Romantic Love: Understanding What "Hopelessly in Love" Means

Love, in its many forms, is a universal experience that often has the power to inspire, transform, and confound people. In some cases, individuals may describe it as being "hopelessly in love." Far from being a negative state, being hopelessly in love may be a deep and meaningful emotional attachment that reflects one’s capacity for passion, commitment, and connection. However, this potent emotional state may also denote a skewed perception of reality and a dependence on maintaining an idealized form of love. 

Being a hopeless romantic and hopelessly in love may not be a negative trait. Individuals with this trait may bring a certain magic and sparkle into relationships, often inspiring their partners to see the world from a more romantic and optimistic perspective. However, this idealized view of love may lead to disappointment or heartache if reality doesn't match up to lofty expectations. In this sense, it can be crucial to find balance in one’s perspective and understand the potential downfalls and risks of being someone who feels deeply and cherishes the magic of love. 

The meaning of “hopelessly in love” 

Although the experience of being hopelessly in love can often feel like a fairy tale, it generally varies among individuals. For some, it may fall into an all-consuming passion, a relentless chasing of an ideal that mirrors the deepest dreams of romantic intimacy and overrides all other aspects of their life. 

For others, it may arise as a gentle longing that lingers in the background of their daily routines. The common thread, however, is the enduring hope and unyielding love for the other person, with a focus on what could possibly be, despite the odds or the realities of the relationship.

What is being “a hopeless romantic?” 

A hopeless romantic is an individual who views love with an ideological lens, often emphasizing the beauty and joy of romantic relationships while downplaying the potential for pain or conflict. They may “wear rose-colored glasses,” focusing on the positives more than the negatives in their pursuit of love. In some cases, this fascination with romance and fairy tales may go beyond infatuation, manifesting as a profound belief in true love, soulmates, and the idea that love conquers all obstacles.

Such individuals may perceive love as a feeling or emotion and an extraordinary journey that shapes and defines their existence. They may be eternal optimists who relish the idea of grand, passionate love, cherishing every gesture, shared smile, and word whispered under the moonlight. Hopeless romantics may believe in stories that end in “happily ever after,” viewing their relationships through a prism of idealized romance that may sometimes seem disconnected from reality.

The impacts of being “hopelessly in love” 

Being hopelessly in love may impact one's ability to maintain a healthy relationship. The eternal optimism that characterizes being hopelessly in love can lead to ignoring red flags, tolerating unhealthy behavior, and persisting in a relationship that does not fulfill one's needs. This imbalance may lead to emotional distress and a tendency to view the relationship in a single way, overlooking the realities of a relationship. 

However, being hopelessly in love may not be a negative or insurmountable trait. With professional guidance and self-awareness, it can be possible to reassess one's emotions and build healthier relationship patterns while maintaining the belief in true love. Ultimately, this process may be about recognizing and prioritizing one's emotional health and finding balance as one navigates the complexities of love and relationships.

Mental health considerations for romantic love

The romanticization of love, often portrayed through various examples in the media, may cause individuals to fall into a skewed perspective about relationships and potentially have harmful effects on one's mental health. Below are some of the potential impacts. 

Ignoring “red flags”

When individuals are "hopelessly in love," they may dismiss red flags and engage in harmful relationship dynamics as their infatuation obscures the reality of their situation. Their emotional investment may outweigh the reciprocity of affection and care in the relationship, fostering an unhealthy and imbalanced dynamic.

Brain chemistry changes 

According to the APA, when individuals engage in highly romantic relationships, a primitive aspect of the brain is activated. Experts have discovered that love, a good thing in its essence, is not simply a craving or euphoric experience but a critical, basic human need. This idea challenges the notion that pursuing it is akin to chasing an unattainable daydream. 

It can be vital to understand the changes in brain activity that occur as relationships develop. These changes reflect the shift from the infatuation stage — often likened to the sensation of falling in love, characterized by intense passion and novelty — to a more committed, grounded, and lasting bond. 

During the early stages of love, neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin flood the brain, creating euphoria and excitement. However, as the initial thrill subsides, these biochemical reactions tend to decrease, allowing other neural pathways to become activated. Brain regions associated with attachment and bonding become more active, fostering deep affection, trust, and commitment. This evolution in brain activity underscores the progression from the passionate, exhilarating phase of "new love" to the more stable, enduring state of long-term love.

Understanding this process may help individuals work through the emotions of developing relationships and the intense “hopelessly in love” feelings that may accompany the early stages of a relationship. It may also explain why the tendency to overthink and ruminate may be present in the early stages of the relationship and why some individuals may be more prone to ignoring red flags. 

The impact of ignoring red flags in a relationship 

Ignoring red flags in a relationship may leave individuals vulnerable to manipulation, emotional abuse, and neglect, all of which may severely impact mental health. Warning signs to be aware of in relationships may include:

• Consistent disregard for personal boundaries 
• A pattern of disrespectful behavior
• A constant desire to “fix” the other person
• Lack of comfort to discuss emotions openly and honestly
• Jealousy
• Over-dependence on affection and reinforcement 
• Reluctance to spend time with any friends or family, leading to a slow isolation from loved ones

Ignoring these warning signs due to an idealized perception of love may lead to a cycle of emotional pain, lower self-esteem, and mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

The risks of one-sided relationships

One-sided relationships, where one party invests significantly more emotionally than the other, often arise in the context of romanticized love. Such imbalances may lead to loneliness, rejection, and insecurity. A healthy, loving relationship involves mutual respect, understanding, and emotional investment at the same level. Mental health professionals may be able to provide guidance and support in navigating these complex emotions and situations.

In one recent study, researchers investigated mental health challenges associated with highly romantic relationships in young people. In their study, researchers discovered that fear of breakups was the most common factor correlated with mental health challenges in relationships. They explain how these results signify that fear of the relationship ending may be a driving factor in motivations within the partnership, particularly for those who may be hopeless romantics. 

A fear of breakups can impede one’s ability to maintain a healthy relationship, leading to unhealthy compensation toward romanticism and dependency. This fear, often fueled by past experiences or insecurities, may lead to destructive behaviors such as excessive clinginess, jealousy, or a lack of trust. These behaviors may create a tense relationship environment that hinders open and honest communication. Moreover, the constant anxiety from the anticipation of a breakup could also lead to difficulty enjoying the present in the relationship, preventing a deeper connection. 

What does a healthy, committed relationship look like?

Healthy relationships are characterized by the following: 

• Mutual respect
• Trust
• Honesty
• Open communication
• Emotional and physical safety

In a healthy relationship, each partner is valued, heard, and understood when it comes to topics that matter to them. A healthy relationship isn't devoid of disagreements but may ensure conflicts are handled respectfully and constructively. In addition, both individuals may remember the value of being friends rather than romantic partners. 

Balancing love and emotions can be critical to the longevity and health of a committed relationship. While passionate, romantic love can be constructive, it can be essential to maintain a balance to avoid becoming "hopelessly in love." For example, each partner may maturely navigate emotions, express affection without losing individual identity, and maintain emotional stability. Love can act as a source of support and joy, not a cause for constant emotional turmoil or the avoidance of personal problems. 

Support options

Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs) can offer a unique perspective to individuals, including men and women alike, grappling with the complexities of romantic love, particularly those who find themselves "hopelessly in love.” LMFTs utilize their specialized training in relational dynamics to help clients better understand their emotional responses, desires, and behaviors within their romantic relationships. 

These mental health professionals provide tools and strategies to manage intense emotions and maintain healthy relationships, striking a balance between romantic idealism and the realities of partnership. Through empathetic listening and evidence-based interventions, family therapists may help individuals develop coping skills and cultivate self-awareness or emotional resilience. 

It can be challenging to find support in person if you’re facing barriers to mental health care. In these cases, online therapy may present a practical and convenient approach to addressing mental health challenges related to relationships. It offers a platform where individuals and couples can openly discuss their thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a safe, neutral environment.

Through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and ReGain for couples, you can access therapy from home via phone, video, or live chat sessions. In addition, you can access unique resources like group sessions, worksheets, and journaling prompts to support you through your therapy journey. 

Researchers have looked into the ability of online therapy to address the mental health needs of couples as effectively as traditional, in-person therapy. One study discovered that essential methods like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) improved relationship satisfaction, mental health, and other important factors when delivered through video conferencing as effectively as in face-to-face settings.