Why It's Important To Love People
No matter who you are or what your age, race, religion, or sexual orientation may be, it is a human phenomenon to love and be loved. In fact, the need for love is considered to be one of our most basic needs.
According to psychoanalysts like John Bowlby and Abraham Maslow, being loved is as essential as food, water, and shelter. Once your physical and safety needs are fulfilled, love and belonging are next in line. What happens if we do not have love in our lives? The answer to that varies greatly depending on whom you ask, but it generally boils down to unhappiness.
What is love? Understanding why it’s important to love people
Love is not just one thing. There are different types of love: You can feel love for your family or friends, love for groups of people, or you can be romantically in love with someone. You can also love yourself. Classically, there are eight types of love:
Storge love
This is also called familial love because it is the love you feel for your family, such as your parents or siblings. It is more about familiarity and dependency rather than physical attraction, as the family you’re born into is not your choice. It is similar to an affectionate love that is felt between friends, which is called philia love.
Philia love
You have a choice in who your friends are. There is no sexual attraction in philia love, but affection can sometimes seem like attraction. The Greeks considered this love better than eros, or sexual love, because it is a love between people who feel they are equals.
Eros love
This type of love, which is also considered to be romantic love, is named for the Greek god of love and fertility. It is associated with physical or sexual love, passion, and romance. The Greeks thought this type of love was dangerous because it can cause a person to “lose control.”
Agape love
This is also called unconditional love and is rarer than the other types. Agape is mostly a love that you feel for a relative, but it can also be someone who you want to marry and spend your life with.
Ludus love
Ludus love is also referred to as playful love and is more akin to infatuation than real love. This is the type of love you feel at the beginning of a new relationship and it often does not last. Studies have shown that ludus love is similar to being high on a drug. Your brain becomes more active and makes you feel excited and more alive because its reward center is experiencing stimulation.
Mania love
Mania love, or obsessive love, is not a good kind of love because it can influence you to lose control or lead to serious jealousy and stalking. Those who exhibit this type of love are typically experiencing low self-esteem and should consider seeking help to manage inappropriate thoughts or feelings.
Pragma love
Have you ever seen an elderly couple that just seems like they have been together forever? That is pragma love or enduring love. This love has developed over a long period of time and even though they have been together for a long time, they still hold hands and kiss each other all the time.
Philautia love
Also known as self-love, philautia is arguably the most important type of love in life. While some people believe that loving yourself sounds narcissistic or selfish, those who love themselves know that it is nothing like that. Loving yourself is often a precursor to loving people in your life, and can help you feel happy and safe in your attachments with others.
What health benefits are associated with love?
Loving someone does more than just make them feel good. Love really has some excellent physical and mental benefits. For example, your brain produces more dopamine, which is a mood intensifier that will make you feel happier.
Why it’s important to love people: Love and self-care
Being in love can encourage you to take better care of yourself. From the beginning of a relationship, you may be more apt to shower more, dress nicely, wash your hair, and pay attention to your appearance. You might care more about what you look like because the relationship is new, and you want to impress your love interest and keep them interested in you.
In addition, being in a relationship typically means that someone else cares about you and will encourage you to make healthier lifestyle choices. This may mean that you are more likely to go to the doctor when you need to rather than putting it off like you might have normally done.
Loving someone may increase life expectancy
Love can be so good for you that it can help you live longer. Various studies confirm that married couples live longer, have less depression, have lower blood pressure, and lower rates of substance use. Married couples were more apt to find health issues early because partners were looking at areas of the body that most people do not see. They can spot melanomas, abnormal bruising, and other symptoms that may otherwise have gone unnoticed.
That being said, even if you are not married, as long as you have some good friends and relationships, you may be more likely to be healthier in the long run.
What help is available for people experiencing challenges related to love?
Can you imagine going through life without ever loving anyone else? This is almost impossible for most people. First, many people naturally love their parents and siblings. Others love their partners or children.
If you feel that you cannot love people at all, there are several psychological conditions you may be experiencing, such as depression, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or avoidant personality disorder. Although these disorders are treatable, there is no magic pill that can make you feel something you cannot feel.
If you or someone you care about is having issues related to love or relationships, it may be worthwhile to talk to someone about it. Whether it is about how you are obsessing over someone or that you do not feel love like other people, there are mental health professionals who are experienced in assisting people navigate troubling thoughts and feelings.
Online therapy for those with love challenges
Using online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, you can talk to a licensed professional within a short time of answering a few initial questions. These questions are designed to match you with a compatible therapist. You can book an appointment when it is convenient and without leaving the comfort of your home. Typically, you will receive a match within hours, as opposed to the days or weeks it sometimes takes to find a compatible in-person therapist.
Effectiveness of online therapy
In addition to its benefits, online therapy has proven effective in treating people from diverse backgrounds experiencing challenges related to love, including low self-esteem, behaviors that sabotage otherwise healthy relationships, obsessive thoughts, and narcissistic tendencies. In one study, practitioners employed a treatment model entailing twice-weekly, live, face-to-face exposure and responsive prevention (ERP) sessions for three weeks, followed by six weeks of once-weekly online check-ins.
These treatment terms resulted in statistically significant improvements for participants experiencing obsessive-compulsive symptoms, as well as symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress. Additionally, these results were achieved in less than half the time when compared with traditional in-person once-weekly treatments, resulting in significant time and monetary savings.
Takeaway
Why is it important to love people?
Evidence suggests that people have an innate need for human connection. That need is typically fulfilled through positive social interactions with friends, family, and romantic partners. However, mere socialization is not enough; the interactions must be positive and fulfilling. Because positivity is a requirement, ensuring that you treat people with love and kindness is often helpful. Modeling and encouraging positive interactions with others helps meet their need for social interaction and reinforces the importance of ensuring that people feel loved when they are with those they care about.
Why do humans need social relationships?
Most experts consider social connection an innate need most humans experience. The importance of social connection goes beyond superficial enjoyment; evidence suggests that a lack of social relationships can have substantial adverse effects on mental and physical well-being. Researchers believe that humans evolved a need for social connection to encourage cooperation, allowing groups to accomplish far more than one person could alone. This trait was especially important during the earliest days of society and remains an important part of human interaction today. The ability to shape the world and create massive accomplishments that increase humanity’s total power directly relates to a human being’s innate need to socialize.
Why do people seek romantic love?
Love is a complex neurochemical process that motivates most people to find a romantic partner. At its core, love is driven by chemicals in the brain that modify behavior and motivation. In the early days of love, a person experiences feelings of euphoria and a strong desire to be close to a new (or potential) romantic partner. As the relationship progresses, feelings typically shift to a less intense drive to be near one another, indicating that the neurochemicals responsible for love have shifted from short-term to long-term reinforcement.
When someone loses a loving relationship, the change in neurochemistry often motivates them to pursue a new partner or otherwise manage the adverse feelings associated with the loss. For some people, the desire to fall in love can be intense, while others might experience significantly less motivation to find a relationship. People might also be motivated to focus on their own needs or other emotions before pursuing love.
Can love prevent depression?
Love, whether from a romantic partner, family, or friends, is associated with numerous benefits to mental and physical well-being. While love can’t directly prevent depression, the benefits of love may make it easier to manage other circumstances that can increase the risk of depression. Love also typically requires social interaction, and positive interactions with others can increase happiness and help reduce adverse emotions. Love itself isn’t a tool for treating mental health concerns but rather represents a well-functioning support system comprised of people who care about the person experiencing the concern.
How do you show you truly love someone?
Showing love can sometimes be challenging or fear-inducing, especially in the early days of a relationship. Many people are concerned that the other person won’t feel the same way or that their love is disproportionate. Most people become more comfortable showing love as a relationship progresses, but that doesn’t mean love is always easily communicated.
Many couples turn to the Five Love Languages as a framework for expressing love. People do not always have the same preferences for giving and receiving love; love languages allow couples to express how they prefer to receive love. If you want your loving gestures to have the greatest impact, aligning your actions with your partner’s love language is often helpful in making them feel truly loved.
What is the relationship between love and mental health?
Love is a mental process and is subsequently affected by mental well-being. Of course, someone with poor mental health is certainly capable of giving and receiving love, but there may be additional barriers. For example, consider someone who has an anxious-avoidant attachment style. An intense fear of abandonment and excess anxiety about the relationship characterize that attachment style.
While an anxious-avoidant individual can give and receive love, they may find it challenging to focus on positivity and security. They may think that a small mistake will convince their partner to leave them or that expressing their desires in the relationship is not healthy or okay. While that doesn’t guarantee a relationship will end, it certainly suggests that the relationship quality will be lowered by the anxious-avoidant person’s mental health concerns.
Can a therapist help with love?
Many therapists are qualified to help individuals and couples with matters related to love and relationships. Individual counseling can help a person become more comfortable giving and receiving love, along with investigating underlying factors that may make it more challenging for the person to love in the way they want. A therapist qualified in couples counseling can also likely help. Couples counselors typically see romantic partners together, helping them develop good communication, problem-solving strategies, and techniques to bolster intimacy.
Can you love someone if you have an anxiety disorder?
No evidence suggests those with an anxiety disorder are not capable of experiencing love or being in a happy relationship. However, love makes many people anxious at times, and someone with an anxiety disorder may need to apply extra effort to ensure their condition does not adversely impact the love in their relationship. It is often helpful to work with a mental health professional to ensure that the anxiety disorder is well-managed, especially if it is affecting the person’s ability to give or receive love.
What is the best type of love?
There isn’t a consensus about which type of love is best. For some people, the romantic type of love felt for a partner is superior. Another person might feel that the strong bond between life-long friends is the best type of love, while others might consider the love between a mother and her children to be the best type. While people’s preferences tend to vary significantly, each person likely chooses the type of love that most resonates with them personally.
Why is love so powerful?
Humans have an innate need for social connection, which is one of the main driving factors underlying love. Most people strongly desire acceptance and attachment with others, which can lead to all types of love, including love for romantic partners, friends, and family. While many people are quick to point out the relationship between sex and love, the innate drive for human connection is likely a more powerful force. Many people who voluntarily abstain from sex are capable of forming strong, loving relationships, including romantic ones.
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