Understanding The Different Types Of Love: From Familial To Romantic Love
You may be able to identify several groups of people in your life whom you love. You might have told friends, extended family, parents, partners, or children that you love them.
In all of your relationships, has the love been the same? Love is a complicated emotion and often differs depending on circumstances or the people it is directed toward. For example, the love you show to your kids may look more nurturing than your love for your best friend.
To accommodate such differences, the ancient Greeks studied love and had several unique words for love. Today, we may use one word for the different types of love we feel. However, there are as many as eight different Greek words for love, each referring to distinct types of relationships, levels of intimacy, and situations.
Understanding the different forms of love and how they're often expressed may give you perspective when connecting with others or expressing love in your life.
What is love?
Love is often defined by most people as a feeling of intense affection. Love may deepen the bond between friends or turn a casual romantic relationship into a long-term commitment. Love may change and evolve. On a physical level, love releases chemicals in the brain that can cause happiness and feelings of joy. Many times, recognizing that you love another person is one of life’s most memorable and impactful moments.
You may not feel "in love" with a partner as soon as you meet them, and it may not happen "at first sight." Love can be a slow process; once you fall in love, your feelings may grow or change as your relationship changes.
Love can exist between two people who are close in a romantic or sexual sense. However, it can also be felt or expressed toward family, in friendship, or oneself in a platonic way. With a broad range of applications, it can be helpful to define the varied forms of love developed by the ancient Greeks.
The different types of love
When learning about the different forms of love in Greek, they may overlap in different ways. For example, you may experience both pragma and philia for your partner. Or you may feel storge for your grandmother and the best friend you've known since you were young. Below are the eight types of love and how you can practice them.
Ludus (playful love)
Often present in the early stages of a relationship, playful love, Ludus, is a non-serious type of love. It's often marked by the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you might get when you first feel affection for a new romantic partner or a crush.
Ludus isn't often associated with a commitment but with a flirtatious, fun type of love. Playful love can turn into a more devoted form of love over time.
If you have a new romantic interest, expressing ludus by flirting can create a low-stakes level of intimacy that you may be able to build upon.
Eros (romantic love)
Named for the Greek god of love, eros is a passionate, sexual, romantic form of love. It's often characterized by physical touch and powerful attraction and is mentioned in so many songs about love. The Greeks felt that the passion and desire that came about due to eros was dangerous, yet it's often a form of love that people seek.
As humans, we may crave a relationship with enduring love, but also one that is full of romance and sexual attraction. Eros may be a component of a sexual or lust-driven connection or romantic love. However, it may also be considered passion. If your relationship with your partner seems to need a spark, consider whether passionate love may be lacking.
Pragma (practical love)
Also called enduring love, pragma is characterized by commitment and is often present in long-term romantic relationships. Pragma is considered by many the ideal form of love between romantic partners.
You may experience pragma in a partnership with mutual support and trust. With pragma, while you may experience ludus and eros with your significant other, your relationship may not be primarily characterized by those expressions of love anymore. You might feel a deeper and more meaningful connection or desire long-term commitment.
Storge (familial love)
Imagine the bond you have with your children, parents, siblings, or chosen family. Storge can be described as the innate love you experience in relationships with those you consider part of "your group."
Storge is a familiar form of love that's often instinctual. It may be seen in a powerful connection a parent feels for their children as soon as they're born, between individuals in the family, or the intimate bond best friends have.
When you experience familiar love, storge, you may feel a strong desire to care for the other person. A reliable support system based around storge love could be a vital aspect of your life. Studies show that deep social connections with your community can improve health. Storge may be one type of love that allows you to experience this connection.
Philia (brotherly love)
Also called affectionate love, philia is often marked by deep feelings between friends or family. Philia is a platonic love that may feel as intimate as the love felt in a romantic relationship. It was considered by the Greeks to be a deep form of love because it related to people who felt that they were, in all ways, equals.
You may feel philia love for a best friend with whom you had in your life for years. You can develop and nurture such deep friendships by ensuring that mutual respect, admiration, and affection are present.
Philautia (self-love)
The Greeks differentiated between philautia, which they considered healthy self-love or self-compassion, and narcissism, which can be thought of as a love of oneself to the exclusion of others.
Philautia may cause healthy positivity about yourself and offer love and affection to yourself in the same way you would to someone else. You might choose to practice self-love by creating a self-care routine, tending to your mental health, or indulging in activities you enjoy.
Mania (obsessive love)
Considered an unhealthy type of love, mania may be characterized by jealousy, obsession, or possessiveness. Obsessive love, mania, may be present when one romantic partner is more attached than the other or if a couple develops a co-dependent relationship. Mania love is not to be confused with the symptoms of mania often experienced in bipolar disorder.
With this type of love, you may notice that you act differently when you're afraid of losing someone. Mania can come from a place of low self-esteem or other individual concerns, or it could mean that a healthy form of love is missing.
If you realize that there are toxic elements or potentially unhealthy expressions of love in certain relationships, consider whether you could benefit from practicing self-love (philautia) or practical love (pragma).
Agape (unconditional love)
Agape love, often called unconditional love, compassionate love, or selfless love, may feel difficult to achieve. Agape is considered a type of everlasting love in which you care for another person without the expectation of reciprocation, even in hard times. It can be a selfless and altruistic form of love that is often referred to as universal love because it can apply to everyone and everything. You may choose to express agape love by volunteering or practicing random acts of kindness to others, even strangers.
Understanding love
Love can be a great joy and an enriching part of life. It may help you strengthen bonds with friends, family, and romantic partners and improve your mental and physical well-being. Finding love can create impactful moments and may leave a lasting impression in our lives, However, understanding your feelings and the types of love you experience can be complex. Support is available if you need help talking through your emotions or working on your relationships.
Discuss love and relationships in therapy
Speaking to a professional may be valuable if you're struggling with relationships; if you're in love with two people, if you feel like your love life is an empty cup, or if you just want to learn more about the world of love. At times, barriers to treatment, such as cost, distance, or availability, can make it feel challenging to get support. If you relate, you might try online counseling.
Learn about different types of love in online therapy
Research points to online therapy as a helpful method of addressing concerns related to love and relationships. In a related story, in a recent study on the effectiveness of online therapy interventions for couples, researchers found that treatment significantly helped distressed relationships. Participants experienced improved communication and overall relationship satisfaction and decreased symptoms of individual mental health concerns.
If you're looking to understand your feelings better regarding the relationships in your life, a mental health professional can help. An online therapy platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples can connect you with a licensed provider who fits your needs and preferences.
Takeaway
What is love according to different people?
Love is a dynamic concept that changes with time and means different things to different people. For example, real friends might share a different kind of love than a caregiver for someone under their care. For some, love means feeling safe and comfortable with someone; for others, it's a thrilling thing associated with "butterflies" and infatuation. Here are some viewpoints defining love, courtesy of some of the world’s most famous writers and philosophers:
"Love must be as much a light as it is a flame.” ~Henry David Thoreau, American philosopher and poet
"It is love that asks, that seeks, that knocks, that finds, and that is faithful to what it finds."
~St. Augustine,Roman African Theologian
"The love we give away is the only love we keep." ~Elbert Hubbard, American writer & philosopher
"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” ~Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher
"This fire that we call Loving is too strong for human minds. But just right for human souls."
~Aberjhani,African American writer
"Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be." ~Anton Chekhov,Russian playwright
"Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life." ~Leo Buscaglia,American writer
"The first duty of love is to listen." ~Paul Tillich,German-American philosopher & theologian
What are the seven types of love?
According to the ancient Greeks, there are seven common categories of human love. They are classified as:
- Philia: A type of affectionate love expressed to family, friends, and community. In Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, philia is characterized by equality, familiarity, and virtue.
- Ludus: A playful love often associated with flirting and seduction. Ludus is frequently found in casual relationships with "no strings attached."
- Agape: Refers to universal, unconditional love, sometimes used within the context of the mutual love between God and humans. Agape is a charitable love in which one person wishes the best for another.
- Pragma: This is a practical love in which individuals share a common vision and work together to achieve it. It’s a love in which people find positive regard through mutual values.
- Philautia: Meaning to love oneself and hold one’s own happiness in high esteem. When philautia is healthy, it manifests as positive self-esteem and self-compassion. When it's unhealthy, it may be considered selfish and vain.
- Storge: This type of love refers to fondness between parents and children, particularly the unconditional love that a parent may have for their young child.
- Eros: The type of love found during the passionate first stages of a romantic relationship. While this type of love typically refers to the kind of "mad" love that comes with sexual attraction, Socrates posited that eros love might also encompass a deeper appreciation for ideal beauty and spiritual truth (also referred to as platonic love).
What are the four kinds of love?
When broken down and simplified, eros, agape, philia, and storge are considered the most fundamental types of love.
Can you be in love with different people?
Yes, it is possible to be in love with different people simultaneously, although it can sometimes lead to complications depending on societal norms and the feelings of all involved. This is sometimes considered a feature of polyamory—a type of relationship in which individuals have open romantic connections with more than one person.
Is being in love different for everyone?
Yes, although there are some common factors that can play a role in developing love, being in love is typically a unique experience that varies from individual to individual.
Why do we fall in love with different people?
What makes us fall in love is typically influenced by a mix of factors. Here are some examples:
- Physical attraction: Physical appearance can affect who we fall in love with. What we find physically attractive often varies between people based on individual preferences.
- Similarity: People are often drawn to others with similar interests, values, and personality traits. Similarities can create a strong bond between people born of a sense of ease and understanding.
- Life experiences: Past experiences, including past relationships, often play a part in our expectations and preferences for what a partner should be like.
- Familiarity and exposure: The more time we spend with someone, the better we get to know them. Depending on what we discover about our mates through exposure, this can promote love or create feelings of aversion.
- Reciprocity: We are more likely to fall for someone who shows interest in us back.
- Intellectual and emotional connection: People may be drawn to partners who fulfill specific emotional needs, like stability and excitement, or who are on the same level intellectually speaking.
What are the three types of true love?
Inspired by the work of anthropologist Helen Fisher, the three loves theory is a relationship model describing the three types of great loves people experience throughout a lifetime. The loves build on each other, creating a foundation on which individuals develop an overarching model for what they desire in a relationship. Here is an overview of the three types of true love:
- First love: This type refers to the "puppy love" experience in which an individual feels lust or infatuation for their object of affection. It might be intense and all-consuming but doesn't typically last long.
- Intimate love: After we experience the intensity of first love, we might develop the need for a deeper connection beyond physical attraction to fall in love (although intimate love often begins with sexual attraction).
- Committed love: This type of love grows from intimate love as partners desire to establish a future together. It can be powerful and unconditional and often persists through good times and bad.
What is the ideal kind of love?
While the concept of an "ideal kind of love" might differ for each person, it's often described as a balanced combination of components supporting a healthy, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship. One of the most popular frameworks outlining ideal love comes from psychologist Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory. In Sternberg's theory, three key elements combine to create consummate or ideal love:
- Passion: Characterized by physical attraction and romantic excitement
- Intimacy: Characterized by emotional closeness, trust, and connection
- Commitment: When couples decide to maintain the relationship over time and build a life together
What are the two main types of romantic love?
The two main types of romantic love are passionate and companionate. Passionate love, often found in the early stages of a relationship, is usually accompanied by physical attraction and evokes a sense of excitement and infatuation. Companionate love may emerge when passionate love persists. It is defined by deep emotional intimacy, mutual respect, trust, and commitment. Companionate love might not have the same intensity as passionate love but is typically more stable and enduring.
What is the strongest love called?
Agape is often considered the highest form of love. It's unconditional, sacrificial love given without expecting anything in return, typically involving empathy, acceptance, forgiveness, and trust. Agape can be applied in any situation, including destructive ones. Within the context of religion, agape is considered a godlike form of love based on the concepts of charity and sacrifice.
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