Five Tips On How To Live With A Narcissist Husband
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Are you married to someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)? While most couples experience challenges at times, being in a relationship with narcissistic partners may present some truly unique hurdles due to narcissistic traits and manipulative behavior. However, by understanding the narcissist's behavior and setting healthy boundaries, it is still possible for you and your partner to create a healthy, loving relationship.
If you're married to a narcissist, it may be helpful to learn more about the condition and consider the tips below for being with a partner who has NPD.
What is narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an extremely high sense of one’s own importance. Somebody who has NPD may come across as overly confident and arrogant, but often, they may have low self-worth. The exact cause of NPD is not known, but some experts believe that it may result from a combination of factors including childhood trauma, early relationships, and genetics.
Common signs of a person with narcissistic personality disorder can include the following:
An inflated ego
Feelings of entitlement
A tendency to take over conversations
An inflated sense of self-importance
A tendency to exaggerate accomplishments
Fragile self-esteem with a need for excessive admiration
The habit of taking advantage of others for their own personal gain
Constant troubled relationships
A tendency to belittle others
Inability to see the needs or feelings of others
Feeling envious of others
Difficulty with their own emotions
Anger, mood swings, and impatience
A person with narcissist traits does not automatically have NPD
These symptoms may make it difficult to be in a relationship with a narcissistic spouse or partner. It is also important to note that having narcissistic tendencies does not necessarily mean that a person has NPD, as these behaviors may stem from other mental disorders or life experiences.
Tips for being with a husband who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
1. Monitor and nurture your own self-esteem
Individuals with NPD may find it difficult to be empathetic to other people, and they may exhibit narcissistic behaviors such as putting others down, as they see themselves as superior.
If their behavior has become abusive, help is available.
2. Learn more about your partner and their insecurities
When dealing with a narcissistic husband or partner, it may be helpful to learn more about their insecurities and what might trigger negative behavior in them. If they are seeking help for their NPD and learning their own coping strategies, you may consider asking them for guidance on how to deal with a narcissistic husband sensitively. Since individuals with NPD may have low self-worth, understanding if there are certain topics or actions they feel especially sensitive to may allow you both to foster healthy relationships and communicate positively while being prepared for challenges that may arise.
3. Establish clear boundaries around behavior
Setting boundaries in any intimate relationship can lead to a healthier connection, and in a relationship with a narcissistic person, it may be especially important. Addressing narcissistic abuse and understanding how their behaviors affect you can help you create a balanced relationship. Seeking guidance from clinical health psychology practice professionals may also provide valuable support in navigating the challenges of how to deal with a narcissistic husband or partner.
Some examples of boundaries you may want to set if you have a narcissist husband include the following:
No name-calling. You could let your partner know that if they begin to call you names, the conversation will be over, and you will walk away.
Having time alone with friends. A partner with NPD may not like it when you spend time with friends or have your own life outside the relationship. However, isolation can be a form of emotional abuse, and you deserve to have a strong support system in your life.
Not making excuses for them. Individuals with NPD may behave arrogantly or take advantage of others to get what they want, and at times, other people in your circle such as friends or family may be offended by their behavior. Your partner with NPD may feel they deserve special treatment and expect you to cover for them; you can establish that this is not something you will do for them.
4. Maintain a support system
Strong connections can be important for all of us, and when you are with a partner with NPD, such as a narcissistic husband, you might find it helpful to establish and maintain a strong support system around you. With support in place, you can have other people to turn to when experiencing comorbid psychological distress or challenges in your relationship. Trusted friends and loved ones may also help you see things clearly, maintain healthy self-esteem, maintain clear boundaries with your partner, and feel more stable during challenging times.
5. Seek counseling if you have a spouse with NPD
If you are in a relationship with someone with NPD, as outlined in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, you may also consider seeking support from a licensed therapist. A therapist may help you work through concerns you may have about your relationship, assist you in building your self-esteem, and teach you strategies to help strengthen your relationship. It's essential not to take your partner's behavior personally and to recognize that professional help can make a significant difference in your relationship.
Get support with online therapy if your husband shows narcissistic behavior
It’s possible that a partner with NPD may feel resistant to the idea of seeking help, so taking the steps to see a therapist in person can feel like a big undertaking. This can make online therapy a good option, as it can remove the need for transportation and may feel more convenient for some people. With online therapy for individuals through BetterHelp or couples therapy through Regain, you can talk with a therapist from anywhere that is comfortable and works for you, instead of having to go into a therapist’s office.
Research has shown that online therapy may be an effective way of helping couples and individuals who are experiencing challenges in their relationships. For example, one study examined the effectiveness of an online therapy program for couples experiencing relationship distress. It concluded that the online intervention was “effective in significantly improving both relationship and individual functioning.”
Takeaway
Being with a partner with NPD may present significant challenges, but there are resources available to support both you and your partner. To start, you may consider learning more about NPD and trying some of the suggestions above. For additional support, you can speak with a professional counselor with the experience and training necessary to help you navigate your relationship. NPD does not need to be a life-limiting illness, help is available.
How does a narcissistic husband or man treat his wife?
It should be worth noting that calling someone a “narcissist,” “narcissist man,” or “narcissistic partner” can be dehumanizing. A more appropriate term might be “someone with narcissistic personality disorder.”
That said, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often view others as a means to achieve their goals or gain praise. They may do things that are manipulative or self-centered, both in and outside of relationships. Although people with NPD can be charming, behind closed doors, they might display the following behaviors in relationships:
Making negative comments about their partner
Making their partner feel ashamed or unworthy of love
Making their partner feel responsible for every conflict
Lying to, cheating on, or manipulating their partner
Giving their partner the silent treatment when they don’t get their way
Using subtle threats to make their partner do what they want
Needing excessive validation or admiration from their partner
These are a few examples of how a person with NPD might act in a marriage or relationship. That said, it may be worth noting that people can sometimes show narcissistic behaviors without having NPD.
What are the characteristics of a husband with narcissistic personality disorder?
There may not be a single set of tell-tale signs that a spouse has NPD. That said, there are a few traits that people with NPD often have, such as:
Lack of empathy, envy of others’ success, or a sense of superiority
Attention-seeking or haughty behaviors
The belief that problems are always someone else’s fault
The tendency to exploit others for their own benefit
Trouble managing their emotions
Low self-esteem
These kinds of traits can manifest in a spouse or partner in various ways. Some examples might include:
The partner treats their spouse as “disposable”
He/she never takes responsibility for mistakes or conflicts
He/she may avoid conversations that don’t revolve around him/her
He/she always demands affection without returning it
He/she engages in gaslighting, stonewalling, or other manipulative behaviors
If your spouse or partner exhibits behaviors like these, it may be a sign that they have NPD. That said, narcissistic personality disorder can look different for different people.
What happens to the wife of someone with narcissistic personality disorder?
While it can be possible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who has NPD, if their behavior is not managed properly, it may have negative effects on their spouse. Some examples may include:
Isolation from friends and loved ones
Chronic stress
Reduced self-esteem
Stress-related symptoms, such as muscle tension, headaches, high blood pressure, or frequent illness
Being married to someone with NPD may also contribute to certain mental illnesses, such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD.
How do you handle a husband with narcissistic personality disorder?
If your spouse has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), they may be used to putting themselves first, and they might not know how to behave in any other manner. This can make it challenging to maintain a healthy relationship.
Although NPD is considered a lifelong condition, it may be possible to manage it in a marriage and foster healthier behaviors. Some strategies for doing this may include:
Setting clear boundaries and consistently enforcing them
Removing yourself from conversations that involve insults or outbursts
Practice assertive, honest communication
Take note of manipulative behaviors and calmly make it clear that you won’t tolerate them
Prioritize self-care
Nurture relationships with friends and loved ones
Encourage your spouse to seek therapy
Consider joining a support group for partners of people with NPD
These strategies may be helpful for navigating being married to someone with NPD. In addition, counseling or couples therapy may also be options worth considering.
Finally, it can be important to prioritize your safety, especially if your spouse engages in threatening, unhealthy, or abusive behaviors. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse of any kind, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at any time by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
What kind of wife does a person with narcissistic personality disorder want?
It can be important to avoid making assumptions about people’s romantic preferences. That said, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) tend to view others as a means of achieving their goals. With this in mind, someone with NPD might look for a spouse who:
Gives them lots of affection and admiration
Has money, social connections, or other characteristics they can take advantage of
Has low self-esteem
Is easily manipulated or willing to defer to others
That said, everyone, including those with NPD, may look for different things in their romantic partners.
What phrases disarm someone with narcissistic personality disorder?
The right response to someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may depend on the situation. That said, if your spouse or another loved one has NPD and you are struggling to communicate with them, the following phrases may be helpful:
“I hear what you’re saying/I understand that you’re upset.”
“We are allowed to have different opinions about this.”
“When you say/do this, it makes me feel…”
“I’m not going to continue this conversation if you’re going to behave like this.”
“You’re violating my boundaries.”
Phrases like these can be helpful for keeping your feelings at the center of the interaction while also asserting your needs and boundaries.
Does a husband or spouse with narcissistic personality disorder love his wife?
It may be worth remembering that different people with NPD may experience the disorder differently. It may also be worth noting that a loving spouse might display narcissistic traits without necessarily having NPD.
Depending on the severity of their symptoms, people with NPD may be able to feel feelings of love, fondness, or attachment toward their spouse. However, those feelings may not be the same for them as they are for people without the disorder.
What do people with narcissistic personality disorder love most?
It may be worth noting that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may not experience love the same way that others do. That said, they often value things that make them feel special or important, such as praise and admiration. They may also put a lot of importance on social status, wealth, and success. However, this can depend on the person.
How do people with narcissistic personality disorder treat their children?
Possible parenting behaviors someone with NPD might display include:
Picking favorites
Pitting their children against each other
Criticizing or belittling their children
Setting unrealistically high expectations of their children
Struggling to show affection toward their children
Engaging in physical, mental, or emotional abuse
These behaviors can vary depending on the situation, the person, and the severity of their symptoms.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse of any kind, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at any time by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Does my husband have narcissistic personality disorder, or is he just selfish?
If you’re wondering whether your spouse has NPD, it may help to ask yourself the following questions:
Does my spouse’s selfish behavior only happen once in a while, as opposed to all the time?
Does my spouse show empathy? Do I get the sense they genuinely care about me?
Would my spouse still love me if I had a different social or financial status?
Is my spouse able to take responsibility when they hurt me or make mistakes?
If you answered “yes” to the above questions, it may be that your spouse has selfish traits, but not necessarily NPD. That said, it can be worth remembering that NPD can look different in different people. Only a licensed mental health professional can officially make or rule out an NPD diagnosis.
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