Why Do We Love? Falling In Love And Sexual Attraction
Love has been studied often and featured widely in countless forms of art, but it often feels like it is, in some ways, still shrouded in mystery. What exactly is love, what does it feel like, and why does it exist in the first place? Love can be blissful, wonderful, complicated, and confusing. Why do we love? Here, we will explore some of the chemical, biological, and evolutionary aspects of love.
What's love?
We feel great when we feel love. Love can make us joyful, strong, and selfless. Love can also make us do things we never thought we could. But what is the definition of love?
In emotional terms, love often means considering the needs, feelings, and hopes of the people you care for. Love can be the driving force behind the tears that come to your eyes when your child first learns to walk and the reason tears that pour when a loved one has passed on following a long illness.
But, beyond these definitions of love, how exactly does love work, and why do we develop the “love” feeling? Let’s explore some of the chemistry, biology, and evolutionary aspects of love.
Your brain in love
Do people need love? Love is a basic human need, and areas of our brain are involved when we fall in love. The amygdala, hippocampus, hypothalamus, and prefrontal cortex are some of the parts of the brain affected by love.
When you think of your brain and how it perceives love, you might think of your thoughts racing, how consumed your mind seems to become with your significant other, or how easy it is to daydream about having a future together. From a chemical perspective, there is a lot going on in love, too. According to a team of researchers, romantic love can be broken down into lust, attraction, and attachment, which each have their own set of hormones: testosterone and estrogen drive lust; dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin drive attraction; and oxytocin and vasopressin drive attachment.
Your body in love
Do changes happen in the body when people fall in love? What are these changes, and why do they occur?
Do you remember the first time you had a date with the love of your life? There are also some changes in the body that can occur when romantic love has arisen. Why do bodily changes occur? These changes happen due to the chemical reactions in the person’s nervous system and hormones.
For instance, love can slow your heart rate and decrease your blood pressure, it can provide pain relief, and it can even affect your taste buds. One study found that people who were induced to feel love rated a variety of tastes as sweeter than those who were instead induced to feel jealous, neutral, or even happy. In addition, feeling attracted to someone can also cause your pupils to dilate, and the early stages of an intense crush may cause you to have trouble sleeping. Why do we love? One evolutionary reason may be for health.
Motivation in love
Why do we love? From the perspective of evolution, love may exist as a motivator with an adaptive benefit. Love can encourage people to procreate, contributing to the perpetuation of the human species. In this way, love can be more than chemical reactions, emotional experiences, and bodily effects. Love can play a key role in keeping the human species alive and can be an evolutionary mechanism driving humankind’s survival. According to some researchers, love is actually a “complex suite of adaptions, designed to solve specific problems of survival and reproduction.” In addition to romantic love, love for others such as friends and family can also contribute to strong social connections, which can have a range of positive health benefits.
Within this idea, though, there is plenty of room for nuance. Do we love only due to evolutionary biology reasons? Love impacts people differently, has different physical and emotional symptoms, and is impacted by far more than just evolutionary biology. While love may be an adaptation, this does not mean that the effects of love are not real. Instead, it means that love may also have a specific driving purpose. Love can have a role in our species’ survival, but it can also be responsible for many of the aspects of life that humans treasure and find meaning and purpose in.
We experience mixed emotions when we feel love. Love can be joyful, exciting, scary, and confusing, and it can be difficult to navigate on your own sometimes. If you would like additional support with understanding love, cultivating it in your life, and making sense of the effects of love, a therapist may be able to help.
Do you feel anxious or confused because of love? Do you feel your love is unhealthy? Love can be a very personal and very vulnerable topic to discuss, and some people may find it helpful to talk with a therapist about sensitive matters of the heart in a space that feels familiar and comfortable. With online therapy through BetterHelp, you can meet with a therapist from the comfort of your own home.
Do two people fall in love for a reason?
The exact reasons why two people might fall in love are still being studied. That said, there are several theories about what factors might cause two people or a given couple to fall in love. One example is the “triangular theory” of love, which proposes that romantic love has three components:
- Intimacy: Intimacy involves reciprocal liking, closeness, and attachment to another person.
- Passion: Passion involves the excitement, physical attraction, and addictive rush that can be common in the initial stages of a relationship. (Note that passion does not always have to involve sex.)
- Commitment: Commitment involves respect, a willingness to work through challenges, and long-term dedication to the relationship. (Note that commitment does not always have to involve marriage.)
What are the health benefits of falling in love?
When we feel healthy love, we can experience health benefits. You might be surprised to learn that falling in love may provide several benefits for physical and mental health. Why do we feel better when we experience love? According to research, love can:
- Reduce anxiety, stress, and depression
- Provide relief from chronic and acute pain
- Improve gut health
- Promote restful sleep
- Reduce blood pressure
- Boost the immune system
- Lower the risk of cardiovascular disease
- Improve overall life expectancy
How does it feel to fall in love?
When we first start to form a connection with a new partner, it can be common to experience a combination of physical symptoms (like a racing heartbeat or sweaty palms) and emotional symptoms (like feelings of longing, wonder, and passion). Falling in love often feels good in the moment and can make you idealize the other person—sometimes to the point of overlooking red flags early in the relationship. When we are first falling in love with someone, we might also notice:
Signs of falling in love
- Butterflies in your stomach
- Feelings of euphoria or giddiness
- Feelings of vulnerability
- Frequent thoughts of the other person
- Fantasies of spending time with the other person
- A desire to fulfill the other person’s emotional and physical needs
- Changes in your behavior, eating habits, or sleeping patterns
Why do we love? What is the reason in your brain if you love someone?
The brain is involved in love at every stage, whether you’re falling in love for the first time or a couple who has been together for years. According to the American Psychological Association, love first starts in the midbrain, which is home to the brain’s reward system. (The midbrain is also responsible for basic drives like hunger.) Later on, other areas of the brain are activated, such as the basal ganglia, which plays a role in long-term attachment. When you fall in love, various other areas of the brain interact to release hormones like:
- Oxytocin, which causes feelings of well-being, attachment, and trust
- Dopamine, which creates feelings of motivation and pleasure
- Adrenaline, which creates feelings of alertness, energy, and excitement
How does one fall in love?
We still don’t know a whole lot about the “formula” for falling in love, which is an experience that can be different for different people. It’s also worth noting that, generally speaking, it’s not possible to make yourself fall in love. People typically fall in love by:
- Allowing themselves to be vulnerable and authentic around the other person
- Being attracted to the other person’s unique qualities, such as their personality or sense of humor
- Having the same values and goals as the other person
- Spending time with the other person and having experiences together
- Investing time, attention, and energy in forming a meaningful connection with the other person
Are humans meant to fall in love?
Scientists believe that humans evolved to fall in love as a way to encourage reproduction and continue the species. However, keep in mind that love can be nuanced. Even though love is thought to be an adaptation, this does not mean that true love is not a “real” experience, or that the experience of being in love is “just biology.”
Why do we love somebody—romantic feelings, sexual attraction, or another reason?
Why do we love? There may not be a single universal reason why different people fall in love. Although the reasons humans love are rooted in evolution, love itself appears to involve multiple factors, including emotions, biology, and even brain chemistry. Studies using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) have found that being in love with someone activates 12 different areas of the brain, leading to the release of “feel-good” hormones like dopamine. That said, reaching this state can be a more nuanced process that involves emotions, trust, commitment, and a sense of closeness with another person.
Can someone love you without a reason?
Do all people love for a reason? Some people may be able to identify a specific reason for loving someone, such as their personality or their values, but other times, love happens without a single, clear “reason.” The psychology of love involves a complex interplay of social, biological, and chemical factors that may not always be obvious. For example, pheromones, chemicals released by our bodies, may affect people’s social skills, emotional intelligence, and behavior, causing them to feel attracted to each other for reasons they can’t identify. In one study on mice, researchers found that hormones may even directly affect mate selection.
Why do we love?
What creates real love?
In romantic relationships, it can sometimes be hard to tell the difference between infatuation—the excitement and euphoria of first falling in love—and the more committed love that lasts after the “honeymoon period” ends. Factors that may contribute to achieving this deeper form of love include:
- Ongoing trust and respect
- Open, honest communication
- Willingness to be vulnerable with each other
- Acceptance of each other’s imperfections
- Willingness to prioritize each other’s needs, growth, and goals
- The ability to work through challenges and conflicts together
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