A Cycle Of Heartbreak: Falling In And Out Of Love
It can be common for relationships to experience ups and downs, but if you have found yourself experiencing inconsistent feelings for your partner on a more frequent basis, you may be wondering whether you are falling out of love. If you feel deeply in love with your partner one day and completely out of love the next, this could be a sign of a deeper issue.
What does falling out of love look like in a relationship?
Falling out of love can look like losing the “spark” between yourself and your partner, not enjoying quality time together, becoming hypercritical, comparing your relationship to others’ relationships, lacking communication, and feeling unsure about the future of your life together. You may wish to address your changing feelings directly with your partner or discuss them with an online therapist.
Is falling in and out of love in a relationship normal?
Due to the unique nature of individuals and romantic partnerships, it can be challenging to identify precisely how it feels to fall out of love. It can be especially difficult to confirm these feelings as it is not uncommon to uphold feelings of love toward someone you feel you are “falling out of love” with. Though it may seem counterintuitive in these situations, it can be possible to love a person while maintaining the feeling that the relationship has come to an end.
Still, there may be a handful of feelings and behaviors that tend to characterize falling out of love. Below are a few red flags to look out for that may indicate your feelings of love are waning.
You notice a lack of “spark" and feelings in the relationship
Typically, the early stages of a relationship are filled with excitement, elation, and buzz as you fall in love. Though these feelings tend to die down in any healthy, long-term relationship, you may feel this loss of spark more intensely when falling out of love.
Impending heartbreak: Loss of emotions and passion
Similar to feeling a lack of spark, you may find that you no longer enjoy spending time with your partner. You may find yourself feeling sad or dejected during dates or quality time. Additionally, you may realize that you and your partner have significantly decreased or forfeited quality time altogether.
You become hypercritical of your partner
You compare your relationship or partner to others
If you find yourself comparing your relationship to those of your friends, family, co-workers, or even couples in movies or books, this could be an early indicator that you are falling out of love. Though it can be common for people to engage in some level of comparison when it comes to relationships, experiencing feelings of jealousy or hopelessness when it comes to other couples could be a sign.
There is a lack of communication in your relationship
Typically, a healthy relationship relies on open communication. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, this could be an indicator that you are falling out of love.
Is a breakup looming? Uncertainty about the future
In a long-term relationship, it can be fairly standard to plan together for your future, whether that means moving in together, getting married, or having children. If you have lost confidence in future plans with your partner that you previously felt certain of, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship as a whole.
Love versus infatuation: Assessing your feelings of falling in and out of love
Falling in love can be one of the best feelings. However, people fall out of love in relationships, too. Falling out of love with your partner can happen quickly or over a long period of time, depending on the nature of your relationship. Still, these feelings do not necessarily mean your relationship must end. There are a few things you may consider if you worry you are falling out of love with your partner.
Leaving the honeymoon phase (infatuation)
Depending on the length of your relationship, it can be possible that you and your partner are simply leaving the “honeymoon phase”. The honeymoon phase is typically characterized by feelings of excitement and elation during the early stages of a relationship. Studies show that the honeymoon phase tends to last anywhere from 30 days to two and a half years, though this can differ for every couple.
Similar to falling out of love, leaving the honeymoon phase can look like a loss of spark or a decrease in quality time, but typically, this phase plays an important role in any long-term relationship. If you are somewhat early on in your relationship, you may want to consider that you and your partner could be simply leaving your honeymoon phase and not necessarily falling out of love.
Falling in and out of love: Factors outside of the relationship
You may also want to consider outside factors that may be affecting the quality of your relationship. It is not uncommon for work or financial stress, personal issues, marriage and family, or changes in mental or physical health to strain an otherwise healthy relationship. In cases like this, it may be helpful to consult a therapist for guidance.
How to cope with the emotions of falling out of love?
Falling out of love with a partner tends to be challenging and troublesome for everyone involved. If you are having trouble navigating your feelings of falling out of love, there may be certain things that can help you and your partner cope.
If you feel it is safe to do so, you could try communicating your feelings directly to your partner. Though this can be a difficult conversation to have, it could help you and your partner determine how to improve the relationship or choose your next steps. This doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, and it’s possible to fall back in love with your partner if you both have the desire to nurture the partnership and take action.
Healing your feelings during a heartbreak or breakup
Additionally, you could try giving each other some space. This could look like separate living situations or simply spending less time together temporarily in order to spend time reevaluating your feelings.
Often, it can be difficult to navigate these complex situations alone. Whether you determine you would like to improve your relationship or part ways, it could be helpful to seek professional guidance.
Finding relationship support through online therapy
If you feel yourself falling out of love with your partner, you may benefit from online therapy. Research has shown that couples therapy usually positively impacts around 70% of those receiving treatment.
When seeking couples or individual counseling, online therapy can provide more flexibility than in-person therapy. The additional flexibility of online therapy can be beneficial for those with hectic schedules or a busy family life.
Effectiveness of online therapy to work through falling in and out of love
In addition to online therapy frequently offering a number of benefits in regard to flexibility and scheduling, studies show that online couples therapy can be equally as effective as in-person therapy.
Additionally, recent studies show that online therapy, in general, can be equally as effective in treating symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other types of mental health disorders as traditional in-office therapy.
Takeaway
Is it normal to fall in and out of love in a relationship?
This phenomenon is not uncommon. Often in long term relationships, feelings can change over time and couples can cycle in feeling less in love or more in love with each other. Sometimes when there is a lack of communication or intimacy, falling out of love can become chronic and require some effort to regain those feelings.
Can you keep falling in and out of love?
Even for relationships where partners continue to love each other, they may cycle in and out of “falling in love”, that is, the strong and intimate emotional bond that they share. You can help avoid this by building a strong foundation of healthy communication and shared intimacy. Be intentional about spending time together and sharing common interests. Practice gratitude around the things you appreciate about your partner, and challenge each other to grow.
Why do I fall so easily in and out of love?
There can be a number of reasons that you may have a tendency to fall quickly in and out of love with others. You may have an avoidant or anxious attachment style, or low self-esteem. You may be dealing with unresolved trauma in your life or have difficulty setting boundaries. Working with a therapist can help you move through these challenges and learn to build strong relationships.
Can a relationship be saved if you fall out of love?
Some signs you’re falling out of love may include an indifference toward your partner physically or emotionally, you use conflicts to hurt each other, and you find that you fantasize about life without them. However, if caught early enough, and with a desire on both sides to fix the problem, you can save the relationship with some time and effort.
Can you fall back in love with someone you fell out of love with?
If you don’t feel in love with your partner anymore, but are interested in rekindling feelings again, there are some strategies you can use.
Realize that physical feelings will ebb and flow over long periods of time, so create a strong bond of friendship with your partner as a love foundation
Be open to changing things up sexually, and be intentional about adding some physical affection to your routine
Make time together a priority. You can rebuild intimacy by spending time together on date nights doing things that you enjoy
How do I know if I'm still in love?
Examine your feelings honestly in a moment that is not otherwise emotionally fraught (in other words, not after a hard day at work, or when you are fighting with your partner). Even if you are experiencing a period of emotional distance, do you still care about your partner as a person? Are you willing to put in some work to rekindle your feelings, and do you believe that they are likewise invested? Do you see a future together if you take some time to reestablish your bond?
How to tell if a relationship will last?
A relationship that lasts is one in which the romantic partners are also good friends. Physical attraction and feelings of romantic love often cycle, becoming strong and diminishing, then back again. If couples are truly invested in each other and each other’s lives and interests, they often ride out these cycles without losing emotional intimacy and care for each other.
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