10 Common Marriage Problems: Tips For Married Couples

No marriage is perfect. They all encounter problems. This article might have been a lot gloomier to read a couple of years ago, but studies show that divorces are currently lower in new marriages than they have been in decades. When you encounter marriage problems, consider looking at them as opportunities to grow the relationship and get to know each other rather than as obstacles to happiness.

Common marriage problems

Every marriage is different, and it is impossible to forecast all the challenges that your marriage may encounter. However, here is a list of some common marriage issues and some options that you and your partner can use to manage them in healthy and productive ways.

In-laws

Of course, in-laws aren't exactly a marriage problem, but they can impact most of the problems that are going to be discussed on this list. As a result, it's important to look at the role that other people, in general, can play in impacting your relationship.

Before you get married, you and your potential partner should discuss the roles that you want your in-laws to play in the marriage. This can vary greatly because different people have different relationships with their parents.

Some couples see their in-laws as a valuable support network, and they like to work closely with them in virtually all aspects of their lives. Our parents can be valuable sources of information and life experiences throughout our lives, especially when it comes to maintaining a long-term relationship.

Other people, even if they have good relationships with their parents, may want their parents to play a less active role in their own marriage and child-raising endeavors. This may also be the case if you don't live near your parents.

Conflicts with in-law can lead couples to divorce

In-law conflicts, if not resolved, can be one of the contributing factors to divorce. The important thing is that both partners agree on the role that they want their in-laws to play and that they communicate this clearly and effectively to their in-laws as early as possible.

Religious differences

Religious differences can make the earlier stages of the relationship awkward and lead to potential disagreements once a couple gets married. The dating and engagement periods should be taken as opportunities to come to terms with religious differences, including establishing boundaries and relationships with the rest of the family.

The most important thing about religious differences is to always show support to your partner, regardless of how different your religious beliefs are. This can be particularly difficult when one of the partners is religious, and the other is not. Belittling someone's beliefs rarely has positive outcomes. 

Educate and expose your children to different ideas

While you may not subscribe to the same religious beliefs, you can create unique opportunities to get to know each other better on a spiritual level, and you can expose your children to different ideas and experiences so that they can decide for themselves, one day, what they wish to believe.

Political differences

Political differences can be another big source of trouble in marriages. That doesn't mean that they are insurmountable. Further, this is one potential problem source that you should explore before getting married.

Handling different political views in marriage

One easy plan is to simply agree not to talk about politics. After all, voting is personal, so political issues only come home if you bring them back from the booth.

Keeping political discussions off limits can be difficult during social events where politics make up a common topic of discussion. There are a number of ways to handle this. Avoid the discussion. Split up until the conversation ends. Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is that you and your partner are considerate of one another's feelings.

Paying the bills

Organizing finances can be complicated, especially when it comes to paying the bills. There are a number of ways to handle this. 

Some couples may benefit from one person making important payments and keeping track of expenses, while others may enjoy going through the process together. You can also divide and conquer. For example, one partner may use their accounts to pay for needs while the other can fund wants. Another option is to have a joint checking account that both couples contribute to from paychecks and draw from to pay bills. You can each maintain an individual bank account to use for purchasing gifts or paying for personal services, like happy hours with friends or salon services.

Wage disparities

Another classic marriage problem can occur when one partner in a marriage makes more money than the other or has a more “impressive” job.

For some couples, this isn't a problem because they don't see careers and income as a contest. In other couples, the partner that makes more money may try to take more authority or make more decisions. Of course, some couples are happy with the one making more money calling all the shots.

Married couples should bring out the best in one another

Really, the important thing is that neither partner feels that they are being taken advantage of or being controlled by the other. Instead of competing against each other, it may be advantageous to bring out the best in one another. What can you learn or adapt from your partner in order to improve your own self-confidence or achievement, if that matters to you?

Division of labor

Dividing the chores is another common source of dispute in married couples. The important thing in this case is that the chores get done. The two of you can sit down and decide which chores each of you will do based on which ones you like or don't like.

Splitting chores between partners

If one of you has a less time-consuming job, it might make sense for that partner to do more of the household work. If you run into a problem, consider bringing in another couple to see how they take care of their chore distribution. Many couples experience success when one person cooks and the other cleans. Alternatively, you can decide which days of the week one partner can cook and do dishes while the other partner can claim the remaining days. 

Regardless of how you structure your chores at home, it is important for each person to feel like they are working as part of a team. Flexibility is essential, as our weekly schedules are naturally subject to change.

Prioritizing time

Married people still have challenges with balancing their time among important priorities like sleep, work, time with their partner, time with friends, and time by themselves. This can be an additional problem if one partner has an anxious attachment style and the other has an avoidant attachment style. Sometimes, marriage and cohabitation are the first scenarios where we gain insight into our partner’s attachment styles.

Both partners should be allowed to feel like they are still free to live their own lives, but neither partner should feel like they aren't appreciated. Both partners should have alone time and time with their own friends, but both should also make time to spend quality time with their partner.

Quality time together

Is there an hour each day that you can set aside to devote just toward one another? Cooking romantic dinners together, for example, checks off the quality time box as well as the “chores” box. Can you dedicate either Saturday or Sunday to indulging in an activity you both love to do? The key to mitigating this issue is creativity.

Different interests

Couples don't always have trouble spending enough time together because they are too busy or aren't prioritizing each other; sometimes, they just have different interests. This is another problem that usually turns up in the dating period, but it can seem like more of a problem once you're married.

Overcoming different interests in couples

One way to solve this problem is to try out each other's interests. You might discover a new one. If you've tried this or if you want to maintain interests outside of those that you do together, you can keep those interests and also try to put your heads together to come up with something that you can do as a couple.

It’s also important to be realistic – did you marry your partner because they’re just like you in every way? Probably not. It may help to think of your relationship according to the rule of “quarters”:

• A quarter of what you do will be highly enjoyable to both of you. Maybe you love socializing with your friends, spending time with your children, or traveling to new places.

• Only in another quarter of your activities together will you find the process enjoyable. Maybe you won tickets to your favorite band, but your partner doesn’t really care for that genre of music.

• In a separate quarter, only your partner will take pleasure in the experience. They may ask you to attend a networking event with them, even though you’re not a fan of small talk with strangers you’ll likely never encounter again.

• In the last quarter, neither of you may enjoy what is happening, but it is important to go through it together. Experiences like car accidents, evacuating from a natural disaster, or paying bills are not inherently fun, but having a partner in crime can make them more tolerable.

Jealousy

Understanding that partners need time apart just like they need time together is important, but it also opens up the fact that the two of you aren't always together. That means that there's room for jealousy.

Despite common confusion, jealousy and distrust aren't the same thing. We'll talk about trust next. Jealousy is about a fear of missing out on what your loved one is doing. Jealousy can be a serious problem in relationships, but it doesn't have to be. If both of you have your own activities, it can be easier for both partners to focus on what they are up to.

Trust

Trust can be a big problem in relationships, especially if one or both partners have trust issues with other people in their lives as well. There are two good ways for a partner with trust issues to prevent that issue from causing problems in the marriage. The first is to address their trust issues. The second is to practice trusting their partner by allowing them to live their own life.

It is also important to be direct with your partner if you are concerned about their behavior. Allowing yourself to make unchecked assumptions can contribute to the development of resentment, one of the “four horsemen” of failed marriages, according to expert John Gottman.

If you’re feeling distrustful, ask your partner to have a conversation so that you can clarify any misunderstandings or reiterate expectations. 

Seeking support for marital issues

Articles like this one can be a good introduction to anticipating some of the common problems that you are likely to encounter in a marriage. However, they probably aren't a fix-all solution. Other resources that you can use to solve problems in your marriage include turning to friends and family for support or meeting with a relationship counselor. 

If you are worried that your own issues pose a serious threat to the health of your relationship, you can always go to a marriage or relationship counselor, even if your partner doesn't come along. You can also focus on your own concerns first by reaching out to a therapist or counselor. Depending on the situation, unhappy marriage therapy done online may be a more attractive option for partners seeking assistance with marital issues. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp allow you to schedule appointments from a safe location, meaning you can discuss sensitive issues in total confidence. You can also schedule appointments from a preferred time, which can be helpful for long-distance couples or simply couples with busy schedules.

Online therapy can help couples with common marriage problems

Online therapy is an effective treatment approach for a range of marital challenges. In one couples therapy intervention involving 60 participants from ages 21 to 69 (who had been in a relationship with their participating partner for one to 49 years), researchers divided them into two groups: an in-person control group and an experimental videoconferencing group. All pairs took part in the same essential program, which was designed to improve self-change as a means to strengthen relationship satisfaction. After three months of follow-up, researchers determined no difference in the therapeutic alliance between the two groups. Additionally, the videoconferencing approach was confirmed as a viable alternative to in-person counseling.