Exploring Old School Love

Many people have an idea of love that reflects what they saw growing up. Perhaps their grandparents were married for decades, or they witnessed their parents fall more in love each day. In modern culture, finding the type of love that stands the test of time may feel challenging. 

Cultivating a healthy relationship could be one way to help you achieve a love that lasts. Consider implementing the following advice into your relationship to strengthen your bond with your partner. 

What does “old school love” mean?

While there is no official definition of “old school love,” most people understand what it means to want it. Generally, people referring to “old school” love mean a classic romantic relationship, similar to those depicted in popular media like The Notebook. 

What qualifies as old school love?

Generally, “old school” love is qualified as a deep, committed, and respectful relationship. People looking for old school love might appreciate grand gestures of affection such as surprise flowers and fancy date nights. They might expect their partners to be completely faithful and outwardly affectionate, saying “I love you” often with both their words and their actions. “Old school love” goes beyond casual dating and generally doesn’t include one-time hookups or purely physical relationships; people looking for this kind of love are looking for long-term relationships built on mutual trust and respect.

Does old-school love still exist?

Old school love isn’t just a thing of the past or something that exists only in movies. Plenty of people in the modern world are looking for an “old school” relationship - it’s just a matter of connecting with them. Many of these people won’t be on dating apps or social media; your best bet for meeting them is likely through mutual hobbies and socializing in real life.

How can I make my love last?

It can be normal to question whether your love will last a lifetime, especially if it's a rekindled love. Many seek advice hoping they can ensure their bond with their partner never weakens. While you can choose to take relationship advice to heart, every relationship is unique, and what works for someone else may not work in your relationship.  

By staying true to the needs of yourself and your partner, you may have more success in finding a love that lasts. Below are some pieces of timeless relationship advice you could consider implementing into your love life.

Focus on transparency

Those in a healthy relationship may be able to be open and honest with each other even when it’s complicated. Successful partners often lean on one another during conflict and work through their problems as a team. During hard conversations, they may attempt to approach the topic from a loving perspective.

Honesty and transparency can help build trust, which may benefit a strong relationship. Telling lies, no matter how small, can damage the trust between two individuals. Although building trust can take time, you may be able to make the process simpler by aiming to be as transparent as possible with your partner.

Don’t go to bed angry

Arguments may occur from time to time in a committed relationship. You and your partner might not always get along, whether it’s hurtful words that slip out on accident or an ongoing disagreement. 

When arguments arise, work together to resolve the problem. Going to bed without a solution may further exacerbate the issue. However, one or both partners may need some space before talking, and it’s recommended that you each take time to calm down before speaking. 

When you’re both ready, make attempts to repair the relationship. Successful couples may try not to let the tension build over time and address issues as they come up, instead of allowing conflict to be their new norm.

Don’t forget about date nights

Making plans for date nights may be fun and exciting at all relationship stages. If you’ve been together for a long time, you might not be going out as much as you used to. Netflix and chill might have become your new norm, or the two of you may feel like it’s not a big deal if you spend every night engaging in separate activities.

Those with children together may also struggle to find the spare time to get out and have fun. Date nights can mean different things to different people depending on their lifestyle. What you do may not matter as much as spending quality time together. 

Couples who subscribe to the belief that they should spend quality time together may have an easier time keeping the spark alive in their relationship. Date nights can be a powerful reminder of why you fell in love with someone in the first place. They can also give each person a chance to relax, unwind, and enjoy their partner.

Create a date night jar

One way to spice up your routine is to create a “date night jar.” Here’s how you might do it: 

1. Together, write down 100 new date ideas you have the funds and time to do. Consider ideas that aren’t something you’ve done before. 
2. Cut each item into its own paper and fold it. 
3. Add the items to the jar. 
4. If you want to make the jar special, consider painting it or choosing a jar with sentiment.
5. Set a night per week where you draw two date night ideas (one each). 
6. Pick your favorite of the two ideas and do it, no matter what it says. 
7. After the date, write a journal entry about how it went and glue in the paper that you successfully completed. You might also include photos or stickers that remind you of the night. 
8. Repeat next week! 

If you’re running out of ideas for dates, look for tourist attractions or unique areas in your city to visit. Check the news to find out about upcoming events in your area. You might also check out lists online for free or cheap date ideas that you can frequently do. For example, one idea you can try is visiting a mall and leaving positive notes for others to find. 

Make time for intimacy

Making time for intimacy may help cultivate a more vital, lasting bond with your partner. In stressful or slow seasons, it may add excitement to your relationship and bolster your relationship’s health. 

Intimacy can look different for everyone. Some ways you might choose to be intimate could include the following: 

• A vulnerable conversation 
• Sex
• A relaxing massage 
• Quality time together 
• Writing love notes to each other 
• Cuddling in bed while watching a movie
• Watching the music video of your favorite song together 

Physical and emotional intimacy can both be necessary; one does not have to come at the expense of the other. Continuing to pursue and get to know your partner can ensure that you’re meeting each other’s needs for closeness.

Pursue your own interests

Healthy couples often enjoy spending time together, but they also see the importance of time apart. Having your own hobbies and interests outside of your relationship can be normal and encouraged. Maybe you invest time in following popular entertainment, news, and other information sources, or maybe you like to work with your hands by upcycling furniture. You don’t have to do the exact same things that your partner does.

You might spend time with friends or pick up a new activity while your partner does the same.  Enjoying time apart can make the time that you’re together more meaningful.

Try counseling for your relationship

Relationships can be highly fulfilling, but they can also add stress to your life. In some cases, a relationship may begin to impact your mental health. You might experience new or worsening mental health disorders like anxiety or depression. When faced with relationship challenges, many people struggle to find trustworthy individuals they can confide in. You may feel more comfortable meeting with a counselor online if you relate. 

One study found that internet-delivered cognitive behavior therapy was effective for individuals experiencing an anxiety disorder. This research shows that online therapy may be as helpful as traditional therapy. Additionally, online counseling is often more affordable and flexible than traditional in-person counseling. 

Through online platforms such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you may be able to find a counselor in a variety of areas of concern. Counseling may help you work through individual problems while building a stronger foundation of love with your partner.