Is It Normal To Still Love My Ex?

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D. and Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW
Updated October 23, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It's not unusual to feel a lingering attachment to your ex after a breakup, even if you initiated the split. Finding ways to cope with these lingering feelings can be a fundamental part of your healing process. You may find it helpful to reach out to a friend, engage in self-care, and seek support from a licensed mental health professional. You can speak to a therapist online or in person.

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Having trouble coping with a breakup?

Acknowledging and accepting your emotions after a breakup

After breaking up with someone you still love, feeling a range of emotions tends to be expected. You might feel sad, angry, or even relieved. You might allow yourself to feel and experience these emotions rather than trying to suppress them. Ignoring your feelings or pretending they don't exist may only prolong the healing process.

It can be okay to feel sad but try not to get stuck in a negative mindset. Instead, you might recognize and accept your emotions for what they are. Remember that it can be natural to feel these emotions after a breakup and that they should pass with time. Try not to pressure yourself to move on quickly or to feel better immediately; instead, you might allow yourself to feel and process your emotions at your own pace.

Finding healthy ways to cope with your emotions after a breakup

When experiencing lingering feelings for an ex, it’s often helpful to find healthy ways to cope with your feelings, such as the following:

  • Reach out to a friend or family: Try to choose someone who is supportive and understanding and listens to you without judging you.
  • Seek support from an online therapist or counselor: If you're struggling to cope with your emotions on your own, it might be helpful to seek the support of a mental health professional. 
  • Engage in self-care activities: Taking care of yourself can be ideal for your physical and mental well-being. You might engage in activities that nourish your body and mind, such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones.
  • Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms: It may be tempting to turn to harmful coping mechanisms, such as excessive alcohol consumption or seeking comfort in unhealthy relationships, to numb the pain of a breakup. However, these coping mechanisms often only provide temporary relief and may do more harm than good long-term. It's perhaps better to find healthy ways to cope with your emotions.
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Focusing on your growth and healing after a breakup

After a breakup, it can be best to focus on your growth and healing. It may be helpful to list things you might want to do for yourself to boost your self-esteem. For example, you might take up a new hobby or reconnect with old friends. Focusing on activities that bring you joy may reduce the discomfort you're feeling and may also move the healing process forward. By focusing on other things, you may have a better chance of redirecting your thoughts away from loving your ex.

Move forward and find happiness after a breakup

Trying to find the proper steps to take after breaking up with your ex may be difficult, especially if you still have feelings for them. But it can be wise not to rush into a new relationship before you're ready, as it may lead to poor choices and repeating past mistakes. Instead, try to take some time to focus on yourself and heal from the breakup. Engage in self-care activities, seek support from friends and family, and consider seeking online therapy if needed. Trust that the right person is likely to come along in due time and that you'll be ready for a healthy, fulfilling relationship when that time comes.

In the meantime, try to focus on building a solid foundation for yourself and becoming the best version of yourself. Being patient and allowing yourself time and space to heal might provide you with the ability to move forward from any feelings that you might have for your ex. This may not only help you recover from the breakup, but it can bode for healthier relationships in the future.

Healing from a breakup with online therapy

If you feel unable to process your feelings after a breakup, you may want to consider online therapy to help you cope with the emotions and challenges that may come with the end of a relationship. Online therapy can be beneficial if you're having trouble moving on and struggling to see things clearly. In addition, the fact that you may attend sessions from home or anywhere with an internet connection can add a level of convenience to the experience.

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Having trouble coping with a breakup?

Efficacy of online therapy for coping with a breakup

Coping with a breakup can be complicated and overwhelming, but online therapy typically offers a practical approach to healing. Research has demonstrated that cognitive and behavioral interventions in this setting may improve self-esteem and forgiveness levels post-breakup. In general, online therapy is as effective as in-office therapy, so either option may be beneficial for you.

Takeaway

Breakups can be emotionally challenging, and it's not unusual to feel a lingering attachment to an ex, even if you initiated the split. You might try to focus on your well-being and happiness as you move forward and acknowledge and accept your emotions. Finding healthy ways to cope with your feelings, such as talking to a trusted friend or seeking support from an online therapist, may be a fundamental part of the healing process. While it may be okay to still have feelings for your ex, try not to rush into a new relationship before you're ready. Trust that the right person is likely to come along when the time is right, and in the meantime, it can be best to focus on building a solid foundation for yourself.
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