Love Letters For Her: What To Say

Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC
Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable putting your deepest feelings into words, whether you’re talking in person, a love letter, or even a romantic text. It can feel like you’re taking a risk by making yourself vulnerable with your feelings when you put them in writing in a romantic love letter or even sending short love messages via text or chat. Even if your whole world revolves around her, you might feel shy about telling her.

But this vulnerable and, therefore, brave act can go a long way in communicating how much you love her. And studies have shown that people can underestimate the positive effect receiving a heartfelt letter has on a person. While some people may feel timid about putting “mushy” and romantic ideas and thoughts into words or writing cute love letters, it can often feel easier to put them into writing than to say them directly to her. 

Plus, writing them down by hand has many positive effects both for you and her. You’ll feel the dopamine rush expressing yourself with a pen, and she’ll find the letter even more personal in your handwriting. So, if you are ready to rise to the challenge, here are some simple tips to remember when writing love letters.

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Expressing your feelings can be intimidating

Tell her that she is beautiful in a heartfelt letter

Even if your significant other is very confident in the way she looks, it’s often difficult to constantly maintain that confidence with what is often a barrage of pressure to fit society’s unrealistic beauty standards. 

While not everyone needs to hear that they are physically beautiful, many do appreciate compliments on their appearance. When you give your significant other compliments, you may be contributing positively to their self-esteem. This can also make it easier to find heartfelt words as you consider what to put in your love letters for her since you can simply write the things you love most about her appearance. 

If you’d like to let her know that you think she’s beautiful, do it sincerely. You can do this by picking specific things about the way she looks that you love and by telling her what a beautiful person she is. Give her specific compliments so she knows that you really mean what you say and that you aren’t just trying to flatter her. 

Say what you appreciate about her aside from her looks

As much as most of us love to hear how attractive we are, your partner will also likely want to hear about other things that you appreciate about her. Consider all the little things that make her the most amazing person, and mention the things about her that won you over when you first met her.

It could be the twinkle in her eye when she laughs or the way she cares so much about other people. It could be that she has the same interests that you do or that she makes you feel loved, safe, and happy. Perhaps she gives you endless support and encouragement, or just the thought of her makes you smile. Choose something that stands out to you, and then make sure you let her know exactly what it is in your love letter.

Let her know she’s perfect for you

Your partner probably doesn’t expect that she is a perfect person, but your partner will likely enjoy hearing how she’s the perfect person for you. Look for ways to show her that you mean this. 

Point out all the ways that she compliments you and all the things that you’re able to enjoy together that you wouldn’t enjoy with anyone else. Look for ways to let her know that she is amazing and irreplaceable in your life. This doesn’t have to mean a long letter or a big gesture – it can be as simple as a letter that says something like, “You are the love of my life, always.”

Tell her why you fell in love with her

If you’ve been together a while, she probably already knows what drew you to her. If not, now is a good time to let her know. Either way, expressing why you fell in love with her is a great way to let her know that you’d choose her over everyone else over and over. It’s also a great way to remind yourself after years of being together all the reasons that you chose her.

Let her know what a difference she has made in your life

Communicate to her how much of a difference she’s made in your life and about all the happiness she gives you. Tell her about how she has made you want to be a better person. Tell her personal details about the ways she has made your life better and how important she is to you. All these points will go a long way toward making her feel valued, appreciated, and loved. 

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Preserve your memories

When you write about all the beautiful memories that only you and she have and what may stick out to you the most, you’re reinforcing that her involvement in your life is important to you. She will enjoy revisiting the absolutely amazing times you’ve had together, and it’s a great way to bond over those times all over again and let her know you’re forever grateful for her presence in your life. 

Can I use a poem or quotes from someone else in romantic love letters?

Your partner will most likely prefer to hear your words, but a quote or poem from someone else can be impactful, too. If you think it’s going to be easier to include poems or romantic quotes written by someone else in your love letters to tell her she’s the most amazing woman around, make sure they’re heartfelt and perhaps meaningful to you both. Tell her why you chose that quote or passage and how it reminds you of her. 

Is giving a card okay?

There is nothing wrong with using a tender or beautiful card to write your romantic love letters. You can even use them as love letter examples to get you started.  However, including some words of your own makes a card much more personal. Even if the card has the right words printed on it, by writing a sentence or two in your own words, cards can become sweet love letters that are likely to have much more meaning for the recipient. It doesn’t have to be poetic! You can say something as short and sweet as, “In all my life, I’ve never loved someone the way I love you,” or “I want you to know, you bring me so much happiness,” or “With each passing day, I love you more.”

How often should you write her a love letter?

How often you choose to write your significant other love letters is up to you. If words of affirmation are very important to your partner, then it’s a good idea to give her emotional love letters on a more regular basis. You may also want to send handwritten letters in the mail if you’re in a long-distance relationship and want to send a warm embrace through the mail. Emails and texts are great, but sending a handwritten note every now and then can feel like a ​​warm hug and bring her so much joy.

When you’re writing your love letters to her, don’t worry about including a lot of information in every letter that you write. Instead, pick one or two things to focus on. Not all love letters need to be long and full of details. Simply writing a compliment on a sticky note and putting it on her bathroom mirror is a type of sweet love letter, and it will still go a long way in communicating how you feel. Or, you can opt for funny love letters if it is easier for you to put your feelings into words with a joke.

Meaningful romantic love letters can be only a sentence or two long. The most important thing is that she knows that you are thinking about her. 

More and more people are choosing online therapy for its convenience and affordability. Online platforms like BetterHelp match people with therapists experienced in helping people with relationship issues or anything that life throws at them. Many are also licensed and experienced in helping individuals overcome issues of self-esteem and communication.

And online therapy is just as effective in the treatment of many disorders and in alleviating many negative symptoms. Studies have found online cognitive behavioral therapy to be an effective healthcare option, with equal effectiveness as an in-person treatment for depression, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. An online therapist can help you feel more comfortable and expressive in your thoughts to your significant other.

Online therapy can be a great avenue for those who struggle to open up to new people or even to the person they are closest to. It can often feel less scary to be vulnerable with someone over a screen or in a phone call than in an office. Online therapy has the added benefit of being easily available where and when you need it, letting you focus most of your attention where you want it.

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Expressing your feelings can be intimidating

Takeaway

If you’ve never written love letters for your girlfriend before, it can feel challenging to express yourself as you write love letters for her. This could be because your relationship is struggling or you have a hard time identifying and voicing your feelings. Maybe putting your feelings into a love letter for your best friend feels impossible. If you are struggling in this area, it may be helpful to speak to a professional, such as a counselor or therapist.

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