What Are The Three Parts Of Sternberg's Triangular Theory Of Love?
Sternberg's triangular theory of love, developed by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, posits that relationships comprise three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. The people in a relationship can express different types of love, such as companionate love or romantic love, based on the components present in their relationship. The ideal relationship goal is often to experience consummate love, which encompasses all three components: deep intimacy, physical passion, and long-term commitment. Utilizing this theory of love may help strengthen your relationships over time.
The triangular theory of love
Sternberg's triangular theory of love isn't the only theory in social psychology that looks to explain loving relationships. However, it does explain what love could be and why we might choose it. It was published in 1986 in Psychological Review (Cambridge University Press), a journal that publishes theoretical contributions to scientific psychology.
Who is Sternberg?
RJ Sternberg is a professor in the College of Human Ecology at Cornell University and an honorary professor at Germany's Heidelberg University. He has also served as a university president and a provost and held the chair of ethical leadership for the George Kaiser Family Foundation.
A well-respected psychologist, Sternberg has been the president of the American Psychological Association and editor of perspectives for the Psychological Bulletin. He has contributed much to the field of social psychology.
Sternberg's triangular theory of love is only one of his interests. Sternberg has also been a part of developing theories and educating his students and the public on intelligence, creativity, wisdom, leadership, thinking styles, ethical reasoning, and hatred.
What is Sternberg's triangular theory of love?
Sternberg's triangular theory of love is based on the image of a triangle. The triangle represents the concept of love, and each point is a different aspect of love. Sternberg states that you don't need all three elements in any one relationship, but the totality of the concept of love includes all three points of the triangle.
According to Sternberg's triangular theory, the three aspects of love are intimacy, passion, and decision or commitment. Like a triangle, the love represented by these components may have different dimensions and different types of balance.
Intimacy
At the top of the triangle in Sternberg's triangular theory of love is intimacy, one of the three potential components of love in close relationships. Intimacy may bring feelings of warmth, deep affection, and closeness. You may gain intimacy as you emotionally invest in the relationship. While you might have some control over the intimacy you feel, you often don't wholly control these feelings.
Sternberg described intimacy as the feeling of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in a relationship. Each of these components of intimacy might add to the love you feel for someone. However, Sternberg states you don't have to have all these feelings to achieve intimacy in an ideal relationship.
Passion
The left point of the Sternberg triangle is passion. When you feel passion, it may lead you to experience romantic love, physical attraction, and sexual desire. Passion can include motivation for loving as well as other sources of arousal. It's a physiological experience that creates intense feelings and may result from genetic and cultural factors.
Humans may be built for physical experiences of passionate love in close relationships. Through the vast expanse of human experience, arousal has often been important as a gateway to reproduction. Cultural factors, such as arranged marriage, play a role as well. Aspects of culture may not only tell us who's attractive but may also teach us socially acceptable ways to show our sexual passion in relationships.
Your passion for someone might involve the following love components:
- Romance: A feeling of general excitement and mystery associated with a partner or a relationship
- Physical Attraction: Arousal that comes from recognizing the body, facial features, or physical movements as desirable
- Sexual Desire: Needs vary depending on the individual and type of relationship
Decision
Decision-making is the thought process we typically use when we choose whether to show the expression of love in the short term. By making decisions to love in the here and now, you may move closer to a long-lasting commitment in your relationships. On the other hand, you may prefer to keep the relationship casual, enjoying it for the moment without thinking about what lies ahead.
The commitment component in social psychology is a long-term decision to maintain the relationship over time and space. Most relationships are without challenges of some kind. You may experience times when your passion for your partner decreases or you feel less affection for each other.
Philosophers may disagree about how many choices we have in life. Some say we control our destinies, while others say we're helpless to choose who we are and who we love. Of course, others feel that choice is real, but the actions of others limit it.
For Sternberg and many other psychologists, loving someone comes from a decision or a commitment. You can like the way someone looks. You can want to be close to someone. If you decide not to follow through by expressing your love and feelings, a loving relationship will most likely not develop. One's commitment often determines the types and lengths of relationships that result.
Further studies show that commitment may only be effective in increasing marital satisfaction in relationships that have high levels of healthy communication as well, indicating that commitment may not be enough on its own for some individuals.
Commitment can carry you through hard times and keep you together in good times. You may make a different decision every day, but when you decide to make or break a commitment, it can significantly impact your well-being and relationships.
How do the three parts work together?
Sternberg emphasized that, although love may be composed of the components of intimacy, passion, and decision, the pieces work together to form a complete whole.
How do the three parts work together? Sometimes one component plays the most crucial role, while the others add to the overall experience of love.
For example, your commitment to love and care for your child may be the most critical aspect of your love for them. Because you are typically responsible for them as they grow, you may feel a profound need to be there for them and stay in the relationship. You may also feel passion for the potential that's within them. A parent's love may be considered consummate, companionate, or other types of love, depending on the individual relationship between parent and child.
One component of love often increases another element. Imagine that you appreciate someone's physical beauty. This attraction might prompt you to connect with them on an emotional level. At that point, you might decide whether to appreciate the connection in a singular moment or commit to them in the long term.
The three components of different types of love
The three components of love work together differently in various types of love.
Fatuous love
In fatuous love, you feel passion without feeling intimate, such as in a brief courtship. Often, you are physically attracted to but emotionally distant from them.
Romantic love
Romantic love combines passion toward and intimacy with a person. However, it doesn’t come with the same level of commitment as some other types of love.
Empty love
In empty love, you commit to the relationship without feeling intimacy or passion. These types of relationships are often adopted or maintained for pragmatic reasons rather than out of affection. This can include arranged marriages or deteriorated marriages.
Companionate love
In companionate love, you feel closeness and commitment without the sexual attraction or passion of fatuous or romantic love. We often feel this way about dear friends or close family members.
Consummate love
This is arguably the type of love many of us are seeking when we explore long-term romances. In consummate love, you experience an unconditional love that combines all three components, including sexual consummation, emotional intimacy, and chosen commitment.
Other types of love
Sternberg’s theory proposed seven total types of love. The other two are liking—where you experience intimacy without passion or commitment, such as with many friendships—and infatuation, which involves only passion without intimacy.
How can you maintain love in a relationship?
Studies estimate that the current rate of divorce in America is between 50% to 67%. These figures may only tell part of the story since many couples stay together for a time without ever marrying.
Long-lasting loving relationships often require more than a verbal commitment. A decision to stay in the relationship with loving actions that maintain the three components of love may also be necessary.
How to maintain intimacy
To maintain intimacy, it's often helpful to spend quality time together. Stagnation may lead to the end of a long-term relationship. To keep the experience of love fresh and immediate, varying when and how you show your love might be effective. Leaving space for the relationship to change over time could increase your likelihood of staying together in the long term.
Making a concerted effort to work on both your physical and emotional intimacy (depending on your and your partner's needs and preferences) can have quite an impact. Small actions like discussing your day together, sitting down for dinner without your phones, or scheduling regular date nights may facilitate intimacy.
How to maintain passion
Because you may have less conscious control over passion, it can be the most challenging component in maintaining a long-term relationship. Passion is a motivation that often comes from need.
To maintain passion, it can be effective to be mindful of your and your partner's needs and how you can fulfill them within the relationship. In many cases, passion tends to increase when both intimacy and commitment are present.
How to maintain commitment
Of the three components of love, you may have the most control over your commitment to the relationship. The commitment often remains strong when you make the relationship an essential part of your life. Your commitment can keep you in the relationship longer and make it possible for you to remain devoted to the tasks of increasing intimacy and passion.
If you're dissatisfied with your relationship at any time, a helpful strategy could be to assess the strength of each of the three components of love between yourself and your partner. You could then take action to increase your commitment and make efforts to improve intimacy, possibly allowing passion to come more naturally.
Online couples therapy may help you to maintain love
It can be normal to experience challenges in relationships, but if you're having a hard time maintaining love, you may choose to seek help from a mental health professional. Online therapy may be one effective way to do this.
Suppose you and your partner have busy schedules. In that case, a potential benefit of online therapy is that you can schedule sessions at times that would be considered before or after hours at a traditional therapist's office.
Many people wonder whether online therapy will be as effective as in-person therapy. A study from 2020 followed numerous couples as they went through the process of online couples therapy. Many expressed doubts initially, but after experiencing the process, they found it practical and beneficial for their relationships.
If you’ve decided that therapy would benefit you, you might consider an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Online options offer a large database of counselors with up-to-date research and resources.
Takeaway
One of the key components of Sternberg's triangular theory of love is that there are various kinds of love made up of three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. For many romantic relationships, the goal may be to experience consummate love, a combination of all the components, including friendship love.
You might use Sternberg's theory to improve and deepen the love in your relationship, even navigating the complexities of a love triangle, by focusing on two or more components. Another tool that could increase relationship health and satisfaction is online couples therapy, which may allow you and your partner to talk through issues and strengthen your bond at first sight or beyond.
What are the three components of Sternberg's triangular theory of love?
Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love is a theory rooted in social psychology that defines love as a combination of three main components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg’s theory was first outlined in 1986 in the Psychological Bulletin, then again in his book “Love is a Story: A New Theory of Relationships” (published by the Oxford University Press). Here is a brief overview of the three components featured in the love triangle:
Intimacy component: Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness, connection, and bondedness in a loving relationship. It is associated with emotional support, understanding, and mutual respect but doesn't always result in long-term relationships.
Passion component: This component involves physical attraction and sexual desire, as well as the intense emotions that accompany romantic or sexual attraction. Passion refers to the excitement and infatuation in the early stages of a relationship when one’s commitment and emotional investment may be limited.
Commitment component: This component reflects the decision to maintain and nurture the relationship over time. It includes both the short-term decision to love someone and the long-term commitment to sustain that love.
What are the three parts of Sternberg's theory?
Robert Sternberg constructed two theories featuring three components: the triangular theory of love and his triarchic theory of intelligence. The triangular theory describes committed, intimate, and passionate love as distinct but interrelated components of personal relationships. The triarchic theory of intelligence describes three core types of intelligence a person may possess: practical, creative, and analytical. Like the three components of love interact to create a comprehensive model of relationships, the types of intelligence are often interrelated and may combine two or more components to form an individual’s unique intellectual traits.
Why is consummate love the best?
Consummate love is often considered the "ideal" form of love in Sternberg's Triangular Theory because it combines all three essential components into one relationship. It involves feelings of emotional closeness and deep connection of an intimate relationship, the physical passion and romantic desire of a passionate relationship, and the commitment to stay together through good times and bad. The relationship is balanced, satisfying, and enduring when all three components are present. It's considered the "best" type of love because it encapsulates emotional, physical, and long-term investment, addressing the needs of both partners on multiple levels.
What are some examples of Sternberg’s 8 types of love?
The three components of Sternberg’s theory can combine in various ways to form different types of love, such as romantic love (intimacy and sexual passion), companionate love (intimacy and commitment), and consummate love (all three components). For example, individuals chosen for an arranged marriage may begin with empty love or liking and eventually reach a point of romantic or consummate love. In “Cupid’s Arrow: The Course of Love Through Time,” Sternberg describes the eight types of love in more detail. Here are some examples of the eight types of love derived from the triangular love scale:
Non-love: A brief interaction between a cashier and a customer at the store.
Liking: Work colleagues who help each other during challenging times and enjoy each other’s company without infatuation or passion components.
Infatuation: A person is immediately attracted to and becomes infatuated with someone they meet at a party. When the feeling is reciprocated, the couple may have great sex, but there’s no emotional bond or commitment.
Empty love: A long-time married couple who are no longer attracted to each other emotionally or physically yet stay together for practical reasons.
Romantic love: A couple who is deeply in love and share a lot of emotional and physical attraction but have not formally committed or made long-term plans together.
Companionate love: A long-time married couple who have built a life together and share a strong, supportive emotional bond but no longer feel the intense passion found in romantic relationships. Companionate love can also be found between involved parties, such as close friends and family members.
Fatuous love: A couple that feels an overwhelming attraction to each other, quickly falls in love, and decides to commit to the relationship permanently without knowing each other very well emotionally.
Consummate love: A firmly committed couple who experience intimacy, share a strong physical attraction, and support and understand one another.
What is the 3 loves theory?
The three loves theory is a concept developed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, who suggests that we experience three distinct types of loving relationships in our lifetime—each serving a unique purpose in providing wisdom about the nature of relationships. Although it isn't rooted in academic psychology, the theory's simplicity and relatability in describing personal growth through relationships make it popular with many relationship psychologists. Here is a breakdown of the three loves:
The First Love – Idealistic Love
This is often a youthful, fairytale-like “love at first sight” that feels perfect but is more about infatuation or societal expectations than genuine connection. It teaches us what we think love "should" look like, often leading to unrealistic expectations.
The Second Love – Challenging Love
This is often a turbulent, roller-coaster relationship involving significant challenges, heartbreak, or drama. It teaches us about what we don't want in a relationship and helps us understand our boundaries and needs.
The Third Love – Unconditional Love
This is a profoundly authentic and mature love that feels effortless and aligns with who we truly are. It often comes unexpectedly and is marked by mutual respect, trust, and a strong emotional bond.
What is the triangle method in love?
The triangle method in love can refer to Sternberg’s triangular theory, Fisher’s three loves theory, or the triangle method of flirting trending on social media. The triangular flirting method is a non-verbal technique in which one moves their gaze from one eye to the other and then to the mouth of the person they're flirting with. One may also form a “flirting triangle” by gazing into one eye, looking down to the mouth, then up at the other eye.
What are the 3 key components of love according to Sternberg?
The three primary components of a loving relationship are passion, intimacy, and commitment. These three components often overlap to form a more complex model that reflects the uniqueness of most relationships, from a passionate “one-night stand” to close relationships that last a lifetime.
What are the three types of intelligence in Sternberg's Triarchic theory?
Robert Sternberg's "triarchic theory of Intelligence" is commonly referenced in various articles published in the Psychological Review Journal from the mid-to-late 1980s and outlined in the book "Beyond IQ: A Triarchic Theory of Human Intelligence” published by the Cambridge University Press. In Sternberg’s triarchic theory, there are three types of intelligence, each with a different aspect that works together to explain how individuals adapt to and interact with their environment: analytical, creative, and practical intelligence. Together, they form a comprehensive view of human cognitive abilities, emphasizing that intelligence is not solely about any one component but is typically the result of a combination of analytic intelligence, creativity, and practical adaptability. Here’s an overview of the three types of intelligence:
Analytic intelligence
It involves problem-solving, logical reasoning, and critical thinking. This type of intelligence is often associated with academic skills and the ability to analyze and evaluate information, such as the thought process behind solving a math problem or evaluating the strength of an argument during a debate.
Creative intelligence
It relates to imagination, innovation, and the ability to generate new ideas or adapt to novel situations. This type of intelligence is associated with how well someone can “think outside the box” and approach problems creatively, for example, when writing a story or developing a unique business idea.
Practical intelligence
Refers to "street smarts," or the ability to solve everyday problems and adapt to real-world environments. This type of intelligence involves common sense, social skills, and the ability to make things work in practical contexts, for example, when negotiating a deal or organizing a household efficiently.
What are the 8 types of love according to Sternberg?
According to Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love, the combination (or absence) of the three core relationship components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—creates eight types of social and personal relationships. Each type highlights different dynamics and can evolve depending on the relationship and effort put into it. These eight types of love include:
Non-love: Characterized by a lack of intimacy, passion, or commitment. It's typical in casual or impersonal interactions with a complete absence of passion or intimacy, such as with acquaintances.
Liking: Consists of intimacy without the other components of sexual consummation or long-term commitment. This type of love is often represented in deep friendships.
Infatuation: Infatuated love is driven by physical attraction and a strong desire for sexual interaction without emotional closeness or commitment.
Empty love: This is a commitment-only type of love. It lacks intimacy and passion, but the couple may stay together due to obligation or a long-term decision to stay committed.
Romantic love: A relationship with only passion and intimacy and without a commitment to long-term togetherness.
Companionate love: Companionate love is a deep, committed friendship-based love often found in long-term marriages where passion may have faded, but deep affection and commitment remain strong.
Fatuous love: Characterized as a “whirlwind” romance driven by physical attraction and a hasty commitment but lacks the intimacy needed to maintain love in a stable, long-term relationship.
Consummate love: Considered the “ideal” form of love, it combines emotional closeness (intimacy), physical attraction (passion), and a long-term decision to stay together (commitment).
What is an example of fatuous love?
An example of fatuous love would be a “whirlwind” romance where two people meet on vacation, have intense, passionate feelings for one another, and get married within a few weeks but lack a foundation of intimacy or understanding of each other's personalities and values. The love components of passion and commitment characterize this type of love. Still, it lacks intimacy, making the relationship unstable if the emotional bond isn't developed.
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