Tired Of Being Single? How To Navigate Loneliness And Find Joy After A Breakup

Research has supported contradictory conclusions between dating and life satisfaction; some studies suggest that couples are happier and other studies suggest that single people are happier. Most research supports the idea that social connectedness and having close relationships of any kind, platonic or romantic, are linked to both life satisfaction and health. 

Current trends indicate that more single people are focusing on personal growth, self-care activities, and appreciating their independence. Previous societal narratives have placed an emphasis on relationships. This shift allows people to take their time finding the right partner and developing a mutually beneficial relationship.

That said, loneliness can be pervasive in individuals at any stage of their life, whether they are happily single or in a committed relationship. Below are 12 tips for navigating feelings of loneliness and cultivating a fulfilling life regardless of your relationship status.

The relationship between loneliness and being single: Is there one?

Being single is not uncommon, but its impacts on a person’s life can vary widely. For instance, research suggests that feelings of loneliness may be lower in people who choose to be single compared to those who are unhappily single. It’s also important to note that a person’s overall feelings of connectedness could impact their level of loneliness, too. 

Human beings are inherently social creatures. A single person who has a strong social support network of friends, family, neighbors, or other connections may be less likely to experience feelings of loneliness than a single person who does not have this network. Similarly, a person in a romantic relationship who does not have many outside connections could feel lonely, too.

Regardless of the cause or the situation, chronic loneliness has the potential to result in serious mental and physical health consequences over the longer term, including increased risk of: 

• Type 2 diabetes 
• Heart disease and stroke
• Substance misuse
• Depression
• Anxiety 
• Dementia
• Earlier death 

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

These potential consequences illustrate how important it can be to feel socially connected. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you must find a partner. Statistics indicate that 58% of the American population currently feels lonely, indicating that one can be in a romantic relationship and still feel this way. This number suggests that loneliness may have more to do with life circumstances than romantic relationship status. 

It may help to create a lifestyle where you're not just passively waiting for things to happen but actively engaging in activities that enrich your life. Picking up a new hobby or dedicating time to cultivating strong friendships can alleviate an individual’s feelings of loneliness. These actions may not only improve your focus but may also increase your chances of meeting someone who shares the same things that matter to you.

The below tips on managing feelings of loneliness or frustration with the search for a companion may help you navigate this challenging process.

12 points to keep in mind when you’re tired of being single 

Whether you’re experiencing loneliness or are simply frustrated by your single status or dating difficulties, keeping the following 12 points in mind could help you adopt a helpful or more constructive perspective.

1. Social media isn’t reality

On social media, people often portray a polished view of their lives and relationships that is not always reflective of reality. Even though research suggests that posting authentically rather than only showcasing the highlights of one's life may correlate with positive affect and mood, it’s still common to only show the perfect-looking parts of one’s life—including romantic relationships. If you’re scrolling and feel sad about not meeting the right person because it seems like everyone else is already in perfect relationships, it can help to remind yourself that this is not true—no matter how it may look on Instagram. Every relationship has ups and downs, and there are plenty of single people out there, too.

2. Trust the process instead of focusing on relationship status

There is no guarantee that everyone seeking a fulfilling romantic relationship will find one, but by actively dating and living to your full potential, you may increase your chances. In addition, the single life can offer valuable opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, allowing you to fully understand what you truly desire in a successful relationship.

3. Mindset matters 

Being single and feeling lonely can be a challenging experience, but it doesn’t mean that misery is inevitable. There are advantages and disadvantages to virtually every choice and circumstance in life, including being single or being in a romantic relationship. Reminding yourself of the good in your current time of life and aiming to appreciate it can be helpful. Plus, research suggests that practicing gratitude regularly can even result in health benefits. While you don’t have to put on a happy face when you’re feeling frustrated or lonely, stepping back to balance your perspective a bit could be helpful.

4. Being single has advantages

When you're not pouring your emotional energy into another person, you may have more capacity for self-discovery, growth, and personal development. Engaging in these things can enrich your life, providing enjoyment and new experiences. It can also help you increase your senses of self-knowledge and self-love and help you build a robust, independent life, all of which can be helpful in a relationship if you choose to enter one later.

5. Balance your dating standards 

If you’re actively looking for a partner to date but haven’t had much success, it may be helpful to evaluate your standards. Believing that there’s one person out there for you who is a perfect and effortless match is generally not realistic, so holding out for someone who checks every box on a long list is unlikely to result in success. Being a bit more realistic and less rigid and allowing yourself the freedom to see who you connect with can be helpful in this case. That said, wanting a partner so much that you lower your standards and end up in a relationship that’s not a good match or is even harmful is not typically wise either. Aiming for balance between these extremes may be key.

6. Other relationships are important, too

Being single often allows more time to spend time with friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, or loved ones. These relationships can provide a sense of social connectedness and emotional support, and they may also help mitigate the sting of loneliness if you’re experiencing it. For example, you might explore new hobbies and work on your personal growth with a best friend who has shared interests. 

7. Be mindful of dating apps

As of 2023, the Pew Research Center reports that one in 10 US adults in a committed, long-term relationship met their partner through an online dating app. While dating apps can be a fruitful way to connect with new people, they can also lend themselves to a sense of dating burnout. Swiping for hours or scheduling too many dates in a short time might make it harder to engage with any individual in a meaningful way, and it may contribute to a sense of desensitization around dating, too. Being mindful of your energy levels and your engagement level might help you enjoy your dates more and improve your resilience in the dating world.

8. Be the right person you want to find

It may help prepare you to form positive relationships if you try to be the type of partner you wish to find. In other words, being the best life partner means being the person who ticks all the boxes for yourself first. Enjoying your own company and living up to the standards you set for a potential partner are two examples of how you might do this.

9. Your feelings are valid

It's okay to be upset or frustrated about being single or lonely sometimes. As with virtually all life paths, it’s natural to experience challenging moments and feel down now and again. While ruminating on these feelings could contribute to negative mental health outcomes, acknowledging them and then practicing self-compassion could help you move through these periods.

10. Don’t give up

If finding a romantic partnership is important to you, it’s okay to keep trying, even after experiencing setbacks. Swearing off dating because of frustration when having a long-term partnership is what you really want may not be the most constructive choice. That said, taking breaks as needed and caring for yourself and your health along the way is usually paramount. Remember that you can lead an amazing life with or without a partner and that you may meet that special person when you least expect it. 

11. Don’t blame or exonerate yourself

Finding a partner often takes a combination of perseverance and luck, so facing dating obstacles may not always be about you—but it is worth considering how you present yourself to potential matches. In other words, healthily responding to frustration in the dating world usually involves a combination of maintaining self-esteem and examining your behaviors to see whether you might be getting in your own way. Asking friends about how you’re perceived and working with a dating coach are two examples of strategies that could help you understand how you’re presenting yourself to dates and see whether you may be able to sharpen your approach in some areas.

12. Professional help can make a difference

Whether you’re experiencing persistent feelings of loneliness or are trying to build useful relationship skills for the future, meeting with a therapist could be a valuable tool. This type of provider can offer support and guidance for your dating life as well as coping strategies for difficult emotions.

If you don’t have time to locate and then regularly commute to meet with a therapist in person, online therapy may be worth considering. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you can meet with a licensed therapist virtually via phone or video from anywhere you have a stable internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as traditional therapy in addressing a variety of mental health challenges and conditions like anxiety, which can be common when experiencing loneliness and engaging in dating.