-esteem support, and hopes for the other person’s well-being.
3. Love accepts change and compromise. It’s not about control, but about partnership.
4. Love is often about a deeper connection.
5. Love takes time to develop, while infatuation can be instant.
6. Love is often lasting or timeless, continuing even if you're apart or can't be together. 
7. Love is often confident, while infatuation may be insecure.
8. Love encourages growth.
9. Love often involves a vision for the future, while infatuation tends to be more short-term.
10. Love goes beyond sex, while infatuation is often physical.

Reactions usually differ between love and infatuation

Unlike with infatuation, you might not be obsessed with knowing how someone else feels about you when you're in love. Instead, you may think more about their interests and needs, put them first, and consider them an integral part of your life. Even when you're angry or disagree, you may still feel love for them. If you're infatuated with someone, however, a disagreement or core personality difference may cause your feelings to change quickly. 

Love or infatuation: Taking time to understand your feelings

In the early stages of a relationship, it can be challenging to know if you're in love. When Googling phrases like "Am I in love," you may see posts highlighting infatuation's symptoms and calling it love, which can be misleading. With hormones cycling, a person can feel so intensely that they may struggle to decipher their feelings.

How to build healthy love: From infatuation to connection

It is possible to feel infatuation for someone at first and then transition into authentic love. Some tips for understanding your feelings and building a healthy relationship together include:

• Practice self-reflection often to cultivate emotional awareness
• Work on building self-esteem and resilience for when challenges or conflict arise
• Prioritize a foundation of friendship and shared values
• Practice and encourage mutual honesty and communication
• Address any unrealistic expectations and embrace imperfections

Journaling and therapy are two helpful activities that may allow you to explore hopes, fears, and attachment patterns as they relate to your romantic relationships.

Coping with infatuation

In time, infatuation often goes away on its own. For many people, this process takes a few weeks to a few months. For others, it might take a few years. Coping with infatuation, especially in cases of unrequited love, can also depend on how much time you spend with someone, whether you feel obsessed with them, and whether they are returning your attention and affection.

If the person sometimes reciprocates your feelings and sometimes doesn't, your infatuation may last longer, as your brain craves dopamine and oxytocin but is getting them inconsistently from this person. In such cases, finding healthy ways to manage obsessive feelings can be key. 

Managing obsessive feelings

If you are infatuated with someone to the point of significant obsession or stalking behaviors, this may be dangerous. Even if not, the strong feelings of infatuation can be distressing and may interfere with other areas of your life. If you’re struggling due to infatuation or relationship challenges, it may be beneficial to reach out for support.

Recognizing when infatuation becomes unhealthy

Experiencing infatuation isn’t inherently problematic. When properly managed, it can be an exciting and normal part of life—and in many cases, long-term love involves some infatuation at the start. 

However, infatuation that isn’t properly managed and/or comes from an unhealthy place could become a problem. For example, infatuation driven by low self-esteem or a desire for validation could end up harming both individuals. Poor boundaries or symptoms of love addiction could be potential warning signs.

If feelings of infatuation start to feel intense, it may help to ground yourself. You might try:

• Taking deep breaths to soothe your nervous system
• Checking in with a friend or family member who you have a healthy relationship with to help you view the situation more logically
• Practicing mindfulness, which may help you notice when you’re idealizing the person instead of seeing them realistically
• Focusing on your friendships, hobbies, or other parts of your life until the intensity of the infatuation passes

The role of emotional maturity in lasting love

Emotional awareness and maturity are key to recognizing the signs of infatuation and being able to build a deeper, longer-term, healthy relationship with someone over time. Lasting love involves patience, honesty, communication, respect, and self-awareness, and this type of mature love is a conscious choice—not a reaction. If you’re looking to work toward deeper self-awareness and stronger relationship skills, reaching out for support from a therapist could be helpful.

Finding professional support 

If you're struggling to understand your feelings for a person or want to move forward from an unhealthy infatuation, it may be beneficial to talk to a counselor. You don't have to have a mental illness to go to therapy, and therapy can also be attended online through platforms like BetterHelp.

Online therapy 

Through an online platform, clients can use tools like webinar classes, group therapy sessions, journaling prompts, and worksheets to take control of their mental health journey. In addition, they can choose between phone, video, or live chat individual sessions with their therapist and send messages to them throughout the week as well if questions arise.  

Studies indicate that online therapy can often be an effective way to get mental health support. For example, consider a study that compared online vs. in-person therapy for treating symptoms of anxiety and depression, which can sometimes come with infatuation or relationship challenges. The findings suggest that “digital interventions can support sustained and clinically meaningful improvements in depression and anxiety.”