Tired Of Being Single? How To Navigate Loneliness And Find Joy After A Breakup
Research has supported contradictory conclusions between dating and life satisfaction; some studies suggest that couples are happier and other studies suggest that single people are happier. Most research supports the idea that social connectedness and having close relationships of any kind, platonic or romantic, are linked to both life satisfaction and health.
Current trends indicate that more single people are focusing on personal growth, self-care activities, and appreciating their independence. Previous societal narratives have placed an emphasis on relationships. This shift allows people to take their time finding the right partner and developing a mutually beneficial relationship.
That said, loneliness can be pervasive in individuals at any stage of their life, whether they are happily single or in a committed relationship. Below are 12 tips for navigating feelings of loneliness and cultivating a fulfilling life regardless of your relationship status.
The relationship between loneliness and being single: Is there one?
Despite how social media, movies, and societal expectations may make it seem, there are many single people out there. A 2023 survey indicates that 30% of all US adults are single, and this number rises to 47% for those under 30.
Being single is not uncommon, but its impacts on a person’s life can vary widely. For instance, research suggests that feelings of loneliness may be lower in people who choose to be single compared to those who are unhappily single. It’s also important to note that a person’s overall feelings of connectedness could impact their level of loneliness, too.
Human beings are inherently social creatures. A single person who has a strong social support network of friends, family, neighbors, or other connections may be less likely to experience feelings of loneliness than a single person who does not have this network. Similarly, a person in a romantic relationship who does not have many outside connections could feel lonely, too.
Regardless of the cause or the situation, chronic loneliness has the potential to result in serious mental and physical health consequences over the longer term, including increased risk of:
- Type 2 diabetes
- Heart disease and stroke
- Substance misuse
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Dementia
- Earlier death
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
These potential consequences illustrate how important it can be to feel socially connected. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you must find a partner. Statistics indicate that 58% of the American population currently feels lonely, indicating that one can be in a romantic relationship and still feel this way. This number suggests that loneliness may have more to do with life circumstances than romantic relationship status.
It may help to create a lifestyle where you're not just passively waiting for things to happen but actively engaging in activities that enrich your life. Picking up a new hobby or dedicating time to cultivating strong friendships can alleviate an individual’s feelings of loneliness. These actions may not only improve your focus but may also increase your chances of meeting someone who shares the same things that matter to you.
The below tips on managing feelings of loneliness or frustration with the search for a companion may help you navigate this challenging process.
12 points to keep in mind when you’re tired of being single
Whether you’re experiencing loneliness or are simply frustrated by your single status or dating difficulties, keeping the following 12 points in mind could help you adopt a helpful or more constructive perspective.
1. Social media isn’t reality
On social media, people often portray a polished view of their lives and relationships that is not always reflective of reality. Even though research suggests that posting authentically rather than only showcasing the highlights of one's life may correlate with positive affect and mood, it’s still common to only show the perfect-looking parts of one’s life—including romantic relationships. If you’re scrolling and feel sad about not meeting the right person because it seems like everyone else is already in perfect relationships, it can help to remind yourself that this is not true—no matter how it may look on Instagram. Every relationship has ups and downs, and there are plenty of single people out there, too.
2. Trust the process instead of focusing on relationship status
There is no guarantee that everyone seeking a fulfilling romantic relationship will find one, but by actively dating and living to your full potential, you may increase your chances. In addition, the single life can offer valuable opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, allowing you to fully understand what you truly desire in a successful relationship.
3. Mindset matters
Being single and feeling lonely can be a challenging experience, but it doesn’t mean that misery is inevitable. There are advantages and disadvantages to virtually every choice and circumstance in life, including being single or being in a romantic relationship. Reminding yourself of the good in your current time of life and aiming to appreciate it can be helpful. Plus, research suggests that practicing gratitude regularly can even result in health benefits. While you don’t have to put on a happy face when you’re feeling frustrated or lonely, stepping back to balance your perspective a bit could be helpful.
4. Being single has advantages
When you're not pouring your emotional energy into another person, you may have more capacity for self-discovery, growth, and personal development. Engaging in these things can enrich your life, providing enjoyment and new experiences. It can also help you increase your senses of self-knowledge and self-love and help you build a robust, independent life, all of which can be helpful in a relationship if you choose to enter one later.
5. Balance your dating standards
If you’re actively looking for a partner to date but haven’t had much success, it may be helpful to evaluate your standards. Believing that there’s one person out there for you who is a perfect and effortless match is generally not realistic, so holding out for someone who checks every box on a long list is unlikely to result in success. Being a bit more realistic and less rigid and allowing yourself the freedom to see who you connect with can be helpful in this case. That said, wanting a partner so much that you lower your standards and end up in a relationship that’s not a good match or is even harmful is not typically wise either. Aiming for balance between these extremes may be key.
6. Other relationships are important, too
Being single often allows more time to spend time with friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, or loved ones. These relationships can provide a sense of social connectedness and emotional support, and they may also help mitigate the sting of loneliness if you’re experiencing it. For example, you might explore new hobbies and work on your personal growth with a best friend who has shared interests.
7. Be mindful of dating apps
As of 2023, the Pew Research Center reports that one in 10 US adults in a committed, long-term relationship met their partner through an online dating app. While dating apps can be a fruitful way to connect with new people, they can also lend themselves to a sense of dating burnout. Swiping for hours or scheduling too many dates in a short time might make it harder to engage with any individual in a meaningful way, and it may contribute to a sense of desensitization around dating, too. Being mindful of your energy levels and your engagement level might help you enjoy your dates more and improve your resilience in the dating world.
8. Be the right person you want to find
It may help prepare you to form positive relationships if you try to be the type of partner you wish to find. In other words, being the best life partner means being the person who ticks all the boxes for yourself first. Enjoying your own company and living up to the standards you set for a potential partner are two examples of how you might do this.
9. Your feelings are valid
It's okay to be upset or frustrated about being single or lonely sometimes. As with virtually all life paths, it’s natural to experience challenging moments and feel down now and again. While ruminating on these feelings could contribute to negative mental health outcomes, acknowledging them and then practicing self-compassion could help you move through these periods.
10. Don’t give up
If finding a romantic partnership is important to you, it’s okay to keep trying, even after experiencing setbacks. Swearing off dating because of frustration when having a long-term partnership is what you really want may not be the most constructive choice. That said, taking breaks as needed and caring for yourself and your health along the way is usually paramount. Remember that you can lead an amazing life with or without a partner and that you may meet that special person when you least expect it.
11. Don’t blame or exonerate yourself
Finding a partner often takes a combination of perseverance and luck, so facing dating obstacles may not always be about you—but it is worth considering how you present yourself to potential matches. In other words, healthily responding to frustration in the dating world usually involves a combination of maintaining self-esteem and examining your behaviors to see whether you might be getting in your own way. Asking friends about how you’re perceived and working with a dating coach are two examples of strategies that could help you understand how you’re presenting yourself to dates and see whether you may be able to sharpen your approach in some areas.
12. Professional help can make a difference
Whether you’re experiencing persistent feelings of loneliness or are trying to build useful relationship skills for the future, meeting with a therapist could be a valuable tool. This type of provider can offer support and guidance for your dating life as well as coping strategies for difficult emotions.
If you don’t have time to locate and then regularly commute to meet with a therapist in person, online therapy may be worth considering. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you can meet with a licensed therapist virtually via phone or video from anywhere you have a stable internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as traditional therapy in addressing a variety of mental health challenges and conditions like anxiety, which can be common when experiencing loneliness and engaging in dating.
Takeaway
Is it normal to be tired of being single and use dating apps all the time?
If you’re tired of single life and dating apps, you’re not alone. Many single people struggle with online dating or looking for their special person. Although you don’t need to have a romantic partnership to be happy, dating is often a part of life, and it’s normal to desire a relationship. In addition, if you have friends and loved ones who are in romantic relationships, you might worry that something is wrong with you or blame yourself for not finding companionship in the same way. Finding love is often a process, so don’t give up if you don’t want to. The right person may come along as soon as your next date.
Why is being single so hard on my mental health?
Being single can be difficult for mental health because it leaves you with more time to yourself to focus on your feelings and thoughts. You might not necessarily have anything new in your life, but seeing other people go on dates and fall in love can cause you to feel lonely and miss the joy of having a partner. Depending on your life circumstances, you might also feel pressure to settle down and have children or find someone so your family and friends stop asking. If you struggle to find people to spend time with, you might experience self-doubt, which can lead to low self-esteem and getting stuck in your head. Even if you know you deserve love, you might fear that your future only contains more loneliness. These thoughts might lead to anxiety and depression, among other things.
How do I be ok with being single and find personal growth?
Becoming comfortable with the idea of being a single person might involve focusing on behaviors and thoughts that encourage self-love. Consider putting time into new experiences and hobbies to find a new perspective. Be present in each moment and try to meet new people to make friends with without expecting anything from them. Have fun and see life from the lens of moving forward, regardless of your single status. If you find a person you connect with along the way, it will happen. Until then, live your life one day at a time and let happiness find you. Falling in love is often a process, and it might not happen overnight. If you’re afraid of being alone, consider reaching out to a therapist to talk about your emotions and search for love.
How do I stop being single and lonely?
If you want to stop being single, you can take steps to try to meet new people. However, a relationship can’t be forced, so working to become happily single while you date may be most effective. Go out with multiple people and schedule a second date with those you have a natural connection with. Make sure you’re heard and that you actively listen to each person you talk to so you honestly know whether you’re compatible. If someone is wrong for you, don’t try to force the connection just so you don’t have to be single anymore. Trust your instincts when it comes to letting people close, and make sure everyone you connect with consents if you want to have sex. If you’re okay with being single but tired of being lonely, you might try casual relationships. Importantly, different strategies work for different peoples’ lives, so do what is right for you.
Is it smart to stay single to preserve your emotional energy?
Whether staying single is smart for you depends on your experience and sense of intuition. Some people find joy and healing most in having meaningful connections with others, and humans are social creatures. However, not everyone finds this social need in romance. If healing past trauma wounds is essential to you, you might realize you want to take time away from dating to focus on yourself while you heal. However, some people also find healing in their relationships, noting that having a healthy partner who shares words of affirmation and affection helps them learn to trust again and makes a difference in their feelings. Whether a relationship is the answer for you is up to you and you alone. You don’t have to fall in love, but falling in love is not necessarily harmful to your emotional energy if it’s with a healthy person, whether you’re interested in women, men, or any other gender.
H3 How unhealthy is it to be single?
It isn’t unhealthy to be single. Many people live happy lives single and don’t want or aren’t ready for a relationship. Some haven’t met someone they want to date yet. Whether you’re single or in a relationship doesn’t matter as much as how you treat yourself and others. People who are single can get into negative patterns, but so can people in relationships. Both states often require self-work and reflection.
Is it healthy to be single forever?
It can be healthy to be single forever. Many people choose to remain single for various reasons. Those who choose not to be single may have a harder time remaining single for a long period. In these cases, they may benefit from talking to a therapist about the causes behind their difficulty in finding a partner. Often, there are ways to improve social skills and dating techniques to meet new people. For some, this process might involve changing negative self-beliefs and improving confidence.
How do I accept that I am single and have feelings of loneliness?
Accepting that you are single might be easier by using a therapeutic skill like radical acceptance from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). The steps of radical acceptance are as follows:
Observe how you might be questioning or fighting your reality.
Remind yourself that your reality cannot be changed immediately or that you don’t want to change it right now. .
Try to note any causes for the reality. Acknowledge how many people do not have control over whether they find love, but you can control how you proceed.
Practice acceptance with your mind, body, and spirit. Use positive self-talk to tell yourself you are willing to accept this situation, even if it is difficult.
List all the behaviors you'd partake in if you already accepted this situation. Then act this way until you find it aligns with your reality.
Cope ahead by thinking of ways to accept the situation if it worsens.
Attend to your body sensations using mindfulness or meditation to connect with yourself.
Allow disappointment, sadness, grief, or anger to arise if they do. Note them and do not act on them. Give them the space to exist.
Acknowledge that life can be worth living, even when there is pain.
Create a pros and cons list if you are resisting acceptance further.
Is it normal to cry because you're single?
Yes, crying because of disappointment, loneliness, sadness, or fear of being single is normal. Wanting a partner or someone to touch is also a normal human instinct, and you’re not wrong for wanting these connections. If you want support in this pain, consider seeking guidance from a counselor. They can help you come to terms with being single and start to date again, if you’re ready.
How can I be OK being single again? Finding in-person and online therapy
Being okay with being single can be a process, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen immediately. In-person or online therapy may be helpful in regaining your comfort in being single. A therapist can guide you through self-reflection exercises and ways to fill your life with joy without a romantic or sexual relationship. You can also learn tips for dating if you want to get back out there and meet new people. Couples therapy can be helpful for those who want to navigate divorce or a breakup amicably.
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