Love, Marriage, And Commitment: Tips For A Lasting Partnership

While falling in love can be easy, sustaining a healthy relationship can be much harder. Regardless of passion, attraction, or marital status, love can take work and dedication if you want it to last long-term. Often, relationship satisfaction can drive a deeper sense of commitment. You can improve relationship satisfaction through quality time, regular communication, mutual appreciation, and support. Online or in-person couples therapy can help cultivate these components and enhance your relationship satisfaction and commitment.

Why marriage and commitment aren’t always the same thing

There’s a common belief that getting married is all it takes to solidify your commitment to your partner, but this may not always be true. Although happy marriages can involve lasting commitment, it can be possible to have a committed relationship without marriage. It may also be possible to get married without being fully committed to your partner. 

While updated evidence may be beneficial, one study found that the most common reason for divorce tended to be a lack of commitment rather than cheating, arguing, or financial problems.

But what is commitment, exactly? Although individual definitions can vary, commitment is often a personal choice. It can be thought of as the decision to be loyal to one partner, no matter what the world sends your way. This can sometimes mean making sacrifices for your partner’s happiness and accepting occasional challenges for the good of the relationship. For example, if one partner accepts a job offer that’s in a different location but could provide more financial stability, a committed partner might be willing to move with them.

Some people view marriage as more than a legal union: they believe it is an act of love requiring patience, understanding, and commitment. They may also believe that love in marriage is a dynamic journey that evolves with each common experience and hurdle. With this mindset, dedication to one another is perceived as more important than the legal union.

The foundation of a committed relationship

Even with all of this in mind, it can still be hard to figure out what’s behind commitment in a relationship. Research may provide some answers.

What goes into relationship satisfaction? While romantic love can certainly be part of it, it may not be the only ingredient that makes a relationship satisfying. Some other factors that may play a role include the following:

• The ability to communicate openly about feelings, needs, and concerns
• The ability to resolve disagreements fairly 
• Common interests, values, and life goals
• Giving each other mutual respect, attention, and emotional support
• Physical and emotional intimacy
• The ability to adapt to changing circumstances

While commitment can ultimately be a personal choice, these factors may improve romantic partners’ levels of commitment by creating a more satisfying relationship. 

Keeping the love going 

Even if you have a loving partner and generally feel good about your relationship, it can sometimes be hard to put all of the above behaviors into practice, especially when children are part of your life.  Raising children together can add complexity to the partners’ relationship. Some parenting partners may experience a deepening bond and others may believe they are drifting apart. Keeping the love going between two people can be an ongoing process, but the following strategies may make it easier.

Communicate regularly

As simple as it may sound, just talking to your partner can be a useful way to maintain your connection, especially when discussing day-to-day matters. Addressing issues today rather than later can prevent small misunderstandings from becoming larger problems. This may make it easier to solve conflicts and stay on the same page. Consider making uninterrupted conversation a bigger part of your routine. You might try setting a “no phones” rule during dinner, making time to chat over your morning coffee, or scheduling periodic check-ins with your partner.

Accept your differences

Whether between husband and wife or any other partnership, navigating your differences with grace can strengthen the bond and often lead to less pain when conflicts inevitably happen in our lives. This can be an ongoing process, but embracing the idea that nothing is impossible and understanding that differences are normal may make it easier. In some cases, maintaining your space throughout the day can keep the wonder alive in your relationship.

Spend quality time together

It can be important to make sure you’re spending meaningful time with your partner. This doesn’t have to mean taking extravagant vacations or going to fancy restaurants. Even something as simple as cuddling on the couch or watching a movie together can help turn your house into a haven of love and comfort as you grow closer as a couple. If you and your partner have busy schedules, perhaps because your friends have planned events or you're supporting a newly divorced family member, consider planning date nights in advance or prioritizing small moments together throughout the day.

Express your appreciation

When it comes to reinforcing your bond, words of affection and gratitude may go a long way. Each expression of thanks or love can be a reminder that what you have was born from mutual respect and admiration. Not only can appreciation increase emotional intimacy, but it can also remind you and your partner why you value the relationship and want it to continue. You could try making a habit of giving your partner a daily compliment or reiterating what you love about them occasionally.

Offer support

Offering emotional support to your partner when they face challenges or fall into moments of doubt may benefit their mental health and strengthen your connection. While commitment can be especially important during hard or stressful times, commitment and support aren’t necessarily only for the bad times. The first step to overcoming any obstacle may be recognizing you have a solid foundation to lean on. If you notice your partner or spouse seems stressed, try to be there for them proactively. Even a small gesture like making dinner or giving them a listening ear can be valuable. 

Maintain physical intimacy

Intimacy can play a big role in relationship satisfaction for many couples, involving not just the emotional connection but also the appreciation of each other's body in a way that creates closeness and affection. Aim to be attentive to your partner’s needs. If your partner brings up something they’d like to try, you might consider ways to explore it. It may also be worth remembering that intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex. Consider showing your partner physical affection through touch, such as kisses, hugs, cuddles, or back rubs. 

Consider counseling

Building commitment and relationship satisfaction can be a demanding task. When family, work conflicts, and life stressors factor in, it can be harder for couples to give their relationship the attention it deserves. If you’re running into challenges in this process, couples counseling may help you get extra support, stay accountable, and learn more ways to strengthen your relationship. 

Couples working on making lasting changes to their partnership may want more support than they can get in a single weekly or monthly counseling session. Online therapy through BetterHelp may be an alternative. Using in-app messaging, you can send messages to your therapist at any time, and they will usually respond as soon as they can, in addition to attending your regular sessions.

Online therapy can effectively improve relationship satisfaction, which may be a key factor in a committed relationship. In a 2021 study, 30 couples participated in either an internet-based or in-person relationship therapy program. Researchers found that relationship satisfaction generally improved equally for both groups, suggesting that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy.