Obsessive Love Disorder: Attachment, Obsession, And Love

Love can be a healthy and fulfilling part of life, but it’s also possible for supposedly distinct feelings of love to go along with obsessively loving another person that may motivate harmful emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Some call this distinct love phenomenon “obsessive love disorder” (OLD) and view obsessive love as a distinctive mental illness or disorder that may be treatable with psychiatric help.

At the present time, obsessive love disorder is not widely recognized by clinicians. However, obsessive love disorder can be a useful way to describe a group of symptoms that may be associated with more commonly diagnosed mental health conditions.

If you’re experiencing symptoms such as obsessive romantic thoughts, an inability to accept rejection, and extreme jealousy or overprotectiveness, it might be a good idea to seek a licensed therapist for assistance. One easy way to do so can be through an online therapy platform.

What are the signs of obsessive love disorder?

The current edition of the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) does not define obsessive love disorder as a mental illness. This can make it difficult to provide a definitive list of symptoms.

Warning signs

That said, the following signs may serve as warnings that someone is developing an obsessive romantic fixation:

• Inability to stop thinking about another person

• Craving contact at all times

• Intense, possessive jealousy

• Controlling thoughts or behaviors

• Extreme obsessive worries about the other person’s safety

• Disregarding and overstepping personal boundaries

• Hypersensitivity to negative feedback or lack of attention

• Difficulty accepting rejection

• Violating the other person’s space

Why obsessive love can be a problem

When you’re in the grips of a romantic obsession, it may be hard to recognize your own unhelpful thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. The American Survey Center reports that more than one-third of U.S. adults consider a committed love relationship essential for a fulfilling life, and only 14% say it’s not important. 

Intense fixation

But issues can arise when your craving for love becomes so strongly fixated on one person that you have trouble moving on when they’re not interested. It’s also possible to focus so much on feelings that you neglect or disregard other possible sources of happiness in your life.

Emotional effects of rejection

Some people may even come to view their love for the other person as an essential piece of their identity, which can create the potential for an emotional crisis in response to rejection or relationship difficulties.

OLD may sometimes involve extreme feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. Multiple studies have identified these emotions as risk factors for harmful behaviors such as psychological abuse, stalking, and intimate partner violence. There’s a chance that obsessive love could make a person more likely to emotionally or physically harm someone else.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Obsessive love disorder and borderline personality disorder

Since OLD is not currently recognized or diagnosed by most mental health professionals, it can be difficult to find reliable statistics on how widespread it is. However, one study on obsessive love estimated that less than 0.1% of the population experiences this phenomenon. The same paper suggested that obsessive love may be more common in women than in men, although there’s not a clear explanation for why this might be.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Borderline personality disorder (BPD), on the other hand, is more widely recognized and can affect a notable number of people. Individuals with BPD may sometimes experience intense, unstable emotions that could contribute to obsessive or problematic patterns of love.

More research is likely needed to validate these findings. If and when OLD gains broader recognition among clinicians, it may be possible to develop a clearer idea of the prevalence and demographics of this phenomenon.

Obsessive love disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder

Many of the emotions and behaviors associated with OLD can also occur in individuals with other, more well-known mental health disorders.

Numerous studies have shown that someone diagnosed with one psychological illness tends to be at a greater risk for a wide range of other conditions.

Conditions that may accompany OLD and OCD

Disorders that might make a person more likely to experience obsessive love may include:

Childhood attachment disorder

Some contemporary psychological research has focused on the concept of attachment styles, or interpersonal relationship patterns that are influenced by parental relationships in early childhood. Studies suggest that attachment may have important effects on mental health and romantic behavior.

Childhood neglect may lead to attachment disorders that may have effects on future romantic relationships. This could potentially increase the likelihood of obsessive love behaviors, such as attempting to monitor or control a partner.

Erotomania and delusional jealousy

Certain features of obsessive love disorder might be related to erotomania, a condition in which a person may experience the delusion that they are in a romantic relationship with another person. 

This disorder could distort a person’s perception of reality and cause them to feel an intense attachment that is not reciprocated. 

OCD and obsessive thoughts

Persistent and intrusive thoughts about someone for whom you have romantic feelings could potentially be related to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Individuals living with OCD may have difficulty letting go of unhelpful ideas and feel compelled to take particular actions in response to obsessive thoughts.

Some researchers have identified a specific variant of this disorder in which these obsessions and compulsions are directed toward a romantic partner or relationship. Known as relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD), this condition could lead to intrusive thoughts and persistent fears regarding the loss of a partner.

Borderline personality disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that often goes hand in hand with difficulties in forming stable relationships. Individuals with BPD may be hypersensitive to rejection, which can result in an unstable self-image and a tendency to fixate on the possibility of betrayal or disconnection from others.

These symptoms of borderline personality disorder can have some similarities with the intense jealousy and paranoia that may be experienced along with obsessive love. 

Managing obsessive love disorder through behavioral and emotional approaches

What can you do if you’re feeling burdened by obsessive romantic feelings? Here are a few steps you can take that may make it easier to move on from your fixation. 

Avoid contacting or “checking in on” the other person

If you’ve become attached to someone who isn’t interested in a relationship with you, it may be best to avoid being in their presence for a while. 

You may also want to avoid digital communications and block them on social media. One 2016 study demonstrated that simply viewing a picture of someone you’re pining for can activate neurological reward pathways associated with habit formation. 

Put your energy toward other interests

Spending more time on a neglected hobby is often a useful approach, as is strengthening your ties with friends and family.

When your life feels full and well-rounded, you may not experience such an intense need for romance. 

Work on your self-esteem to manage symptoms

Obsessive love tendencies could also arise from a diminished sense of self-worth.  

Some people find that practicing self-affirmation boosts their self-esteem. This practice generally involves writing down and reaffirming your core values, reminding yourself of the things that really matter to you in life.

Possible examples include:

• Creativity

• Compassion

• Achievement

• Experiencing new things

• Spending time with loved ones

The effect of this practice may be enhanced by visualizing yourself fulfilling these key drives, followed by taking real-world actions in line with your values.

Behavioral treatment 

Even though mental health professionals rarely diagnose obsessive love disorder, they may be able to help you cope with and manage many of its symptoms.

Finding the right treatment

For example, a study on the use of cognitive behavioral therapy for obsessive jealousy found that in the majority of cases, treatment “resulted in a significant improvement on all jealousy measures.” 

Online counseling treatment

Many patients find that internet-based counseling makes the process of finding a good therapist faster and easier. That speed can be very beneficial when you’re struggling not to act on obsessive thoughts andfeelings and need help quickly.

If you and your partner are working together on difficulties caused by obsessive love, online relationship counseling might also be beneficial. 

Research on online counseling

Some research suggests that a virtual format can make it easier for couples to develop trust in a counselor. In addition, studies on web-based counseling have found that it can work every bit as well as face-to-face sessions.

If you think online counseling might be for you, an online therapy platform can pair you with a licensed therapist experienced in helping clients work through love and relationship issues.