Friendships After Divorce: Navigating A Post-Divorce Social Life When A Marriage Ends
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the divorce rate in the US was 2.4 per 1,000 marriages in 2022, or about 670,000 divorces that year. So while divorce is not an uncommon experience, it can feel intensely isolating for some—particularly when it impacts one’s friendships and social support network.
Navigating friendships post-divorce can be difficult. Here, we’ll examine how divorce might affect friendships, share tips for how you can cope with changes to your social circle, and provide options for receiving support during this transitional period.
How the end of a marriage can affect friendships
It’s common for divorce to impact friend groups. Old friends sometimes feel torn between the two members of the couple and unsure of their loyalties. They may also feel pressure to support one or the other—often without the full context of why the split is happening.
Shifts in social circles when a marriage ends
During marriage, it’s common for a couple’s social life to become blended, with close friends of either partner becoming “couple” friends in many cases. As a result, many people end up establishing larger groups of friends that hang out together, sharing special events, holidays, and traditions like a family. When divorce happens, it can splinter these big groups and upend the friendship dynamic. For some friends, there can also be a period of mourning as they come to terms with the loss of a version of their friend group that may no longer exist.
Professional ties or school ties can also be a factor when it comes to social circles post-divorce. If one partner in the divorcing couple works with or went to school with the majority of a friend group, for example, these friends may shift allegiance to them—even despite the circumstances of the split. This can feel unfair to the other partner and may also leave them without sufficient social support during this emotionally challenging time.
Maintaining friendships after divorce
Maintaining friendships after divorce can be complex and delicate, and it may require taking different approaches to different situations. Your own close friends will likely remain friends, steadfastly by your side. However, other friends may feel uncomfortable with the situation, and while not intending to abandon you, they may be unsure of how to communicate with you or move forward together. Establishing open and honest communication with your friends can often go a long way toward moving through grief together and establishing a new, strong chapter of your relationship.
Boundaries and communication with friends after getting divorced
It can help to be honest about your feelings when talking to your own friends about the divorce. If possible, it can be helpful to assure them that you will not put them in the middle or use them against your ex. You might avoid pressuring them to take sides or use them as a sounding board for your anger if they have loyalties to your ex as well.
On the other hand, you can feel empowered to set your own boundaries with your friends around the divorce. For example, you could tell your friends which topics are off-limits when it comes to discussing the breakup, or you might ask to avoid talking about it at all for a while. You can help protect yourself emotionally by sharing these boundaries early and enforcing them as needed. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends post-divorce can make a significant difference in the healing process, and true friends will do their best to honor your needs.
Coping with sadness and loss of friendship in life after divorce
Despite your best efforts, you may lose friends after your divorce. For example, couple friends that you saw every few weeks may drift toward your ex or out of both of your lives. A person may also have trouble rekindling friendships post-divorce that were weakened during their marriage, like if they moved away for their spouse or if they were married to an abuser who isolated them from their old connections.
Losing friends can cause heartache, but it can be possible to move through this experience and build new connections in the future. Finding healthy ways to mourn these relationships and process your emotions around this loss can be a positive step forward.
Shifting your mindset in life after divorce
Divorce often feels like an ending—and in many ways, it can be. However, it might help to also look at it as a new beginning. Remember that you can build a new life for yourself and that the possibilities are endless. This approach doesn’t mean falling back on platitudes or fake optimism, but rather identifying negative thoughts and thinking about them from a different perspective.
For example, a recently divorced person might have the thought: “I’ve lost everything I knew, and now I’m stuck in a new job in a city where I don’t know anybody.” A more positive shift could involve: “This is a great opportunity for me to find new friends who don’t know my ex-husband and start fresh with my own identity.”
Self-care for your physical and mental health after the divorce process
Taking steps to protect and nurture your mental health can be essential during this time of change and social upheaval—especially since divorced individuals may be at increased risk of developing certain mental health conditions, like an adjustment disorder, substance use disorder, or depression.
Allowing yourself time to mourn and feel your feelings without judgment can be part of a nurturing self-care practice. Other positive ways to take care of yourself during this period can include:
- Stick to a sleep schedule and make quality sleep a priority
- Practice gratitude and self-compassion regularly
- Engage in meditation or breathing exercises to manage stress
- Lean into your interests and hobbies, or branch out into new ones
- Spend time in nature
- Consider joining a divorce support group
- Get regular exercise
- Seek professional support if you’re struggling with maladaptive coping mechanisms like smoking or drinking alcohol or are experiencing other mental health challenges
Expanding social circles post-divorce
If there are disruptions in your friend circles post-divorce, it can be healing to also explore new friendships that are unrelated to your ex-partner. This may allow you to have a space where you are known only for yourself and not as one part of a couple.
Once you’ve had some time to grieve, you might strive to look at the divorce as an opportunity to focus on some of your own interests, which could help you expand your social circle too. For example, you might join a local book club, find a community sports team, sign up for a choir, or anything else that might interest you. By diving into your own interests, you may be able to connect with like-minded people who may play a role in your new social life.
Therapy for managing feelings of loss during the divorce process
For those who find it difficult to adjust to changing social circles post-divorce, therapy can be a helpful way to move forward. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is an evidence-based approach that’s used to help a person learn to identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviors and shift them in a healthier direction.
With this type of strategy, a therapist may be able to help you reframe some of the effects of your divorce, build self-esteem, and develop stronger communication skills, which can be helpful as you strengthen old friendships or build new ones. If you’re experiencing signs of a mental health condition, a therapist can also evaluate and address these.
Online therapy as a support method for divorced individuals
People who are adjusting to life after the divorce process often feel overwhelmed, which may make it feel impossible to book and attend even one more in-person appointment. In such cases, online therapy might be a more convenient and approachable option for receiving this type of support.
With an online platform like BetterHelp, you can fill out a brief online questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist accordingly. You can then meet with your therapist on your own schedule from the comfort of your own home or office via phone, video, or in-app messaging. Studies suggest that online therapy can often be just as effective as in-person sessions.
Takeaway
The end of a marriage can significantly impact many aspects of life, including one’s friendships. Divorce, however, can also offer new social opportunities. Keeping lines of communication open with your friends and exploring new social opportunities when you’re ready can be helpful. During the adjustment process, joining divorce support groups, practicing self care, and pursuing professional help from a therapist may help you manage stress and build practical skills for protecting your mental health and moving forward.
Is it normal to lose friends after divorce?
It’s not uncommon for a person to feel like “I’ve lost almost all my friends now that my marriage is over.” Divorce often results in significant shifts in a person's social life. People tend to go through a change in dynamics after a divorce, which can lead to loss of friendships in some cases. Many couples have some mutual friends, who may believe that they have to choose whom to be friends with after a divorce. Also, in some cases, people may be going through changes in their own life that have nothing to do with what’s going on in their friends’ lives. It may be helpful to reach out to a friend after a divorce and see how they are doing.
How do you make friends as an adult after divorce?
You might find it easier to make friends if you join a support group that helps people navigate divorce. These groups often bring together supportive individuals who want to connect with others following a divorce. Aside from support groups, you may benefit from joining local groups or clubs that participate in sports or hobbies.
How do you let go of past friendships?
It can be challenging to let go of past friendships. In some cases, people don’t necessarily get closure. They may simply not contact each other much following a divorce. You may find it helpful to expand your network of friends by engaging in new hobbies. This may not remove the sense of loss, but new friends may provide meaningful companionship.
How do you start your life again after divorce?
To start your life again after divorce, you may find it helpful to make an effort to maintain healthy friendships. Aside from nurturing old friendships, you may benefit from expanding your circle by joining support groups for divorced people or signing up for local activities.
How do you rebuild your social life?
To rebuild your social life after a divorce, you might consider forming a plan to increase interaction with others in your community. Part of this plan may involve joining a local team or a club based on your interests. You might also search for connections online provided that you have the opportunity to meet in person.
Why do friendships change after divorce?
Friendships may change after divorce due to new dynamics. Mutual friends of a couple may feel awkward remaining in contact with both individuals. They may be interested in setting boundaries to avoid conflict with one or both individuals after a divorce. However, some people find each other again after having lost touch for some time.
What are the emotions of a man going through divorce?
The emotions of a man going through a divorce can vary. Some men experience a mix of sadness, frustration, anger, and relief. This may depend on the circumstances of a divorce and whether a man is in a new relationship.
How do you meet new friends after divorce?
You might find it helpful to write down a plan for meeting people after a divorce. By writing down your strategies, you may be more likely to follow through with them. This plan may include searching for groups that participate in activities and networking with local people online. You might also consider joining a support group for people going through a divorce. Also, if you have kids, you may be able to become friends with the parents of their friends. Many friends meet through their kids’ activities, such as sports games and other extracurricular activities.
How do I deal with loneliness after divorce?
Loneliness can be a significant challenge after a divorce. You may find it helpful to be proactive about finding interaction with others. For example, you may benefit from scheduling activities several nights per week with local groups. Connecting with others can be a huge part of overcoming loneliness during this major change.
What do you do when friends desert you after divorce?
If friends desert you after divorce, you may benefit from focusing on other relationships that nurture your mental health. You might try to spend time with family members and new friends who support you emotionally.
How do you rebuild friendships post-divorce?
Rebuilding friendships after divorce often starts with opening the lines of communication. Explaining to your friends what you've been going through and how much you value them can be helpful. Then, making an effort to be involved in their lives and be a good friend too may help you rebuild your connection.
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