When Cute “Puppy Love” Wears Off, What's Next?
When relationships begin, they are often full of attraction, infatuation, and maybe even love. Some call this “cute love” or “puppy love.” The sky often seems brighter, the world may be more colorful, and you may not be able to keep a smile off your face. The relationship generally hasn’t faced challenges yet, and therefore has usually not matured into a deeper stage. Once the cute love wears off, you may either continue the relationship or choose to break up. For help strengthening your relationship, you may wish to work with a couples therapist.
What is the adorable cute love stage?
During the cute love stage, you may feel as though this is the greatest love you’ve ever imagined. You may focus on the things you have in common, begin to build a relationship, and start to get to know each other on a deeper level. Neurochemicals are usually flowing into our brains during the puppy love phase, which can make us feel good – and potentially lead us to overlook possible compatibility issues. This can be the stage that many people associate with love. However, relationships rarely stay in the cute love or puppy love stage forever.
The transition from puppy love (or “puppy luv”) to reality
Generally, this puppy love stage can last anywhere from two months to two years. Once your relationship is nearing the end of this stage, however, the initial feelings can start to wear off. When that happens, you may begin noticing flaws in the other person or realize you read them wrong in the beginning. The little quirks and things you used to think were "cute" may suddenly become annoying. During this post-puppy love stage, many people wonder if they have made a mistake and sometimes question if it’s really the right relationship for them.
At this point, it may be time to either end the relationship and look for love somewhere else or move past the cute love stage and continue forward, flaws and all.
Breaking up when affection wears off
Deciding to break up when cute love wears off can be both easy and difficult, depending on your relationship. It can be easy because you may have yet to form a committed relationship with the other person. Your relationship may not have yet stood the test of time, and you may not have had to overcome any major obstacles together. This usually makes it much easier to separate.
If you have only been together for a couple of months, it can be much easier than if you have been together for a few years.
Emotional challenges of breaking up despite affection
Another difficult factor can be if you want to break up, but your partner wants to stay together. You may look at them as just a friend at this point, but they may still love you. Chances are, even if you are ready to end the relationship, you may not yet be in a place where you want to hurt the other person's feelings, potentially making this an awkward and difficult conversation to have.
Once you break up, you may find love somewhere else. However, the potential problem is that every relationship may go through the same cute love stage, and if you continue to end the relationship every time this phase is over, you may never find a long-lasting relationship. True love can usually only be reached when you have moved past the puppy love stage and committed to the other person.
This doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't break up with the person you are with if you are past the puppy love stage. You should generally only move forward with someone with whom you can commit to working through difficult situations and exercising healthy communication and boundaries. If you realize that your current partner is not that person, then it is often better to end the relationship, instead of building a committed relationship only to have it end later.
Sticking together in love and friendship
When you reach the point of moving past cute love and decide that you want to stick it out with the other person, the hard work may begin. This need not be a bad thing, but it's likely something you need to be realistic about. When your relationship progresses from puppy love to the next stage, you may need to have a new level of commitment and determination in your interactions. This can be the point when your relationship may face difficulties and obstacles, even if it's just that the initial fun and attraction of the relationship has worn off. However, if you're willing to put the work into the relationship, this is often when you can start to move toward a relationship that may stand the test of time. Here are some recommendations for growing a relationship past the stages of cute love or puppy love and into a deep, fulfilling, and healthy relationship.
Find the balance between "I" and "we"
Relationships usually work best when both people know who they are. You should know who you are and love and respect who your significant other is. Then you may need to work on building the "we" in your relationship, allowing you both to maintain your own personalities while being stronger together.
Setting boundaries of the heart
Boundaries should generally be things that both of you agree on and exercise together to maintain throughout your relationship or as a family.
Continue spending time together and cuddle
Once you move past the cute love stage, it can be easy to stop spending as much time together. You may continue to coexist in a relationship but go about things on your own. This may put distance between the two of you and potentially cause problems in your relationship.
Be honest
Open and honest communication can be the key to a healthy, loving relationship. Withholding information can be the same as lying, and it may pick away at your solid relationship. Once trust is broken, it is usually very hard to restore.
Look for cute and adorable ways to show your partner you love them
Once you’re past the cute love stage, it can be easy to take the other person for granted and stop spending the time to show them you love them. You might look for ways to communicate love to the other person, continue to play together and check in with each other. This could be spending quality time with them, buying them gifts, cooking their favorite meals, or showing them you're thinking of them and appreciate them. You might remember the things that your partner enjoyed when you were in the cute love stage and do those things for them now.
Discerning puppy dog love from real love in therapy
If you are struggling to move past the cute love stage but are committed to doing so, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist. They can help you assess your relationship and see what next steps may need to be taken to help you continue.
Recent research points to online therapy as a potentially helpful way of providing couples therapy for those experiencing relationship and love issues.
Benefits of online therapy for couples navigating puppy dog love
According to one study, online couples therapy can lead to an increase in communication and overall relationship satisfaction.
Researchers noted that online therapy can help individuals circumvent common barriers to in-person treatment, including perceived stigma, high costs, and logistical issues. Online therapy can empower you and your partner to get the relationship help you deserve from the comfort of home or any location with an internet connection.
Takeaway
Is puppy love considered to be the same as first love?
Many people use the term “puppy love” to refer to a romantic relationship that is intense but unlikely to be long-lasting, typically because it’s shared between teenagers or other young people. So while a person’s first love could be puppy love, it may depend on when in their life it occurs and how serious it is in the sense of long-term potential.
How long does the dog-inspired stage of puppy love last?
Some people use the term “puppy love” to refer to an intense but usually brief romantic connection between young people—often their first love. These relationships typically last weeks or months. Others use this term to refer to something akin to the honeymoon phase of a relationship, which can last anywhere from months to a couple of years.
How do you deal with puppy love and mental health?
Puppy love is a term often used to refer to an intense but relatively brief romantic relationship in the early stages of a person’s life. Many young people will experience puppy love, and these relationships can be formative experiences for the deeper connections an individual may form later in life. For this reason, it can be best to embrace the experience for what it is. Setting boundaries and having supportive friends, family members, or a therapist to speak to may help an individual preserve their mental health during what can sometimes be a tumultuous phase of life and relationships.
Is puppy love in a romantic relationship usually permanent?
The phrase “puppy love” is sometimes used to refer to the honeymoon phase of a romantic relationship. This phase may involve spending all of your free time with your partner, seeing only their good qualities, noticing that you feel happy spending hours absorbed in conversation, not being able to stop thinking about them, considering them your best friend, and getting each other lavish gifts. Intense feelings, a strong focus on the other person, and excitement are normal during this phase and can feel good.
This phase is rarely permanent, however. As the relationship progresses, the feelings romantic partners have for each other may shift and evolve. Honest communication can be crucial for helping each partner navigate the relationship’s changes if they intend to make a long-term commitment to a lasting relationship. While the next and future phases of the relationship can feel different than when the couple started dating, they can bring new joys.
What is another word for when you fall in love—specifically, puppy love?
Another word for falling in the type of love that some people refer to as “puppy love” is the honeymoon phase of romantic relationships. In this phase, romantic partners often experience what is portrayed in movies and other forms of popular media as the whole of romantic love.
Each person may experience strong and exciting feelings for and be deeply attracted to the other at the beginning. For those who experience sexual interest in others, this type of attraction may also be strong. They may both be inclined to spend time together as much as possible to talk, develop intimacy, and feel loved.
Over time, these feelings often fall away to some degree and evolve into what some may refer to as the “real thing”: a healthy relationship and a calm life together marked by mutual trust, quality time, mutual well-being, open communication, and true love.
How strong is puppy love and feeling the need to cuddle?
Puppy love—and the physical touch that often accompanies it, like cuddling with one's romantic partner—can be powerful. This term is often applied to young couples, such as teenagers. During this phase of life, many young people will be feeling romantic attraction for the first time, so it can be a very strong and intense experience.
What is the difference between puppy love and true love?
Puppy love is typically intense and short-lived because it may be based on excitement and attraction rather than a deep connection and core compatibility, as is more often the case with true love and a committed relationship. While puppy love can still be a great relationship, it will typically come to an end after weeks or months due to underlying issues like mismatched personalities or life changes. That said, it can still be an important and formative part of dating history for each partner. In contrast, true love often involves a deeper and more meaningful connection. It may have the potential to develop into a committed relationship like a marriage or long-term partnership and be deeply fulfilling to all parties.
Is puppy love real romantic love?
What constitutes “real love” can vary from one person to the next depending on their past relationships, values, expectations, and experiences. For some people, puppy love—which is often associated with an intense and short-lived relationship between young people—can feel as real as any other type. Just because it may not develop into a long-term committed relationship doesn't mean it's not real romantic love that deeply impacts the lives and emotions of those involved.
Why do people call falling in love puppy love or “puppy luv”?
The term “puppy love” is thought to stem from the adoring type of love a puppy often has for their owner. It's typically characterized as more than a friendship—instead, a romantic connection marked by intense infatuation, a strong feeling of excitement, and talking for hours, and it’s usually applied to young people. It may sometimes be spelled “puppy luv,” particularly when used in the context of social media.
When do romantic feelings like the honeymoon phase fade?
Romantic feelings associated with the honeymoon phase can last months or a few years. After a certain point, each partner may lose some of the intensity of their past connection as it evolves into a more stable and supportive commitment. This shift may not necessarily hurt, especially if the partners realize that they may be able to build a strong and even more fulfilling relationship on this foundation if they decide to communicate and put in effort and hard work together. Partners who are looking for support through this process may find working with a therapist in couples therapy to be helpful.
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