What Can You Do If You Love Your Best Friend?
If you’re thinking, “I think I love my best friend,” you may wish to take some time to decide whether you’d like to tell them about those feelings or continue the friendship as usual. If you choose to express your feelings to your friend, it may help to consider their possible responses and what might come next. If they respond positively, you may choose to embark on a relationship together. Alternatively, if your friend does not have the same feelings, you may want to take some time to cope with any emotions that arise, such as through self-care or online therapy.
Here, we’ll explore how to determine if you have developed feelings for your best friend and a few tips for navigating the situation.
Wondering if you are developing feelings
If you are thinking, “I think I am in love with my best friend,” but are unsure if your feelings toward your friend have shifted to romance, you may wish to ask yourself questions like the following:
- Are you spending more time than usual thinking about your friend?
- Do you suddenly feel nervous around them and shy about making eye contact?
- Have you been looking for opportunities for physical connection, such as placing a hand on their shoulder when they’re having a hard day?
While these feelings can be common in a platonic friendship, they could also be signs that you have developed romantic feelings for your friend if they indicate a shift.
For example, it’s not uncommon for close friends to want to be together much of the time; you may have many common interests and enjoy each other’s company. However, if you are developing romantic feelings and falling in love with your best friend, you may find yourself looking at them differently. Rather than wanting to hang out as usual, you may find that you want to plan more structured activities or dates that your friend may find appealing. You may also find that your thoughts have shifted from friendship to romantic fantasizing. You may even find yourself jealous if your friend is in a romantic relationship or looking to enter one.
How to move forward
If you have determined that your feelings have indeed shifted to romance, you may weigh a few different options for how to proceed. For instance, you could choose to keep the feelings to yourself for a time or forever, or you could choose to tell your feelings to your friend to see if they feel similarly. If you choose to confess your feelings to your friend, consider their possible responses ahead of the conversation.
What if they also have romantic feelings?
If you express your feelings to your friend and learn that they feel the same, you may both decide that you would like to be more than best friends and pursue a romantic relationship. If so, you would be in good company: recent research suggests that two-thirds of romantic relationships started as long-term friendships.
Relationships that start with a strong friendship may benefit from having a solid emotional connection already in place before the shift to romance, which may contrast to those relationships that start with an initial physical attraction. In addition, you may be aware of their flaws and insecurities, and vice versa, because you know them well already.
In this situation, it may be tempting to jump quickly into a long term relationship or fast-forward through the early stages since you already know each other well and have some emotional intimacy. However, it may be useful to recognize that the shift to romantic partners may still be uncharted territory, so it might make sense to spend time moving at a comfortable pace for you both.
While you have known each other as friends, you may not yet know each other in a romantic relationship. There may be things you still need to learn about your best guy friend, like how your new romantic partner enjoys being kissed or if they are comfortable with their partner giving them public displays of affection.
What if they don’t want a romantic relationship?
If your close friend does not have the same romantic feelings, it may be disappointing or upsetting, and your friend may feel slightly uncomfortable after you express your own feelings. It is possible that your confession could make the friendship awkward or complicate things for a bit, but this doesn’t mean you can't remain good friends or that you have to give up any mutual friends.
The discomfort could be temporary, and it could be quickly resolved with open communication about the friendship and where you both would like to see it go. Or, if you feel awkward and need some space, perhaps you both will need some time away from each other before returning to how things once were. Whatever you choose, it may be helpful to recognize that there was likely a strong connection between you that made you friends in the first place, and a good friend connection may still be there if you both choose to cultivate it.
Can you go back to just friends?
Unrequited love can hurt. If you find yourself in this situation after expressing your feelings to your friend, you may consider some of the strategies below to help you cope.
Realize that it isn't a reflection of who you are
Most people get their fair share of rejection. Rejection can hurt deeply; sometimes, we may incorrectly view it as an indication of our self-worth. But rejection is common, and sometimes, it may even be for the best. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed; try not to let rejection make you feel like any less of a person.
Focus on self-care
Self-care can be a great reminder that our relationship with ourselves may be the most important one of all. It can also be an excellent way to set yourself up for healthy love in the future. After experiencing rejection, you may find it comforting to spend some time on yourself—enjoy a good book, get a massage, find music that carries you through your emotions, or try anything else you find soothing. Turning to your other friends for support can be helpful, too.
Turn to self-improvement
To keep your mind busy or try to lift your spirits after rejection, it may be helpful to turn your energy towards something that improves you as a person. Consider taking some classes, starting a new fitness routine, or even learning a new language. By using your time to focus on something new and positive, you may be able to move on more quickly from the rejection.
Get the support you need
Seeking support in tough times can be very beneficial, but sometimes, opening up to a friend about your strong feelings may feel too vulnerable or you may feel intimidated speaking with a therapist face-to-face. In these instances, you may find it more comfortable to try online therapy, where you can meet virtually with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home, or anywhere you have an internet connection.
Therapy can help people work on self-esteem, self-worth, and interpersonal relationship challenges, and research has found that internet-delivered therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy. For instance, this study concluded that online therapy may be “a viable alternative to in-person therapy,” while also offering key differences such as no travel time and in-app messaging.
Takeaway
Handling romantic feelings for your best friend can be challenging. If you tell them how you feel and they feel the same way, it may be true love, and you may be able to enter a happy and healthy romantic relationship together. However, if they don’t reciprocate your feelings, you may want to take time to cope with the rejection. Online therapy may be able to help you work through your emotions and offer guidance as to how to maintain a good friendship if you choose to do so.
What should you do if you love your best friend?
If you love your best friend, you have to decide if you want to tell them. Some people may choose to keep strong feelings to themselves, while others may want to confess their feelings. There could be many reasons why someone would choose to keep their feelings to themselves; maybe your good friend is already in a relationship or perhaps the timing isn’t right. But if you choose to tell them, it can be beneficial to prepare for their possible reactions.
If they feel the same, the two of you will have to figure out the next steps in your relationship. Jumping right in may seem like a good idea, but it can be beneficial to take your time getting to know them in this new way.
If your friend does not share your romantic feelings, it can be uncomfortable or disappointing. You may feel awkward for a while, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stay friends. The awkwardness may be temporary, but sitting down and having an honest conversation with your friend can help. In some cases, one of you may need time away before trying to get back to how things were. It can help to remember the connection that brought you together as friends in the first place and that you can maintain that relationship if you both choose to try to make things work.
Is it normal to love your best friend?
Yes; in fact, research shows that it is actually quite common. Reports show that two-thirds of relationships started as friends first. This is good news if you’re wondering, “Will being in love with my best friend end positively?” Have hope!
Can best friends turn into lovers?
Yes, best friends can turn into romantic partners. Research shows that this is quite common; in the small study, 66% of couples started as friends. Most people in the sample did not enter into their friendships intending for them to turn romantic.
Can you tell your best friend you love them?
Yes, you can tell your best friend you love them, but you need to prepare yourself for every possible outcome you may face in the moment. Your friend may return your feelings, in which case you will have to have an honest discussion about what happens next. If they do not feel the same, things may be awkward for a while. You and your friend may need to have an honest conversation about what these feelings mean for your friendship. One or both of you may need to take some time away from the relationship, but that doesn’t mean the friendship is over. If you and your friend remember the connection that started your relationship in the first place and are committed to staying in each other’s lives the relationship can continue.
Can you be in love with two people?
Yes, you can be in love with two people. How you cope with it depends on your situation. If you are in a committed monogamous relationship with someone and fall in love with someone else, you may choose to talk to your partner about it. If your partner is open to a non-monogamous relationship, discuss how that would work for both of you. If your partner is not accepting of you seeing other people or if you aren’t interested in exploring this option, you may choose to distance yourself from the other person so you can maintain your relationship. Or, you may choose to end your relationship and pursue another.
If you are not in a committed relationship, go on dates with each. Talking to both of the people for whom you have strong feelings can help. Let them know that you are dating other people. If one of them wants a monogamous relationship, it can be beneficial to take a reasonable amount of time to decide what to do.
Can I love my best friend platonically?
Yes, you can love your best friend platonically. When you spend a lot of time with someone whom you trust, respect, and share interests, platonic love may develop.
What percent of people fall in love with their best friend?
Recent research found that about a third of all relationships start as friendships. This research does not clarify whether these were considered “best” friends, but falling in love with a friend is something that many people experience.
Is it normal to kiss your best friend?
It depends on the situation. Best friends may develop strong bonds, and kissing one another may be an extension of that bond. A kiss can be a way to say hello or goodbye to your friend, but if you start kissing your friend more often or more passionately, it may be a sign that one or both of you has a deeper attraction to the other.
If you find that you and your best friend are kissing each other enough that you are questioning whether it is normal, talk to them about it to make sure you’re on the same page. Open communication can be key. Maybe you have romantic feelings for one another or maybe you are hoping to establish a friend-with-benefits type situation. Either way, discussing it can be essential.
What do you say when your best friend is in love with you?
It depends on how you feel. If the feelings are mutual, tell them and plan to have a conversation about what this means for your relationship and what the next steps will be. If you do not sense that it’s true love, be honest with them, but try to be gentle. It can help to understand that it may have taken a lot of courage for them to be honest with you about their feelings. If you need to take some time away from the relationship, being honest with them about it is better than just stopping contact. Understand that they may need some time away from the relationship, too. If you want to try to maintain what is otherwise a good friendship, let them know, and discuss how you both want to move forward.
How do you tell if your best friend likes you but is hiding it?
Signs that your best friend is interested in you romantically may be difficult to discern, but there are some things you can look for. They may start making physical contact more often, like giving you a long hug when they see you, touching your arm when you’re talking, or making a point to sit next to you when you’re hanging out with a group of your other friends.
They may flirt with you more often, and some people may already assume you are a couple. They may spend more time with you than they do with the other people in your group of mutual friends. If your best guy friend is in love with you but you have a boyfriend, they may act jealous of them, or they may not like to participate in activities when your partner is going to be present.
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