Divorce Anxiety, Stress Levels, And Mental Health Challenges: How To Cope

Even in the most amicable splits, divorce is often marked by significant changes and uncertainty. The stress associated with such a major life transition can have a considerable impact on the mental health of everyone involved, and many individuals find themselves experiencing anxiety as well. In order to move forward in a balanced and healthy way, addressing the emotional effects of divorce as they arise is typically key. Here, we’ll explore the concept of divorce anxiety and how it might affect well-being, and then we’ll provide suggestions for how to cope.

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Understanding divorce anxiety  

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an average of 2.4 out of 1,000 US marriages ended in divorce between 2000 and 2022. While not as high as previous years, these numbers indicate that divorce is still a fairly common experience. Many—if not most—divorces bring on some form of emotional distress, including divorce anxiety. 

Divorce anxiety is a term that can refer to the feelings of fear, worry, and stress that an individual may experience during and/or after the divorce process. From the dissolution of a relationship between two people to the practicalities of legality, lifestyle changes, and concerns over children, the emotional upheaval over ending a marriage can cause feelings of guilt, shame, loss, grief, anger, sadness, and anxiety. The person who did not instigate the divorce proceedings may also feel a sense of abandonment or separation anxiety if they don’t want the relationship to end.

Anxiety about a divorce or another topic can manifest in various ways. Some common signs of anxiety include:

• Muscle tension
• Trouble sleeping
• Increased or decreased appetite
• Headaches
• Irritability
• A persistent sense of worry
• Trouble concentrating

The role of uncertainty in divorce anxiety and related stress levels 

A sense of uncertainty about the future is often the only certainty in a divorce. For many divorcing couples, the fear of the unknown can be the hardest thing to cope with. This is considered a "primal fear," or a fear that is deeply rooted in the human psyche. Research on uncertainty and the human experience suggests that uncertainty heightens our threat perception in a way similar to hypervigilance. 

Long-term health conditions associated with divorce  

Somatic symptoms like insomnia, fatigue, headaches, achiness, and gastrointestinal issues are a common part of anxiety or the grieving process in divorce. In more severe cases, individuals might experience symptoms similar to those seen in panic attacks, such as shortness of breath, sweating, dizziness, and heart palpitations. Most somatic symptoms usually subside in a little while, but a therapist may be able to help you address them if you’re seeking support.

That said, research indicates there may be long-term health consequences associated with chronic stress and anxiety, which some people experience as a result of divorce. Long-term stress can negatively impact virtually every body system, often increasing a person’s risk of cardiovascular disease and early mortality, among others. That’s why it can be crucial to seek support for stress caused by divorce and/or other challenges.

Mental health conditions associated with divorce

Depression and substance use disorders affect many people after a divorce. Generalized anxiety disorder is common in divorced people, too. 

The reasons why a person may develop a mental health challenge after divorce can vary widely between individuals. For example, a person might experience intense anger if they feel betrayed or hurt, and guilt is common when one feels responsible for the breakdown of the marriage—especially if infidelity is involved. When such strong emotions are left unaddressed, they may lead to a more serious condition.

Effects on self-esteem and identity 

When a couple divorces, they typically lose the shared identity they built within the marriage, perhaps leaving individuals unsure of who they are outside of the partnership. Due to stigma, expectations, or one’s own values, some people experiencing the loss of a marriage also feel like they’ve failed, which might impact their confidence and self-worth. 

The process of divorce can lead to ruminating on the relationship dynamics as well, potentially causing individuals to question their own contributions and value within the partnership. The self-stigma many people experience after divorce can also lead to diminished self-esteem and increased risk of mental health challenges. 

Impact on relationships and social life  

Divorce can cause tension within extended families, as relatives may feel conflicted about their relationship with the divorced couple and may feel pressured to “pick sides.” Friends in shared friend groups may face similar challenges. Many couples build friendships with other couples, so navigating these relationships in particular can be challenging to navigate after a divorce.

The emotional stress of divorce can also lead to a person withdrawing from social activities and potentially isolating themselves, making it harder to maintain social connections. Depending on a person’s emotional state after divorce, individuals may also find it challenging to initiate new connections to strengthen their social life.

Coping mechanisms for managing stress levels during and after a divorce

Most people experience a wide range of emotions during a divorce, including sadness, anger, grief, and worry or anxiety. Effectively managing stress often means accepting and validating such emotions. Instead of self-judgment, you might aim to speak to yourself as you would a friend. Also, it can help to be patient and allow yourself to feel sad, angry, or whatever other emotions you’re experiencing in your own time. 

In addition, the below strategies may be helpful as you navigate the emotional tumult of a divorce.

Build a strong mental health support system

Given the social nature of humans, it makes sense that reaching out to trusted friends and loved ones can make a big difference during divorce. A local or online support group for divorcing people can be valuable, too. Not only can you find emotional support in such groups, but members may also be able to provide useful tips and suggestions for navigating the complex situations that can arise during or after a divorce.

Practice self-care and healthy stress management 

Exercise, mindfulness, and healthy routines are typically foundational to self-care. Though it can be difficult if you’re grieving a divorce, eating nutrient-dense foods whenever you can and getting exercise—even if it’s just walking—may help you better manage your emotions. Relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, deep breathing, and guided visualizations help many people, too, as do spending time in nature and cultivating a new hobby. It can also be advisable to seek professional help if you find yourself turning toward unhealthy coping mechanisms for stress, such as substance use.

Develop a positive mindset 

Divorce is often a complex experience that can cause a range of emotions, so it may be helpful to give yourself time to grieve and process. Research also suggests it may help to act with self-compassion. Some people find positive affirmations helpful too, where you repeat positive statements about yourself to help you challenge negative self-talk and boost confidence. 

Finally, you might also make a conscious effort to identify and appreciate the positive aspects of your life and focus on the future by setting achievable goals. Whether personal or professional, goals may help give you a sense of direction and purpose. 

Navigating co-parenting challenges related to divorce to reduce anxiety

For divorcing individuals with children, open communication and a parenting plan might help prevent disputes and make co-parenting less anxiety-producing. You might work with your co-parent to create a plan that provides structure for your children by detailing custody, visitation, and decision-making processes. Find a method of communication that works for you both, and consider aiming to keep the tone cordial and businesslike. 

Maintaining consistency by establishing regular rules, routines, and expectations across both households can help make the transition easier for the children. It can also be advisable to respect the other parent by keeping them in the loop about schedules, activities, and other relevant information. You might also engage and reassure your children throughout the process, focusing on creating stability and consistency in their lives.

Addressing anxiety caused by financial and legal considerations during divorce

Financial and legal concerns are among the most significant challenges many divorcing couples face, which can lead to intense anxiety in many cases. According to some reports, the average cost of divorce is around $15,000 per person. This number can rise significantly depending on the assets involved and the custody circumstances. 

Working with legal professionals and a financial planner may help ease some of this anxiety. While fees can be costly, pro bono groups, local law schools, and local bar associations may offer advice or services for free or at discounted rates, which may also help reduce some divorce-related anxiety. 

When to seek help from a mental health professional

Overwhelming emotions are common during divorce, and they can often make it hard for a person to function. Individuals might experience changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or weight and increased physical aches and pains. They might avoid friends and family due to feelings of shame or lack of motivation. Some people might also turn to drug or alcohol use as a way to try and cope with divorce-related distress. 

These are all potential signs that an individual might benefit from psychotherapy. Talk therapy can help people cope with a divorce and find pathways toward emotional healing. It may also be a way for individuals to recover their self-esteem and sense of identity and learn to more effectively manage new challenges as they arise.

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Exploring the option of online therapy

Despite its many potential benefits, some people face barriers to receiving therapy. For example, some may not have therapists in their area, while others have trouble commuting to and from appointments due to a lack of transportation or childcare.

Virtual therapy can be a potential solution to such barriers in many cases. Online therapy allows a person to attend remote sessions with a licensed therapist from the comfort of home—and often for less than the cost of in-person treatment without insurance. Research also suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person treatment for treating mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and stress, with many studies finding little difference in outcomes between internet-delivered therapy versus traditional treatment.