Taking A Chance On Love: The Potential Risks And Rewards

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW

Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that could be triggering to the reader. Please see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

There can be countless reasons someone may feel apprehensive when it comes to taking a chance on love. You may be someone who has previously been hurt in love or heartbroken by a partner. Conversely, you may never have had a romantic relationship, or you may have found it difficult to meet a potential partner. Many people harbor insecurities that result in feelings of inferiority, or they simply feel they lack the skills to serve as viable partners. When you’re able to identify the reasons you’re having trouble finding love and address them accordingly, you may be able to enjoy the rewards that a loving relationship can bring. In many cases, working with a therapist online or in person can help you work through roadblocks and embrace the process of taking a chance on love.

Having trouble taking a chance on love?

Get guidance from an online therapist

Determine what is holding you back

There can be a multitude of reasons to feel uncertain when it comes to taking a chance on love. By its very definition, the term “taking a chance” implies the very real possibility of risk. While there can be risks involved when it comes to dating and falling in love, there are normally opportunities for benefits as well.

Think through your concerns about taking a chance on love

If you find yourself struggling to take the leap toward love, it could be helpful to determine what exactly is holding you back. Evaluating yourself, your past, and what you are looking for in a relationship can be helpful in identifying which risks concern you the most when it comes to love. Identifying the root causes of your concerns may help you better navigate and overcome your relationship aversions.

Overcoming poor past experiences

It is common for people dating or engaging in relationships to have had bad experiences with past partners. You may be someone who has had your heart broken in the past. You may have experienced a difficult breakup or even a divorce.

Dating burnout

Additionally, you could be feeling burnt out by the challenges of dating. Experiencing a lack of connection with others, awkward first dates, and getting ghosted can all contribute to a fear or lack of desire to pursue love.

Getting an outside perspective

While moving on from bad past experiences in love can undoubtedly be challenging, it is possible. Depending on the nature of past relationship trauma, you may want to consider speaking with a therapist. If therapy is not an option, it may help to talk with friends or loved ones.

Navigating insecurity and fear of vulnerability

The challenges of navigating personal insecurities can often contribute to difficulty in pursuing relationships. While it is not uncommon for people to feel that their physical appearance, social status, intelligence, or other personality traits make them “undateable,” this is often not the case. Regardless, personal feelings of insecurity and self-doubt can be a predominant reason a person chooses to avoid love.

Spending time on yourself before deciding to take on a new relationship

Additionally, opening yourself up to the possibility of love typically requires a level of vulnerability. When battling insecurities, the act of being vulnerable can be exceptionally difficult. If you feel that insecurity or fear of vulnerability could be holding you back from a relationship, it may help to take the time to look inward and work on yourself. For example, if you feel insecure regarding your career, it may be helpful to temporarily focus on achieving work-related goals rather than relationship pursuits.

Trouble finding the right person to take on a relationship with

Another commonality among people struggling to find love can be the difficulty of finding the right person. This can be exceptionally difficult to overcome as every individual is unique. You may be someone who experiences social anxiety, which can make the prospect of meeting a potential partner intimidating. If you are someone who lives in a small town, you may feel there is a lack of potential partners. There can be countless reasons that the inability to find the right person can deter someone from taking a chance on love.

Try to meet people in new ways

While there may not be a definitive, clear-cut guide to finding the right person, it can be helpful to evaluate what you are specifically looking for in a partner and weigh your options from there. For example, you may want to try online dating or attempt to branch out at social events.

Overcoming roadblocks in love

Along with the potential roadblocks detailed above, there could be several additional factors holding you back from taking the leap in love. Still, if you can identify the things that may be holding you back, it could help you to better overcome these issues in a healthy way.

Taking steps to move forward

Overcoming roadblocks in the pursuit of love can often look very similar to self-care and self-improvement. Things like journaling, exercising, reading, and speaking openly with friends or loved ones can be extremely helpful in identifying what exactly is holding you back, and how to best overcome it.

Due to the complex nature of people and relationships, it may be helpful to consult a therapist who may better guide you in preparing to take a chance on love.

Having trouble taking a chance on love?

Get guidance from an online therapist

Benefits of online therapy

Taking a chance on love can be a big step in life, and having the guidance of a therapist can be very helpful. A therapist can often help you analyze yourself and work through past traumas, insecurities, and fears. Online therapy can be especially beneficial, as it typically offers the opportunity to discuss and work through challenging issues from the comfort of your own home at a time that works for you.

Effectiveness of online therapy

It is not uncommon for underlying symptoms of anxiety or depression to contribute to a person’s fear or difficulty taking a chance on romantic relationships. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, has proven helpful in treating symptoms of anxiety and depression, with online therapy being shown to be equally as effective as traditional in-office therapy.

Takeaway

There can be many reasons people hesitate to take a chance on love. For instance, they may have had poor experiences in romantic relationships in the past. It’s possible they experience insecurity or fear being vulnerable with another person. Or perhaps they’ve simply had trouble finding the right person. No matter the reason behind the avoidance of taking a chance on love, identifying it and addressing the root of the issue can be helpful. Working with a licensed mental health professional locally or through an online therapy platform can help you open yourself up to love.

Frequently asked questions

Is it worth taking a chance on love?

Whether it's worth taking a chance on love is a deeply personal and subjective decision that varies from person to person and situation to situation. There are both potential rewards and risks associated with opening yourself up to love. Considering these risks and rewards may be beneficial before taking a chance on love.

Risks and rewards to consider

Rewards include:

Emotional fulfillment
Connection and intimacy
Personal growth
Support and companionship

Risks include:

Heartbreak
Vulnerability
Uncertainty

Why you should give love a chance?

Although the decision is personal and subjective, there are a few reasons why it may be a good idea to give love a chance. By letting a person into your life, you may find a deep level of companionship that may last a lifetime. Giving love a chance allows you to open up to another person, be vulnerable, and develop an intimacy that may not otherwise have come along. However, even if it isn’t a love match, you still may learn a lot about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner.

Do you fall in love or is it a choice?

The experience of falling in love and the choices we make in love are intertwined but can also be distinct processes. Falling in love is often described as a spontaneous and intense emotional response to someone. It can include an overwhelming attraction, infatuation, or a deep connection that develops naturally and without conscious control. This emotional experience involves feelings of joy, excitement, and passion. Falling in love is typically something that happens without deliberate intention; it's a response to the chemistry and compatibility between two people.

After the initial phase of falling in love, maintaining and nurturing a loving relationship often requires conscious choices and actions. Choosing love involves making decisions about how you want to engage in the relationship, how you'll communicate, resolve conflicts, and support one another. It's about actively working to sustain the emotional connection and deepen the relationship over time. Choosing love also encompasses commitment, where you decide to invest in the relationship, even when challenges arise.

Can it take a while to fall in love?

Yes, it can take a while to fall in love. Unlike what we often hear in the lyrics of love songs written and recorded for hopeless romantics, love doesn’t always happen quickly. The process of falling in love is highly individual and can vary greatly from person to person and relationship to relationship. Some people may experience a strong emotional connection and intense feelings of love relatively quickly, while others may require more time.

Several factors can influence the timeline of falling in love:

Personal pace: Each individual has their own pace for developing feelings of love. Some people are naturally more cautious and may take longer to fully open up and develop deep emotional bonds.
Past experiences: Previous relationships and life experiences can impact how quickly someone is willing to open themselves up to love. Past heartbreaks or trust issues may slow down the process.
Compatibility: The level of compatibility and chemistry between two people plays a significant role. In some cases, a strong initial connection may lead to faster feelings of love, while in others, it may develop more gradually.
Building trust: Trust is a critical component of love. Building trust takes time, and as trust deepens, so can feelings of love.
Communication: Effective communication and common experiences can foster emotional intimacy and accelerate the process of falling in love.
Personal growth: Sometimes, personal growth and self-discovery are necessary before someone is ready to fully commit to a loving relationship.

What does it take to succeed in love?

Success in love is a complex and multifaceted endeavor that involves a combination of factors, actions, and attitudes. While there is no guaranteed formula for success in love, there are several key principles and practices that can contribute to fulfilling and healthy romantic relationships.

For some people, finding success in love starts with self-love and self-acceptance. By knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin you may find love with someone who loves you for who you are. Developing good communication skills, trust with your partner, appreciation, and affection are all ways to build a successful and loving relationship.

Why it's better to wait for love?

Waiting for love can have several advantages and benefits. Here are five reasons why it can be better to exercise patience and wait for the right kind of love:

Emotional preparedness: Waiting allows you to develop emotional maturity and self-awareness. When you are emotionally prepared for love, you are better equipped to handle the complexities and challenges that can arise in a relationship.
Clarity of what you want: Taking time to wait and reflect gives you the opportunity to clarify what you truly want and need in a partner and a relationship. It allows you to define your values, priorities, and deal-breakers.
Avoiding settling: Impatience or a fear of being alone can lead to settling for a relationship that may not be a good match. Waiting ensures you don't compromise on your standards and enter into a relationship that isn't fulfilling.
Building strong foundations: Rushing into a relationship can lead to a shallow or unsustainable connection. Waiting allows you to build a strong foundation based on trust, compatibility, and mutual values.
Self-development: During the wait, you have the opportunity to focus on personal growth, self-improvement, and pursuing your passions. A strong sense of self can make you a more attractive and fulfilled partner when love does come your way.

How important is it to be in love?

The importance of being in love varies from person to person and can depend on individual values, life circumstances, and personal goals. For some individuals, being in love is a significant and fulfilling aspect of their lives, while others may prioritize different aspects of life, such as career, personal growth, or friendships.

Receive compassionate guidance in love

Connect with a therapist

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.

Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet started

Top Categories

See all categories