How Communication Skills May Help Those In A Struggling Marriage Avoid Divorce
While many couples enter into marriage with the overall goal of life-long happiness, reality tends to present spouses with obstacles they might not expect. The key to a happy and healthy relationship often lies in the ability to navigate these difficulties together, and communication tends to be a critical part of this process. Read on to explore common challenges married couples face as well as tips for improving communication skills and strengthening your relationship.
Identifying signs of a troubled marriage
Recognizing the challenges your marriage is facing can be the first step toward addressing them. These challenges can vary widely depending on the individuals involved and the circumstances of their relationship. They can manifest in a wide variety of ways too, whether it’s frequent arguments, emotional disconnection, or a growing sense of loneliness.
One common and significant indicator of the loss of a happy relationship is when negative feelings such as resentment, contempt, frustration, or indifference begin to overshadow positive emotions. These feelings often lead to avoidance, where one or both partners withdraw instead of engaging in meaningful conversations that may help them address the disconnect. Or, they could lead to the couple arguing about the same issues again and again without resolution.
Additionally, a lack of intimacy—emotional and/or physical—can be a warning sign of a troubled marriage. If partners feel like they can no longer confide in each other, share their thoughts, or engage in affectionate gestures, this may indicate a weakening connection. A strong marriage tends to involve both partners feeling valued, heard, and supported. When one or both begins to feel unloved, ignored, or unimportant, the foundation of the relationship may be weakening.
Specific examples of common struggles in a marriage
While no two relationships are identical, several core challenges are common among married couples. Examples include:
- Constant criticism: one or both partners frequently criticizing the other, focusing on flaws rather than strengths
- Emotional distance: a lack of emotional connection and intimacy, with partners feeling more like roommates than spouses
- Frequent arguments: repeated conflicts over the same issues without resolution, leading to ongoing frustration
- Avoidance and withdrawal: one or both partners avoiding spending time together or avoiding engaging in meaningful conversations
- Lack of physical affection: a decline in physical touch, intimacy, or affection, often signaling emotional detachment
Lack of communication skills
When couples have trouble communicating, misunderstandings, assumptions, and unresolved conflicts often cause problems. Though many couples believe they are communicating simply because they are talking, true communication involves active listening, understanding, and empathy. Poor communication may involve dismissing a partner’s feelings, interrupting conversations, or failing to listen attentively.
Emotional and physical intimacy issues
A lack of intimacy can create a significant emotional gap between partners. Emotional intimacy often deteriorates when couples stop sharing their thoughts and experiences with each other.
Physical intimacy is another important relationship component for many, whether it involves affectionate touch and/or sexual interactions. When one or both partners loses interest in intimacy or fails to communicate intimate needs, it can lead to feelings of rejection, insecurity, and frustration.
Family or financial disagreements
Many couples have trouble aligning their financial and familial priorities, which can lead to power struggles and resentment. Family obligations and financial stress can create tension in any marriage. For example, differences in spending habits, financial goals, or responsibilities involving housekeeping, children, or extended family can cause friction.
Examining marriage, divorce, and breakup rates
Marriage is still a common relationship format for couples around the world. However, current marital trends and divorce statistics provide insight into the prevalence of difficulties within marriages.
Divorce and breakup statistics
The following research findings and statistics about marriage and divorce suggest that marital challenges are common. It can help to know that you’re not alone in the issues you may be facing and that there can be hope for the future:
- Financial stress contributes to over 30% of marriage dissolutions.
- One study suggests that strong emotional intimacy may be more important than strong sexual intimacy when it comes to relationship longevity.
- Some research suggests that the happiest couples are those who experience a relatively equal balance of power in their relationship—that is, that each feels they have a say when it comes to important decisions.
- Many couples who seek counseling report improved satisfaction and conflict resolution skills.
How divorce can impact family dynamics
The effects of a divorce can often extend beyond the couple involved. For example, children may often experience emotional distress when their parents separate, potentially leading to anxiety, academic struggles, or behavioral issues. Even for couples without children, a breakup can disrupt shared social circles, financial stability, and emotional well-being.
Despite its challenges, divorce can also be beneficial for certain families. In cases of toxic relationships, abuse, or chronic unhappiness, separation can provide a healthier environment for both partners and their children, if applicable. Staying in an unhealthy marriage that the partners have not been able to fix may cause long-term emotional harm, while choosing to part ways may allow individuals to rebuild their lives with greater peace and stability.
Open communication before things get to the point of divorce may help couples address issues as they arise. It may also facilitate their clear understanding of each other’s needs, regardless of what the future of their relationship may hold.
Can communication skills save a struggling marriage?
In some cases, spouses improving how they communicate can be the difference between a marriage that flourishes and one that falls apart. Communication skills tend to play a vital role in resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and rekindling emotional connection. By learning to articulate thoughts and feelings constructively, partners may be able to work toward solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
Strategies for improving communication in a struggling marriage
Experimenting with some of the following strategies may help you and your spouse improve the quality of your communication and, in some cases, the quality of your relationship:
- Practicing active listening: listening to your partner without interrupting and acknowledging their feelings to show understanding
- Spending quality time together: prioritizing intentional moments to spend time reconnecting without distractions
- Using "I" statements: expressing concerns without blaming, such as “I feel unheard when we don’t discuss important decisions” instead of “You always leave me out of big decisions”
- Writing love notes: finding ways to ensure you’ve consistently and finally told your spouse what they mean to you, such as small, affectionate gestures like love notes that can rekindle affection and appreciation
- Taking responsibility for mistakes: acknowledging shortcomings and working together to resolve them
How marriage counseling may help a couple improve their communication
While there are a number of strategies couples may use to improve communication between them, marriage counseling often helps people do so more effectively. Marriage counseling can help partners learn to actively listen to each other and articulate their thoughts without blame. Therapists can also help couples learn how to express their emotions and needs more clearly, which may help them prevent misunderstandings that often lead to arguments.
Additionally, marriage counseling can offer couples structured communication exercises, such as role-playing, guided discussions, and reflective listening techniques. These exercises allow partners to practice healthy dialogue in a safe setting, reinforcing positive communication habits that they can apply in daily life. Over time, couples may develop a stronger ability to engage in meaningful conversations without fear of judgment or escalation into serious conflict. This renewed sense of connection and ease of communication may have the potential to lead to improved problem-solving skills, better conflict resolution, and a deeper, more fulfilling marriage overall.
How individual therapy may help a struggling marriage
Individual therapy can be a valuable supplement to marriage counseling. Sometimes, personal challenges such as past trauma, stress, anxiety, or unresolved emotions can influence how someone shows up in their relationship. By seeking individual therapy alongside couples sessions, a person may be able to gain deeper self-awareness, work through personal challenges, and develop healthier emotional responses. This growth may lead to better interactions within their marriage, making the couple’s shared therapy even more effective.
Exploring the option of online therapy to address signs of a troubled marriage
With research suggesting that virtual therapy can often be equally effective as in-person sessions, many have turned to online therapy for convenience. Through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp for individuals and ReGain for couples, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video, and/or in-app messaging from anywhere you have an internet connection. Plus, online therapy is often more affordable than traditional in-person sessions without insurance.
Takeaway
Trouble with communication is one of the most common struggles married couples face, and it can significantly impact the health of a relationship. By learning to express themselves openly, listen attentively, and make time for one another, married couples may be able to strengthen their bond. Seeking professional help through online or in-person therapy—whatever makes sense for you and your situation—is one way for a couple to potentially improve their communication skills and cultivate a healthy relationship.
What's the hardest year of marriage?
The hardest year of marriage may not always be the same for every couple. However, one study by Dr. John Gottman found that approximately half of couples who divorce do so in the first seven years. By this point, the newness of married life is typically over, and some couples may experience communication challenges.
What is the number one key to a successful marriage?
There may not be one single key to a successful marriage. However, some experts believe that commitment, compromise, and communication are fundamental to a happy relationship. A breakdown in communication can be a common problem, but speaking with a marriage counselor can be helpful for restoring communication.
How do you know when a marriage is beyond repair?
It can be challenging to determine if a marriage is beyond repair (or as some people put it, a “dead marriage”). Many people see improvement when they seek the help of a licensed marriage counselor. However, some marriages may be beyond repair if there has been abuse or if trust has been broken. For example, some people may find that they cannot stay in a relationship if their husband or wife has been abusive.
Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?
The decision to divorce or stay married can be difficult to navigate, as no two relationships are the same. It may help to speak with a licensed counselor, either individually or as a couple, about the challenges you’re facing. If there has been abuse, it’s typically best to get to a safe place before seeking counseling. Putting your physical, emotional, and financial safety first may help save you from harm before speaking with a counselor.
What does an unhappy marriage look like?
An unhappy marriage may look different in each couple. Sometimes, it may look like a lack of emotional or physical intimacy, such as holding hands. In some cases, this may not be related to a lack of desire for intimacy but to a breakdown in communication. Also, sometimes an unhappy marriage may involve suspicions of affairs or conflict surrounding finances.
How do I know if it is time to divorce?
There may not always be one single point that leads most people to believe it makes sense to get divorced. In some cases, people may divorce when conflict is so frequent that living together becomes challenging.
Who do you see for marital problems?
You might consider seeing a licensed marriage counselor. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a local counselor, you might search for an online counselor. With an online therapy platform like Regain, you can be matched with a therapist from anywhere in the United States.
How do you know if you need marriage counseling?
Some people might believe that marriage counseling is only for those who are on the brink of divorce. This wrong idea may stem from portrayals of marriage counseling in the media. Many couples in strong, committed relationships seek therapy as a way to strengthen their marriage.
Should couples go to therapy together or separately?
Couples can choose to go to therapy either separately or together. Many couples therapists ask to see people individually and as a couple. Sometimes, the growth of a couple can be enhanced when each person grows individually. An understanding of each individual’s pain may allow the therapist to help them communicate with their partner about anything that has hurt them in the relationship.
What percentage of marriages survive counseling?
One study found that more than 75% of couples saw improvement in their relationship after seeing a marriage and family therapist. This may offer hope to those who feel hesitant to see a therapist for their relationship challenges. Millions of people around the world see a marriage counselor at some point. A short course of therapy may make a significant difference in any challenges related to couples or families, such as problems related to kids or communication in the home.
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