What Can You Do If You Love Your Best Friend?
If you’re thinking, “I think I love my best friend,” you may wish to take some time to decide whether you’d like to tell them about those feelings or continue the friendship as usual. If you choose to express your feelings to your friend, it may help to consider their possible responses and what might come next. If they respond positively, you may choose to embark on a relationship together. Alternatively, if your friend does not have the same feelings, you may want to take some time to cope with any emotions that arise, such as through self-care or online therapy.
Here, we’ll explore how to determine if you have developed feelings for your best friend and a few tips for navigating the situation.
Wondering if you are developing feelings
If you are thinking, “I think I am in love with my best friend,” but are unsure if your feelings toward your friend have shifted to romance, you may wish to ask yourself questions like the following:
- Are you spending more time than usual thinking about your friend?
- Do you suddenly feel nervous around them and shy about making eye contact?
- Have you been looking for opportunities for physical connection, such as placing a hand on their shoulder when they’re having a hard day?
While these feelings can be common in a platonic friendship, they could also be signs that you have developed romantic feelings for your friend if they indicate a shift.
For example, it’s not uncommon for close friends to want to be together much of the time; you may have many common interests and enjoy each other’s company. However, if you are developing romantic feelings and falling in love with your best friend, you may find yourself looking at them differently. Rather than wanting to hang out as usual, you may find that you want to plan more structured activities or dates that your friend may find appealing. You may also find that your thoughts have shifted from friendship to romantic fantasizing. You may even find yourself jealous if your friend is in a romantic relationship or looking to enter one.
How to move forward
If you have determined that your feelings have indeed shifted to romance, you may weigh a few different options for how to proceed. For instance, you could choose to keep the feelings to yourself for a time or forever, or you could choose to tell your feelings to your friend to see if they feel similarly. If you choose to confess your feelings to your friend, consider their possible responses ahead of the conversation.
What if they also have romantic feelings?
If you express your feelings to your friend and learn that they feel the same, you may both decide that you would like to be more than best friends and pursue a romantic relationship. If so, you would be in good company: recent research suggests that two-thirds of romantic relationships started as long-term friendships.
Relationships that start with a strong friendship may benefit from having a solid emotional connection already in place before the shift to romance, which may contrast to those relationships that start with an initial physical attraction. In addition, you may be aware of their flaws and insecurities, and vice versa, because you know them well already.
In this situation, it may be tempting to jump quickly into a long term relationship or fast-forward through the early stages since you already know each other well and have some emotional intimacy. However, it may be useful to recognize that the shift to romantic partners may still be uncharted territory, so it might make sense to spend time moving at a comfortable pace for you both.
While you have known each other as friends, you may not yet know each other in a romantic relationship. There may be things you still need to learn about your best guy friend, like how your new romantic partner enjoys being kissed or if they are comfortable with their partner giving them public displays of affection.
What if they don’t want a romantic relationship?
If your close friend does not have the same romantic feelings, it may be disappointing or upsetting, and your friend may feel slightly uncomfortable after you express your own feelings. It is possible that your confession could make the friendship awkward or complicate things for a bit, but this doesn’t mean you can't remain good friends or that you have to give up any mutual friends.
The discomfort could be temporary, and it could be quickly resolved with open communication about the friendship and where you both would like to see it go. Or, if you feel awkward and need some space, perhaps you both will need some time away from each other before returning to how things once were. Whatever you choose, it may be helpful to recognize that there was likely a strong connection between you that made you friends in the first place, and a good friend connection may still be there if you both choose to cultivate it.
Can you go back to just friends?
Unrequited love can hurt. If you find yourself in this situation after expressing your feelings to your friend, you may consider some of the strategies below to help you cope.
Realize that it isn't a reflection of who you are
Most people get their fair share of rejection. Rejection can hurt deeply; sometimes, we may incorrectly view it as an indication of our self-worth. But rejection is common, and sometimes, it may even be for the best. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed; try not to let rejection make you feel like any less of a person.
Focus on self-care
Self-care can be a great reminder that our relationship with ourselves may be the most important one of all. It can also be an excellent way to set yourself up for healthy love in the future. After experiencing rejection, you may find it comforting to spend some time on yourself—enjoy a good book, get a massage, find music that carries you through your emotions, or try anything else you find soothing. Turning to your other friends for support can be helpful, too.
Turn to self-improvement
To keep your mind busy or try to lift your spirits after rejection, it may be helpful to turn your energy towards something that improves you as a person. Consider taking some classes, starting a new fitness routine, or even learning a new language. By using your time to focus on something new and positive, you may be able to move on more quickly from the rejection.
Get the support you need
Seeking support in tough times can be very beneficial, but sometimes, opening up to a friend about your strong feelings may feel too vulnerable or you may feel intimidated speaking with a therapist face-to-face. In these instances, you may find it more comfortable to try online therapy, where you can meet virtually with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home, or anywhere you have an internet connection.
Therapy can help people work on self-esteem, self-worth, and interpersonal relationship challenges, and research has found that internet-delivered therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy. For instance, this study concluded that online therapy may be “a viable alternative to in-person therapy,” while also offering key differences such as no travel time and in-app messaging.
Takeaway
Handling romantic feelings for your best friend can be challenging. If you tell them how you feel and they feel the same way, it may be true love, and you may be able to enter a happy and healthy romantic relationship together. However, if they don’t reciprocate your feelings, you may want to take time to cope with the rejection. Online therapy may be able to help you work through your emotions and offer guidance as to how to maintain a good friendship if you choose to do so.
What should I do if I fall in love with my best friend?
If you think you’re in love with your best friend, you may want to take a step back from the situation and reflect on your feelings. It might be love, but it could also just be a temporary crush. If you’ve taken time to think about it and you’re sure you’re in love, then you may need to express these feelings to your best friend. Choose a time and place that you’ll both feel comfortable, and be honest about how you’re feeling. Don’t pressure your friend to respond a certain way. Instead, give them space to process the information and decide whether they feel the same way and if the two of you can pursue a romantic relationship. Be prepared to fully accept whatever your friend decides.
Is it normal to love your best friend?
It may be normal to love your best friend in a platonic way. Falling in love with your friend on a romantic level can also be normal, but it may cause issues in your friendship if your friend doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
Can you tell your best friend you love them in a way that doesn’t affect their mental health or your friendship?
Maybe, but it’s impossible to predict what your friend will say or how they will respond. Communicating your feelings may make things awkward, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It may be best to speak calmly, openly talk about your feelings and how you realized them, and then give your best friend the time to think about what you’ve said after the conversation has ended. Be patient, and prepare yourself to accept their response. It’s possible you can still stay friends, or if you’re lucky, your friend might even want to take your best friendship to the next level.
Can you be in love with two people?
Yes. It’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time. If you find yourself in this situation, it may be best to communicate your feelings to both people and set healthy boundaries based on their relationship styles and preferences.
Can I love my best friend platonically?
Yes. Many friendships have an element of platonic love. Some friends feel like family, so if your best girlfriend feels like a sister to you, that’s to be expected, especially if you spend time together on a regular basis and she’s your shoulder to cry on. You may have other friends that you have so much fun with, you feel like two children again every time you get together, even if it’s been over a year since you last saw each other. These may both be examples of platonic love between friends.
What percent of people end up falling in love with their best friend?
It’s quite common for best friends to fall in love with each other. According to some statistics, up to 73% of people in romantic relationships say they started as friends and the love grew between them.
Is it normal to kiss your best friend if you’re not in a romantic relationship with them?
You might not feel like you’re supposed to kiss your best friend, but most expressions of physical intimacy can be considered normal as long as there is consent between both parties. If you’re truly just friends, and there’s platonic love between you and the other person, you might kiss each other on the cheek. In the case of romantic love between best friends, it could be a different kind of kiss.
What do you say when your best friend is in love with you?
If your best friend says they’re in love with you, you might experience a range of emotions. Know that however you’re feeling in the moment, it’s valid. If you’re close friends, you might be afraid that this could ruin your friendship. You might even wonder if you feel the same way. The best thing to do could be to thank your friend for being brave and expressing their feelings and then take some time to think about how you feel about the situation. Fast forward a couple days (or how much time you need), and you may realize you don’t have romantic feelings for your friend. The next step is to let them know your decision. Try to do so with kindness and respect so that you don’t hurt them unnecessarily. If you reciprocate your friend’s feelings, then you may still have some issues to sort out at this point like how you’ll tell your other friends, parents, or the guy you’re currently dating, for example.
How do you tell if your best friend likes you but is hiding it?
If your best friend likes you in a romantic way but is hiding it, you may sense this in everyday life with them. For example, they may just so happen to touch you more or be affectionate in ways that are new to the friendship. A girl or boyfriend who you have a platonic relationship with might suddenly become nervous around you, even though you spend so much time together or share phone calls constantly. Ultimately, the only way to know the truth is to ask how your friend feels.
What do I do if I have romantic love for my best friend?
First, give yourself unlimited time to reflect on the matter and ensure it’s true love and not just fleeting infatuation. If a couple days ago, your feelings were purely platonic, take some more time to fully understand your feelings before acting on them. Once you know for sure, go ahead and plan on talking to your friend about how you feel. If you don’t you could miss out on a chance to share happiness in a long-term relationship with the right person. Of course, you may leave the conversation still firmly in the friend zone, but you’ll be glad you know the truth, and you’ll be a better man (or woman) for being true to your feelings. There’s still hope that you can put it in the past and move forward as platonic friends for the rest of your lives.
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