Tantric Love: How Tantra Can Positively Impact Your Relationship
The concepts of tantric love or tantric sex may be unclear to people who are not directly familiar with them since they’re often shrouded in misconceptions. The tantric philosophy in general has a rich history and meanings and is linked to broader belief systems. However, as it’s most often referred to in popular culture, the tantric practice is a form of meditation done individually or with a partner and is centered on awareness, connection, and energy exchange. Sexual acts are not always a part of tantric practices, though they are sometimes involved as a medium.
The origins of tantric practices
Tantric practices are rooted in a combination of ancient Buddhist, Hindu, and Jain traditions. They were recorded in some ancient Sanskrit texts that embody an oral tradition that was passed down in India around the 6th century. In these traditions, practitioners worshiped the god Shiva and the goddess Shakti, who represented male consciousness and female power, respectively. In Sanskrit, the word “tantra” is derived from a word that means “weave,” which may apply to weaving together the physical and the spiritual.
Five things you may not know about tantric practices
For people who engage in tantric practices with a partner, the idea is often to build a deep, harmonious, and profound link with that person. For those who practice it alone, the goal of building a stronger, sensual connection with themselves is common. Either way, it generally focuses on the awareness of deep connection through meditation. Here are a few things you may not know about tantric love, especially as it relates to a sexual connection.
Tantric love: On sex, tantric practices, and tantric energy
- It’s about more than gratifying physical desires. Tantric love is about intimacy, mindfulness, and a celebration of the sensuality of the human body. When sexual acts are involved, they’re typically used as a medium rather than an end goal.
- It takes time. Desire-driven and goal-oriented sexual acts may normally happen rapidly and with urgency. In the tantric experience, however, there’s a much greater emphasis on taking one’s time, savoring the connection, and being as aware as possible of each small detail and sensation.
- It’s considered sacred by many practitioners. In the tantric tradition, human sensuality stems from a deeply creative and divine force within a person. The practice of it is often a tool to achieve enlightenment—or at least greater harmony with oneself, one’s partner, and/or even with the world beyond.
- It involves the body and mind. Again, the focus of tantric practices generally isn’t on sex, since many forms don’t even include sexual acts. However, it is common for them to use the body as a way to tap into a deeper connection or to cultivate more profound awareness. It prioritizes the potentially powerful link between mind, body, and spirit for enlightenment or learning.
- It may include ritualistic elements. Certain rituals may be a part of tantric practice to bring the participant(s) to a centered state of awareness. These are often based on the idea of taking time to appreciate the sacredness of one’s body and energy and may include things like massage and prolonged eye contact.
Potential benefits of tantric acts for your sex life and relationship
Since tantric acts generally take more time and aren’t focused on physical gratification like some other forms of sexuality, people may wonder why someone would engage in them. The reason is that some people find that they offer certain benefits. First, tantric practices can help strengthen your connection with yourself or your partner. Since they often include mind, body, and spirit, you may deepen your bond on these levels. Along with that deeper connection may come a more profound sense of trust, since fully committing to this practice often involves a level of vulnerability. Research suggests a link between vulnerability and deep, meaningful relationships, which may be one reason some couples engage in tantric practices.
Some proponents of the practice also describe potential physical benefits such as multiple and/or prolonged orgasms regardless of gender, and relief from certain sexual dysfunctions. While there’s currently no available research to substantiate these points, sex in general can indeed have a variety of physical and mental health benefits. Whether tantric or not, safe, healthy sexual activity, in general, may be linked to:
- Improved moods
- A stronger immune system
- Better cardiovascular health
- Lower blood pressure
- Stress relief
- Improved sleep
Exploring tantric love practices: Mindfulness, eye contact, and more
As mentioned, tantric practices have roots that span centuries and cultures; the tantric philosophy is broad and diverse. That said, if you’re interested in exploring it as a meditative tool to connect with yourself or your partner, here are a few tips for getting started.
Do your research
- There is a wealth of materials out there about tantric practices, both sexual and non-sexual. Looking into books, videos, interviews with experts, or even classes and retreats may be beneficial on your journey toward trying out tantric practices.
Set the stage
- A safe, quiet, comfortable environment is usually a key part of this practice. It can help you to feel calm and focused, which is a central component of this awareness-based practice.
Start with eye contact
- Deep, prolonged eye contact is often associated with tantric practices. One study suggests that a “direct gaze” can trigger “a heightened processing of stimuli about the self,” and that it may even merit further research as a therapeutic practice. If you’re practicing with a partner, holding eye contact for several minutes and synchronizing your breathing may be a helpful way to begin your session with a connection to each other.
Approach the body with reverence
- Whether it’s your own or your partner’s, having reverence toward the physical body is often a part of tantric practices. Move and touch slowly, noticing small details and focusing on a sense of gratitude and wonder for your or your partner’s body and sensuality.
Don’t rush
- Tantric practices, whether sexual or not, take time. Making sure you have plenty of it so that you don’t feel rushed will likely improve your experience. Try focusing on awareness of the present moment rather than fixating on an endpoint.
Strengthening your relationship with a mental health professional
Online therapy for your mental health
With a digital therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed counselor with whom you can connect from the comfort of your own home via phone, video, and/or chat. Since research suggests that virtual therapy offers similar benefits to in-person therapy, some people find this option a convenient and effective alternative to more traditional formats. Those who are interested in overcoming challenges and reaching goals with the help of a therapist can feel empowered to seek one through whatever medium or avenue they feel is best for them. If you’re interested in online therapy, see client reviews of BetterHelp therapists below.
A licensed mental health professional can help you find ways to strengthen your sex life, find greater fulfillment, and enhance connections. Research shows that online platforms are valuable resources for people who want to address issues with intimacy and sex. For example, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that online therapy helped increase female sexual arousal and fulfillment. The report mentions that people may find online therapy to be a more comfortable forum for discussing sensitive topics such as sexuality. Researchers found that it is also cost-effective and easily available. All of these findings are similar to those from several studies that have found online therapy to be an effective form of treatment for many types of mental health-related concerns.
With BetterHelp, you can meet online with a licensed mental health professional at your convenience, from the comfort of your own home or wherever you have an internet connection. A licensed therapist can guide you and your partner on the path toward becoming closer sexually and emotionally while also helping you individually.
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions
How do you have a tantric relationship on the spiritual path?
A tantric relationship is a form of intimate connection that is rooted in the principles of Tantra, an ancient spiritual and philosophical tradition that originated in India. Tantra emphasizes the unity of body, mind, and spirit with the aim of deepening one's awareness and connection with oneself and with a partner. Those who practice tantric love may have a deep connection with their partner and integrate breathing techniques and eye gazing or sustained eye contact, along with other techniques, to develop an intense connection with one another.
A tantric relationship may involve lovemaking, deep orgasms, multiple orgasms, and intense pleasure.
How do you practice tantric kissing?
A tantric kiss is a deeply intimate and mindful way of expressing affection and energy with your partner. It goes beyond the traditional notion of a quick, shallow kiss and involves a more profound connection between two individuals. Experiencing a tantric kiss may take practice and it can help set the mood by preparing the space for intimacy. It also may encourage the use of eye contact to build a mindful presence and become relaxed and grounded.
Once the mood is set, so to speak, using a slow approach with a soft touch can initiate a tantric kiss, with both partners syncing their breathing and making eye contact to build a connection. After beginning to kiss become aware of any sexual energy that may be present or of any energy that may be transferring between you and your partner. A tantric kiss is all about intention, presence, and connection. It's not about rushing but rather about savoring each moment and being fully present with your partner. Communication with your partner is an integral part of the practice and will help you both discover what works best for your unique connection.
What is tantric cuddling?
Tantric cuddling, often referred to as "Tantric cuddle therapy" or "Tantric cuddle sessions," is a practice that combines the principles of Tantra with non-sexual physical intimacy and touch. It is a way for individuals or couples to deepen their connection, increase intimacy, and explore the energy exchange between them through cuddling, hugging, and close physical contact. Here are some key aspects of tantric cuddling:
Tantric loving through physical closeness: Key aspects of tantric cuddling
- Non-Sexual: Tantric cuddling is explicitly non-sexual and does not involve an orgasm and participants do not need to be naked. It focuses on creating a safe and nurturing environment for physical intimacy without the goal of sexual gratification.
- Mindfulness and Presence: Like other aspects of Tantra, tantric cuddling emphasizes mindfulness and being fully present in the moment. Participants are encouraged to let go of distractions and be aware of their sensations, emotions, and breath.
- Consent and Boundaries: Clear communication, consent, and respect for boundaries are crucial in tantric cuddling. Participants should openly discuss their intentions and comfort levels before and during the session.
- Connection and Energy Exchange: The practice is about deepening the emotional and energetic connection between individuals. It involves synchronized breathing, maintaining eye contact, and tuning into the energy flow between participants.
- Slow and Gentle Touch: Tantric cuddling involves slow, gentle, and nurturing touch. Participants may engage in activities with each other's bodies like holding for a few minutes, caressing, hugging, spooning, or simply lying together in a comforting embrace.
- Breathwork: Synchronized breathing is often a part of tantric cuddling, as it helps align the energies and deepen the connection between participants.
- Sacred Space: The environment in which tantric cuddling takes place is typically designed to be safe, comfortable, and conducive to relaxation. This may include soft lighting, soothing music, and comfortable bedding.
How do you practice tantric loving with yourself?
Tantric self-love, also known as self-love Tantra, is a practice that involves cultivating a deep sense of love, acceptance, and connection with oneself using principles inspired by Tantra. It's about fostering a harmonious relationship with your own body, mind, and spirit. Here are some ways to practice tantric self-love:
- Create a Sacred Space: Set up a space where you feel comfortable and can focus on self-love without distractions. You might light candles, burn incense, play soothing music, or use any other elements that help create a sacred and nurturing environment.
- Mindfulness and Presence: Begin by practicing mindfulness and being fully present with yourself. Take a few moments to breathe deeply, relax, and let go of any negative thoughts or self-judgment.
- Self-Appreciation: Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself with loving and appreciative eyes. Compliment yourself on your physical appearance and inner qualities. Embrace your uniqueness.
- Self-Massage: Use gentle self-massage techniques to connect with your body sensually. This can involve massaging your arms, legs, face, or any area where you feel tension or discomfort. Focus on the pleasure and relaxation it brings.
- Breathe and Visualize: As you continue with a tantric session of self-massage, synchronize your breath with your movements. Imagine that with each breath, you are sending love, healing, and erotic energy to the parts of your body you are touching.
- Self-Hugging: Embrace yourself in a loving hug. Feel the warmth and comfort of your own touch. Close your eyes and visualize yourself wrapped in a cocoon of love and acceptance.
How does the tantric way help you harness tantra energy?
The "Tantric way" refers to the principles, practices, and philosophy of Tantra, an ancient spiritual and philosophical tradition that originated in India thousands of years ago. Tantra encompasses a wide range of teachings and practices, including tantric yoga, and it's important to note that there is no single "way" of Tantra; instead, it encompasses diverse paths and approaches.
It's important to note that Tantra is a diverse and complex tradition with various schools, lineages, and practices. While some aspects of Tantra may involve unconventional or esoteric practices, others focus on more mainstream spiritual and philosophical teachings. Additionally, modern interpretations of Tantra often adapt its principles to contemporary contexts, emphasizing personal growth, self-love, and well-being.
As with any spiritual path, it's essential to approach Tantra with an open mind and discernment, seeking guidance from knowledgeable teachers and practitioners if you choose to explore its practices and philosophies.
What are tantric touches?
Tantric touches are a form of physical contact and intimacy that are used in Tantra. These touches are typically slow, gentle, and mindful, aimed at creating a deep sense of connection and intimacy between partners. Tantric touches can be both sensual and non-sexual, and they are often used to channel and exchange energy, enhance awareness, and foster a deeper spiritual connection of the soul.
Tantric touches are not solely about physical pleasure but are also a means of deepening emotional and spiritual connections with your partner. Whether you are engaging in these practices with a romantic partner or exploring them on your own, the focus should be on love, presence, and mutual respect.
Can you practice tantra without a partner?
Yes, Tantra can be practiced individually without a partner. While Tantra often involves partner-based practices to deepen connection and energy exchange, there are numerous solo practices within Tantra that focus on self-awareness, self-love, and personal spiritual development. These individual practices may include meditation, mindfulness, breathwork, self-massage, chakra work, and self-pleasure techniques. Engaging in solo Tantra can be a powerful way to cultivate a deeper understanding of oneself, enhance personal growth, and develop a stronger connection to one's own spirituality and sensuality.
What are the five tantric offerings?
In Tantra, there is a concept known as the "Five Tantric Offerings," also referred to as the "Panchamakara" or "Five M's." These offerings are symbolic and have both esoteric and practical significance in various forms of Tantric practice. They are:
- Madya (Wine): In traditional Tantra, wine represents the element of water and the idea of divine nectar. It symbolizes the offering of the senses, particularly taste, to the divine. Wine is used ritually, often in small quantities, to symbolize the surrender of worldly pleasures to the spiritual path. In modern, non-literal interpretations of Tantra, this offering may be substituted with juice or another suitable liquid.
- Mamsa (Meat): Meat represents the element of earth and the offering of sustenance to the divine. It symbolizes the willingness to let go of attachment to food and the physical body. In some Tantric traditions, this offering can be seen metaphorically as offering the ego and desires.
- Matsya (Fish): Fish symbolizes the element of water and the offering of movement and freedom to the divine. It represents the desire for liberation from the cycles of life and death. This offering is often interpreted as a willingness to release attachment to the material world.
- Mudra (Grain): Grain represents the element of earth and the offering of nourishment to the divine. It symbolizes the surrender of the ego and the offering of one's inner essence to the spiritual path. It signifies the willingness to provide one's resources with others and the universe.
- Maithuna (Sexual Union): Sexual union symbolizes the element of fire and the offering of sacred sexual energy to the divine. It represents the union of masculine and feminine energies within oneself and the divine union of Shiva and Shakti. In Tantric practices, it is viewed as a way to transcend dualities and attain spiritual awakening.
The Five Tantric Offerings are often understood symbolically and not necessarily practiced in a literal sense. The offerings are used in certain rituals and ceremonies in Tantra, and their meanings can vary across different Tantric traditions and schools. Additionally, contemporary interpretations of Tantra often emphasize the symbolic aspects of these offerings and may not involve the use of meat, wine, or other physical substances. Instead, they focus on the inner transformation and spiritual symbolism represented by these offerings.
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